The working week should be shorter and workers should have a long weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a long weekend.
Do you agree or disagree?

The assertion that the weekend should be extended so that employees can take a rest is a contentious one. I strongly disagree with this assertion, based on the reduction in salary and the work progress slowing down.

The foremost argument against this viewpoint is the decline in the amount of salary received. The primary reason is when workers are entitled to enjoy their freedom more, they would waste time on their personal tasks which are of no benefit to them. This leads to the undeniable conclusion that underprivileged status would increasingly increase as they get poorer. Moreover, research suggests that employees might have to find another part-time job or extra work to do for more salary. As a result, this may lead to poorer performance in primary work which eventually affects the corporation in the long run.
Another pivotal aspect to consider is the stagnation in the work progress. This is largely due to the lack of continuity in the workflow which leads to workers’ limited preparation. As a direct consequence, it is increasingly apparent that they need extra effort in the following week to review all of the work tasks and prepare for the current week. This, eventually, may lead to trauma or depression as overworking which further substantiates my disagreement. To illustrate, research conducted by many corporations reveals that employees could be overwhelmed by the huge workload’s pressure after a long weekend.

In summary, the evidence clearly supports the notion that the off-work period should remain unchanged. Therefore, my conviction remains that the notion of reduction in working hours is untenable.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The assertion that" -> "The proposition that"
   Explanation: "Proposition" is a more formal term than "assertion," which is typically used in academic contexts to introduce a statement that is being discussed or debated.

2. "is a contentious one" -> "is a matter of debate"
   Explanation: "Is a matter of debate" is a more precise and formal way to indicate that a topic is being discussed and argued about, aligning better with academic style.

3. "I strongly disagree" -> "I firmly disagree"
   Explanation: "Firmly" is a more formal adverb than "strongly," which is slightly informal and less precise in an academic context.

4. "based on the reduction in salary and the work progress slowing down" -> "based on the potential reduction in salary and the potential slowdown in work progress"
   Explanation: Adding "potential" before "reduction in salary" and "slowdown in work progress" clarifies that these are hypothetical outcomes, which is more appropriate in an academic discussion.

5. "The foremost argument" -> "The primary argument"
   Explanation: "Primary" is a more formal synonym for "foremost," which is slightly less commonly used in academic writing.

6. "decline in the amount of salary received" -> "reduction in salary"
   Explanation: "Reduction in salary" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the redundancy of "amount of salary received."

7. "they would waste time on their personal tasks" -> "they may engage in personal activities"
   Explanation: "Engage in personal activities" is a more neutral and formal way to describe what people do during their free time, avoiding the negative connotation of "waste time."

8. "underprivileged status would increasingly increase" -> "their economic status would deteriorate"
   Explanation: "Economic status would deteriorate" is a more precise and formal way to describe the negative impact on financial well-being, avoiding the vague and less formal "underprivileged status."

9. "research suggests" -> "research indicates"
   Explanation: "Indicates" is a more academically appropriate verb than "suggests" when referring to the findings of research.

10. "pivotal aspect" -> "crucial aspect"
    Explanation: "Crucial" is a more formal and precise term than "pivotal" in academic writing, emphasizing the importance of the aspect being discussed.

11. "lack of continuity in the workflow" -> "disruption in the workflow"
    Explanation: "Disruption" is a more specific term that accurately describes the impact on workflow continuity, enhancing the precision of the argument.

12. "need extra effort in the following week" -> "require additional effort in the subsequent week"
    Explanation: "Require additional effort in the subsequent week" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.

13. "trauma or depression as overworking" -> "trauma or depression resulting from overwork"
    Explanation: "Resulting from overwork" clarifies the causal relationship between overwork and the negative outcomes, making the sentence more formal and clear.

14. "huge workload’s pressure" -> "significant workload pressure"
    Explanation: "Significant" is a more formal adjective than "huge," and removing the possessive "workload’s" corrects the grammatical structure.

15. "is untenable" -> "is unsustainable"
    Explanation: "Unsustainable" is a more precise and formal term that better fits the context of discussing the long-term viability of a policy or idea.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the idea of a shorter working week and longer weekends. The author articulates two main arguments: the potential decline in salary and the stagnation of work progress. Each argument is relevant to the question and is supported by reasoning. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced consideration of the opposing viewpoint to strengthen the argument. For instance, acknowledging potential benefits of a shorter workweek could enhance the depth of the discussion.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the author could include a brief acknowledgment of the arguments in favor of a shorter working week. This would demonstrate an understanding of the complexity of the issue and allow for a more nuanced rebuttal.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently expressing disagreement with the proposal for a shorter working week. The use of phrases like "I strongly disagree" and "my conviction remains" reinforces this stance. However, the clarity could be further enhanced by explicitly stating the position in the conclusion, reiterating the main arguments succinctly.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the key arguments and reaffirms the stance taken. This could involve restating the main points in a more direct manner to reinforce the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports its ideas well, particularly through the use of examples and research findings. The arguments regarding salary decline and work stagnation are logically developed and supported by relevant evidence. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or data to substantiate the claims made, particularly regarding the impact of a longer weekend on employee performance.
  • How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the author should incorporate specific examples or statistics that illustrate the points made. This could involve citing studies or real-world examples that demonstrate the negative effects of longer weekends on productivity and salary.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the implications of a shorter working week and longer weekends. The arguments presented are relevant to the prompt, and the author avoids introducing unrelated ideas. However, there are moments where the language could be clearer, particularly when discussing complex ideas like "trauma or depression" as a result of overworking, which could be more directly tied to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central argument against a shorter working week. Clarifying complex ideas and ensuring they are explicitly linked to the main thesis will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the task response criteria, achieving a solid band score of 8. By incorporating the suggested improvements, the author could further enhance the clarity and depth of their argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical argument against the proposition of a shorter working week. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating the writer’s disagreement and outlining the main reasons. Each paragraph addresses a distinct point: the decline in salary and the stagnation in work progress. The progression from one argument to another is smooth, with each point building on the previous one, which enhances the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, the writer could consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For example, transitioning from the discussion of salary to work progress could be strengthened by a phrase like, "In addition to financial concerns, another significant issue is…" This would help guide the reader more clearly through the argumentation.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the first addressing salary concerns and the second discussing work progress. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length; the first paragraph is significantly longer than the second, which may disrupt the flow.
  • How to improve: To achieve better balance, the writer could consider expanding the second paragraph with additional examples or elaboration on the consequences of stagnation in work progress. This would not only provide more depth to the argument but also create a more uniform structure across paragraphs.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "As a result," and "To illustrate," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, which can make the writing feel repetitive at times.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using alternatives like "Furthermore," "Consequently," or "In contrast" would enhance the essay’s cohesion. Additionally, the writer could consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which would help reduce redundancy and improve the flow of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication in their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "contentious," "underprivileged," "stagnation," and "trauma" effectively conveying complex ideas. The use of phrases like "the foremost argument" and "pivotal aspect" adds sophistication to the argumentation. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or nuanced, particularly in discussing the implications of a shorter workweek.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "work" or "salary," alternatives such as "employment," "compensation," or "earnings" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more idiomatic expressions or collocations related to work-life balance could enrich the essay further.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with a good degree of precision. However, phrases like "waste time on their personal tasks which are of no benefit to them" could be seen as vague. The term "waste" implies a negative connotation, but it would be more precise to specify what types of personal tasks are being referred to, as some may indeed be beneficial for mental health and productivity.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, clarify ambiguous phrases. For instance, instead of saying "waste time," you could specify "engage in leisure activities that may detract from work responsibilities." This not only clarifies the point but also strengthens the argument by providing a more nuanced view of the potential consequences of a longer weekend.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words are spelled correctly, and the overall presentation is polished. This contributes positively to the clarity and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: While spelling is accurate, it is always beneficial to maintain this standard by regularly practicing spelling through writing exercises or using tools that highlight spelling errors. Additionally, reading widely can help reinforce correct spelling and familiarize oneself with less common words that may be relevant to future essays.

In summary, the essay achieves a strong band score for Lexical Resource due to its effective use of vocabulary, though there are opportunities for improvement in variety and precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can further enhance the clarity and impact of their arguments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "The foremost argument against this viewpoint is the decline in the amount of salary received" showcases a clear main clause followed by a complement. Additionally, the sentence "Moreover, research suggests that employees might have to find another part-time job or extra work to do for more salary" effectively combines multiple ideas into a single structure. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a tendency to rely on similar structures, such as starting several sentences with "This" or "As a result," which can detract from the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This," you could begin with phrases like "Consequently," "In addition," or "Furthermore," to create a smoother flow and maintain reader interest. Additionally, try to integrate more relative clauses or participial phrases to add complexity and depth to your writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "the primary reason is when workers are entitled to enjoy their freedom more" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer if rephrased. Additionally, the sentence "This leads to the undeniable conclusion that underprivileged status would increasingly increase as they get poorer" contains redundancy with "increasingly increase." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are a few instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on clarity and conciseness in your writing. Review sentences for awkward constructions and aim to simplify where possible. For example, instead of saying "the primary reason is when workers are entitled to enjoy their freedom more," you could say "the primary reason is that when workers enjoy more freedom, they may waste time on personal tasks." Additionally, pay attention to redundancy in your language and eliminate unnecessary repetition. For punctuation, practice using commas effectively to separate clauses and enhance the flow of your writing. Regularly reviewing punctuation rules can help solidify these skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate your writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The proposition that the weekend should be extended so that employees can take a rest is a matter of debate. I firmly disagree with this proposition, based on the potential reduction in salary and the potential slowdown in work progress.

The primary argument against this viewpoint is the decline in the amount of salary received. The crucial aspect is that when workers are entitled to enjoy their freedom more, they may engage in personal activities that are of no benefit to them. This leads to the undeniable conclusion that their economic status would deteriorate as they get poorer. Moreover, research indicates that employees might have to find another part-time job or extra work to earn more salary. As a result, this may lead to poorer performance in their primary work, which eventually affects the corporation in the long run.

Another pivotal aspect to consider is the disruption in the workflow. This is largely due to the lack of continuity, which leads to workers’ limited preparation. As a direct consequence, it is increasingly apparent that they require additional effort in the subsequent week to review all of the work tasks and prepare for the current week. This, eventually, may lead to trauma or depression resulting from overwork, which further substantiates my disagreement. To illustrate, research conducted by many corporations reveals that employees could be overwhelmed by the significant workload pressure after a long weekend.

In summary, the evidence clearly supports the notion that the off-work period should remain unchanged. Therefore, my conviction remains that the notion of a reduction in working hours is unsustainable.