The two charts below show the proportion off qualified graduates in a particular country. To summarize information by selecting key characteristics and compiling a report and, if necessary, make a comparison.

The two pie charts illustrate the percentage of specific graduates in a particular country in 1980 and 2008.

Overall, it is clearly seen that the proportion of different science degrees dominated the chart, compared to some art degrees over 28 years. In addition, many science certificates significantly contributed to the overall figures with a stable percentages.

In detail, master degrees occupied the highest ratio of all graduates in 1980 at 29% before secondly ranked with the same figure in 2008. Similarly, the ratio of first degree science remained unchanged at 19% over a period of 28 years. Then, despite having comprised to a small ratio at 13% in 1980, the data for PhD science degrees made up the highest portion of all degrees in 2008 with 30%.

With the figure for art degrees, there was a considerable decrease in the portion first degree art from 25% in 1980 to 11% in 2008. However, an opposite trend was seen in the figure of master arts and PhD arts degrees. Specifically, a slightly increase by 1% was experience in the data for master arts when the proportion of PhD arts took up the lowest ratio at the end of period despite a growth from 2% in 1980 to 7% at 2008.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the percentage of specific graduates" -> "the percentage of particular graduates"
Explanation: "Specific" can imply a narrower focus than intended, while "particular" conveys a more precise categorization of graduates.
"it is clearly seen that" -> "it is evident that"
Explanation: "Clearly seen" is informal and somewhat vague; "evident" is more formal and conveys a stronger sense of clarity in academic writing.
"the proportion of different science degrees dominated the chart" -> "the proportion of various science degrees predominated in the charts"
Explanation: "Different" is vague; "various" is more precise. "Predominated" is a more formal term than "dominated," which enhances the academic tone.
"compared to some art degrees" -> "in comparison to certain art degrees"
Explanation: "Some" is informal and vague; "certain" provides a more specific and formal distinction.
"many science certificates significantly contributed to the overall figures with a stable percentages" -> "numerous science degrees significantly contributed to the overall figures with stable percentages"
Explanation: "Many" is informal; "numerous" is more formal. "Certificates" is less precise than "degrees," and "a stable percentages" should be "stable percentages" to correct the grammatical error.
"master degrees occupied the highest ratio" -> "master’s degrees represented the highest proportion"
Explanation: "Master degrees" should be "master’s degrees" for grammatical accuracy. "Occupied" is less precise; "represented" is a more appropriate term in this context.
"before secondly ranked with the same figure" -> "before ranking second with the same figure"
Explanation: "Secondly ranked" is awkward; "ranking second" is more natural and clear.
"remained unchanged at 19% over a period of 28 years" -> "remained constant at 19% over the 28-year period"
Explanation: "Unchanged" can be vague; "constant" is more precise. "Over a period of 28 years" can be more succinctly expressed as "over the 28-year period."
"despite having comprised to a small ratio" -> "despite comprising a small proportion"
Explanation: "Having comprised to" is awkward and incorrect; "comprising" is the correct form, and "proportion" is more precise than "ratio."
"made up the highest portion of all degrees" -> "constituted the highest proportion of all degrees"
Explanation: "Made up" is informal; "constituted" is more formal and precise.
"there was a considerable decrease in the portion first degree art" -> "there was a significant decrease in the proportion of first-degree art"
Explanation: "Considerable" is less precise than "significant," and "portion first degree art" should be "proportion of first-degree art" for grammatical correctness.
"an opposite trend was seen in the figure of master arts and PhD arts degrees" -> "a contrasting trend was observed in the figures for master’s and PhD degrees in the arts"
Explanation: "Opposite" is less formal than "contrasting," and "was seen" is informal; "was observed" is more academic. "Figure of master arts and PhD arts degrees" should be "figures for master’s and PhD degrees in the arts" for clarity.
"a slightly increase by 1% was experience in the data for master arts" -> "a slight increase of 1% was observed in the data for master’s degrees in the arts"
Explanation: "Slightly increase" should be "slight increase," and "was experience" is incorrect; "was observed" is the correct form.
"when the proportion of PhD arts took up the lowest ratio at the end of period" -> "while the proportion of PhD degrees in the arts constituted the lowest percentage at the end of the period"
Explanation: "Took up the lowest ratio" is informal; "constituted the lowest percentage" is more precise and formal. "At the end of period" should be "at the end of the period" for grammatical accuracy.
"despite a growth from 2% in 1980 to 7% at 2008" -> "despite an increase from 2% in 1980 to 7% in 2008"
Explanation: "Growth" is less precise than "increase," and "at 2008" should be "in 2008" for grammatical correctness.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the data in the charts, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. The essay also does not adequately highlight key features/bullet points.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. The essay could also be improved by highlighting key features/bullet points more effectively. For example, the essay could state that the proportion of science degrees increased from 1980 to 2008, while the proportion of arts degrees decreased. The essay could also highlight the fact that the proportion of PhD science degrees increased significantly from 1980 to 2008.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the detailed analysis of the data. However, while the organization of ideas is generally logical, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences and ideas is somewhat faulty or mechanical. For example, phrases like "In addition" and "Then" are used, but they do not always enhance the logical flow of information. The referencing of degrees and their changes over time is present, but it could be clearer to avoid confusion. The paragraphing is used, but it could be improved to better delineate different aspects of the data.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively, ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing (e.g., specifying which degrees are being discussed) would help the reader follow the argument more easily. Finally, organizing the paragraphs to clearly separate different themes or trends in the data would strengthen the overall structure of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common terms such as "dominated," "proportion," and "comprise." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "master degrees" instead of "master’s degrees" and "a stable percentages" which should be "stable percentage." Additionally, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that hinder clarity, such as "the ratio of first degree science remained unchanged" which could be more clearly expressed. While the vocabulary used is sufficient for the task, the errors in spelling and word formation detract from the overall effectiveness of the communication.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring correct word forms and collocations. Practicing the use of academic language and reviewing common phrases related to data description would also be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy can help eliminate errors that may confuse the reader. Expanding vocabulary through reading and writing exercises can also contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some effective sentences, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that occasionally hinder communication. For example, phrases like "the proportion of different science degrees dominated the chart" and "the data for PhD science degrees made up the highest portion" show an attempt at complexity, but errors such as "many science certificates significantly contributed to the overall figures with a stable percentages" and "a slightly increase by 1% was experience" indicate issues with grammatical accuracy. Overall, the essay maintains a clear structure and conveys the main ideas, but the frequency and impact of the errors prevent it from achieving a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Practice using a wider variety of complex structures while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Error Correction: Review and proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb forms.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation usage to avoid run-on sentences and improve clarity.
Clarity of Expression: Aim for clearer expression of ideas by simplifying overly complex sentences and ensuring that each sentence conveys a complete thought without ambiguity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The two pie charts illustrate the percentage of specific graduates in a particular country in 1980 and 2008.

Overall, it is clear that the proportion of different science degrees dominated the charts compared to some art degrees over the 28-year period. Additionally, many science certificates significantly contributed to the overall figures with stable percentages.

In detail, master’s degrees occupied the highest ratio of all graduates in 1980 at 29%, maintaining the same figure in 2008. Similarly, the ratio of first-degree science remained unchanged at 19% over the 28 years. Despite comprising a small ratio of 13% in 1980, the data for PhD science degrees made up the highest portion of all degrees in 2008, reaching 30%.

Regarding art degrees, there was a considerable decrease in the proportion of first-degree art from 25% in 1980 to 11% in 2008. However, an opposite trend was observed in the figures for master’s and PhD arts degrees. Specifically, a slight increase of 1% was experienced in the data for master’s arts, while the proportion of PhD arts, despite being the lowest ratio at the end of the period, grew from 2% in 1980 to 7% in 2008.