The world of work is changing rapidly and employees cannot depend on having the same job or the same working conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes for this rapid change, and suggest ways of preparing people for the world of work in the future. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The world of work is changing rapidly and employees cannot depend on having the same job or the same working conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes for this rapid change, and suggest ways of preparing people for the world of work in the future. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the era of the rapid advancement of aritificial intelligent and explosion of population, workers are demanded more than a permanent job in their career paths if they truly want to improve their living standard. In this essay, i will depict a thourough pictures around this phenomenon, of what is the main culprits leading to it and how people should tackle it in the future.

On the side of cause, i truly believe that the overpopulation is the major cause of job-hopping. In particular, overpopulation directly lead to the situations where excessive labour is inevitable, as the rule of supply and demand, when the number of people attending job markets exploses, the less job that company can offer is as they. This leads to the circumstances that employees have no options but having to have more than a job or change to a job that have better salary, since less job means the recruiters would lower the wages. Besides, the existence of robot and Artificial intelligence could also be the factor that intriging the tendency of having more than a job. In some certain field that involving repetitive works, the workers are likely to be replaced by robots due to their automatic and the better productivity their can bring. For example, Apple have fired 100000 workers in the production factory because of the implementing of cutting-edge machinery, which have the productivity of 30 to 40 workers. Which can be infered from this is that, workers have to ready to have a sack, and plan a backup plan rather than waiting until be fired.

In term of solution, increasing competence is one of the most effective way, that should be considered by workforces. Basically, the first things that recruiters want to know about someone resumes is their competence, for example their degrees, soft skills, hard skills. Companies often pay in a proportional rate with the capacity, that is why expert and senior workers have the higher salary compared to the new ones. This directly suggests that if people want to depend on a single job nowadays, they have to enhace their work competence. In addtion, enhance horizon and expand knowledge could also be effective in order to mitigate this phenomenon. It is understandable that, when a people have a wide range of knowledge, they could work in many field catching in the trend of having several job, regardless

In conclusion, i firmly believe that, overpopulation and the existence of robot and high-end technology are the main culprits of the trend of having more than a job in career path, since they decrease the chance of having a job as a result of the rule of supply and demand and they also replace worker in some specific field which engagement of robot are becoming popular. To mitigate this problems, employees should enhance their work competence to increase the chance to get a good salary job and also expand their horizon to work in a wide range of fields.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "aritificial intelligent" -> "artificial intelligence"
   Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the term is spelled correctly and enhancing the professionalism of the text.

2. "explosion of population" -> "explosive population growth"
   Explanation: "Explosive population growth" is a more precise and formal term that better conveys the rapid increase in population size, fitting the academic style better.

3. "workers are demanded more than a permanent job" -> "workers are expected to hold multiple jobs"
   Explanation: "Expected to hold multiple jobs" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea that workers are required to have multiple jobs, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "demanded more than a job."

4. "i will depict a thourough pictures" -> "I will provide a thorough analysis"
   Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "thorough" and replaces "depict a picture" with "provide an analysis," which is more appropriate for academic writing and clearer in meaning.

5. "the overpopulation is the major cause" -> "overpopulation is a major cause"
   Explanation: Removes the definite article "the" before "overpopulation" as it is not necessary in this context, improving the grammatical accuracy.

6. "directly lead to the situations where" -> "directly leads to situations where"
   Explanation: Corrects the verb tense to match the singular subject "overpopulation," improving grammatical consistency.

7. "the less job that company can offer is as they" -> "fewer jobs that companies can offer"
   Explanation: Replaces "the less job" with "fewer jobs" for grammatical correctness and clarity, and changes "company" to "companies" for plural consistency.

8. "having to have more than a job" -> "being forced to hold multiple jobs"
   Explanation: "Being forced to hold multiple jobs" is a more precise and formal way to express the necessity of having multiple jobs, avoiding the redundancy of "having to have."

9. "have the productivity of 30 to 40 workers" -> "can replace the productivity of 30 to 40 workers"
   Explanation: Clarifies that the machinery can replace the productivity of human workers, enhancing the clarity and precision of the statement.

10. "have to ready to have a sack" -> "must prepare for potential layoffs"
    Explanation: "Must prepare for potential layoffs" is a clearer and more formal way to express the need for workers to prepare for the possibility of being fired, avoiding the awkward and unclear original phrase.

11. "enhance their work competence" -> "enhance their professional competence"
    Explanation: "Professional competence" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "work competence," which is vague and less formal.

12. "enhance horizon and expand knowledge" -> "broaden their horizons and expand their knowledge"
    Explanation: "Broaden their horizons and expand their knowledge" is a more idiomatic and formal expression, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.

13. "mitigate this problems" -> "mitigate these problems"
    Explanation: Corrects the plural form "problems" to match the plural subject "problems," ensuring grammatical accuracy.

14. "decrease the chance of having a job" -> "reduce the likelihood of securing a job"
    Explanation: "Reduce the likelihood of securing a job" is a more precise and formal way to express the impact of overpopulation and technology on job availability, enhancing the academic tone.

15. "they also replace worker in some specific field" -> "they also replace workers in certain fields"
    Explanation: Corrects the plural form "workers" and changes "some specific field" to "certain fields" for grammatical consistency and clarity.

These changes enhance the formal tone, improve grammatical accuracy, and clarify the meaning of the text, making it more suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the causes of the changing work landscape, specifically overpopulation and technological advancements, and suggesting solutions such as increasing competence and expanding knowledge. However, the exploration of the causes could be more balanced, as the focus on overpopulation is somewhat dominant, and the discussion of technological impacts could be further elaborated.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that both causes are given equal attention. Incorporate more examples and details about how technology, specifically artificial intelligence, is reshaping job roles and what specific skills are becoming increasingly valuable in the job market.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that overpopulation and technological advancements are significant factors contributing to job instability. However, the phrasing and structure occasionally detract from the clarity of the argument. For instance, the phrase "workers are demanded more than a permanent job" could be clearer if rephrased to indicate that workers need to be adaptable and seek multiple job opportunities.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, use straightforward language and ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea. This will help guide the reader through the argument and reinforce the position taken.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the causes and solutions but lacks depth in the development of these ideas. For example, while the mention of overpopulation is relevant, it could be supported with statistics or more detailed examples. The discussion of competence is also somewhat vague and could benefit from specific examples of skills that are in demand.
  • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, include specific examples and data to support claims. For instance, when discussing the importance of competence, cite specific skills that are increasingly sought after in the job market, such as digital literacy or adaptability. This will provide a stronger foundation for the arguments made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the phrase "having to have more than a job" is somewhat unclear and could be rephrased for better coherence. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the main points but could summarize the solutions more effectively.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, regularly refer back to the prompt and ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the question. Avoid vague phrases and ensure that all statements contribute to the overall argument. In the conclusion, succinctly restate the main causes and solutions without introducing new ideas.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score by demonstrating a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and presenting a clearer, more supported argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing overpopulation to the role of robots is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph focuses on causes, but the connection between the two causes could be made clearer. The essay does attempt to follow a logical progression, but the ideas could be better linked to enhance overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help to connect ideas more smoothly. For example, when transitioning from overpopulation to the impact of robots, a phrase like "In addition to overpopulation, technological advancements also contribute to…" would create a more seamless flow.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, which is essential for clarity. However, some paragraphs are overly long and could be split for better readability. For instance, the first body paragraph combines multiple ideas about overpopulation and its effects, which can overwhelm the reader.
  • How to improve: Break down longer paragraphs into smaller ones that focus on a single idea. For example, the first body paragraph could be divided into two: one focusing on overpopulation and its effects on job availability, and another discussing the role of robots and AI. This would not only improve readability but also allow for more in-depth exploration of each point.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "besides" and "for example." However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used incorrectly or awkwardly, such as "the existence of robot" instead of "the existence of robots." The use of cohesive devices is important for guiding the reader through the argument and ensuring clarity.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "Consequently," or "As a result" to show relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure grammatical accuracy in the use of these devices. Practicing the correct forms of phrases (e.g., "the existence of robots" instead of "the existence of robot") will enhance clarity and professionalism in writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on common phrases and lacks the sophistication expected at higher band scores. For instance, terms like "overpopulation," "job-hopping," and "competence" are used appropriately, but the essay could benefit from more varied vocabulary to express ideas more vividly. Phrases such as "the existence of robot and Artificial intelligence" could be enhanced to "the proliferation of robotics and artificial intelligence."
  • How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of repeating "job" and "work," they could use "employment," "occupation," or "career." Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions or collocations related to the topic could enhance the richness of the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the less job that company can offer is as they" is awkward and unclear. The term "intriging" is also a misspelling of "intriguing," which affects the precision of the vocabulary. The phrase "the rule of supply and demand" is correctly used, but the overall sentence structure can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on sentence structure and clarity. Revising sentences for grammatical accuracy and coherence will help convey ideas more effectively. Additionally, using more specific terms, such as "job security" instead of "having the same job," can clarify the intended meaning.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact readability and professionalism. Words such as "aritificial" (artificial), "thourough" (thorough), "enhace" (enhance), and "addtion" (addition) are misspelled. These errors suggest a lack of attention to detail and can negatively affect the overall impression of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling of commonly used terms.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are notable areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, refining sentence structure for clarity, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the opening sentence employs a complex structure: "In the era of the rapid advancement of artificial intelligence and explosion of population, workers are demanded more than a permanent job in their career paths if they truly want to improve their living standard." However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure and lacking variation. The use of phrases like "In term of solution" and "this directly suggests that" indicates a reliance on formulaic expressions, which can detract from the overall sophistication of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex and compound sentences. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "In particular," the writer could vary the sentence openings by using adverbial clauses or participial phrases. Additionally, integrating more subordinate clauses could help to create more nuanced sentences that convey complex ideas more effectively.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity and coherence. For example, the phrase "the overpopulation is the major cause of job-hopping" should omit "the" to read "overpopulation is the major cause." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "the less job that company can offer is as they," which is confusing and incorrect. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect capitalization (e.g., "i" should be "I"), further detract from the overall quality of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation and capitalization errors before submission can help catch mistakes that may otherwise go unnoticed. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also provide valuable insights into areas needing improvement.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice and attention to detail in these areas are essential for achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the era of rapid advancements in **artificial intelligence** and **explosive population growth**, workers are increasingly expected to pursue more than just a permanent job in their careers if they truly want to improve their living standards. In this essay, I will provide a thorough analysis of the main causes leading to this phenomenon and suggest ways people can prepare for the future world of work.

Regarding the causes, I firmly believe that **overpopulation** is a major factor contributing to job-hopping. In particular, overpopulation directly leads to situations where excessive labor becomes inevitable. According to the rule of supply and demand, when the number of people entering job markets **explodes**, the **fewer jobs that companies can offer** result in a competitive environment. This leads to circumstances where employees have no choice but to hold multiple jobs or switch to positions that offer better salaries, as the scarcity of jobs allows recruiters to lower wages. Furthermore, the presence of robots and **artificial intelligence** can also be a factor driving the trend of workers **being forced to hold multiple jobs**. In certain fields involving repetitive tasks, workers are likely to be replaced by machines due to their automation and the enhanced productivity they can provide. For instance, Apple has laid off 100,000 workers in its production factories due to the implementation of cutting-edge machinery, which can replace the productivity of **30 to 40 workers**. This indicates that workers must prepare for potential layoffs and have a backup plan rather than waiting until they are fired.

In terms of solutions, increasing professional competence is one of the most effective strategies that workers should consider. Essentially, the first thing recruiters look for on resumes is candidates’ competencies, such as their degrees, soft skills, and hard skills. Companies often pay in proportion to an employee’s capacity, which is why experts and senior workers earn higher salaries compared to newcomers. This directly suggests that if people want to rely on a single job nowadays, they must **enhance their professional competence**. Additionally, broadening their horizons and expanding their knowledge can also be effective in mitigating this phenomenon. It is understandable that when individuals possess a wide range of knowledge, they can work in various fields, aligning with the trend of holding multiple jobs.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that **overpopulation** and the presence of robots and high-end technology are the primary culprits behind the trend of workers holding multiple jobs in their career paths. These factors decrease the likelihood of securing a job due to the rule of supply and demand and also replace workers in certain fields where automation is becoming prevalent. To mitigate these problems, employees should enhance their work competence to increase their chances of obtaining well-paying jobs and expand their horizons to work across a wider range of fields.