Today different types of robots are developed which are going to friends to us and help us both at home and work. Is this a positive or negative development?

Today different types of robots are developed which are going to friends to us and help us both at home and work.
Is this a positive or negative development?

In the light of technological advancements, one of the most notable developments has been the growing trend toward the ubiquity of robots the world over. While I acknowledge that this tendency may be disadvantageous to certain extent, I would argue that the advantages it offers are more evident.
Admittedly, it is understandable why some advocate this view, asserting the emergence of robots has an adverse impact on humans. One pressing issue is the potential of increased unemployment rates. As automation and artificial intelligence advance, there is a growing risk of jobs being superseded by automated machines, thereby rendering the displacement of thousands of workers from their jobs. Another demerit of this is the omnipresence of robots may inadvertently foster a sedentary lifestyles due to the absence of physical activities. Clearly, robots assuming an increasing number of physical tasks result in exacerbating such health deterioration as obesity, bone-related problems and a decline in overall well-being.
Notwithstanding the aforementioned demerits of the prevalence of robotic technologies, I am convinced that this development offers more significant advantages. The first advantageous point is that robots can be programmed to adapt to individual preferences, providing personalized services. In sectors like e-commerce and healthcare, the use of robotics and AI enables personalized recommendations, treatments, and services based on individual data, eventually enhancing user satisfaction and overall effectiveness. Furthermore, embracing robotics enhances global competitiveness by fostering innovation and efficiency. Specifically, this is prominently observable in the manufacturing sector, where the integration of robots streamline production processes, reduces costs, and enables companies to rapidly adapt to ever-changing market demands., positioning them competitively on the global stage.
In conclusion, while the popularity of robots is not without certain demerits, I would contend that they are eclipsed by the proposed demerits.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the light of" -> "In consideration of"
Explanation: "In consideration of" is a more formal and precise phrase that better fits the academic tone of the essay, replacing the more colloquial "In the light of."
"the ubiquity of robots the world over" -> "the widespread presence of robots globally"
Explanation: "The widespread presence of robots globally" is more precise and formal, avoiding the somewhat awkward and informal construction of "the ubiquity of robots the world over."
"to certain extent" -> "to some extent"
Explanation: "To some extent" is a more commonly accepted phrase in academic writing, providing a more natural and precise expression.
"I would argue that" -> "it is argued that"
Explanation: Using "it is argued that" shifts the focus from the personal to a more impersonal, academic tone, which is preferred in formal essays.
"asserting the emergence of robots has an adverse impact" -> "asserting that the emergence of robots has an adverse impact"
Explanation: Adding "that" clarifies the sentence structure and improves readability, aligning with formal academic style.
"One pressing issue is the potential of increased unemployment rates" -> "One pressing issue is the potential for increased unemployment rates"
Explanation: "For" is the correct preposition to use in this context, enhancing grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"thereby rendering the displacement of thousands of workers from their jobs" -> "thereby leading to the displacement of thousands of workers from their jobs"
Explanation: "Leading to" is a more precise and formal way to express causality, improving the academic tone.
"the omnipresence of robots may inadvertently foster a sedentary lifestyles" -> "the omnipresence of robots may inadvertently foster sedentary lifestyles"
Explanation: Removing "a" before "sedentary lifestyles" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.
"robots assuming an increasing number of physical tasks result in exacerbating such health deterioration" -> "the increasing assumption of physical tasks by robots exacerbates such health deterioration"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the subject and verb agreement, improving the sentence structure and formality.
"robots can be programmed to adapt to individual preferences" -> "robots can be programmed to adapt to individual preferences, providing personalized services"
Explanation: Adding "providing personalized services" enhances the explanation and maintains a formal tone.
"embracing robotics enhances global competitiveness" -> "the adoption of robotics enhances global competitiveness"
Explanation: "The adoption of robotics" is a more precise and formal way to express the concept, aligning better with academic style.
"streamline production processes, reduces costs, and enables companies to rapidly adapt" -> "streamline production processes, reduce costs, and enable companies to rapidly adapt"
Explanation: Correcting "reduces" to "reduce" for grammatical consistency and using "enable" instead of "enables" for subject-verb agreement.
"positioning them competitively on the global stage" -> "positioning them competitively on the global stage"
Explanation: This is a minor correction to ensure the verb "positioning" agrees with the subject "them."
"the popularity of robots is not without certain demerits" -> "the popularity of robots is not without certain drawbacks"
Explanation: "Drawbacks" is a more precise and formal term than "demerits," fitting better in an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the development of robots, acknowledging the negative aspects such as unemployment and sedentary lifestyles, while also presenting the positive impacts, including personalized services and enhanced competitiveness. The writer clearly identifies the question’s dual nature—whether this development is positive or negative—and provides a balanced view. However, the conclusion could have more explicitly stated whether the overall development is positive or negative, as it currently suggests a somewhat ambiguous position.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could more clearly articulate a definitive stance in the conclusion. For example, explicitly stating that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages would strengthen the answer and provide a clearer response to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of robots outweigh the disadvantages. The argument is consistently supported throughout the essay, with the writer acknowledging counterarguments before reinforcing their own viewpoint. However, the phrasing in the conclusion—"they are eclipsed by the proposed demerits"—is somewhat confusing and could lead to misinterpretation of the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To ensure clarity, the writer should use more straightforward language in the conclusion. A clear statement summarizing the position, such as "In conclusion, the benefits of robotic technology significantly outweigh the drawbacks," would enhance the clarity of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the potential for increased unemployment and the benefits of personalized services. Each point is supported with relevant examples, particularly in the discussion of e-commerce and healthcare. The writer effectively extends their ideas, particularly in the section discussing the advantages of robots in manufacturing. However, some points, like the health implications of a sedentary lifestyle, could benefit from further elaboration or examples to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the depth of the essay, the writer could provide specific examples or statistics related to the negative impacts of robots on health. For instance, citing studies that show a correlation between increased robot usage and health issues could provide a stronger basis for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of robots and their impact on society. Each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion of whether this development is positive or negative. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt, particularly in the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages, where the connection could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point directly relates back to the central question of whether the development of robots is positive or negative. Adding transitional phrases that explicitly link the discussion back to the prompt can help maintain this focus.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task with a clear argument and relevant examples. By refining the conclusion, enhancing the depth of certain points, and ensuring a tight focus on the prompt, the writer could further improve their score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized into two main sections: the first discusses the disadvantages of robots, while the second highlights their advantages. However, the transition between the two sections could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "Notwithstanding the aforementioned demerits" serves as a transition but feels somewhat abrupt. The conclusion summarizes the main points but could reinforce the argument more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the disadvantages, a phrase like "Despite these concerns, it is important to recognize the significant benefits that robots can provide" would create a more seamless transition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help clarify the main idea being discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, with the first addressing disadvantages and the second focusing on advantages. However, the second body paragraph is somewhat lengthy and could be broken down into two separate paragraphs for better readability and focus.
- How to improve: Consider dividing the second body paragraph into two: one focusing on personalized services and the other on global competitiveness. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve the overall clarity of the argument. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Admittedly," "Notwithstanding," and "Furthermore," which help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "this is prominently observable in the manufacturing sector" could benefit from a clearer link to the previous sentence discussing the advantages of robotics.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "In addition," "Moreover," or "On the other hand" can provide variety and enhance the connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device used is contextually appropriate and clearly indicates the relationship between the ideas being presented. This will improve the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument, potentially achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "ubiquity," "adverse impact," "automation," "artificial intelligence," and "personalized services." These words effectively convey complex ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "growing trend" is somewhat repetitive and could be replaced with synonyms like "increasing prevalence" or "expanding phenomenon" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of synonyms and phrases that convey similar meanings. This could involve using a thesaurus to explore alternative vocabulary choices and ensuring that the essay does not rely on the same expressions repeatedly.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes several precise terms that accurately describe the subject matter, such as "automation," "displacement," and "global competitiveness." However, there are moments of imprecision, particularly in the phrase "the absence of physical activities," which could be more effectively expressed as "a reduction in physical activity." Additionally, the phrase "the proposed demerits" in the conclusion is unclear and seems to contradict the intended meaning, which could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should review their sentences for clarity and ensure that the vocabulary used accurately reflects the intended meaning. It may be beneficial to read the essay aloud or have someone else review it to identify any ambiguous phrases that could be clarified.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with words like "technological," "advancements," and "effectiveness" spelled correctly. However, there are a few spelling errors, such as "sedentary lifestyles" (which is correctly spelled but could be better phrased as "sedentary lifestyle") and "exacerbating" (which is correct but could be improved by rephrasing the sentence for clarity). Additionally, the phrase "the proposed demerits" may have been intended to mean "the proposed merits," indicating a potential oversight.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring that each term is used correctly in context. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, but there are opportunities for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "As automation and artificial intelligence advance, there is a growing risk of jobs being superseded by automated machines" effectively convey intricate ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, such as "if robots can be programmed to adapt to individual preferences," showcases the writer’s ability to express hypothetical scenarios. However, there are instances of less varied sentence beginnings, primarily relying on simple structures, which could limit the overall complexity of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The first advantageous point is," the writer could use alternatives like "One significant benefit is" or "Another compelling advantage is." Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences would further enrich the text.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammar and punctuation, which contributes to its clarity and coherence. However, there are notable errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, the phrase "the omnipresence of robots may inadvertently foster a sedentary lifestyles" contains a subject-verb agreement error ("lifestyles" should be singular). Additionally, the sentence "robots assuming an increasing number of physical tasks result in exacerbating such health deterioration" lacks a clear subject and should be rephrased for clarity. Furthermore, the misplaced comma before "positioning them competitively on the global stage" disrupts the flow of the sentence.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement and ensure that all subjects are clearly defined. It would also be beneficial to review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Practicing sentence restructuring and seeking feedback from peers or teachers could help identify and rectify these errors before submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to detail in sentence structure variety and grammatical precision will elevate the writing further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Admittedly, it is understandable why some advocate this view, asserting that the emergence of robots has an adverse impact on humans. One pressing issue is the potential for increased unemployment rates. As automation and artificial intelligence advance, there is a growing risk of jobs being superseded by automated machines, thereby leading to the displacement of thousands of workers from their jobs. Another demerit is that the omnipresence of robots may inadvertently foster sedentary lifestyles due to the absence of physical activities. Clearly, robots assuming an increasing number of physical tasks results in exacerbating such health deterioration as obesity, bone-related problems, and a decline in overall well-being.

Notwithstanding the aforementioned demerits of the prevalence of robotic technologies, I am convinced that this development offers more significant advantages. The first advantageous point is that robots can be programmed to adapt to individual preferences, providing personalized services. In sectors like e-commerce and healthcare, the use of robotics and AI enables personalized recommendations, treatments, and services based on individual data, eventually enhancing user satisfaction and overall effectiveness. Furthermore, embracing robotics enhances global competitiveness by fostering innovation and efficiency. Specifically, this is prominently observable in the manufacturing sector, where the integration of robots streamlines production processes, reduces costs, and enables companies to rapidly adapt to ever-changing market demands, positioning them competitively on the global stage.

In conclusion, while the popularity of robots is not without certain drawbacks, I would contend that they are eclipsed by the proposed advantages.