Today more and more people want things instantly ? why is this ? it is more positive or negative development?

In the contemporary world , instant gratification has enjoyed increasing popularity in recent years . In my opinion , it has both negative and positive sides in equal measure .
Immediate fulfillment can be deemed advantaged for some reasons , the most prominent benefit is that technology developments and widespread accessibility allow people to connect services and fulfill demands within minutes . This helps people alleviate unnecessary activities so people can concentrate only on important tasks . For instance , accessing the internet immediately helps people to look for their essential information . Moreover , they also can book tickets online before they go to a concert or a new destination , which can lead to a convenient lifestyle . Another compelling point is that people can shop online and it will be delivered within several hours , compared to the flexibility and modernization of previous generations .
Despite these aforementioned advantages , some significant disadvantages of instant fulfillment do exist . The most obvious drawback is that overreliance on technology can contribute to a sedentary lifestyle; people do not directly catch up with information without the internet . Vietnamese students bring an example for this approach , when they have to stand on the stage and tell about their presentation , teachers often find out that information is taken from the internet . Another impact is that the reliability of the internet does not always match their benefit , there is poor product quality and the risk of losing information through unreliable websites .
In conclusion , my firm conviction is that instant gratification is beneficial for its flexibility and convenience of accessing the internet , but it can be detrimental for their overreliance on technologies and preparing for presentations .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the contemporary world" -> "In the contemporary era"
Explanation: "Contemporary era" is a more precise and formal term that better captures the time period being referred to, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"instant gratification has enjoyed increasing popularity" -> "instant gratification has gained increasing popularity"
Explanation: "Gained" is more specific and appropriate in this context, as it implies a gradual increase in popularity, which is more accurate than "enjoyed," which can imply a more emotional or subjective experience.
"In my opinion" -> "It is my contention"
Explanation: "It is my contention" is a more formal expression that aligns better with academic writing, avoiding the informal tone of "In my opinion."
"Immediate fulfillment can be deemed advantaged" -> "Immediate fulfillment can be considered advantageous"
Explanation: "Advantaged" is not a commonly used term in this context; "advantageous" is the correct adjective form, and "considered" is more formal than "deemed."
"allow people to connect services and fulfill demands within minutes" -> "enable individuals to access services and fulfill demands instantly"
Explanation: "Enable" is more precise than "allow," and "instantly" is more specific than "within minutes," which is vague. "Individuals" is also more formal than "people."
"alleviate unnecessary activities" -> "reduce unnecessary activities"
Explanation: "Reduce" is a more direct and formal term than "alleviate," which can imply a more emotional or medical context.
"concentrate only on important tasks" -> "focus exclusively on critical tasks"
Explanation: "Focus exclusively" is more precise and formal than "concentrate only," and "critical" is more specific than "important."
"accessing the internet immediately helps people to look for their essential information" -> "immediate internet access facilitates the retrieval of essential information"
Explanation: "Facilitates the retrieval of" is a more formal and precise way to describe the action of accessing information, and "essential" is more formal than "important."
"Another compelling point is that people can shop online and it will be delivered within several hours" -> "Another significant advantage is that online shopping can result in rapid delivery"
Explanation: "Significant advantage" and "rapid delivery" are more formal and precise terms, improving the academic tone of the sentence.
"overreliance on technology can contribute to a sedentary lifestyle" -> "overreliance on technology may lead to a sedentary lifestyle"
Explanation: "May lead to" is a more cautious and academically appropriate phrasing than "can contribute to," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"do not directly catch up with information without the internet" -> "do not directly access information without the internet"
Explanation: "Access" is more specific and appropriate in this context than "catch up with," which is informal and vague.
"Vietnamese students bring an example for this approach" -> "Vietnamese students exemplify this approach"
Explanation: "Exemplify" is a more formal and precise verb than "bring an example," which is awkward and informal.
"there is poor product quality and the risk of losing information through unreliable websites" -> "there is a risk of poor product quality and information loss through unreliable websites"
Explanation: "A risk of" is more formal and precise than "there is," and rephrasing "poor product quality and the risk of losing information" improves the flow and clarity of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: it explores why people desire instant gratification and discusses its positive and negative aspects. The introduction clearly states the topic, and the body paragraphs provide relevant examples that illustrate both sides of the argument. For instance, the author discusses the convenience of online shopping and information access as positive aspects, while also highlighting the drawbacks of overreliance on technology and issues with information quality.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the reasons for the desire for instant gratification and the subsequent positive and negative impacts. For example, elaborating on how societal changes or technological advancements have led to this desire could provide a more comprehensive answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that instant gratification has both positive and negative sides. The author states this perspective in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion. However, the phrasing in the conclusion could be clearer; the phrase "beneficial for its flexibility and convenience" may imply a stronger positive bias than intended, which could confuse the reader about the author’s balanced view.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should ensure that the conclusion reflects an equal emphasis on both positive and negative aspects. A more balanced statement, such as "While instant gratification offers significant conveniences, it also poses challenges that must be addressed," would reinforce the dual nature of the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly and supports them with relevant examples, such as the convenience of online shopping and the risks of poor information quality. However, some points could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the mention of Vietnamese students could be expanded to provide more context or detail about how this overreliance manifests in their academic performance.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, elaborating on the consequences of a sedentary lifestyle or discussing specific instances of poor product quality would strengthen the argument and provide a deeper understanding of the negative aspects.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on instant gratification and its implications. However, there are moments where the connection to the prompt could be clearer. For example, the discussion about Vietnamese students feels somewhat tangential and could be better linked to the broader theme of instant gratification.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all examples and discussions directly relate back to the prompt. It might be helpful to introduce each example with a clear link to how it illustrates either the desire for instant gratification or its consequences, thus reinforcing the relevance of each point made.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, it could benefit from clearer connections between ideas, more detailed examples, and a more explicit tie back to the prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized into two main sections: one discussing the advantages of instant gratification and the other addressing its disadvantages. This logical flow helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between points within paragraphs could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the benefits of technology to the examples provided could be more explicitly connected to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, the writer could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" when moving from advantages to disadvantages would help clarify the contrast between the two sides of the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to digest the information. However, the second body paragraph could be split into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the negative impacts of technology on lifestyle and the other on the reliability issues associated with online information. This would allow for a more in-depth discussion of each point.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. This can be achieved by identifying distinct themes within the disadvantages of instant gratification and allocating them their own paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Moreover" and "Despite these aforementioned advantages," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some connections feel forced or repetitive. For instance, the phrase "Another compelling point" is used, but it could be varied with alternatives like "Additionally" or "Furthermore" to enhance the flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. This could include using synonyms or different structures to connect ideas, such as "In addition to this," "Furthermore," or "As a result." Practicing the use of a variety of cohesive devices in writing exercises can help the writer become more comfortable with their application.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization of ideas, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "instant gratification," "immediate fulfillment," and "sedentary lifestyle." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "instant gratification" and "instant fulfillment," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. Additionally, some phrases, such as "convenient lifestyle" and "flexibility and modernization," are somewhat generic and could benefit from more specific alternatives.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "instant gratification," alternatives like "immediate satisfaction" or "prompt fulfillment" could be used. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enhance the essay’s overall lexical diversity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay uses relevant vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "people do not directly catch up with information without the internet" is unclear and could be better articulated. The term "advantaged" in "can be deemed advantaged for some reasons" is also awkward and not commonly used in this context.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. For example, instead of "can be deemed advantaged," a clearer expression like "can be seen as advantageous" would be more effective. Additionally, revising vague phrases like "catch up with information" to something more specific, such as "access information," would improve clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "technologies" (which should be "technology" in the context used) and "advantaged" (which is not the correct form in this context). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully or utilize spelling and grammar checking tools. Practicing spelling commonly used academic vocabulary and reviewing the correct forms of words in context could also help mitigate these errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy could elevate the Lexical Resource score. Engaging with a wider variety of vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and thoroughly proofreading for spelling errors will contribute to a stronger performance in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "the most prominent benefit is that technology developments and widespread accessibility allow people to connect services and fulfill demands within minutes." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "Another" or "Moreover," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and transition phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Moreover," alternatives like "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "In addition," could be employed. Experimenting with different sentence lengths and types, such as using conditional clauses or participial phrases, would also add complexity and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of grammatical accuracy, with most sentences being clear and coherent. However, there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the most prominent benefit is that technology developments and widespread accessibility allow people to connect services and fulfill demands within minutes" could be more clearly expressed with a slight rephrasing for conciseness. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary space before commas (e.g., "In the contemporary world , instant gratification") and the incorrect use of a question mark in the prompt.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as spacing and punctuation. It would be beneficial to review the rules regarding comma placement, especially in complex sentences. Furthermore, practicing sentence restructuring could help eliminate awkward phrasing. For example, the sentence "people do not directly catch up with information without the internet" could be rephrased to "people often struggle to keep up with information without the internet," which enhances clarity and grammatical correctness.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, instant gratification has gained increasing popularity in recent years. In my opinion, it has both negative and positive aspects in equal measure.

Immediate fulfillment can be considered advantageous for several reasons. The most prominent benefit is that technological developments and widespread accessibility enable individuals to access services and fulfill demands instantly. This helps people reduce unnecessary activities, allowing them to focus exclusively on critical tasks. For instance, immediate internet access facilitates the retrieval of essential information. Moreover, individuals can book tickets online before attending a concert or traveling to a new destination, which contributes to a more convenient lifestyle. Another significant advantage is that online shopping can result in rapid delivery, especially when compared to the flexibility and modernization of previous generations.

Despite these aforementioned advantages, some significant disadvantages of instant fulfillment do exist. The most obvious drawback is that overreliance on technology may lead to a sedentary lifestyle; people do not directly access information without the internet. Vietnamese students exemplify this approach; when they have to present on stage, teachers often discover that the information is taken from the internet. Another impact is that the reliability of the internet does not always match its benefits, as there is a risk of poor product quality and information loss through unreliable websites.

In conclusion, it is my contention that instant gratification is beneficial for its flexibility and convenience in accessing the internet, but it can also be detrimental due to overreliance on technology and inadequate preparation for presentations.