The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some certain individuals hold the belief that face-to-face communication is being supplanted by various social media platforms such as Facebook and Twitter for a lot of citizens in daily life. While this tendency obtains some immediate drawbacks, it is more likely to have several specific long-term benefits in this day and age.
On the one hand, in-person interaction is being replaced by social media use, which provides a number of advantages for inhabitants. Firstly, the use of social media creates a variety of opportunities to contact in emergency or long-distance cases. As a result, the number of individuals has a chance to get in touch for immediate help. For example, I frequently engage in late-night calls and send messages with my friends in order to coordinate our education-related deadlines without causing inconvenience. Secondly, these social media applications aid the users in acquiring a lot of information from around the world. Consequently, a number of citizens know both the political issues and the social problems which are happening in different countries. Finally, social media platforms allow numerous individuals not only to share personal experiences with other people but also to keep them as archives. To illustrate, most young people achieve a habit of posting their pictures on Facebook every day to check in some places or to let their followers understand clearly about their lives.
On the other hand, the number of inhabitants who prefer utilizing some application of social media to communicating in person acquires a few adverse outcomes. Firstly, social isolation is intentionally created when replacing in-person communication. As a matter of fact, this tendency not only induces feelings of loneliness in many individuals but also engenders them a sense of disinterest from others. For instance, according to Thanh Nien magazine, almost 70% of high school students experienced depression problems in 2021 due to the preference for social media over face-to-face interaction. Secondly, the relationships not only lack depth but also give rise to misunderstandings. In fact, gestures, tone of voice and other nonverbal elements play a crucial role in conveying information either naturally or accurately, elements that social networks cannot fully replicate. As an illustration, a 9th-grade student in Long Hoa Secondary School physically assaulted his peer because he misunderstood that his friend had posted a bad photo of himself on Facebook.
In conclusion, notwithstanding some negative consequences, the use of social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, supplies more significant impacts on the lives of numerous citizens in modern society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Some certain individuals" -> "Certain individuals"
Explanation: "Some certain individuals" is redundant. "Certain individuals" is more concise and maintains formality.
"hold the belief that" -> "assert that"
Explanation: "Hold the belief that" can be replaced with the more formal "assert that" to enhance the academic tone.
"for a lot of citizens" -> "for many citizens"
Explanation: "A lot of" is informal; "many" is a more formal and precise term.
"While this tendency obtains some immediate drawbacks" -> "While this trend has some immediate drawbacks"
Explanation: "Obtains" is an awkward choice; "has" is a more suitable and active verb. Additionally, "tendency" is replaced with "trend" for a more precise term.
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is colloquial; "Firstly" is a more formal and appropriate transition in academic writing.
"a number of advantages for inhabitants" -> "several advantages for individuals"
Explanation: "A number of" is less formal; "several" is a more appropriate term. Also, replacing "inhabitants" with "individuals" adds clarity and formality.
"get in touch for immediate help" -> "seek immediate assistance"
Explanation: "Get in touch" is informal; "seek" is a more formal and precise term in this context.
"engage in late-night calls" -> "participate in late-night discussions"
Explanation: "Engage in late-night calls" is informal; "participate in late-night discussions" is a more formal and suitable phrase.
"a lot of information" -> "a wealth of information"
Explanation: "A lot of" is informal; "a wealth of" adds a more sophisticated touch to the language.
"know both the political issues and the social problems" -> "stay informed about political and social issues"
Explanation: Simplifying the expression for clarity and formality.
"young people achieve a habit of posting" -> "young people develop a habit of posting"
Explanation: "Achieve a habit" is an awkward construction; "develop a habit" is more natural.
"check in some places" -> "update their locations"
Explanation: "Check in some places" is informal; "update their locations" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"acquires a few adverse outcomes" -> "results in several adverse consequences"
Explanation: "Acquires" is an inappropriate term; "results in" is more fitting in this context.
"social isolation is intentionally created" -> "intentionally fosters social isolation"
Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and formality.
"engenders them a sense of disinterest from others" -> "elicits a sense of detachment from others"
Explanation: "Engenders them a sense of disinterest" is awkward; "elicits a sense of detachment" is more formal.
"notwithstanding some negative consequences" -> "despite some negative repercussions"
Explanation: "Notwithstanding" is formal but slightly archaic; "despite" is a more contemporary alternative.
"supplies more significant impacts" -> "has more significant effects"
Explanation: "Supplies more significant impacts" is awkward; "has more significant effects" is clearer and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of the use of social media, providing specific examples and elaborating on each point.
- How to improve: While the essay covers all aspects of the question, there could be a more balanced distribution of word count between the advantages and disadvantages to ensure equal emphasis on both.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, presenting both sides of the argument before concluding that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the position in the introduction to guide the reader from the outset.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with reasonable development and support. It provides examples to illustrate points, such as emergency communication and information acquisition through social media.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the essay, provide more detailed examples and analysis, especially in the disadvantage section, to ensure a thorough exploration of each point.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the impact of social media on face-to-face communication and presenting relevant examples.
- How to improve: Avoid unnecessary details or examples that do not directly contribute to the main argument. Ensure all content aligns with the essay’s central theme.

Overall Comments:
The essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses the advantages and disadvantages of social media replacing face-to-face contact. To improve, focus on achieving a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages, explicitly state the essay’s position in the introduction, and provide more detailed examples and analysis for a thorough exploration of each point. Additionally, ensure all content directly aligns with the main argument to maintain focus. Overall, a well-organized and well-supported essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction presents the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by balanced arguments in the body paragraphs and a succinct conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the sequencing of ideas within paragraphs. For instance, the second paragraph introduces advantages, but the ideas are somewhat scattered, lacking a clear progression.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring each paragraph with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. Ensure a smooth flow of ideas within paragraphs, maintaining coherence and progression.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay appropriately employs paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second paragraph is lengthy and encompasses multiple ideas related to the advantages of social media, making it less effective in conveying a clear message.
- How to improve: Break down the second paragraph into smaller, focused paragraphs, each addressing a distinct advantage of social media. This will improve the readability and effectiveness of each point, contributing to a more organized essay structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "Firstly," "Secondly," "In conclusion") to guide the reader through different sections. However, there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices within paragraphs to strengthen the connection between sentences and ideas.
- How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices within paragraphs to ensure a smoother transition between sentences. For example, use pronouns or repetition of key terms to reinforce the connection between ideas. Additionally, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to add nuance and sophistication to the essay’s overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in coherence and cohesion, refining the organization of ideas within paragraphs and maximizing the effectiveness of cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and cohesive response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to incorporate various terms related to the topic, such as "in-person interaction," "social isolation," and "nonverbal elements." However, some terms are repeated (e.g., "individuals," "social media"), and there is a tendency to use less complex vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary, strive for more diversity and sophistication in word choice. Replace repetitive terms with synonyms or explore more nuanced expressions. For instance, instead of frequently using "individuals," consider alternatives like "citizens" or "members of society." Integrate more advanced vocabulary related to the essay’s themes.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, as seen in phrases like "engenders them a sense of disinterest" and "conveying information either naturally or accurately." However, there are instances of imprecise word choices, such as "this tendency obtains" and "immediate drawbacks."
- How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to word choice. Replace vague expressions with more precise terms. For example, substitute "this tendency obtains" with "this trend has" and refine phrases like "immediate drawbacks" to convey specific disadvantages. Precision in vocabulary enhances the clarity and impact of your arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "acquires" instead of "incurs," and some awkward phrasing like "Facebook every day to check in some places."
- How to improve: Conduct thorough proofreading to identify and rectify minor spelling errors. In the case of awkward phrasing, revise sentences for clarity and fluency. For instance, rephrase "to check in some places" to "to document their experiences or locations." Developing a meticulous proofreading habit will enhance the overall spelling accuracy of your writing.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a satisfactory level of lexical resource, improvements in vocabulary diversity, precision, and minor spelling adjustments can contribute to a more sophisticated and impactful expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there’s a tendency towards simpler structures that could benefit from more complexity and sophistication. Varied structures like complex sentences, conditional sentences, and more nuanced transitions can enhance the overall quality of expression.
- How to improve: To enrich the essay’s structural variety, incorporate complex sentence structures by using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, despite), relative pronouns (e.g., which, who), and conditional forms (e.g., if… then). Vary sentence lengths and employ transitional phrases to create a more dynamic and engaging flow.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits satisfactory grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor errors that slightly impact clarity. For instance, "Some certain individuals" could be revised to "Certain individuals." Additionally, there are instances of improper word choice and tense inconsistency (e.g., "obtains" should be "entails," "acquires" should be "incurs").
- How to improve: Enhance accuracy by reviewing word choices, maintaining consistent verb tenses, and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Utilize precise vocabulary to convey ideas effectively and consider rephrasing sentences for better clarity and coherence.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation usage is generally appropriate, but there are instances of incorrect comma placements and missing commas in compound sentences. For example, "For example, I frequently engage in late-night calls and send messages with my friends in order to coordinate our education-related deadlines without causing inconvenience." A comma is needed before "and" to separate the two independent clauses.
- How to improve: Practice using commas in compound sentences to link independent clauses properly. Review rules for punctuation marks like commas, periods, and semicolons to ensure clearer sentence structures and smoother readability.

General Feedback:

Content and Development: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting both advantages and disadvantages of social media use. However, expanding on these points with deeper analysis and providing additional supporting examples could strengthen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion: Work on enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs by utilizing transitional phrases and ensuring a clear connection between ideas to improve overall coherence.

In conclusion, while the essay displays a competent level of grammatical accuracy and structure, enhancing sentence variety, refining grammar precision, and polishing punctuation will elevate the essay’s overall quality and coherence. Additionally, providing more in-depth examples and expanding on arguments will strengthen the essay’s content and development.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals assert that face-to-face communication is being replaced by various social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter for many citizens in daily life. While this trend has some immediate drawbacks, it is more likely to have several advantages for individuals in the long term.

On the positive side, social media use provides a wealth of opportunities for inhabitants. Firstly, it allows for immediate communication in emergency or long-distance situations. For instance, I often participate in late-night discussions with my friends to coordinate our education-related deadlines without causing inconvenience. Secondly, these platforms help users acquire a wealth of information from around the world, allowing citizens to stay informed about political and social issues in different countries. Finally, social media enables individuals to not only share personal experiences but also to keep them as archives. For example, many young people develop a habit of posting daily on Facebook to update their locations or share insights into their lives.

However, the preference for social media over face-to-face communication results in several adverse consequences. Firstly, it intentionally fosters social isolation, inducing feelings of loneliness and a sense of detachment from others. According to Thanh Nien magazine, almost 70% of high school students experienced depression problems in 2021 due to this preference. Secondly, relationships formed through social media lack depth and can lead to misunderstandings. Nonverbal elements, such as gestures and tone of voice, play a crucial role in conveying information accurately, elements that social networks cannot fully replicate. For instance, a 9th-grade student in Long Hoa Secondary School physically assaulted his peer because he misunderstood a Facebook post.

In conclusion, despite some negative repercussions, the use of social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, has more significant effects on the lives of many citizens in modern society. It is essential to recognize both the advantages and disadvantages and strive for a balanced approach to communication in this digital age.