The two maps below show changes to the town of Somerville over a 10-year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two maps below show changes to the town of Somerville over a 10-year period.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two maps below depict the modification of Somerville town over ten years.
Overall, it is obvious that a variety of facilities has been built near the river and the main road has also been realigned to provide more space for business establishments to operate. However, the river has remained unchanged.
Examining the maps more closely, one can see that the most significant change to the town was the replacement of car park 1 with restaurants and a café. Furthermore, due to the increasing needs of Somerville residents, two new hotels have now been constructed next to the river and along the new footpath. In addition, some shops and a bookstore have also been established over the years, transforming the original site. In stark contrast, car park 2 has remained unchanged at the bottom right corner of the two maps. Finally, a vacant zone below the river that existed 10 years ago has now been transformed to a large golf course.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The two maps below depict the modification of Somerville town over ten years." -> "The two maps illustrate the transformations in Somerville over a decade."
Explanation: Replacing "depict the modification of" with "illustrate the transformations in" enhances the academic tone by using a more precise verb and noun combination that is commonly found in formal writing. Additionally, "over a decade" is a more formal and precise way of expressing "over ten years."
"a variety of facilities has been built" -> "various facilities have been constructed"
Explanation: Changing "a variety of facilities has been built" to "various facilities have been constructed" corrects the subject-verb agreement and uses a more formal verb ("constructed" instead of "built") that is suitable for an academic context.
"the main road has also been realigned" -> "the main road has undergone realignment"
Explanation: Replacing "has also been realigned" with "has undergone realignment" uses a more formal and precise verb phrase that is commonly used in academic writing.
"to provide more space for business establishments to operate" -> "to accommodate additional business operations"
Explanation: "to accommodate additional business operations" is a more formal and concise way of expressing the purpose of the road realignment, aligning better with academic style.
"the river has remained unchanged" -> "the river’s configuration has remained unchanged"
Explanation: Adding "configuration" specifies what aspect of the river is unchanged, enhancing clarity and precision in the description.
"Examining the maps more closely" -> "Upon closer examination of the maps"
Explanation: "Upon closer examination of the maps" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to introduce a detailed analysis of the maps.
"the most significant change to the town was" -> "the most notable change in the town’s landscape was"
Explanation: "the most notable change in the town’s landscape" provides a clearer and more formal description of the type of change being discussed.
"due to the increasing needs of Somerville residents" -> "in response to the growing needs of Somerville’s residents"
Explanation: "in response to the growing needs of Somerville’s residents" is more formal and precise, indicating a cause-and-effect relationship.
"two new hotels have now been constructed" -> "two new hotels have been constructed"
Explanation: Removing "now" is unnecessary and slightly informal for academic writing, as it does not add significant meaning to the sentence.
"some shops and a bookstore have also been established" -> "additional shops and a bookstore have been established"
Explanation: "additional" provides a clearer and more formal way of indicating that these establishments are new compared to the original map.
"car park 2 has remained unchanged" -> "Car Park 2 has remained unchanged"
Explanation: Capitalizing "Car Park" adheres to the formal convention of capitalizing proper nouns in academic writing.
"a vacant zone below the river that existed 10 years ago has now been transformed to a large golf course" -> "a previously vacant zone beneath the river has been transformed into a large golf course"
Explanation: "a previously vacant zone beneath the river has been transformed into a large golf course" uses more formal language and corrects the spatial reference from "below" to "beneath," which is more precise in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main changes to the town of Somerville over a 10-year period. It highlights the key features of the changes, such as the development of the area near the river and the realignment of the main road. The essay also makes comparisons where relevant, such as noting that car park 2 has remained unchanged.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes. For example, the essay could mention the number of restaurants and hotels that have been built, or the size of the golf course. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "a variety of facilities has been built," the essay could say "several new buildings have been constructed."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating a clear progression throughout. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances where their application may be slightly mechanical, such as the repetitive use of "in addition" and "furthermore." Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, particularly in discussing the significant changes and the unchanged areas of the town. However, the overall cohesion could be improved by varying the cohesive devices used and ensuring that referencing is clearer in some instances.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could diversify the range of cohesive devices used to connect ideas, avoiding repetition. Additionally, ensuring that references to previous points are clearer would help improve the overall flow of the essay. More attention to logical paragraphing could further elevate the clarity of the organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying the changes in Somerville. The use of phrases such as "modification," "realigned," and "transformed" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "vacant zone" which could be more precisely described. The essay does not contain significant errors in spelling or word formation, but there are minor issues that could be improved upon.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer could incorporate a wider variety of sophisticated vocabulary and phrases, ensuring precise word choices that better convey the intended meanings. Additionally, reducing any minor inaccuracies and improving collocation would contribute to a higher score. Engaging with more complex sentence structures and varied expressions would also demonstrate a greater command of the language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. While the writer attempts to use a variety of structures, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that detract from the overall clarity. For example, phrases like "the modification of Somerville town" could be more naturally expressed as "the changes to Somerville town." Additionally, while the essay communicates the main features of the maps, there are instances where grammatical inaccuracies occur, such as "the most significant change to the town was the replacement of car park 1 with restaurants and a café," which could be clearer with better structure.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and reducing errors. This can be done by practicing complex sentence formations and ensuring that punctuation is used correctly. Additionally, enhancing vocabulary and varying sentence starters can improve the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and seeking feedback on written work can also help in identifying and correcting recurring mistakes.

Bài sửa mẫu

The two maps below depict the modifications made to the town of Somerville over a ten-year period. Overall, it is evident that a variety of facilities has been constructed near the river, and the main road has been realigned to create more space for business establishments. However, the river itself has remained unchanged.

Examining the maps more closely, one can observe that the most significant alteration to the town was the replacement of car park 1 with restaurants and a café. Furthermore, in response to the increasing demands of Somerville residents, two new hotels have been built adjacent to the river and along the newly established footpath. In addition, several shops and a bookstore have also been introduced over the years, transforming the original site. In stark contrast, car park 2 has remained unchanged in the bottom right corner of the two maps. Finally, an area that was vacant below the river a decade ago has now been developed into a large golf course.