The world of work is rapidly changing and employees cannot depend on having the same work or the same work conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes and suggest ways to prepare for people to work in the future

In technological era , there is a statement that an individual can not obey a job in their whole career . To make this more clearly , I will present the support reasons and suggestion for labour force in the future
After experiencing the global economic woes , with the inflation , cost for everything seem to be higher but the salary can not be affordable for living cost after many policies . Accompanying is the development of technology , for example, people may need to saw the shirts in a long time , but now , it is replaced by robots and latest machines . A math problem is posed , the expenditure for machines with high productivity that you can earn the money back after few months or the monthly salary for huge workers to produce large quantities of goods , which is cheaper but also productive ? mostly company will choose the machines , so it is risk for losing our jobs .
I have two suggestions for a life long career . Firstly , do not follow a particularly job , you know that human have more than one talent so they can also do a part time job alongside their full time job . to earn more income suitable with their living standard . For example , a VietNamese teaches make money largely base on after-school extra classes instead of teaching in school . In current time , the employes will bins the individuals with better degrees , it again risk for people whose mid – level degrees to losing job . Learning throughout life , learn at university and work place will improve your knowledge , skills and mindset . This make you better , have more opportunities to tough in higher quality work condition , solid foothold at work . Being flexibility or good at job is the suggestions of me .
IN conclusion , people need to effort to learning and being good at job to avoid being replaced by machines and suffered from global economic waes

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In technological era" -> "In the technological era"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "technological era" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formal tone of the sentence.
"an individual can not obey a job" -> "an individual cannot adhere to a job"
Explanation: "Adhere to" is a more precise and formal term than "obey," which is typically used in a different context. It also corrects the grammatical error in the original phrase.
"To make this more clearly" -> "To clarify this"
Explanation: "To clarify this" is a more concise and academically appropriate phrase than "To make this more clearly."
"After experiencing the global economic woes" -> "Following the global economic downturn"
Explanation: "Following the global economic downturn" is a more precise and formal way to describe the economic situation.
"cost for everything seem to be higher" -> "costs for everything appear to be higher"
Explanation: "Costs" should be plural to match the plural subject "everything," and "appear" is a more formal synonym for "seem."
"but the salary can not be affordable" -> "but salaries cannot be affordable"
Explanation: "Salaries" should be plural to match the generalization, and "cannot" is the correct form in formal writing.
"Accompanying is the development of technology" -> "Concurrently, the development of technology"
Explanation: "Concurrently" is a more precise and formal adverb than "Accompanying," which is not typically used in this context.
"people may need to saw the shirts" -> "people may need to sew shirts"
Explanation: "Sew" is the correct verb for the activity described, and "shirts" should not be pluralized in this context.
"but now, it is replaced by robots and latest machines" -> "but now, it is replaced by robots and the latest machines"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "latest machines" corrects the article usage, and a comma is needed after "now" for proper punctuation.
"A math problem is posed" -> "A mathematical challenge arises"
Explanation: "A mathematical challenge arises" is a more formal and precise way to describe the issue presented.
"the expenditure for machines with high productivity" -> "the cost of machines with high productivity"
Explanation: "Cost" is more specific and appropriate than "expenditure" in this context, referring to the financial aspect.
"which is cheaper but also productive" -> "which is both cheaper and more productive"
Explanation: "Both cheaper and more productive" clarifies the comparison and enhances the formal tone.
"mostly company will choose the machines" -> "most companies will opt for machines"
Explanation: "Companies" should be plural to match the generalization, and "opt for" is a more formal expression than "choose."
"do not follow a particularly job" -> "do not specialize in a particular job"
Explanation: "Specialize in" is the correct phrase for describing a focus on a specific job or field.
"you know that human have more than one talent" -> "it is known that humans have multiple talents"
Explanation: "It is known that humans have multiple talents" corrects the grammatical structure and uses more formal language.
"to earn more income suitable with their living standard" -> "to earn income commensurate with their living standards"
Explanation: "Commensurate" is a more precise and formal term than "suitable," and "standards" should be plural to match the generalization.
"the employes will bins the individuals" -> "employers will dismiss individuals"
Explanation: "Employers" is the correct noun, and "dismiss" is the appropriate verb for the context.
"it again risk for people whose mid – level degrees to losing job" -> "it again poses a risk for individuals with mid-level degrees to losing their jobs"
Explanation: "Poses a risk" is grammatically correct, and "individuals" should be used instead of "people" for formality, and "losing their jobs" corrects the verb form.
"Learning throughout life" -> "Continuing to learn throughout life"
Explanation: "Continuing to learn" is a more active and formal way to express ongoing education.
"learn at university and work place" -> "learn at universities and workplaces"
Explanation: "Universities" and "workplaces" should be plural to match the generalization.
"This make you better" -> "This makes you better"
Explanation: "Makes" is the correct verb form to agree with the singular subject "This."
"have more opportunities to tough in higher quality work condition" -> "have more opportunities to thrive in higher-quality work conditions"
Explanation: "Thrive" is the correct verb for describing success, and "higher-quality work conditions" should be plural to match the generalization.
"solid foothold at work" -> "firm footing in their careers"
Explanation: "Firm footing in their careers" is a more formal and precise expression than "solid foothold at work."
"Being flexibility or good at job" -> "Being flexible or skilled in their jobs"
Explanation: "Flexible" should be "flexibility" for grammatical correctness, and "skilled in their jobs" is more formal and precise than "good at job."
"suffered from global economic waes" -> "suffered from global economic woes"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error in "woes."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the changing nature of work and suggesting ways to prepare for future employment. However, it lacks a comprehensive exploration of the causes of these changes. While the essay mentions technological advancements and economic factors, it does not delve deeply into how these factors specifically impact job security and work conditions. The suggestions provided are somewhat relevant but could be more explicitly linked to the causes mentioned.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is fully addressed. This could involve providing a clearer breakdown of the causes of changing work conditions, such as globalization, the gig economy, and shifts in employee expectations. Each cause should be followed by a corresponding suggestion that directly addresses how individuals can prepare for these changes.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position on the need for adaptability in the workforce, but this position is not consistently maintained throughout the text. The transition from discussing causes to suggestions is somewhat abrupt, and the overall argument could be more cohesive. For instance, the statement about individuals having multiple talents is relevant but feels disconnected from the earlier discussion about job security.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use topic sentences that clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph and ensure that all subsequent sentences support this idea. Additionally, using linking phrases can help to create a smoother flow between ideas, reinforcing the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the importance of lifelong learning and flexibility in job roles. However, these ideas are not sufficiently developed or supported with concrete examples. The example of a Vietnamese teacher is relevant but lacks depth and clarity. Furthermore, the mathematical comparison regarding machines and workers is confusing and does not effectively support the argument.
- How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to elaborate on each idea presented. This could involve providing more detailed examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the points being made. Additionally, ensuring clarity in explanations will help the reader understand the connections between ideas more easily.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the future of work and the necessary preparations. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of economic woes, which feels somewhat tangential to the main argument. The phrase "suffered from global economic waes" at the end is vague and does not clearly tie back to the main points discussed.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should regularly refer back to the main prompt and ensure that every point made is relevant to the discussion of future work conditions and preparation strategies. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that all points are aligned with the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a somewhat logical order, but the flow is often disrupted by unclear connections between points. For instance, the transition from discussing economic issues to technological advancements lacks clarity, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The introduction hints at discussing causes and suggestions but does not clearly delineate these sections, leading to confusion about the main points being addressed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should clearly outline the structure of the essay in the introduction, indicating what causes will be discussed and what suggestions will follow. Using headings or clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument. For example, the writer could start with a paragraph dedicated solely to causes, followed by a separate paragraph for suggestions.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. The first paragraph attempts to address multiple ideas without clear separation, making it hard to identify the main argument. The second paragraph introduces suggestions but does so in a way that feels rushed and lacks coherence. The conclusion is also weak, as it does not effectively summarize the main points or reinforce the essay’s argument.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer should start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that states the main point, followed by supporting details. For example, the first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on economic factors and the other on technological advancements. This would create a clearer structure and make the essay easier to follow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "firstly," but these are limited and often misused. The transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt, which disrupts the flow of the argument. For instance, the shift from discussing economic woes to technological advancements lacks a cohesive link, leaving the reader to infer the connection.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "however," "consequently," and "on the other hand." These can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, the writer should ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of the topic, improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion. By implementing these suggestions, the writer can create a more coherent and cohesive argument that effectively addresses the prompt.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Terms like "technological era," "global economic woes," and "high productivity" show an effort to incorporate relevant vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation, such as the frequent use of "job" and "work," which detracts from the overall lexical richness. Additionally, phrases like "the salary can not be affordable for living cost" are somewhat awkward and could be expressed more fluidly.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "job," they could use "occupation," "profession," or "employment." Furthermore, expanding the use of idiomatic expressions or collocations related to work and technology would enrich the essay. Practicing vocabulary exercises and reading widely can help in this regard.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the expenditure for machines with high productivity that you can earn the money back after few months" is unclear and convoluted. The term "saw the shirts" appears to be a typographical error or misphrasing, likely intended to convey "sew shirts." Additionally, phrases like "risk for losing our jobs" could be more accurately expressed as "risk of losing our jobs."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. They can benefit from reviewing vocabulary in context to ensure that terms are used appropriately. Engaging with resources like thesauruses and dictionaries can help clarify meanings and usage. Furthermore, proofreading for common errors or awkward phrases can enhance overall clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "VietNamese" (should be "Vietnamese"), "employes" (should be "employees"), and "suffered from global economic waes" (should be "woes"). These spelling mistakes can distract the reader and undermine the professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Regular practice with spelling exercises and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, taking the time to review and edit the essay before submission can help catch these errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For example, the sentence "Accompanying is the development of technology, for example, people may need to saw the shirts in a long time, but now, it is replaced by robots and latest machines" lacks complexity and clarity. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the expenditure for machines with high productivity" indicates an attempt at complexity, but the structure is awkward and convoluted.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "people may need to saw the shirts in a long time," the writer could say, "While people once needed to sew shirts by hand, advancements in technology have led to the widespread use of robots and machines for this task." Practicing sentence combining exercises and reading more complex texts can help in developing this skill.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "In technological era" should be "In the technological era," and "can not obey a job" is incorrect; it should be "cannot hold a job." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and periods, disrupt the flow of the essay. For example, "to earn more income suitable with their living standard" lacks clarity and should be rephrased for better understanding.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and proper sentence structure. Regular grammar exercises and seeking feedback from knowledgeable peers or instructors can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that each sentence conveys a clear idea will enhance overall clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also help identify and correct mistakes before submission.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt, improving the variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will significantly raise the band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

“In the technological era, there is a statement that an individual cannot adhere to a job throughout their whole career. To clarify this, I will present supporting reasons and suggestions for the labor force in the future.

After experiencing the global economic woes, with inflation, costs for everything seem to be higher, but salaries cannot be affordable for living expenses after many policies. Concurrently, the development of technology has changed the job landscape; for example, people may have needed to sew shirts for a long time, but now, this task is replaced by robots and the latest machines. A mathematical challenge arises: the cost of machines with high productivity can allow companies to earn back their investment after a few months, while the monthly salary for a large number of workers to produce goods is both cheaper and more productive. Therefore, most companies will opt for machines, which poses a risk of losing our jobs.

I have two suggestions for a lifelong career. Firstly, do not specialize in a particular job. It is known that humans have multiple talents, so they can also do a part-time job alongside their full-time job to earn more income commensurate with their living standards. For example, a Vietnamese teacher can make significant money by offering after-school extra classes instead of only teaching in school. Currently, employers will dismiss individuals with mid-level degrees, which again poses a risk for these individuals to lose their jobs. Continuing to learn throughout life, both at universities and workplaces, will improve your knowledge, skills, and mindset. This makes you better and provides more opportunities to thrive in higher-quality work conditions, giving you a solid footing in your career. Being flexible or skilled in your job is my suggestion.

In conclusion, people need to make an effort to learn and excel in their jobs to avoid being replaced by machines and suffering from global economic woes.”