The two pictures illustrate the layout of a science park between 2008 and the present. Overall, there are a significant modernize during given period with the new construction of functional area such as research and development, station,.. and cycle paths. Another interesting point is that while the science park underwent considerable changes, al wood land still stayed the same over time. In the details, a grassland on the left-hand corner of the map was replaced by the research and development while the wood land next to it still exist. Opposite the wood land on the north of the map was the offices and reception, with only the latter was converted into university hub. Furthermore, there is various new cycle paths and one on the east link the new bus stop to others functional. In the central feature is the car park and the grass land. The former was shrank and the latter was demolished to make place for the expand of cyber security below. Additionally, the station is erected on the south while the IT center was turned into innovation center.

The two pictures illustrate the layout of a science park between 2008 and the present. Overall, there are a significant modernize during given period with the new construction of functional area such as research and development, station,.. and cycle paths. Another interesting point is that while the science park underwent considerable changes, al wood land still stayed the same over time.
In the details, a grassland on the left-hand corner of the map was replaced by the research and development while the wood land next to it still exist. Opposite the wood land on the north of the map was the offices and reception, with only the latter was converted into university hub. Furthermore, there is various new cycle paths and one on the east link the new bus stop to others functional. In the central feature is the car park and the grass land. The former was shrank and the latter was demolished to make place for the expand of cyber security below. Additionally, the station is erected on the south while the IT center was turned into innovation center.

The two pictures illustrate the layout of a science park between 2008 and the present. Overall, there are a significant modernize during given period with the new construction of functional area such as research and development, station,.. and cycle paths. Another interesting point is that while the science park underwent considerable changes, al wood land still stayed the same over time.
In the details, a grassland on the left-hand corner of the map was replaced by the research and development while the wood land next to it still exist. Opposite the wood land on the north of the map was the offices and reception, with only the latter was converted into university hub. Furthermore, there is various new cycle paths and one on the east link the new bus stop to others functional. In the central feature is the car park and the grass land. The former was shrank and the latter was demolished to make place for the expand of cyber security below. Additionally, the station is erected on the south while the IT center was turned into innovation center.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "modernize" -> "modernization"
   Explanation: "Modernize" is a verb, whereas "modernization" is the noun form, which is more appropriate in this context to describe the process of change over time.

2. "station,".. -> "stations"
   Explanation: The original text is incomplete and lacks a plural form. Adding "s" corrects the plural form to match the context.

3. "al wood land" -> "all woodland"
   Explanation: "Al wood land" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "All woodland" is the correct term and is more formal.

4. "still stayed the same" -> "remained unchanged"
   Explanation: "Remained unchanged" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase than "still stayed the same," which is somewhat informal and vague.

5. "a grassland on the left-hand corner" -> "grasslands in the left corner"
   Explanation: "Grassland" is a singular noun, but the context suggests multiple areas of grassland. Using "grasslands" in plural form corrects this. Also, "in the left corner" is more concise and formal than "on the left-hand corner."

6. "was replaced by the research and development" -> "was replaced by research and development facilities"
   Explanation: Adding "facilities" specifies what was replaced, enhancing clarity and formality.

7. "while the wood land next to it still exist" -> "while the woodland adjacent to it still exists"
   Explanation: "Woodland" should be used as a compound noun, and "exists" should be singular to match the singular subject "woodland."

8. "with only the latter was converted into university hub" -> "with the reception area alone being converted into a university hub"
   Explanation: "The latter" is ambiguous without context; specifying "the reception area" clarifies what is being referred to, and "a university hub" is more formal than "university hub."

9. "there is various new cycle paths" -> "there are various new cycle paths"
   Explanation: "There is" should be "there are" to agree with the plural noun "paths."

10. "one on the east link the new bus stop to others functional" -> "one linking the new bus stop to other functional areas"
    Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar.

11. "The former was shrank" -> "the former was reduced"
    Explanation: "Shrank" is incorrect in this context; "reduced" is the correct verb to describe the diminution of the car park.

12. "the latter was demolished to make place for the expand of cyber security below" -> "the latter was demolished to make way for the expansion of cybersecurity below"
    Explanation: "Make place for" is incorrect; "make way for" is the correct idiomatic expression. Also, "cyber security" should be "cybersecurity" for consistency and correctness.

13. "the station is erected on the south" -> "the station was erected on the south"
    Explanation: "Is" should be "was" to indicate past tense, matching the time frame discussed in the essay.

14. "the IT center was turned into innovation center" -> "the IT center was converted into an innovation center"
    Explanation: "Converted" is more precise than "turned," and "an innovation center" should be used to maintain grammatical correctness in the context of a noun phrase.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes to the science park, including the addition of new functional areas and the removal of some features. It also highlights the key features of the changes, such as the conversion of the reception into a university hub and the expansion of the cyber security area. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the wood land next to it still exist" but the image shows that the woodland has been replaced by a new building.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the changes to the science park. For example, the essay could describe the size and location of the new buildings and the specific changes that have been made to the existing features. The essay could also be improved by avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate details. For example, the essay could avoid stating that the woodland still exists when the image shows that it has been replaced.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While the writer attempts to describe changes in the science park, the ideas are not clearly linked, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the relationships between ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some sentences appearing disconnected from the main topic of each paragraph.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing the information and ensuring a clear progression of ideas. Using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately and appropriately will help to connect sentences and ideas more effectively. Improving paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic and relevant supporting details will also contribute to a better flow of information. Finally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will help eliminate confusion in the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While some attempts are made to use less common vocabulary (e.g., "research and development," "innovation center"), there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., "significant modernize," "the grass land," "the expand of cyber security"). Additionally, spelling errors (e.g., "al wood land," "shrank," "demolished to make place") and issues with word formation detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the communication. These factors contribute to a score in the Band 5 range.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more precise and appropriate word choices. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items in context can help. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors is crucial to ensure clarity. Engaging with a variety of reading materials can also aid in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary and understanding of collocation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as "significant modernize" (should be "modernization"), "al wood land" (should be "all woodland"), and "the former was shrank" (should be "the former was shrunk"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader, as they may obscure the intended meaning. While there are some correct structures, the overall accuracy is compromised by the number of mistakes present.
How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

1. Review basic grammar rules: Ensure understanding of verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of articles.
2. Practice complex sentence structures: Incorporate more complex sentences while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
3. Proofread: Always check for errors after writing to catch mistakes before submission.
4. Expand vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more clearly and accurately.
5. Seek feedback: Have peers or instructors review the writing to identify areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The two pictures illustrate the layout of a science park between 2008 and the present. Overall, there has been significant modernization during the given period with the new construction of functional areas such as research and development, a station, and cycle paths. Another interesting point is that while the science park underwent considerable changes, all woodland has remained the same over time.

In detail, a grassland in the left-hand corner of the map was replaced by the research and development area, while the woodland next to it still exists. Opposite the woodland, to the north of the map, were the offices and reception, with only the latter being converted into a university hub. Furthermore, there are various new cycle paths, one of which on the east links the new bus stop to other functional areas. In the central feature, there is the car park and the grassland. The former has shrunk, and the latter was demolished to make way for the expansion of cybersecurity below. Additionally, the station has been erected in the south, while the IT center was transformed into an innovation center.