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Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Every day that passes, there are hundreds of thousands of people in the world who decide to travel. Travel is popular entertainment everywhere because of the joys and comfort it brings. This paragraph will discuss the reasons why tourism is growing and find out its benefits

Each person has a different reason for travelling. And one of the popular reasons is its entertainment. According to some scientific articles, travel is the way to reduce stress most effectively. If you want to work effectively, you need to travel often, be it domestic or foreign. Secondly, travel can help connect all members of a family, we can understand each other better. Besides, in the tour, we can share our own difficulties to find a way to solve or share our own interests and have a more pleasant story to tell. The Traditions and culture of each country are different and interesting, therefore we can improve our knowledge about the traditions and culture of a province or even a whole country. And with the growth of the internet and transportation networks, we can easily move to other countries, especially since the price is not too high with the current income of people.

Similar to the reasons for travelling, its benefits are also very diverse. Firstly, we can talk about the happiest of it, travel can make us happier and from that decrease cardiovascular disease or psychological diseases. Moreover, every trip helps us improve ourselves and our networks. We can make friends with many people from different countries and have experience exploring their culture.

In conclusion, travel is not only a formal solution but also helps us connect with you, learn from them, and contribute advice for personal development as well as that of society


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Every day that passes, there are hundreds of thousands of people in the world who decide to travel." -> "Each passing day sees hundreds of thousands of individuals worldwide opting to travel."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains a formal tone by rephrasing the original sentence to eliminate unnecessary words and provide a more concise expression of the idea.

  2. "Travel is popular entertainment everywhere because of the joys and comfort it brings." -> "Tourism is widely embraced for the pleasure and comfort it affords."
    Explanation: The alternative phrasing replaces the informal term "travel" with the more formal "tourism" and enhances the sentence’s sophistication by using synonyms like "embraced" and "affords."

  3. "This paragraph will discuss the reasons why tourism is growing and find out its benefits." -> "This paragraph will explore the factors contributing to the growth of tourism and examine its associated benefits."
    Explanation: The suggested change aims to enhance the formality of the sentence by replacing the casual "find out" with the more academic "examine."

  4. "Each person has a different reason for travelling." -> "Individuals have diverse motivations for traveling."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality by using "individuals" instead of "each person" and replaces the informal "travelling" with the more formal "traveling."

  5. "And one of the popular reasons is its entertainment." -> "One of the prevalent motives is the entertainment it provides."
    Explanation: The alternative phrasing employs more sophisticated vocabulary, replacing "popular" with "prevalent" and using a more formal structure.

  6. "According to some scientific articles, travel is the way to reduce stress most effectively." -> "According to several scientific articles, travel is an effective means of stress reduction."
    Explanation: The recommended change improves the sentence’s formality by using "means" instead of "way" and rearranges the structure for better clarity.

  7. "If you want to work effectively, you need to travel often, be it domestic or foreign." -> "For optimal work efficiency, frequent travel, whether domestic or international, is essential."
    Explanation: The revised sentence employs a more formal tone by using "optimal" instead of "want" and restructuring the sentence for better flow.

  8. "Secondly, travel can help connect all members of a family, we can understand each other better." -> "Secondly, travel fosters familial connections and enhances mutual understanding among its members."
    Explanation: The suggested changes improve formality by replacing the informal "connect" with "foster" and creating a more polished structure.

  9. "Besides, in the tour, we can share our own difficulties to find a way to solve or share our own interests and have a more pleasant story to tell." -> "Moreover, during the tour, we can share challenges, seek solutions, exchange interests, and cultivate enriching narratives."
    Explanation: The revised sentence enhances formality by using "moreover" instead of "besides" and employs a more sophisticated expression of ideas.

  10. "The Traditions and culture of each country are different and interesting, therefore we can improve our knowledge about the traditions and culture of a province or even a whole country." -> "The traditions and cultures of each country are diverse and intriguing; thus, we can enhance our understanding of a region’s traditions and culture."
    Explanation: The recommended changes improve formality by capitalizing "Traditions" and "culture," using a semicolon for a more formal connection, and replacing the informal "different and interesting" with "diverse and intriguing."

  11. "And with the growth of the internet and transportation networks, we can easily move to other countries, especially since the price is not too high with the current income of people." -> "Moreover, with the expansion of the internet and transportation networks, international mobility has become more accessible, particularly considering the affordability relative to people’s current income levels."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality by using "Moreover" instead of "And" and providing a more precise and formal expression of the idea.

  12. "Similar to the reasons for travelling, its benefits are also very diverse." -> "Much like the motivations for travel, its benefits are equally diverse."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality by using "motivations" instead of "reasons" and employs a more sophisticated structure.

  13. "Firstly, we can talk about the happiest of it, travel can make us happier and from that decrease cardiovascular disease or psychological diseases." -> "Firstly, we can discuss its positive impact on happiness, as travel has been linked to a reduction in cardiovascular and psychological ailments."
    Explanation: The recommended changes improve formality by using "positive impact" instead of "happiest of it" and by rephrasing for clarity and precision.

  14. "Moreover, every trip helps us improve ourselves and our networks." -> "Furthermore, each journey contributes to personal development and expands our social networks."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality by using "Furthermore" instead of "Moreover" and provides a more polished expression of the idea.

  15. "We can make friends with many people from different countries and have experience exploring their culture." -> "We can establish friendships with individuals from diverse countries and gain valuable experiences in understanding their cultures."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality by using "establish friendships" instead of "make friends" and employing a more refined structure.

  16. "In conclusion, travel is not only a formal solution but also helps us connect with you, learn from them, and contribute advice for personal development as well as that of society." -> "In conclusion, travel serves not only as a form of recreation but also facilitates interpersonal connections, cultural learning, and the exchange of insights for both personal and societal development."
    Explanation: The recommended changes improve formality by using "serves" instead of "is," rephrasing for clarity, and providing a more sophisticated expression of the concluding idea.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the reasons behind the increasing trend of travel and outlining the benefits for travelers. The introduction sets the stage by acknowledging the growing popularity of travel, and the body paragraphs delve into reasons and benefits, covering stress reduction, family bonding, cultural enrichment, and personal development.
    • How to improve: While the coverage is comprehensive, there’s room to enhance the organization. Consider a more structured approach, such as allocating distinct paragraphs for reasons and benefits, to enhance clarity.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance, supporting the idea that travel is not just a leisure activity but also a means of personal and societal development. This clarity is evident throughout the essay, contributing to a strong sense of coherence.
    • How to improve: Continue to reinforce the central argument by explicitly restating the position in the introduction and conclusion. This can strengthen the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented adequately, with the essay discussing various reasons for travel and elaborating on the benefits. Examples, such as stress reduction and cultural exploration, are provided to support these ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay’s depth, consider providing more nuanced examples or incorporating real-world scenarios. Additionally, ensure a smooth flow between ideas by using transitional phrases.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, exploring reasons for increased travel and its benefits. However, there are instances where ideas could be more tightly connected, ensuring every sentence contributes directly to the main theme.
    • How to improve: Be cautious of tangential points; each sentence should directly contribute to supporting the central argument. Use topic sentences to guide each paragraph’s focus, ensuring a seamless connection between ideas.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt, with well-supported ideas and a consistent position. Strengthening organizational structure, reinforcing the central argument, adding depth to examples, and ensuring tighter connections between ideas will further elevate the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, starting with an introduction that introduces the topic of travel, followed by two body paragraphs discussing reasons for traveling and its benefits. The flow is easy to follow. However, the introduction could be more concise, and the concluding sentence of the second paragraph seems disconnected.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider streamlining the introduction and ensuring that each paragraph’s concluding sentence smoothly transitions to the next paragraph. This will create a more cohesive overall structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with clear topic sentences and adequate development of ideas. However, there is a need for improvement in the transition between the second and third paragraphs, as the connection is abrupt.
    • How to improve: Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next, fostering a more seamless flow throughout the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("it," "we"), conjunctions ("and," "moreover"), and referencing ("each person," "every trip"). However, some sentences lack clear connections, impacting the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Strengthen cohesion by ensuring that each sentence logically connects to the previous one. Use transitional words and phrases strategically to guide the reader through the essay. Additionally, review pronoun usage to avoid potential confusion regarding referents.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a generally logical organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices, there is room for improvement in the introduction’s conciseness, transitions between paragraphs, and the clarity of connections between sentences. Implementing these suggestions will contribute to a more coherent and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied words, such as "entertainment," "comfort," "effective," and "networks." However, some repetition of words and limited exploration of synonyms hinder the demonstration of an extensive vocabulary. Additionally, there are instances where more precise vocabulary could enhance the overall quality of expression.
    • How to improve: To broaden your vocabulary, try incorporating more synonyms and exploring different ways to express ideas. For example, instead of using "entertainment" repeatedly, consider alternatives like "recreation," "leisure," or "amusement." Use a thesaurus to discover nuanced words that convey your ideas more precisely.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay sometimes uses vocabulary with precision, such as "reduce stress," "connect," and "explore culture." However, there are instances where the choice of words is less precise, such as "entertainment" and "formal solution." Some phrases could be more specific to convey the intended meaning more accurately.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. For instance, instead of using the broad term "entertainment," you might specify the type of entertainment, like "cultural enrichment" or "intellectual stimulation." Be mindful of the context and choose words that capture the nuances of your ideas.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. There are a few minor errors, such as "comfort" instead of "comfortable" and "provincial" instead of "country." These do not significantly impact the overall readability, but attention to such details can enhance the overall quality of the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, carefully proofread your work before submission. Consider using spelling and grammar checking tools to catch minor errors. Pay particular attention to adjective-noun pairings, ensuring consistency in the use of adjectives and adverbs.

In summary, the essay displays a commendable but not exceptional command of vocabulary. To elevate your Lexical Resource score, focus on diversifying your word choices, aiming for greater precision, and paying meticulous attention to spelling details.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and compound sentences. However, the essay lacks more complex structures, such as complex sentences with multiple clauses or a variety of sentence beginnings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases, participial phrases, etc.).
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating complex sentence structures. Experiment with sentences that contain dependent and independent clauses, using subordinating conjunctions. Additionally, vary the way sentences begin to add dynamism to the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances where sentence structures could be refined for clarity. For example, the phrase "this paragraph will discuss the reasons why tourism is growing and find out its benefits" may benefit from rephrasing for better coherence. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are occasional lapses, such as missing commas in lists.
    • How to improve: Review sentence structures for clarity, ensuring that the connection between ideas is seamless. Pay close attention to punctuation, especially in lists, to avoid ambiguity. Consider using more varied punctuation marks, such as dashes or semicolons, to add sophistication to the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and sentence structure. To reach a higher band score, focus on incorporating more advanced sentence structures and refining punctuation for greater clarity and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

Every passing day witnesses a growing number of individuals globally opting for travel. Tourism is widely embraced for the pleasure and comfort it affords. This paragraph will explore the factors contributing to the growth of tourism and examine its associated benefits.

Individuals have diverse motivations for traveling, and one of the prevalent motives is the entertainment it provides. According to several scientific articles, travel is an effective means of stress reduction. For optimal work efficiency, frequent travel, whether domestic or international, is essential.

Secondly, travel fosters familial connections and enhances mutual understanding among its members. Moreover, during the tour, we can share challenges, seek solutions, exchange interests, and cultivate enriching narratives. The traditions and cultures of each country are diverse and intriguing; thus, we can enhance our understanding of a region’s traditions and culture. Moreover, with the expansion of the internet and transportation networks, international mobility has become more accessible, particularly considering the affordability relative to people’s current income levels.

Much like the motivations for travel, its benefits are equally diverse. Firstly, we can discuss its positive impact on happiness, as travel has been linked to a reduction in cardiovascular and psychological ailments. Furthermore, each journey contributes to personal development and expands our social networks. We can establish friendships with individuals from diverse countries and gain valuable experiences in understanding their cultures.

In conclusion, travel serves not only as a form of recreation but also facilitates interpersonal connections, cultural learning, and the exchange of insights for both personal and societal development.

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