To be admitted to university, using the result of study during highschool years is better than that of the university entrance examination. Do you agree or disagree ?

There is an argument in the way universities evaluate students. Some people think the admission exam is the most reasonable; However, others think using the result of study during highschool years is better. In my point of view, I agree with the former idea. Discussed below are several reasons supporting my perspective.
First and foremost, college entrance tests help professors see the candidates’ ability in a comprehensive way because it synthesizes knowledge throughout highschool to evaluate students’ learning and apprehending process. An important point to consider is that students can choose their favorite subject groups to exam based on their aptitude and interest. This will significantly reduce the amount of time and pressure that learners spend on various subjects, even their dislike one and studying will become more comfortable and effective.
While entrance examinations bring benefits and equality, study reports are often said to be opposite. Academic transcripts are usually based on periodic tests so students are studying just to pass causing them to rely too much on available materials without thinking and it will lead to the lack of quality of education that the lecturers cannot properly assess students’ actual ability. In addition, schools also vary in quality from good to average and using school records to evaluate students is quite unfair.
From the evidences, I believe that entrance tests are still the best way to evaluate and sort students for college.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is an argument in the way universities evaluate students." -> "There is a debate regarding the methods used by universities to evaluate students."
Explanation: The phrase "There is an argument in the way" is awkward and unclear. "There is a debate regarding" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"Some people think the admission exam is the most reasonable;" -> "Some argue that the admission exam is the most reasonable method;"
Explanation: Adding "method" clarifies that the discussion is about the type of evaluation, and "argue" is more formal than "think," aligning better with academic discourse.
"However, others think using the result of study during highschool years is better." -> "However, others contend that using academic records from high school is preferable."
Explanation: "Contend" is more formal than "think," and "academic records" is a more precise term than "the result of study," which is vague and informal.
"In my point of view, I agree with the former idea." -> "From my perspective, I concur with the former viewpoint."
Explanation: "From my perspective" is more formal than "In my point of view," and "concur" is academically appropriate compared to "agree."
"college entrance tests help professors see the candidates’ ability in a comprehensive way" -> "college entrance tests enable professors to comprehensively assess the candidates’ abilities"
Explanation: "Enable professors to comprehensively assess" is more precise and formal than "help professors see the candidates’ ability in a comprehensive way," which is awkwardly phrased.
"it synthesizes knowledge throughout highschool to evaluate students’ learning and apprehending process" -> "it synthesizes knowledge accumulated throughout high school to evaluate students’ learning and comprehension processes"
Explanation: "Accumulated" is more precise than "throughout highschool," and "comprehension processes" is more formal and accurate than "apprehending process."
"An important point to consider is that students can choose their favorite subject groups to exam based on their aptitude and interest." -> "A significant consideration is that students can select their preferred subjects for examination based on their aptitude and interests."
Explanation: "A significant consideration" is more formal than "An important point to consider," and "select their preferred subjects for examination" is more precise and formal than "choose their favorite subject groups to exam."
"This will significantly reduce the amount of time and pressure that learners spend on various subjects, even their dislike one and studying will become more comfortable and effective." -> "This will significantly reduce the time and pressure learners devote to various subjects, even those they dislike, making studying more comfortable and effective."
Explanation: "Devote" is more formal than "spend," and rephrasing "even their dislike one" to "even those they dislike" corrects the awkward and unclear original phrasing.
"study reports are often said to be opposite" -> "study reports are often considered to be contradictory"
Explanation: "Contradictory" is a more precise and formal term than "opposite," which is vague and informal in this context.
"Academic transcripts are usually based on periodic tests so students are studying just to pass causing them to rely too much on available materials without thinking and it will lead to the lack of quality of education" -> "Academic transcripts typically rely on periodic assessments, leading students to focus solely on passing, thereby relying excessively on available materials and neglecting critical thinking, ultimately resulting in a lack of educational quality."
Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the original sentence, using "rely on" and "neglecting critical thinking" to enhance precision and formality.
"schools also vary in quality from good to average and using school records to evaluate students is quite unfair" -> "schools also vary in quality, from excellent to average, and relying on school records to evaluate students is inherently unfair"
Explanation: "From excellent to average" is more precise than "from good to average," and "inherently unfair" is more formal and appropriate than "quite unfair."
"From the evidences, I believe that entrance tests are still the best way to evaluate and sort students for college." -> "Based on these arguments, I maintain that entrance tests remain the most effective method for evaluating and selecting students for college."
Explanation: "Based on these arguments" is more formal than "From the evidences," and "maintain" is more assertive and formal than "believe," aligning better with academic discourse.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding university admissions based on high school results versus entrance examinations. However, it primarily supports the idea that entrance exams are better, which aligns with the prompt. The response does not fully explore the implications of using high school results, nor does it provide a balanced view of both perspectives. For instance, while it mentions the drawbacks of relying on high school results, it fails to discuss any potential benefits of this method.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should include a more balanced analysis of both sides. This could involve acknowledging the strengths of using high school results, such as continuous assessment and a broader view of a student’s capabilities over time. Additionally, the writer should explicitly state their position more clearly in the introduction and conclusion, reinforcing their agreement or disagreement with the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that favors entrance examinations, but this stance is not consistently clear throughout. The introduction states agreement with the entrance exam perspective, yet the body includes some confusing statements about the drawbacks of high school assessments without clearly linking them back to the main argument. For example, the phrase "entrance examinations bring benefits and equality" could mislead readers into thinking the essay supports both sides.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly supports their main argument. This can be achieved by using topic sentences that clearly state the point of each paragraph in relation to the thesis. Additionally, the writer should avoid ambiguous language and ensure that all points made reinforce their stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the advantages of entrance exams and the disadvantages of using high school results. However, the ideas are not well-developed or supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, while the essay mentions that entrance exams synthesize knowledge, it does not provide concrete examples of how this benefits the evaluation process or how it compares to high school assessments.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include specific examples, statistics, or studies that support their claims. Each point made should be elaborated upon to provide a deeper understanding of the argument. For instance, discussing a specific entrance exam format and how it evaluates student knowledge could strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate between entrance exams and high school results. However, there are moments where the discussion veers off slightly, particularly when addressing the quality of schools. While this point is relevant, it could be more directly tied back to the main argument about evaluation methods.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of university admissions. This can be achieved by regularly referring back to the prompt and ensuring that all arguments support the overall thesis. Additionally, the writer should avoid introducing new ideas that do not directly contribute to the main argument.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on providing a more balanced analysis, maintaining a clear position, supporting ideas with specific examples, and ensuring that all content remains relevant to the topic. Additionally, addressing the word count issue by expanding on ideas and providing more detailed explanations will also contribute to a higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of using entrance examinations over high school results for university admissions. The introduction effectively sets up the debate, and the author clearly states their position. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of entrance exams to the drawbacks of high school assessments feels abrupt. The ideas are somewhat connected, but the relationship between them could be more explicitly stated to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate the relationship between ideas. For example, after discussing the benefits of entrance exams, a phrase like "In contrast" or "On the other hand" could be used to introduce the discussion of high school assessments. Additionally, structuring the essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph would help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness could be improved. The first paragraph introduces the topic and states the author’s viewpoint, while the second paragraph discusses the advantages of entrance exams. However, the second paragraph could be split into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the benefits of entrance exams and another addressing the drawbacks of relying on high school results. This would allow for a clearer separation of ideas and enhance readability.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point, followed by supporting details. For example, the paragraph discussing entrance exams could begin with a sentence like, "Entrance examinations provide a comprehensive evaluation of students’ abilities," followed by specific reasons and examples.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost" and "in addition," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and their use could be more varied. For instance, the essay relies heavily on basic conjunctions and transitional phrases without incorporating more sophisticated devices that could enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "in addition," consider alternatives like "furthermore," "moreover," or "additionally." Additionally, using phrases that indicate cause and effect, such as "as a result" or "consequently," can help clarify relationships between ideas. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts will also help improve overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in the organization of information, paragraph structure, and the range of cohesive devices used. By focusing on these aspects, the author can enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "evaluate," "aptitude," and "academic transcripts" being effectively utilized. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety, and certain phrases are repeated, such as "students" and "evaluate." This repetition can detract from the overall quality of the writing. For instance, the phrase "the candidates’ ability" could be varied with synonyms like "potential" or "capabilities."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "students," consider alternatives like "learners," "pupils," or "scholars." Additionally, employing more sophisticated vocabulary related to education and assessment could elevate the essay’s quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the amount of time and pressure that learners spend on various subjects, even their dislike one" could be more clearly articulated. The term "dislike one" is vague and awkward; a more precise expression would be "subjects they dislike." Furthermore, the phrase "the lack of quality of education" could be improved to "a decline in educational quality" for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on choosing words that convey their intended meaning more clearly. Reviewing phrases for clarity and substituting vague terms with more specific language will enhance the overall effectiveness of the argument. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building resources can help in selecting more accurate words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with few errors present. However, there are minor mistakes, such as "highschool," which should be written as "high school," and "evidences," which is not commonly used in this context; "evidence" would be more appropriate. These errors, while not numerous, can affect the reader’s perception of the writer’s attention to detail.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and ensuring correct spacing. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help catch errors that might be overlooked during the writing process.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of a complex sentence in "An important point to consider is that students can choose their favorite subject groups to exam based on their aptitude and interest" effectively conveys a nuanced idea. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the introductory and concluding sentences, which could be diversified. For example, the phrase "Some people think…" is used similarly at the beginning of both the introduction and the conclusion.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses or varied conjunctions. For example, instead of repeating "Some people think," you might use "While some argue that…" or "In contrast to this view…" to introduce differing opinions. Additionally, varying the placement of phrases within sentences can create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the amount of time and pressure that learners spend on various subjects, even their dislike one" contains a grammatical error; "their dislike one" should be "their disliked ones" or "subjects they dislike." Punctuation is mostly correct, but the use of a semicolon in "the admission exam is the most reasonable; However" is incorrect; "However" should be preceded by a comma instead of a semicolon.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and pluralization. Additionally, practicing the correct use of punctuation, especially with conjunctions and transitional phrases, will enhance clarity. For example, replace the semicolon with a comma in the sentence mentioned above. Consider also reviewing rules for conjunctions and relative clauses to reduce errors in complex sentences.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation skills will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a debate regarding the methods used by universities to evaluate students. Some argue that the admission exam is the most reasonable method; however, others contend that using academic records from high school is preferable. From my perspective, I concur with the former viewpoint. Discussed below are several reasons supporting my perspective.

First and foremost, college entrance tests enable professors to comprehensively assess the candidates’ abilities because they synthesize knowledge accumulated throughout high school to evaluate students’ learning and comprehension processes. An important consideration is that students can select their preferred subject groups for examination based on their aptitude and interests. This will significantly reduce the time and pressure learners devote to various subjects, even those they dislike, making studying more comfortable and effective.

While entrance examinations bring benefits and equality, academic transcripts are often considered to be contradictory. Academic records typically rely on periodic assessments, leading students to focus solely on passing. This causes them to rely excessively on available materials and neglect critical thinking, ultimately resulting in a lack of educational quality that prevents lecturers from properly assessing students’ actual abilities. In addition, schools also vary in quality, from excellent to average, and relying on school records to evaluate students is inherently unfair.

Based on these arguments, I maintain that entrance tests remain the most effective method for evaluating and selecting students for college.