There are severe social consequences to housing shortages in cities and only the government can solve these problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent times, it is usually believed that only the government is capable of solving the lack of housing and negative social consequences because of it. In my opinion, I partly agree with this point of view.
First and foremost, people should recognize the fact that the government is able to alleviate housing shortages due to it may have many benefits for the country. This can be explained by the fact that the government serves as one of the key representatives of a country and they can solve this problem. For example, many high-rise buildings have been constructed in China, but the cost of living in these buildings is very high, making it difficult for low-income individuals to afford them. As a result, having numerous accommodations but many people without homes and the government should implement high income taxes on those apartments.
On the other hand, there are some reasons against the statement that the people without houses can be donated from the community . It is important to remember that some people who are high-income will donate or provide some important things to live on such as money, clothes, foods, (etc) . This means that these activities may help homeless people to save their money and the money will be set aside to purchase housing. For instance, a wealthy philanthropist might organize a fundraiser to collect donations and distribute them to homeless shelters, which helps these shelters provide basic necessities.
In conclusion, I partly support that only the government can solve one of the biggest problems in their country is housing shortages. However, each of us should consider carefully before reaching the final decision on this issue.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"it is usually believed" -> "it is commonly believed"
Explanation: "Commonly" is a more precise and formal term than "usually," enhancing the academic tone of the statement.
"In my opinion, I partly agree" -> "I partially concur"
Explanation: "I partially concur" is more concise and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "In my opinion, I partly agree," which is verbose and informal.
"due to it may have many benefits" -> "because it may offer numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Because it may offer numerous benefits" corrects the grammatical error and uses more precise language, enhancing clarity and formality.
"due to it" -> "because"
Explanation: "Because" is the correct conjunction to use in this context, replacing the awkward and incorrect "due to it."
"serves as one of the key representatives" -> "functions as a key representative"
Explanation: "Functions as a key representative" is more precise and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "one of the key representatives."
"high-rise buildings have been constructed" -> "tall buildings have been constructed"
Explanation: "Tall buildings" is a more specific and accurate description than "high-rise buildings" in this context, as "high-rise" typically refers to the height of the building relative to its base, not its overall height.
"the cost of living in these buildings is very high" -> "the cost of residing in these buildings is substantial"
Explanation: "Substantial" is a more formal and precise term than "very high," which is vague and informal.
"having numerous accommodations but many people without homes" -> "having numerous accommodations yet many people without homes"
Explanation: "Yet" is more formal and appropriate than "but" in this context, improving the flow and formality of the sentence.
"the government should implement high income taxes" -> "the government should impose higher income taxes"
Explanation: "Impose" is more precise and formal than "implement" in this context, and "higher" is more specific than "high," which is vague.
"people without houses can be donated from the community" -> "community donations can be made to those without homes"
Explanation: "Community donations can be made to those without homes" is grammatically correct and clearer, avoiding the awkward and incorrect "people without houses can be donated from the community."
"some people who are high-income will donate or provide some important things to live on such as money, clothes, foods, (etc)" -> "high-income individuals may donate or provide essential items such as money, clothing, and food"
Explanation: "High-income individuals" is more precise than "some people who are high-income," and "essential items" is more formal than "important things." Also, "clothing" and "food" should not be abbreviated as "clothes" and "foods" in formal writing.
"the money will be set aside to purchase housing" -> "the funds will be allocated for housing purchases"
Explanation: "Funds" is a more formal term than "money," and "allocated for housing purchases" is more precise and formal than "set aside to purchase housing."
"one of the biggest problems in their country is housing shortages" -> "one of the most significant challenges facing their country is housing shortages"
Explanation: "Most significant challenges" is a more formal and precise way to describe the severity of the issue, enhancing the academic tone.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and grammar to meet the standards of academic writing, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging the government’s role in solving housing shortages while also recognizing the potential contributions of individuals and communities. However, the response is somewhat limited in fully exploring the implications of the statement. The phrase "I partly agree" suggests a nuanced position, but the essay does not sufficiently elaborate on the extent of this agreement or disagreement. The discussion of community contributions is relevant but lacks depth in relation to the government’s role.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly outline the specific roles that both the government and individuals can play in addressing housing shortages. This could involve discussing government policies, funding, and regulations alongside community initiatives, providing a more balanced view that fully addresses all aspects of the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position of partial agreement, but this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The introduction and conclusion suggest a nuanced view, yet the body paragraphs sometimes blur this stance by presenting arguments that could be interpreted as supporting either side without clear transitions or reaffirmations of the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their main argument throughout the essay. This could be achieved by using topic sentences in each paragraph that reiterate the main stance and by summarizing how each point relates back to the central argument in the conclusion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the government’s ability to alleviate housing shortages and the role of philanthropy in addressing homelessness. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, the example of high-rise buildings in China is introduced but not fully explored in terms of its implications for housing policy or social consequences. Similarly, the mention of community donations lacks specific examples or statistics that could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could involve discussing specific policies that governments could implement, such as affordable housing initiatives, and providing statistical data or case studies to support claims about the effectiveness of community contributions.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing housing shortages and the roles of government and community. However, some sentences are slightly off-topic or unclear, such as the phrase "the people without houses can be donated from the community," which could confuse readers about the intended meaning. Additionally, the transition between discussing government actions and community support could be smoother.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the main argument. Clarifying ambiguous phrases and improving transitions between ideas will help maintain coherence and relevance to the topic. Using clear and precise language will also enhance the overall clarity of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it would benefit from more comprehensive exploration of ideas, clearer articulation of the position throughout, and improved coherence and focus.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the issue, indicating partial agreement with the statement that only the government can solve housing shortages. The introduction sets up the argument effectively, and the body paragraphs attempt to address both sides of the argument. However, the logical flow is somewhat hindered by unclear transitions between ideas. For instance, the shift from discussing government action to community donations lacks a smooth transition, which can confuse readers about the relationship between these points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the main argument and transitions smoothly to the next point. Using transitional phrases such as "In addition," "Conversely," or "Furthermore," can help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, outlining the main points before writing could help in structuring the essay more coherently.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a positive aspect. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first body paragraph discusses the government’s role but mixes several ideas without clear topic sentences or concluding statements. The second body paragraph introduces community contributions but does not sufficiently connect back to the main argument about government responsibility.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Following this, the writer should provide supporting details and examples, and conclude the paragraph by linking back to the thesis. For instance, the first paragraph could clearly state, "The government plays a crucial role in addressing housing shortages," followed by supporting arguments and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main thesis.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "on the other hand," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For example, the phrase "due to it may have many benefits for the country" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity, which detracts from the overall cohesion of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more fluidly. Phrases such as "Moreover," "In contrast," "Consequently," and "As a result" can help clarify relationships between sentences and ideas. Additionally, ensuring that pronouns and references are clear will enhance cohesion; for example, replacing vague references with specific nouns can help maintain clarity throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "alleviate," "accommodations," and "philanthropist." However, the vocabulary used tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "the government" and "housing shortages." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the essay’s lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary related to the topic. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "the government," alternatives such as "authorities," "state," or "public sector" could be employed. Additionally, using synonyms for "housing shortages" like "housing crisis" or "lack of affordable housing" would add variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the people without houses can be donated from the community." This phrase is unclear and suggests that people can be "donated," which is not a correct or appropriate use of the term. Furthermore, the phrase "high income taxes on those apartments" could be misinterpreted; it might be clearer to specify "high-income taxes on owners of luxury apartments."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity in expression. Instead of saying "donated from the community," a more accurate phrase would be "supported by the community." Additionally, the writer should ensure that terms used convey the intended meaning without ambiguity. Reviewing vocabulary in context can help avoid such misinterpretations.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling, with only minor errors such as "foods" instead of the more commonly used "food" in this context. However, the use of "etc." in parentheses is unnecessary and detracts from the formal tone of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and ensuring that plural forms are used correctly. Additionally, avoiding informal abbreviations like "etc." can help maintain a formal academic tone. Instead, the writer could list specific examples or use phrases like "among others" to convey the same idea more appropriately.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the writer employs simple sentences such as "In my opinion, I partly agree with this point of view." and more complex structures like "This can be explained by the fact that the government serves as one of the key representatives of a country and they can solve this problem." However, there is a noticeable reliance on similar sentence patterns, which limits the overall variety. Additionally, some sentences are overly long and convoluted, which can hinder clarity. For example, the sentence "As a result, having numerous accommodations but many people without homes and the government should implement high income taxes on those apartments." is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating different types of sentences, such as compound and complex sentences, while ensuring that they maintain clarity. Using introductory phrases, varying the placement of clauses, and employing different conjunctions can help create more dynamic and engaging sentences. For example, instead of "On the other hand, there are some reasons against the statement that the people without houses can be donated from the community," the writer could say, "Conversely, some argue that community donations can significantly aid those without homes."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity and professionalism. For instance, the phrase "due to it may have many benefits for the country" is grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "because it may have many benefits for the country." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the incorrect use of commas in "such as money, clothes, foods, (etc)." The parentheses are unnecessary and disrupt the flow of the sentence. Furthermore, the phrase "the people without houses can be donated from the community" is awkward and unclear.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and the correct use of prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on sentence construction can be beneficial. Regarding punctuation, the writer should review the rules for comma usage and practice writing clear, concise sentences. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize proper grammar and punctuation usage. For example, instead of saying "the government should implement high income taxes on those apartments," it could be clearer to say, "the government should consider implementing higher income taxes on luxury apartments to make housing more affordable for low-income individuals."

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the grammatical range and accuracy of their essays, potentially raising their band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, it is commonly believed that only the government is capable of solving the lack of housing and the negative social consequences because of it. In my opinion, I partially concur with this point of view.

First and foremost, people should recognize the fact that the government is able to alleviate housing shortages because it may offer numerous benefits for the country. This can be explained by the fact that the government functions as a key representative of a country and can solve this problem. For example, many high-rise buildings have been constructed in China, but the cost of living in these buildings is very high, making it difficult for low-income individuals to afford them. As a result, there are numerous accommodations, but many people are still without homes, and the government should implement high-income taxes on those apartments.

On the other hand, there are some reasons against the statement that people without houses can be supported by the community. It is important to remember that some high-income individuals will donate or provide essential items for living, such as money, clothes, and food. This means that these activities may help homeless people save their money, which can then be set aside to purchase housing. For instance, a wealthy philanthropist might organize a fundraiser to collect donations and distribute them to homeless shelters, which helps these shelters provide basic necessities.

In conclusion, I partially support the view that only the government can solve one of the biggest problems in their country: housing shortages. However, each of us should consider carefully before reaching a final decision on this issue.