The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portions of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portions of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of men and women across seven age groups consuming the World Health Organization’s recommended daily intake of fruit and vegetable in the UK in 2006.
Overall, although females had higher consumption rates than males in all age groups, their patterns were similar. It is also evident that both male and female rates peaked in the 55-64 age group, while the youngest age group recorded the lowest figures for both genders.
As females aged within the 19-64 range, their rate of consumption increased and their male counterparts experienced the similar trend. The lowest percentage of females consuming the daily recommended fruit and vegetable intake, about 16%, was seen in the 19-24 age bracket, compared to 15% of males. The figures for females increased steadily from the age of 25, reaching the highest level in the 55-64 age group, where up to 35% of women falling into this age group consumed five or more portions of fruit and vegetable per day. Male rates also rose, although at a lesser extent, increasing to reach a peak of about 32% in the 55-64 age bracket.
In the 65-75 age group, the rate of consumption decreased for both genders. Among females aged 65-74, approximately 30% ate the recommended portions of fruit and vegetable, 3% higher than males in the same group did. Notably, only in the oldest age group were the figures for both sexes parity, at 25%.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The given bar chart" -> "The provided bar chart"
Explanation: "Provided" is more formal and precise than "given" in academic contexts, enhancing the professionalism of the introduction. -
"consumption rates" -> "consumption levels"
Explanation: "Levels" is a more precise term in this context, as it directly refers to the quantitative measures depicted in the chart, aligning better with academic style. -
"patterns were similar" -> "patterns exhibited similarities"
Explanation: "Exhibited similarities" is a more formal and precise way to describe the comparison between the data, fitting better in an academic context. -
"peaked in the 55-64 age group" -> "reached their peak in the 55-64 age group"
Explanation: "Reached their peak" is a more specific and formal expression, enhancing the clarity and academic tone of the sentence. -
"the youngest age group recorded the lowest figures" -> "the youngest age group exhibited the lowest figures"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more formal and precise than "recorded," which can imply a more passive process, better suited for the active presentation of data in a chart. -
"the similar trend" -> "a similar trend"
Explanation: "A similar trend" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone by using the indefinite article "a" instead of "the" which incorrectly implies a specific trend previously mentioned. -
"lowest percentage of females" -> "lowest proportion of females"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more specific and academically appropriate than "percentage" when discussing rates of consumption in this context, as it emphasizes the relative measure. -
"compared to 15% of males" -> "compared to 15% of males"
Explanation: This is a typographical error, correcting it to maintain readability and accuracy. -
"The figures for females increased steadily" -> "The figures for females steadily increased"
Explanation: Rearranging the words improves the sentence flow and clarity, aligning with standard English grammar rules. -
"at a lesser extent" -> "to a lesser extent"
Explanation: "To a lesser extent" is the correct prepositional phrase for comparative degrees, enhancing the grammatical correctness and formality of the sentence. -
"the rate of consumption decreased" -> "consumption rates decreased"
Explanation: "Consumption rates" is a more concise and formal way to refer to the data, aligning better with academic style. -
"Among females aged 65-74, approximately 30% ate" -> "Among females aged 65-74, approximately 30% consumed"
Explanation: "Consumed" is more specific and appropriate for describing the action of eating fruit and vegetables, enhancing the precision of the statement. -
"3% higher than males in the same group did" -> "3% more than males in the same group"
Explanation: "More" is a more natural and precise adverbial form in this context, improving the readability and formality of the comparison. -
"only in the oldest age group were the figures for both sexes parity" -> "only in the oldest age group were the figures for both sexes equal"
Explanation: "Equal" is the correct term for indicating that the figures are the same, replacing the less formal and less precise "parity."
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay covers the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends. The essay clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but could be more fully extended. For example, the essay could have provided more specific details about the differences in consumption rates between males and females in each age group.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the differences in consumption rates between males and females in each age group. For example, the essay could state that the consumption rate for females in the 25-34 age group was 3% higher than the consumption rate for males in the same age group. The essay could also provide more specific details about the overall trends in consumption rates, such as stating that the consumption rate for both males and females increased steadily from the age of 25 to the age of 55-64.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the overall structure allows the reader to follow the comparisons made between male and female consumption rates across different age groups. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances where the connection between sentences could be clearer. Each paragraph presents a central topic, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensuring that all references are clear and avoiding any redundancy in phrasing would strengthen coherence. More explicit linking phrases could help to clarify relationships between ideas, particularly when making comparisons. Lastly, enhancing the logical arrangement of some points could contribute to a more seamless reading experience.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the bar chart. The use of terms such as "illustrates," "consumption rates," and "age bracket" indicates an awareness of appropriate lexical choices. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "counterparts" and "parity," which shows an understanding of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and phrasing, such as "the lowest percentage of females consuming the daily recommended fruit and vegetable intake" which could be more concisely expressed. Additionally, there are minor inaccuracies in word formation, such as "fruit and vegetable" which should be "fruits and vegetables." Overall, while the vocabulary is adequate and demonstrates some sophistication, it lacks the precision and control required for a higher band score.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary further, ensuring that less common lexical items are used accurately and appropriately. Additionally, refining phrasing for clarity and conciseness would enhance the overall quality of the essay. Paying attention to word formation and ensuring that all terms are used correctly will also help in minimizing errors that could detract from the lexical resource score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, which aligns with the criteria for Band 7. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, but there are a few minor errors and awkward phrases that detract from overall clarity. For example, the phrase "the similar trend" should be "a similar trend," and "fruit and vegetable" should be "fruits and vegetables." These errors are not severe enough to impede understanding but do indicate a lack of full accuracy.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for minor errors and awkward phrasing. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and ensuring that all sentences are error-free would help elevate the score. Practicing more complex constructions and varying sentence beginnings can also contribute to a richer grammatical range.
Bài sửa mẫu
The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of men and women across seven age groups consuming the World Health Organization’s recommended daily intake of fruit and vegetables in the UK in 2006. Overall, although females had higher consumption rates than males in all age groups, their patterns were similar. It is also evident that both male and female rates peaked in the 55-64 age group, while the youngest age group recorded the lowest figures for both genders.
As females aged within the 19-64 range, their rate of consumption increased, and their male counterparts experienced a similar trend. The lowest percentage of females consuming the daily recommended fruit and vegetable intake, at approximately 16%, was observed in the 19-24 age bracket, compared to 15% of males. The figures for females increased steadily from the age of 25, reaching the highest level in the 55-64 age group, where up to 35% of women in this age category consumed five or more portions of fruit and vegetables per day. Male rates also rose, although to a lesser extent, increasing to a peak of about 32% in the 55-64 age bracket.
In the 65-74 age group, the rate of consumption decreased for both genders. Among females aged 65-74, approximately 30% consumed the recommended portions of fruit and vegetables, which is 3% higher than the corresponding figure for males in the same group. Notably, only in the oldest age group did the figures for both sexes reach parity, at 25%.
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