The tables give information on the temperatures and the hours of daylight in two particular cities in the same week in May 2007

The graph illustrates the average weekend temperature daylight hours in two cities in May 2007.
Overall, it is evident that the weekend temperature of Mumbai were hottes than those figures of Moscow, which also represented unremarkable change among three days with around 1-2°C fluctuated in both cities. Additionally, the sunrise in Mumbai started later than those in Moscow but its sunset operated earlier than the opposite.
Regarding the figures of Mumbai, in friday, it experienced a maxium at 33.3 and the minium at 15.0 degree, the sunrise temperature began at 6.01 am and sunset were observed at 19.02 pm. The following winessed the unnoticeable change with 0,01 °C increased in the max while the min stayed remain, the time spent for sunrise and sunset observation came later than the previous day within 1-2 minutes. Moving to the fast day, temperature at highest degree were same as the initial furgues whereas the lowest underwent a slightly increase with 0.01 °C, the sunrise and sunset sitamoneously were seen earlier than the previous day.
Turning to Moscow, the temperature in three days had experienced noticable changes than in Mumbai with the unstable fluctuation from Friday to Sunday with two degrees up and downs can be easily recognized in both its peak and bottom temperature whereas the same trend occured in the sunrise with 5.20, 5.22, and 5.244, respectively. About the sunset, it underwent an insignificantly changes in the time of sunset within 1 minutes earlien or later.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"hottes" -> "higher"
Explanation: "Hottes" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "higher" to maintain grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"unremarkable change" -> "minimal variation"
Explanation: "Unremarkable change" could be perceived as vague and informal. "Minimal variation" is more precise and academically appropriate, emphasizing the small degree of change.
"fluctuated in both cities" -> "varied in both cities"
Explanation: "Fluctuated" may imply a more dramatic change than intended. "Varied" is a more neutral term that better suits the context of small changes in temperature.
"the sunrise in Mumbai started later than those in Moscow" -> "the sunrise in Mumbai began later than in Moscow"
Explanation: The phrase "those in Moscow" is awkward and unclear. "In Moscow" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing.
"its sunset operated earlier" -> "its sunset occurred earlier"
Explanation: "Operated" is an incorrect choice here; "occurred" is the correct verb to use when describing the timing of sunrise and sunset.
"maxium" -> "maximum"
Explanation: "Maxium" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "maximum" for accuracy and professionalism.
"minium" -> "minimum"
Explanation: Similar to "maxium," "minium" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "minimum" for clarity and correctness.
"sunrise were observed at" -> "sunrise was observed at"
Explanation: "Were" is incorrect in this context as "sunrise" is a singular noun; "was" should be used for subject-verb agreement.
"witnessed the unnoticeable change" -> "observed little change"
Explanation: "Witnessed the unnoticeable change" is redundant and awkward. "Observed little change" is more straightforward and maintains formal tone.
"0,01 °C" -> "0.01°C"
Explanation: The comma is incorrectly used in the decimal notation; "0.01°C" is the correct format for temperatures in scientific writing.
"sitamoneously" -> "simultaneously"
Explanation: "Sitamoneously" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "simultaneously" for clarity and accuracy.
"earlien" -> "earlier"
Explanation: "Earlien" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "earlier" for grammatical correctness.
"noticable changes" -> "noticeable changes"
Explanation: "Noticable" is a misspelling; "noticeable" is the correct form of the word.
"two degrees up and downs" -> "two degrees up and down"
Explanation: "Up and downs" is grammatically incorrect; "up and down" is the correct phrase for describing alternating changes.
"the same trend occured" -> "the same trend occurred"
Explanation: "Occured" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "occurred" for grammatical accuracy.
"in the time of sunset within 1 minutes earlien" -> "in the time of sunset within one minute later"
Explanation: "1 minutes earlien" is incorrect and unclear. "One minute later" is grammatically correct and clearer in meaning.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "the sunrise in Mumbai started later than those in Moscow but its sunset operated earlier than the opposite." This is not a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also provides irrelevant details, such as the specific times of sunrise and sunset.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on the key features/bullet points, rather than irrelevant details. The essay should also be more accurate in its presentation of the data. For example, the essay states that "the temperature in three days had experienced noticable changes than in Mumbai with the unstable fluctuation from Friday to Sunday with two degrees up and downs can be easily recognized in both its peak and bottom temperature." This is not accurate. The temperature in Moscow did not fluctuate by two degrees up and down. The essay should also be more concise and avoid repetition. For example, the essay states that "the sunrise and sunset sitamoneously were seen earlier than the previous day." This could be rewritten as "the sunrise and sunset occurred earlier than the previous day."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the temperatures and daylight hours in both cities, the ideas are not clearly linked, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the clarity of the writing. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas are jumbled together without clear separation or development.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing the information by clearly separating ideas into distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic, and the use of cohesive devices should be more varied and accurate to avoid repetition. Additionally, ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical will help improve the overall flow of the essay. Finally, proofreading for grammatical errors and clarity will strengthen the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the temperatures and daylight hours in Mumbai and Moscow, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "hottes," "maxium," "minium," "furgues," "noticable," "earlien") and word formation (e.g., "sunrise temperature," "the sunset operated earlier than the opposite"), which can cause some difficulty for the reader. The use of less common vocabulary is minimal, and the overall lexical resource does not meet the expectations for higher bands.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to temperature and time. Practicing synonyms and collocations can help avoid repetition and improve clarity. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and grammatical errors will enhance overall readability. Engaging with academic texts or model essays can also provide insight into more sophisticated vocabulary usage.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with several attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, incorrect word forms, and punctuation mistakes. These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. While there are some correct structures, the predominance of errors affects the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including more complex sentences, while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct errors in grammar, punctuation, and word choice.
Practice Grammar Rules: Review and practice specific grammar rules, particularly those related to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and the use of articles.
Seek Feedback: Obtain feedback from peers or instructors to identify recurring errors and areas for improvement.
Read More: Engage with high-quality written materials to observe correct grammatical structures and improve overall language proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph illustrates the average weekend temperatures and daylight hours in two cities in May 2007. Overall, it is evident that the weekend temperatures in Mumbai were hotter than those in Moscow, which also showed unremarkable changes over the three days, with fluctuations of around 1-2°C in both cities. Additionally, the sunrise in Mumbai occurred later than in Moscow, but its sunset was earlier than that of Moscow.

Regarding the figures for Mumbai, on Friday, it experienced a maximum temperature of 33.3°C and a minimum of 15.0°C. The sunrise was recorded at 6:01 am, and sunset occurred at 7:02 pm. The following day witnessed an unnoticeable change, with a 0.01°C increase in the maximum temperature while the minimum remained the same. The times for sunrise and sunset were later than the previous day by 1-2 minutes. Moving to Sunday, the highest temperature remained the same as the initial figures, whereas the lowest temperature underwent a slight increase of 0.01°C. The sunrise and sunset were observed earlier than the previous day.

Turning to Moscow, the temperatures over the three days experienced more noticeable changes than in Mumbai, with unstable fluctuations from Friday to Sunday, showing variations of two degrees up and down in both peak and minimum temperatures. A similar trend occurred in sunrise times, which were recorded at 5:20 am, 5:22 am, and 5:24 am, respectively. Regarding sunset, there were insignificant changes in the time, varying by 1 minute earlier or later.