To what extent do you agree or disagree with the idea that increasing the price of fattening foods can help address the issue of rising obesity rates?

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight, and some believe that making fattening foods more expensive could help solve this problem. I agree that this could help, but I think other actions are needed as well to fully tackle obesity.

One reason for supporting higher prices for unhealthy foods is that it might make people buy them less. If governments put extra taxes on foods that are high in fat, sugar, or calories, people might eat them less often because they cost more. For example, fewer people might go to fast-food places like McDonald's or buy sweets and sugary drinks if they become more expensive. This could help reduce obesity because people would eat fewer unhealthy foods.

However, raising prices alone is unlikely to fully solve the obesity crisis. Other interventions are essential, such as promoting healthy eating campaigns to educate people on the benefits of balanced diets and nutritious foods. Additionally, it is important to address the root causes of obesity, such as sedentary lifestyles. Many people now spend prolonged periods sitting at desks or in front of screens, leading to reduced physical activity. Encouraging regular exercise and active lifestyles can play a significant role in reducing obesity rates

In conclusion, making fattening foods more expensive could help reduce how much people eat them, but other steps are needed too. Health campaigns and encouraging people to be more active are also necessary to address the problem. So, I partly agree with the idea, but we need more than just higher prices to fight obesity effectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"More and more people are becoming seriously overweight" -> "The prevalence of obesity is increasing"
Explanation: The phrase "The prevalence of obesity is increasing" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial expression "becoming seriously overweight."
"making fattening foods more expensive" -> "increasing the cost of unhealthy foods"
Explanation: "Increasing the cost of unhealthy foods" is more specific and formal, focusing on the type of foods rather than the colloquial term "fattening."
"could help solve this problem" -> "could contribute to addressing this issue"
Explanation: "Contribute to addressing this issue" is more academically appropriate and precise, suggesting a partial solution rather than a complete solution.
"I think other actions are needed as well" -> "I believe additional measures are also necessary"
Explanation: "I believe additional measures are also necessary" is more formal and emphasizes the necessity of further actions.
"it might make people buy them less" -> "it could lead to reduced consumption"
Explanation: "Could lead to reduced consumption" is more formal and avoids the casual phrasing of "buy them less."
"people might eat them less often" -> "consumption might decrease"
Explanation: "Consumption might decrease" is more concise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "eat them less often."
"fewer people might go to fast-food places" -> "fewer individuals may frequent fast-food establishments"
Explanation: "Fewer individuals may frequent fast-food establishments" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the casual "go to."
"buy sweets and sugary drinks" -> "purchase confectionery and sugary beverages"
Explanation: "Purchase confectionery and sugary beverages" uses more precise and formal terminology.
"raising prices alone is unlikely to fully solve the obesity crisis" -> "increasing prices alone is insufficient to fully address the obesity crisis"
Explanation: "Increasing prices alone is insufficient to fully address the obesity crisis" is more formal and emphasizes the inadequacy of a single solution.
"promoting healthy eating campaigns" -> "launching public health campaigns promoting healthy eating"
Explanation: "Launching public health campaigns promoting healthy eating" is more specific and formal, emphasizing the proactive nature of the action.
"Many people now spend prolonged periods sitting at desks or in front of screens" -> "Numerous individuals now spend extended periods seated at desks or in front of screens"
Explanation: "Numerous individuals now spend extended periods seated at desks or in front of screens" uses more formal language and precise terminology.
"Encouraging regular exercise and active lifestyles" -> "Promoting regular physical activity and active lifestyles"
Explanation: "Promoting regular physical activity and active lifestyles" is more specific and formal, focusing on the type of activity.
"partly agree with the idea" -> "partially support the proposal"
Explanation: "Partially support the proposal" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"we need more than just higher prices to fight obesity effectively" -> "more comprehensive measures are required to effectively combat obesity"
Explanation: "More comprehensive measures are required to effectively combat obesity" is more formal and emphasizes the need for a broader range of solutions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by acknowledging the potential impact of increasing the price of fattening foods on obesity rates. The writer states a clear position of partial agreement, indicating that while price increases could help, they are not a standalone solution. The essay discusses both the benefits of higher prices and the necessity for additional measures, such as health campaigns and promoting physical activity. However, the response could have been strengthened by providing a more detailed exploration of the effectiveness of price increases compared to other interventions.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include specific statistics or studies that demonstrate the relationship between food pricing and consumption behavior. Additionally, discussing potential drawbacks or counterarguments to the price increase could provide a more balanced view and deepen the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position of the writer is clear from the outset, stating agreement with the idea of increasing prices while emphasizing the need for other actions. This position is consistently maintained throughout the essay, with each paragraph supporting the initial claim. However, the phrase "I partly agree" in the conclusion could be perceived as slightly ambiguous, as it does not fully reflect the strength of the position taken in the body of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use more definitive language throughout the essay. Instead of "I partly agree," a stronger statement such as "I agree, but…" would reinforce the position and provide a clearer stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the prompt, such as the potential impact of price increases and the importance of additional measures. Each idea is supported with examples, such as the mention of fast-food consumption and sedentary lifestyles. However, the development of these ideas could be more robust. The essay touches on important points but lacks depth in the explanations and connections between ideas.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate more on each point. For instance, when discussing health campaigns, the writer could provide examples of successful campaigns or specific strategies that have proven effective in changing eating habits. This would not only extend the ideas but also provide a more compelling argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of obesity and the role of pricing in addressing it. The writer does not deviate from the main question, consistently linking back to the impact of fattening foods and the necessity for additional measures. However, there are moments where the discussion could be tightened to ensure all points directly relate back to the central argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the thesis. This can be achieved by regularly referencing the prompt throughout the essay and ensuring that all examples and discussions are relevant to the central question of whether increasing prices can help combat obesity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are opportunities for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of position, and the development of supporting ideas. By addressing these areas, the writer could enhance the overall effectiveness of their response and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are well-organized, with the first paragraph supporting the idea of increasing prices for unhealthy foods and the second paragraph discussing the limitations of this approach. Each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next, with clear topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument. For example, the transition from discussing the potential benefits of higher prices to the need for additional measures is smooth and coherent.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, the writer could consider using more explicit linking phrases between ideas, such as "Furthermore," or "In addition," to strengthen the connections between points. Additionally, a more detailed explanation of how the proposed solutions (like health campaigns) would work could provide a deeper logical connection between the identified problems and the suggested solutions.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs clearly delineate the reasons for supporting higher prices and the need for additional measures. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer’s position, effectively closing the discussion.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could enhance clarity by ensuring that each paragraph not only presents a single idea but also includes a brief summary or transition sentence at the end that reinforces how that idea relates to the overall argument. This would help to remind the reader of the essay’s main thesis as they progress through the paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "for example," and "additionally," which help to connect ideas and provide clarity. The use of these devices contributes to the overall coherence of the essay, allowing the reader to follow the argument without confusion. For instance, the transition from discussing the effectiveness of higher prices to the need for additional interventions is well-handled with the word "however."
- How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "consequently," "therefore," or "on the other hand." This would not only enhance the essay’s cohesion but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language. Additionally, varying the placement of these devices within sentences could improve the overall rhythm and flow of the writing.

Overall, the essay achieves a high level of coherence and cohesion, effectively communicating the writer’s argument while maintaining a logical structure. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of obesity and dietary habits. Terms such as "fattening foods," "unhealthy foods," "nutritious foods," and "sedentary lifestyles" are appropriately used. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "making fattening foods more expensive" and "higher prices." This repetition limits the lexical variety that could enhance the essay’s overall quality.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "fattening foods," alternatives like "caloric-rich foods," "junk foods," or "processed snacks" could be employed. Additionally, using more varied expressions for "higher prices" such as "increased costs" or "elevated price points" would help diversify the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "making fattening foods more expensive could help solve this problem" could be more precisely articulated as "implementing price increases on unhealthy foods may contribute to mitigating obesity rates." The use of "fattening foods" is somewhat vague and could be more specific to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using more specific terms that convey the intended meaning clearly. For instance, instead of "making fattening foods more expensive," the writer could say "imposing higher taxes on high-calorie foods." This not only clarifies the action being proposed but also aligns better with academic writing standards.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the spelling of key terms. Words such as "obesity," "campaigns," and "nutritious" are spelled correctly throughout the text, which contributes positively to the overall readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any potential errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further enhance spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of conditional structures in "If governments put extra taxes on foods that are high in fat, sugar, or calories, people might eat them less often" effectively conveys a hypothetical scenario. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of declarative and interrogative sentences, which adds to the overall fluency. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, particularly with "people" and "it is important," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use participial phrases or adverbial clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "people," the writer could use phrases like "Those who consume unhealthy foods" or "Individuals seeking convenience." This would not only improve variety but also engage the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "fewer people might go to fast-food places like McDonald’s or buy sweets and sugary drinks if they become more expensive" is grammatically correct and punctuated properly. However, there are a few instances where punctuation could be improved for clarity, such as in the sentence "Many people now spend prolonged periods sitting at desks or in front of screens, leading to reduced physical activity." The comma before "leading" could be reconsidered as it may imply a non-restrictive clause that isn’t necessary in this context.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on ensuring that all clauses are correctly punctuated, especially when using participial phrases or clauses. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage, such as subject-verb agreement and the use of articles, can help in minimizing errors. Practicing with complex sentences and ensuring clarity in punctuation will further enhance the overall quality of the writing.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy due to its effective use of varied structures and generally accurate grammar, there is room for improvement. By diversifying sentence openings and refining punctuation usage, the writer can elevate their writing to a higher level of sophistication and clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight, and some believe that increasing the price of fattening foods could help solve this problem. I agree that this could contribute to addressing the issue, but I believe additional measures are also necessary to fully tackle obesity.

One reason for supporting higher prices for unhealthy foods is that it could lead to reduced consumption. If governments impose extra taxes on foods that are high in fat, sugar, or calories, people might purchase them less often because they cost more. For example, fewer individuals may frequent fast-food establishments like McDonald’s or purchase confectionery and sugary beverages if they become more expensive. This could help reduce obesity because people would consume fewer unhealthy foods.

However, raising prices alone is insufficient to fully address the obesity crisis. Other interventions are essential, such as launching public health campaigns promoting healthy eating to educate people on the benefits of balanced diets and nutritious foods. Additionally, it is important to address the root causes of obesity, such as sedentary lifestyles. Numerous individuals now spend extended periods seated at desks or in front of screens, leading to reduced physical activity. Promoting regular physical activity and active lifestyles can play a significant role in combating obesity rates.

In conclusion, increasing the price of fattening foods could help reduce how much people consume them, but more comprehensive measures are required to effectively combat obesity. Health campaigns and encouraging people to be more active are also necessary to address the problem. So, I partially support the proposal, but we need more than just higher prices to fight obesity effectively.