There are more and more parents working full time. Some people argue that childcare centers are the best in taking care of young children. Others think grandparents are better carers. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In contemporary times, many parents working full time, they are very busy that they do not have enough time to take care of their children. While some individuals argue that childcare centers are the best choice to take care of children, I personally believe that grandparents are better than carers in centers.
On the one hand, it is understandable why some people think that children taken care of by childcare centers is the best. When parents give their child in the center, children also feel afraid because it is a strange place. They think they are abandoned by their parents, that make them hurt in their soul and leading to some dangerous things. For example, younger children want more and more parents's love but they do not feel the love of their parents, that make them more stress and live in their own world. That is very dangerous.
On the other hand, I firmly hold that children live with their grandparents are better than carers for the following reasons. Grandparents are like parents, they can replace parents and take care of their daughters and sons better. Grandparents have a lot of experiences, they can take care of their children more carefully and can solve many problems. Especially, they can give children more grandparents's love and live happily and have a fuller childhood with grandparents.
In conclusion, although childcare center is a good place for take care of children, it seems to me that it is better to give children live with their grandparents.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"many parents working full time, they are very busy that they do not have enough time to take care of their children" -> "many full-time working parents are extremely busy and lack sufficient time to care for their children"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and removes the informal phrase "they are very busy that they do not have enough time." The revised version is more concise and maintains a formal tone.
"I personally believe" -> "I firmly believe"
Explanation: "I personally believe" is somewhat redundant and informal for academic writing. "I firmly believe" is more assertive and appropriate for academic discourse.
"children taken care of by childcare centers is the best" -> "children cared for in childcare centers are the best"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The corrected version corrects the subject-verb agreement and uses the more formal term "cared for" instead of "taken care of."
"When parents give their child in the center" -> "When parents place their child in the center"
Explanation: "Give their child in the center" is awkward and incorrect. "Place their child in the center" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"they are abandoned by their parents, that make them hurt in their soul" -> "they feel abandoned by their parents, which hurts their souls"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and uses informal language. The revision corrects the grammar and uses more formal vocabulary.
"leading to some dangerous things" -> "leading to potentially dangerous situations"
Explanation: "Some dangerous things" is vague and informal. "Potentially dangerous situations" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing.
"younger children want more and more parents’s love" -> "younger children crave more parental love"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and informal. The revision corrects the grammar and uses a more formal term "parental love."
"that make them more stress" -> "which increases their stress"
Explanation: "That make them more stress" is grammatically incorrect. "Which increases their stress" corrects the grammar and enhances clarity.
"live in their own world" -> "become isolated"
Explanation: "Live in their own world" is an idiom and too informal for academic writing. "Become isolated" is a more precise and formal alternative.
"children live with their grandparents are better" -> "children living with their grandparents are better"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects the grammatical structure and maintains a formal tone.
"they can replace parents and take care of their daughters and sons" -> "they can serve as parental substitutes and care for their grandchildren"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and informal. The revision uses more precise and formal language appropriate for academic writing.
"grandparents’s love" -> "grandparents’ love"
Explanation: "Grandparents’s" is grammatically incorrect due to the possessive form not being used correctly. "Grandparents’" is the correct possessive form.
"live happily and have a fuller childhood with grandparents" -> "enjoy a happier and more fulfilling childhood with their grandparents"
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and lacks precision. The revision uses more formal vocabulary and corrects the grammatical structure.
"although childcare center is a good place for take care of children" -> "although childcare centers are suitable for the care of children"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and informal. The revision corrects the grammar and uses more formal language appropriate for academic writing.
"it seems to me that it is better to give children live with their grandparents" -> "it appears to me that it is preferable for children to live with their grandparents"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects the grammar and enhances the formality of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding childcare options for young children, discussing the merits of childcare centers and the advantages of grandparents as caregivers. However, the exploration of the childcare centers’ perspective is somewhat limited and lacks depth. For instance, while it mentions that children may feel abandoned, it does not elaborate on the potential benefits of structured learning and socialization that childcare centers can provide.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more balanced discussion. This could involve including specific examples of how childcare centers can positively impact children’s development, such as through social interaction and educational activities. Additionally, addressing potential drawbacks of both options more thoroughly would create a more comprehensive analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear personal opinion favoring grandparents as caregivers. However, the transition between discussing the two perspectives could be smoother, and the position could be reinforced more consistently throughout the essay. For example, the phrase "I personally believe" establishes a clear stance, but the subsequent arguments could better connect back to this position to strengthen the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their viewpoint when discussing each perspective. Using phrases like "Despite the benefits of childcare centers, I believe…" can help to reinforce the argument. Additionally, summarizing the main points in relation to the stated opinion in the conclusion would provide a stronger closure.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding both childcare centers and grandparents, but the support for these ideas is often vague or underdeveloped. For example, the mention of "dangerous things" resulting from children feeling abandoned lacks specific examples or explanations. Similarly, while the essay states that grandparents provide love and care, it does not elaborate on how this impacts a child’s emotional and social development.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples and evidence to support their claims. For instance, discussing studies or expert opinions on the benefits of emotional support from grandparents versus the structured environment of childcare centers would add depth. Additionally, using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures can enhance the sophistication of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate between childcare centers and grandparents. However, there are moments where the arguments could be more focused. For instance, the discussion about children feeling abandoned could be more directly tied to the implications of this feeling on their development, rather than remaining a somewhat isolated point.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the main question of which caregiving option is better. Using topic sentences that clearly state the relevance of each paragraph to the overall argument can help maintain clarity and relevance throughout the essay. Additionally, avoiding overly general statements and instead focusing on specific aspects of each option will keep the discussion more targeted.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the topic and states the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss both views, with the first paragraph addressing the perspective that childcare centers are beneficial, followed by a paragraph supporting the idea that grandparents are better caregivers. However, the logical flow within some sentences is disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, which can confuse the reader. For instance, the phrase "that make them hurt in their soul" lacks clarity and could be articulated more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should focus on ensuring that each paragraph clearly supports its main idea with well-structured sentences. Transition phrases such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, revising sentences for clarity and coherence will strengthen the overall flow of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph has a distinct focus: one on childcare centers and the other on grandparents. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Many believe that childcare centers provide essential support for working parents."
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point. Additionally, including a concluding sentence in each paragraph can help summarize the main idea and reinforce the argument presented. This will create a more cohesive structure and make it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," to indicate contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas are not clearly articulated. For example, the phrase "that make them more stress and live in their own world" lacks a cohesive link to the previous sentence, making it difficult to understand the relationship between the ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "Consequently," and "As a result." This will help to create clearer connections between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensuring that each cohesive device is used appropriately and enhances the clarity of the argument will strengthen the essay’s coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases like "contemporary times," "take care of," and "live happily" show a reasonable effort to use vocabulary beyond basic terms. However, the use of repetitive phrases such as "take care of" and "grandparents’ love" indicates a limited range in specific contexts. Additionally, terms like "dangerous things" and "more stress" lack sophistication and could be expressed with more nuanced vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more descriptive language. For example, instead of repeating "take care of," alternatives like "nurture," "look after," or "provide care for" could be used. Expanding vocabulary through reading and practicing paraphrasing can also help in diversifying word choice.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "children taken care of by childcare centers is the best" should be rephrased for grammatical accuracy and clarity. The expression "that make them hurt in their soul" is vague and could be articulated more clearly as "which can lead to emotional distress." Additionally, "grandparents’s love" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "grandparents’ love."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring grammatical correctness and clarity in expression. Using tools like thesauruses can help find more accurate words, but it’s essential to ensure they fit the context. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and correctness can also aid in this area.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes several spelling errors, such as "parents’s" (should be "parents’"), "stress" (used correctly but could be more contextually appropriate), and "for take care of children" (should be "to take care of children"). These errors can detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times can help catch errors before submission. Reading more can also improve familiarity with correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. Focusing on these aspects will help elevate the lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of simple sentences is prevalent, such as "In contemporary times, many parents working full time." This sentence lacks a main verb, which affects its grammatical correctness. Additionally, the essay contains several compound sentences, but they often lack complexity. For example, "Grandparents are like parents, they can replace parents and take care of their daughters and sons better" could be improved by using a more complex structure, such as a subordinate clause, to enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, instead of saying, "When parents give their child in the center, children also feel afraid," the writer could revise it to, "When parents place their child in a childcare center, the child may feel afraid due to the unfamiliar environment." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "many parents working full time" is a fragment and should be revised to "many parents are working full time." Additionally, the phrase "that make them hurt in their soul" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased for clarity and accuracy. Punctuation errors are also present, such as the misuse of apostrophes in "parents’s love," which should be "parents’ love." Furthermore, the phrase "for take care of children" should be corrected to "to take care of children."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation and grammatical errors before submission can help catch mistakes. Utilizing grammar-checking tools may also assist in identifying areas for improvement.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, improving the variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, many parents working full time are very busy and do not have enough time to take care of their children. While some individuals argue that childcare centers are the best choice for taking care of children, I personally believe that grandparents are better carers than those in centers.

On the one hand, it is understandable why some people think that children cared for in childcare centers are the best. When parents place their child in the center, children often feel afraid because it is a strange place. They think they are abandoned by their parents, which hurts their souls and can lead to potentially dangerous situations. For example, younger children crave more parental love, but when they do not feel the love of their parents, it makes them more stressed and causes them to live in their own world. That is very dangerous.

On the other hand, I firmly hold that children living with their grandparents are better cared for than those in centers for the following reasons. Grandparents are like parents; they can serve as parental substitutes and take care of their grandchildren better. Grandparents have a lot of experience; they can care for their grandchildren more carefully and can solve many problems. Especially, they can give children more of their love, allowing them to enjoy a happier and more fulfilling childhood with their grandparents.

In conclusion, although childcare centers are suitable for the care of children, it appears to me that it is preferable for children to live with their grandparents.