The two maps show Dreamland in 1992 and 2023. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make relevant comparisons.

The two maps show Dreamland in 1992 and 2023. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make relevant comparisons.

The given maps illustrate how has Dreamland changed in a 31-year period, from 1992 to 2023.
Overall, it is noticeable that the area witnessed some recreational enhancements, with state-of-the-art entertainment centers being built. Additionally, the facilities of the land were also alternated to meet residential demands.
Regarding all of the changes made to the Dreamland, it is noteworthy that the kindergarten in the top right corner was demolished in replacement of a newly established university. Moreover, not only did the university appear, but there was also a clearance of the children playground to make room for the residence hall, located paralleled the Fairy Avenue. Furthermore, the most significant replacement that Dreamland witnessed in 31 years’ time was the felling of the forest overlooking Fairy Avenue. After that, a spacious central park named Angel was built. While a shopping mall was constructed extensively to make a substitution for the old market in 1992, the Tiara fountain was established quite smaller than the size of the former pond.
Turning to new buildings, an apartment complex was placed adjacent to the shopping mall and the fountain in 2023. At the same period, another remarkable alteration to the east of the High Street was the removal of both the toy store and the bus stop in order to prepare for the metro station which is still under construction.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "how has Dreamland changed" -> "how Dreamland has changed"
    Explanation: Inverting the word order to "how Dreamland has changed" adheres to the standard structure of interrogative sentences in English, where the auxiliary verb precedes the subject.

  2. "recreational enhancements" -> "recreational improvements"
    Explanation: The term "improvements" is more precise and commonly used to describe positive changes, providing a nuanced alternative to "enhancements."

  3. "alternated" -> "altered"
    Explanation: "Altered" is a more precise and commonly used term to convey modifications or changes, while "alternated" is less suitable in this context.

  4. "Regarding all of the changes made to the Dreamland" -> "Concerning all the alterations in Dreamland"
    Explanation: The suggested change eliminates redundancy and maintains a formal tone by replacing "changes made to the Dreamland" with "alterations in Dreamland."

  5. "noteworthy" -> "remarkable"
    Explanation: "Remarkable" is a more sophisticated synonym for "noteworthy," contributing to a more elevated and formal tone.

  6. "demolished in replacement of" -> "demolished in favor of"
    Explanation: "In favor of" is a more idiomatic phrase to express what was constructed or established after the demolition, providing clarity and conciseness.

  7. "land were also alternated" -> "land was also altered"
    Explanation: The correction ensures subject-verb agreement by changing "land were" to "land was" and substitutes "altered" for "alternated" for better precision.

  8. "paralleled" -> "parallel to"
    Explanation: The correct preposition in this context is "to," making the phrase "parallel to the Fairy Avenue" grammatically accurate.

  9. "Felling of the forest" -> "Clearing of the forest"
    Explanation: "Clearing" is a more appropriate term for the removal of a forest in this context, emphasizing the purposeful act of making space.

  10. "spacious central park named Angel" -> "expansive central park named Angel"
    Explanation: "Expansive" conveys a sense of largeness and fits well with the context of describing the size of the central park.

  11. "constructed extensively" -> "extensively built"
    Explanation: Rearranging the words to "extensively built" maintains clarity while adhering to a more common word order.

  12. "established quite smaller than" -> "established considerably smaller than"
    Explanation: Replacing "quite smaller than" with "considerably smaller than" provides a more precise and formal comparison of sizes.

  13. "Turning to new buildings" -> "Turning to the new structures"
    Explanation: Using "structures" is a more encompassing term and avoids repetition of the word "buildings" in close proximity.

  14. "placed adjacent to" -> "situated next to"
    Explanation: "Situated next to" is a more formal and descriptive phrase than "placed adjacent to."

  15. "remarkable alteration" -> "notable modification"
    Explanation: "Notable modification" offers a more varied and formal alternative to "remarkable alteration."

  16. "the removal of both the toy store and the bus stop" -> "the elimination of both the toy store and the bus stop"
    Explanation: "Elimination" is a more formal term for the act of removing, enhancing the overall formality of the sentence.

  17. "prepare for the metro station which is still under construction" -> "prepare for the metro station currently under construction"
    Explanation: Adding "currently" provides a temporal reference and improves the flow of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

The essay successfully addresses the requirements of the task by providing a comprehensive overview of the changes that occurred in Dreamland from 1992 to 2023. The key features and transformations are presented clearly, covering various aspects such as demolitions, constructions, and replacements.

The essay adequately highlights the major alterations, including the replacement of the kindergarten with a university, the clearance of the children’s playground for a residence hall, and the felling of the forest to create the central park named Angel. The mention of the shopping mall’s construction to replace the old market and the establishment of the Tiara fountain, albeit smaller in size, is appropriately included.

However, there is room for improvement in fully extending the details of the key features. For instance, more information could be provided on the reasons behind these changes and the impact on the community. Additionally, the mention of the metro station being under construction should be expanded upon to enhance the completeness of the response.

How to improve:

  1. Extend the discussion on key features by providing more details and depth.
  2. Offer explanations for the changes, such as the reasons behind demolitions and constructions.
  3. Elaborate on the impact of these changes on the community or the overall environment.
  4. Provide more information about the metro station under construction, adding details on its purpose and significance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

The essay presents information about changes in Dreamland between 1992 and 2023. It attempts to describe alterations in infrastructure, including the replacement of structures, such as the kindergarten being replaced by a university and a playground by a residence hall. It also mentions the clearing of the forest for a central park and the construction of new facilities like a shopping mall, fountain, and an apartment complex. However, the essay lacks clear overall progression and coherence. The organization of ideas is somewhat fragmented, resulting in a lack of a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs. While there is an attempt to use cohesive devices, they are inadequately employed, leading to occasional inaccuracies and a lack of clarity. Paragraphing is inconsistent, with some information presented in paragraphs but without logical division or adequate structuring.

How to Improve:

  1. Structural Organization: Create a clear structure by organizing ideas chronologically or categorically to ensure a smooth flow of information. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of change in Dreamland.
  2. Cohesive Devices: Use a variety of cohesive devices more effectively to establish better connections between ideas. Pay attention to accurate usage and avoid repetitive phrases.
  3. Logical Progression: Ensure each point logically follows the preceding one, providing a cohesive narrative that guides the reader through the changes in Dreamland.
  4. Paragraphing: Ensure that information is presented in well-defined paragraphs, each containing a single main idea and with clear transitions between them.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary with a variety of terms used to describe the changes in Dreamland from 1992 to 2023. The writer successfully conveys the alterations in infrastructure, such as the replacement of the kindergarten with a university, the clearing of the children’s playground for a residence hall, and the felling of the forest for the construction of the Angel central park. Additionally, the essay discusses the development of new structures like the shopping mall, Tiara fountain, and apartment complex. The use of phrases like "state-of-the-art entertainment centers," "spacious central park," and "remarkable alteration" adds sophistication to the vocabulary.

However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "alternated" instead of "altered" and "paralleled the Fairy Avenue" which could be better expressed. While the essay communicates the changes effectively, it lacks a more seamless and natural flow in presenting the information.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and achieve a higher band score, focus on refining word choices and ensuring that collocations are used accurately. Instead of "alternated," use "altered." Consider rephrasing "paralleled the Fairy Avenue" for better clarity, such as "adjacent to Fairy Avenue." Aim for a smoother flow by connecting sentences more cohesively, ensuring a natural progression of ideas throughout the essay. Additionally, strive for precision in vocabulary use, avoiding potential inaccuracies in word choice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

The essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammatical structures, incorporating a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. While there are notable errors, such as in word choices and awkward phrasing, they do not severely impede communication. The essay successfully conveys the key information about the changes in Dreamland over the given period. The writer employs a variety of complex structures, such as subordinate clauses, contributing to a

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the original report:

The provided maps compare the layout of Dreamland in 1992 and its transformation by 2023, spanning a 31-year period.

Overall, significant changes have taken place in Dreamland, primarily geared towards enhancing recreational facilities and meeting residential demands. Notably, there has been a substantial development in entertainment centers, along with alterations to the land’s infrastructure to accommodate residential needs.

In terms of specific changes, the most prominent alteration involved the replacement of the kindergarten in the top right corner with a newly established university. This shift also involved clearing the children’s playground to make space for a residential hall, situated parallel to Fairy Avenue. Moreover, a notable change was the removal of the forest overlooking Fairy Avenue, replaced by the creation of a spacious central park named Angel.

Structurally, Dreamland saw the construction of a shopping mall to replace the former market from 1992. However, the Tiara fountain, though established, was notably smaller in size compared to the previous pond.

In 2023, additional developments included the construction of an apartment complex adjacent to the shopping mall and the fountain. Simultaneously, toward the east of the High Street, the removal of the toy store and bus stop paved the way for the ongoing construction of a metro station.

In summary, the evolution of Dreamland over the past 31 years signifies a shift towards modernization, marked by significant alterations in its infrastructure, entertainment centers, and residential accommodations.

This revised version aims to retain the key information and improve the grammar, structure, and vocabulary usage while aligning with the student’s English proficiency level.

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