Thegraph below shows the percentage of part-time workers in each country of the united kingdom in 1980and 2010.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
Thegraph below shows the percentage of part-time workers in each country of the united kingdom in 1980and 2010.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The graph demonstrates the percentage of job-sharing wage earner in each nation state of the united kingdom from 1980 tp 2010
Overall,Wales has the largnest percentage of the remaining three countries but while all countries increased expect northern ireland .In summary with the above information we see that Wales was the most developed country from 1980 to 2010 compared to remaining countries
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The graph demonstrates" -> "The graph illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and academically appropriate verb than "demonstrates" in the context of presenting data in a graph, enhancing the formal tone of the sentence. -
"job-sharing wage earner" -> "employees receiving wages"
Explanation: "Employees receiving wages" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the individuals depicted in the graph, avoiding the awkward and unclear "job-sharing wage earner." -
"nation state of the united kingdom" -> "regions of the United Kingdom"
Explanation: "Regions" is more specific and appropriate for discussing geographic areas within a country, whereas "nation state" is redundant and less commonly used in formal academic writing. -
"largnest" -> "largest"
Explanation: This is a simple correction for a spelling error. -
"expect northern ireland" -> "except Northern Ireland"
Explanation: "Except" is the correct preposition to use when indicating an exception, and "Northern Ireland" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun. -
"In summary with the above information" -> "In summary, based on the above data"
Explanation: "Based on the above data" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a summary, aligning better with academic style. -
"we see that Wales was the most developed country" -> "it is evident that Wales was the most developed region"
Explanation: "It is evident" is a more formal and assertive way to introduce conclusions, and "region" is more accurate than "country" in this context, as the data refers to regional statistics within the United Kingdom.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4
Band Score: 4
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay also does not make comparisons between the countries.
How to improve: The essay should provide a clear overview of the main trends in the graph, such as the fact that the percentage of part-time workers increased in all countries except Northern Ireland. The essay should also make comparisons between the countries, such as the fact that Wales had the highest percentage of part-time workers in both 1980 and 2010. The essay should also use more accurate and appropriate language. For example, the essay should use the term "part-time workers" instead of "job-sharing wage earner".
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4
Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay presents some information regarding the percentage of part-time workers in the UK; however, it lacks coherent organization and clear progression. The ideas are not arranged logically, and there is no clear structure to guide the reader through the information. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate, leading to confusion. Additionally, the paragraphing is inadequate, as the essay does not effectively separate different ideas or points.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the information logically, perhaps by clearly outlining the main features of the graph in separate paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and maintaining consistent referencing will improve clarity. Finally, proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring proper punctuation will enhance overall readability.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4
Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic use of vocabulary, with some attempts to convey information about the graph. However, the vocabulary is quite limited and repetitive, with several inaccuracies in word choice (e.g., "job-sharing wage earner" instead of "part-time workers") and spelling errors (e.g., "largnest," "expect," "tp"). The overall lexical resource does not adequately fulfill the task requirements, leading to a score that reflects minimal adequacy.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, ensuring correct word choice and spelling. Incorporating less common lexical items and varying sentence structures would improve the essay’s sophistication. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would help in achieving clearer communication.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4
Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a very limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences. There are several grammatical errors, such as "tp" instead of "to," "largnest" instead of "largest," and "expect" instead of "except." These errors are frequent and can cause confusion for the reader. Additionally, the use of punctuation is faulty, particularly with spacing after commas and the lack of a clear structure in the sentences. Overall, while some basic ideas are conveyed, the grammatical inaccuracies significantly hinder effective communication.
How to improve: To improve the score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures by incorporating more complex forms, such as subordinate clauses. Additionally, careful proofreading to catch spelling and grammatical errors before submission would enhance clarity. Practicing the use of punctuation correctly and ensuring that sentences are well-structured will also contribute to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
The graph demonstrates the percentage of part-time wage earners in each nation of the United Kingdom from 1980 to 2010. Overall, Wales has the largest percentage among the remaining three countries, while all countries increased except Northern Ireland. In summary, with the above information, we see that Wales was the most developed country from 1980 to 2010 compared to the other countries.
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