Throughout history, male leaders have led us into violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders it will be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Through historical events, many people suppose that masculine leaders would lead us into violence and conflicts as opposed to their female counterparts, who bring more peace for society. From my perspective, I partly agree with this assertion; while it may be true in some cases, violence and conflict do not arise from genders.
On the one hand, it is widely acknowledged that male leaders would put society in violent situations ; meanwhile, this opposite is true for female leaders. This is based on the assumption that men tend to be aggressive in comparison with women, which leads to wars taking place straight forward when having misunderstand . For example, due to the failed discussion about policies among two male presidents from two countries, namely Ukraine and Spain, resulting in the strong controversy to protect their nations’ benefits. As a consequence, it is clear that conflict crises have stemmed from political controversies that have negative impacts on standard of living as well as economic interests.
However, I disagree with the idea that women would lead society to be more peaceful than men could do. To reinforce my point of view, I steadfastly believe that female leaders also have greed and ambition—one of the traits not limited to men. In other words, these characteristics are the primary causes driving them to pursue wars for personal or national gain. Take Indira Gandhi’s leadership, as an example, during the Emergency period, it demonstrated that female leaders could also exhibit authoritarian tendencies to reinforce their status in society as well as worldwide. Therefore, it is clear that genders have not determined a peaceful nation, but rather external elements such as vision , ethics issues ,or even policies that cause obstacles for a developing country.
In conclusion, although many think that female leaders would make our lives pleasant , I strongly believe violence and conflicts have not arisen from genders but rather from their characteristics.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"many people suppose" -> "many individuals believe"
Explanation: "Suppose" can imply a speculative or hypothetical scenario, whereas "believe" is more direct and appropriate for expressing a widely held opinion in academic writing.
"would lead us into" -> "would lead"
Explanation: The phrase "lead us into" is somewhat informal and vague. Simplifying it to "lead" maintains the intended meaning while enhancing the formality of the sentence.
"bring more peace for society" -> "promote greater peace within society"
Explanation: "Bring more peace for society" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "Promote greater peace within society" is more formal and specific, aligning better with academic style.
"partly agree" -> "partially agree"
Explanation: "Partly" is less formal and can be ambiguous; "partially" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts.
"put society in violent situations" -> "place society in situations of violence"
Explanation: "Put society in violent situations" is awkward and informal. "Place society in situations of violence" is more formal and clearer.
"straight forward" -> "immediately"
Explanation: "Straight forward" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Immediately" is straightforward and appropriate for formal contexts.
"having misunderstand" -> "due to misunderstandings"
Explanation: "Having misunderstand" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Due to misunderstandings" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"strong controversy" -> "strongly contested"
Explanation: "Strong controversy" is redundant. "Strongly contested" is more precise and academically appropriate.
"negative impacts on standard of living" -> "adverse impacts on the standard of living"
Explanation: "Negative impacts" is somewhat informal and vague. "Adverse impacts" is more formal and precise.
"could do" -> "can do"
Explanation: "Could do" implies possibility, whereas "can do" is more direct and assertive, fitting better in academic writing.
"greed and ambition" -> "greed and ambition"
Explanation: This phrase is correct as it is, but it could be expanded to "greed and ambition, which are not exclusive to men" to clarify the point being made.
"vision, ethics issues,or even policies" -> "vision, ethical issues, or even policy"
Explanation: The original list is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The correction improves readability and formality.
"make our lives pleasant" -> "enhance our quality of life"
Explanation: "Make our lives pleasant" is informal and vague. "Enhance our quality of life" is more formal and specific.
"violence and conflicts have not arisen from genders" -> "violence and conflict are not solely determined by gender"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and imprecise. The suggested revision clarifies that gender is not the sole cause of violence and conflict.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both male and female leaders in the context of violence and conflict. The writer acknowledges the common perception that male leaders are more prone to aggression and conflict, while also presenting a counterargument that female leaders can exhibit similar traits. However, the response could be more balanced in exploring the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I partly agree" suggests some ambiguity, which could be clarified further.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state the extent of their agreement or disagreement in the introduction and consistently refer back to this throughout the essay. Providing a clearer stance would help in addressing all parts of the question more effectively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges both sides of the argument but lacks clarity in the extent of agreement. The phrase "I partly agree" is somewhat vague, and while the writer provides arguments for both male and female leadership, the overall position could be more assertively articulated. The conclusion reiterates the idea that violence is not determined by gender, but it does not clearly summarize the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to present a more definitive position in the introduction and conclusion. Using phrases like "I fully disagree" or "I strongly agree" would provide a clearer framework for the argument. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the main thesis will help maintain a consistent position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the aggressive tendencies of male leaders and the potential for female leaders to also engage in conflict. However, some points lack sufficient development. For instance, the example of the male leaders from Ukraine and Spain is not fully explained, leaving the reader unclear about the specifics of the conflict. Additionally, while the writer mentions Indira Gandhi, the discussion could benefit from more detail regarding her actions and their implications.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. This could involve elaborating on historical events or providing statistics that support the claims. Each idea should be clearly linked to the thesis and extended with relevant evidence to enhance the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of gender in leadership and its relation to violence and conflict. However, there are moments where the focus drifts, particularly in the discussion of external factors like "vision" and "ethics issues." While these points are relevant, they could be more directly tied back to the main argument regarding gender and leadership.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main arguments before writing to keep the discussion aligned with the central question. Additionally, using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help reinforce the main idea being discussed.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, there is room for improvement in clarity, depth of analysis, and coherence. By refining the position, providing more detailed examples, and ensuring all points are tightly connected to the prompt, the writer can elevate their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the relationship between gender and leadership in the context of violence and conflict. It begins with an introduction that outlines the writer’s perspective, followed by two main body paragraphs that address opposing views. The first paragraph discusses the perceived tendency of male leaders to engage in conflict, while the second counters this by highlighting the potential for female leaders to also exhibit aggressive traits. However, the logical flow could be improved, as the transition between ideas within paragraphs is sometimes abrupt. For instance, the shift from discussing male leaders to female leaders lacks a smooth transition, which can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Conversely," "On the other hand," "Furthermore") at the beginning of sentences can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be strengthened. For example, the first body paragraph contains several ideas that could be more clearly delineated, leading to a somewhat cluttered presentation of points.
- How to improve: Aim for a more structured approach within paragraphs. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on the idea. Consider using bullet points or lists for complex ideas to enhance clarity. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a concluding sentence that summarizes the main point before transitioning to the next paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "for example," and "therefore." These devices help to connect ideas and provide clarity. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively, which can detract from the overall flow of the essay. For instance, the phrase "it is clear that" appears multiple times, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "additionally," "in contrast," "as a result," and "consequently" to create more varied connections between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help reduce repetition and improve the overall cohesiveness of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and flow, potentially raising the band score for coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "masculine leaders," "aggressive," "authoritarian tendencies," and "external elements." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases such as "put society in violent situations" and "strong controversy" could be expressed with more varied and nuanced vocabulary, such as "expose society to violent scenarios" or "intense disputes."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of repeating "leaders," consider using "governors," "administrators," or "executives." Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions or collocations related to conflict and leadership could enrich the essay’s language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "wars taking place straight forward when having misunderstand" is awkward and unclear. The term "misunderstand" should be "misunderstandings," and the phrase could be restructured for clarity, such as "wars often arise from misunderstandings." Additionally, "the strong controversy to protect their nations’ benefits" is vague; "controversy" typically refers to disagreement rather than a protective action.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing and revising sentences for clarity and grammatical correctness. Utilizing resources such as thesauruses or vocabulary-building exercises can help in selecting more appropriate words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "straight forward" should be "straightforward," and "misunderstand" should be "misunderstandings." Additionally, "benefits" in the context used is not incorrect, but the phrase could be more effectively articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay multiple times, focusing specifically on commonly misspelled words. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also be beneficial. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly would help solidify correct spelling in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "while it may be true in some cases" and "it is widely acknowledged that male leaders would put society in violent situations" show an ability to use subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting several sentences with "this is based on the assumption" or "to reinforce my point of view," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied sentence openings and avoid repetitive phrasing. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "this is based on," the writer could use phrases like "This perspective stems from," or "Such beliefs arise from." Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could further diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that impact clarity. For example, the phrase "which leads to wars taking place straight forward when having misunderstand" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased for clarity, such as "which can lead to wars when misunderstandings occur." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary space before the semicolon in "violent situations ; meanwhile," and missing commas in complex sentences, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay for common errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct these mistakes. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially around clauses and conjunctions, will enhance the overall readability of the essay. For example, ensuring that commas are used correctly to separate clauses can prevent run-on sentences and improve clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation skills will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Through historical events, many people suppose that male leaders would lead us into violence and conflict, as opposed to their female counterparts, who bring more peace to society. From my perspective, I partially agree with this assertion; while it may be true in some cases, violence and conflict do not arise solely from gender.

On the one hand, it is widely acknowledged that male leaders can place society in situations of violence; meanwhile, the opposite is often true for female leaders. This is based on the assumption that men tend to be more aggressive in comparison with women, which leads to wars taking place immediately when misunderstandings occur. For example, due to the failed discussions about policies between two male presidents from two countries, namely Ukraine and Spain, strong controversy arose regarding the protection of their nations’ interests. As a consequence, it is clear that conflict crises have stemmed from political controversies that have adverse impacts on the standard of living as well as economic interests.

However, I disagree with the idea that women would lead society to be more peaceful than men can do. To reinforce my point of view, I steadfastly believe that female leaders also possess greed and ambition—traits not limited to men. In other words, these characteristics are primary causes driving them to pursue wars for personal or national gain. Take Indira Gandhi’s leadership as an example; during the Emergency period, it demonstrated that female leaders could also exhibit authoritarian tendencies to reinforce their status in society as well as worldwide. Therefore, it is clear that gender does not determine a peaceful nation, but rather external elements such as vision, ethical issues, or even policy that create obstacles for a developing country.

In conclusion, although many think that female leaders would make our lives more pleasant, I strongly believe that violence and conflict have not arisen from gender but rather from individual characteristics.