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The widespread use of the internet has brought many problems. What do you think are the main problems associated with the internet? What solutions do you suggest?

The widespread use of the internet has brought many problems.
What do you think are the main problems associated with the internet?
What solutions do you suggest?

Nowadays, many people are using the Internet, which causes many problems in the human life. In
my opinion, having two main problems for this that are Internet becoming habit of human and
people being dependent on it more and more. Therefore, I think two solutions to solve them are
disappearance of apps for entertainment and students not allowed to use equipment of Internet in
school, in doing homework.
My first opinion about that problem is using Internet gradually becoming habit of people. When
having a rest, they always use Internet to relax after work instead of spending entertaining outside
and having many exercises. This habit will make them not have good healthy. Besides, people usually
in situation using the Internet while walking, eating and listening, which makes them reduce ability
of their concentration. For example, my friend used to use Internet everywhere or anytime and not
notice something around her life. Two months ago, I received information that she has had a bad
healthy and been in hospital. Additionally, people also are dependent on Internet so much to search
information for their demands. However, they don’t think themselves before that, which will reduce
ability of their independence. Furthermore, some sources are not correct, even affect other people
but having some people misunderstand and believe them. Such as, my mom read an information
about the pills helping her health more good. Then she bought them and used in a long time but not
efficient, even made her more bad.
To solve these problems, I think apps should not be appeared more and more. At that time, people
can feel boring with old apps and they start to concentrate on their work and their outside life.
Furthermore, we should not allow the students to use Internet at school and have many ways to
stop them searching online information when doing the test. For instance, Nguyen Khuyen High
School has always allow students to use phone at school and have many rules of school.Therefore, it
has many students that are so excellent.
In conclusion, Internet gives human life many problems. It makes them gradually forget the outside
life and more lazy in life when depending it so much. Therefore, this habit should be changed in
society, which will help everyone more well and more healthy.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

  2. "causes many problems in the human life" -> "poses numerous challenges in various aspects of human life"
    Explanation: "Poses numerous challenges in various aspects of human life" is more specific and formal, avoiding the vague and informal "causes many problems in the human life."

  3. "having two main problems for this that are" -> "two primary issues are"
    Explanation: Simplifying "having two main problems for this that are" to "two primary issues are" streamlines the sentence structure and enhances clarity.

  4. "Internet becoming habit of human" -> "the Internet is becoming a habit for humans"
    Explanation: "The Internet is becoming a habit for humans" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language.

  5. "people being dependent on it more and more" -> "increasing dependence on it"
    Explanation: "Increasing dependence on it" is a more concise and formal way to express the growing reliance on the Internet.

  6. "disappearance of apps for entertainment" -> "elimination of entertainment apps"
    Explanation: "Elimination of entertainment apps" is a more precise and formal term than "disappearance of apps for entertainment."

  7. "students not allowed to use equipment of Internet in school" -> "prohibiting students from using Internet equipment in school"
    Explanation: "Prohibiting students from using Internet equipment in school" is more formal and clearly conveys the restriction.

  8. "in doing homework" -> "during homework"
    Explanation: "During homework" is grammatically correct and more appropriate for formal writing.

  9. "using Internet gradually becoming habit of people" -> "the use of the Internet is becoming a habit for people"
    Explanation: "The use of the Internet is becoming a habit for people" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances formality.

  10. "not have good healthy" -> "not maintain good health"
    Explanation: "Not maintain good health" is grammatically correct and more formal than "not have good healthy."

  11. "in situation using the Internet" -> "in situations where they use the Internet"
    Explanation: "In situations where they use the Internet" clarifies the context and corrects the awkward phrasing.

  12. "reduce ability of their concentration" -> "impair their concentration"
    Explanation: "Impair their concentration" is a more precise and formal way to describe the negative impact on focus.

  13. "Two months ago, I received information that she has had a bad healthy" -> "Two months ago, I learned that she had suffered from poor health"
    Explanation: "I learned that she had suffered from poor health" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language.

  14. "search information for their demands" -> "search for information to meet their needs"
    Explanation: "Search for information to meet their needs" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague "demands."

  15. "reduce ability of their independence" -> "compromise their independence"
    Explanation: "Compromise their independence" is a more precise and formal expression than "reduce ability of their independence."

  16. "appeared more and more" -> "increased"
    Explanation: "Increased" is a more concise and formal term than "appeared more and more."

  17. "feel boring with old apps" -> "become bored with outdated apps"
    Explanation: "Become bored with outdated apps" corrects the grammatical error and uses more precise terminology.

  18. "more well and more healthy" -> "better and healthier"
    Explanation: "Better and healthier" is grammatically correct and more formal than "more well and more healthy."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by identifying two main problems associated with the internet: dependency and habitual use. However, it lacks depth in exploring these issues and does not fully articulate the solutions suggested. For example, the solutions proposed—disappearance of entertainment apps and restrictions on internet use in schools—are somewhat vague and not thoroughly justified in relation to the problems identified.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is explicitly addressed. This includes providing a more comprehensive analysis of the problems and detailing how the suggested solutions directly address these issues. For instance, the writer could elaborate on how limiting entertainment apps would reduce dependency and provide specific examples of successful implementations of such solutions.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position regarding the negative impacts of the internet, but this position is not consistently maintained throughout. The transition between discussing problems and solutions feels abrupt, and the rationale behind the solutions lacks clarity. For example, the statement about students not being allowed to use the internet in school could be better connected to the problem of dependency.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, linking sentences that connect problems to solutions would help reinforce the overall argument. For instance, after discussing dependency, the writer could explicitly state that limiting internet access in schools is a direct response to this issue.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but does not extend or support them effectively. While there are examples provided, such as the friend’s health issues and the mother’s experience with misinformation, these anecdotes are not sufficiently developed or analyzed. The examples feel somewhat disconnected from the main argument and do not provide a strong foundation for the claims made.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and analyses of the examples given. This could involve discussing the implications of the examples in greater depth and linking them back to the main argument. Additionally, incorporating statistics or research findings could strengthen the support for the claims made.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the problems and solutions related to internet use. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly when discussing the solutions. For instance, the mention of Nguyen Khuyen High School lacks context and does not clearly relate to the previous points about dependency and habitual use.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the main argument. This can be achieved by using clear transitions and ensuring that each example or anecdote ties back to the problems and solutions discussed. Additionally, avoiding unrelated details will help keep the essay concise and relevant.

In summary, to improve the overall score, the writer should aim for a more thorough exploration of the problems and solutions, maintain a consistent position, provide better support for ideas, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the main problems and solutions, which sets a logical framework for the reader. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the problems of internet dependency to the proposed solutions feels abrupt. The ideas are generally relevant but could benefit from clearer connections between them.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing the problems, you could use phrases like "In light of these issues," or "To address these concerns," before introducing the solutions. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea of that paragraph.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with distinct sections for problems and solutions. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. The first body paragraph discusses two problems but could be split into two separate paragraphs for clarity. Each problem should be explored in greater depth, allowing for a more thorough examination of each issue.
    • How to improve: Consider creating separate paragraphs for each main problem and its corresponding solution. This will help clarify your arguments and make it easier for the reader to follow your reasoning. For example, you could have one paragraph dedicated to the habit of internet usage and another for dependency, followed by their respective solutions in subsequent paragraphs.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "besides," "however," and "furthermore," to link ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and their use can feel repetitive. For instance, "additionally" and "furthermore" are used in close proximity, which can detract from the overall cohesion of the text.
    • How to improve: To diversify your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "in contrast" when presenting opposing ideas, "for example" to introduce illustrations, or "as a result" to indicate consequences. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately and not overused, as this can lead to redundancy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph development, and the variety of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the overall quality of your writing and potentially improve your band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "disappearance of apps," "dependence," and "concentration." However, the range is limited, and many phrases are repetitive or overly simplistic. For instance, the phrase "using the Internet" appears multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "using the Internet," alternatives like "browsing online," "engaging with digital content," or "accessing the web" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "digital addiction" or "information overload," would enrich the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "bad healthy" instead of "poor health" and "having many exercises" instead of "engaging in physical exercise." These inaccuracies can confuse the reader and weaken the overall argument. Furthermore, phrases like "disappearance of apps" may not clearly convey the intended meaning, as it suggests that apps should vanish rather than be limited.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using established collocations and phrases. For example, replacing "bad healthy" with "poor health" or "health issues" would enhance clarity. Additionally, reviewing common phrases related to technology and health can help the writer express ideas more accurately.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "healthy" (should be "health"), "efficient" (should be "ineffective" in context), and "more bad" (should be "worse"). These errors can distract the reader and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or online quizzes. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or reading it aloud can help catch errors. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing it before writing can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary related to the topic, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their Lexical Resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For example, phrases like "people are using the Internet" and "this habit will make them not have good healthy" reflect a basic structure. The use of phrases such as "my first opinion about that problem" and "to solve these problems" indicates an attempt to organize thoughts, but the overall structure lacks variety and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "people usually in situation using the Internet," you could say, "Many people find themselves using the Internet in various situations, such as while walking or eating, which detracts from their ability to concentrate." Practicing combining sentences and using relative clauses can also help diversify sentence structures.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "having two main problems for this that are Internet becoming habit of human" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. Additionally, phrases like "good healthy" should be "good health," and "not allowed to use equipment of Internet in school" should be rephrased for clarity. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, affect the readability of the text. For example, "Therefore, I think two solutions to solve them are disappearance of apps for entertainment and students not allowed to use equipment of Internet in school, in doing homework" is a run-on sentence that could be broken into clearer segments.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas and periods, will enhance clarity. Reading well-structured essays can also provide insights into proper grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, enhancing the range of grammatical structures and improving accuracy will significantly elevate the score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, many people are using the Internet, which poses numerous challenges in various aspects of human life. In my opinion, there are two primary issues associated with this trend: the Internet is becoming a habit for humans and the increasing dependence on it. Therefore, I suggest two solutions to address these problems: the elimination of entertainment apps and prohibiting students from using Internet equipment in schools during homework.

My first concern about this issue is that the use of the Internet is gradually becoming a habit for people. When they take a break, they often turn to the Internet to relax after work instead of engaging in outdoor activities and exercising. This habit can lead to poor health. Additionally, people frequently use the Internet while walking, eating, or listening to music, which impairs their concentration. For example, my friend used to use the Internet everywhere and at any time, often failing to notice her surroundings. Two months ago, I learned that she had suffered from poor health and had to go to the hospital. Furthermore, people are increasingly dependent on the Internet to search for information to meet their needs. However, they often do not think critically about the information they find, which compromises their independence. Moreover, some sources are not reliable and can mislead others. For instance, my mom once read about pills that were supposed to improve her health. She bought them and used them for a long time, but they were ineffective and even made her health worse.

To solve these problems, I believe that entertainment apps should not continue to proliferate. As a result, people may become bored with outdated apps and start to focus more on their work and their lives outside. Additionally, we should not allow students to use the Internet at school and implement measures to prevent them from searching online during tests. For instance, Nguyen Khuyen High School has strict rules regarding phone usage, which has resulted in many students excelling academically.

In conclusion, the Internet presents many problems for human life. It causes individuals to gradually forget about the outside world and become lazier due to their excessive dependence on it. Therefore, this habit should be changed within society, which will help everyone lead better and healthier lives.

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