Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Nowadays , with the technological advancements, cheaper flight, and ever increasing awareness towards other states and countries, the world has become a smaller place. It allows them to spend more for travelling which assists them with releasing job stress, making international friends and hone their skills required their job skills.

Firstly, the improvement of aviation and budet airlines have made the air fare cheaper than ever before.As a result, not only the person with high income can afford the travel cost but also the common people can bear the expense of traveling.Besides, people need to travel in order for business purposes.A part from that, most of people now have a busy and noisy life so they want to recharge themselves by travelling.People, thus are travelling more than ever before.
Secondly, many people now can enjoy the advantages of travelling,not least among them a reduction in stress levels.Tourists can use trips to release their stress and enjoy every moment.Furthermore, it can increase their happiness and enhance their immune system.Other benefit of travelling it can help to expand people’s horizons.For instance,discovering unfamiliar regions give travellers chances to experience many different cultures of many countries in the world. As a result can have a deeper appreciation for the world
To conclude, with the considerable growth of income and other associated conveniences, more people are fascinated by traveling and they are harnessing the benefits like getting to know other cultures, making new friends from abroad, as well as releasing the job stress to some extent.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "budet airlines" -> "budget airlines"
    Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "budet" to "budget" maintains proper spelling and aligns with formal language norms.

  2. "air fare" -> "airfare"
    Explanation: Combining "air" and "fare" into a single word, "airfare," is the standard and more formal term used to refer to the cost of traveling by air.

  3. "bear the expense of traveling" -> "afford the cost of travel"
    Explanation: Replacing "bear the expense of traveling" with "afford the cost of travel" provides a more refined expression, using "afford" to convey the ability to cover expenses in a formal manner.

  4. "A part from that" -> "Apart from that"
    Explanation: Correcting the space and capitalization in "A part from that" to "Apart from that" improves the accuracy and formality of the phrase.

  5. "busy and noisy life" -> "hectic and noisy lifestyle"
    Explanation: Substituting "busy" with "hectic" and restructuring the sentence to "hectic and noisy lifestyle" enhances the formality and precision of the language.

  6. "Tourists can use trips" -> "Travelers can use their journeys"
    Explanation: Changing "Tourists can use trips" to "Travelers can use their journeys" provides a more formal and articulate expression.

  7. "increase their happiness" -> "enhance their well-being"
    Explanation: Replacing "increase their happiness" with "enhance their well-being" introduces a more sophisticated term, aligning with academic language and avoiding casual expressions.

  8. "Other benefit of travelling" -> "Another benefit of traveling"
    Explanation: Correcting the grammar and capitalization in "Other benefit of travelling" to "Another benefit of traveling" improves the sentence structure and formality.

  9. "give travellers chances" -> "offer travelers opportunities"
    Explanation: Substituting "give travelers chances" with "offer travelers opportunities" enhances the formality and clarity of the statement.

  10. "can have a deeper appreciation for the world" -> "can develop a profound understanding of the world"
    Explanation: Replacing "can have a deeper appreciation for the world" with "can develop a profound understanding of the world" uses more advanced vocabulary, maintaining a formal tone and improving precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the reasons for the increased trend of people traveling and outlines the benefits for travelers. Relevant sections include the mentions of technological advancements, cheaper flights, business purposes, stress relief, and cultural exposure.
    • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, ensure that each point is thoroughly elaborated. For instance, under the "benefits of traveling" section, the mention of stress relief and cultural exposure could be further expanded with specific examples or anecdotes.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently advocating the idea that more people are traveling due to factors like technological advancements, cheaper flights, and the desire for stress relief.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the main argument in the introduction and summarizing it in the conclusion. This will reinforce the essay’s overall coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas reasonably well, providing examples such as the impact of cheaper airfare on travel accessibility and the benefits of stress relief and cultural exposure. However, some points lack elaboration.
    • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, delve deeper into the specifics of how technological advancements and cheaper flights contribute to increased travel. Additionally, provide more detailed examples to support the benefits of stress relief and cultural exposure.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but has moments where the connection to the prompt could be strengthened. For instance, the mention of "releasing job stress" could be more explicitly tied to the broader theme of the benefits of traveling.
    • How to improve: Ensure that every point directly relates to the prompt. In the case of stress relief, explicitly connect it to the overarching theme of why more people are traveling and the benefits they derive.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear stance, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed examples and ensuring that every point is directly aligned with the essay’s main theme. Consider expanding on ideas and explicitly connecting them to the overall argument to enhance overall cohesiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information in a logical manner. It begins with an introduction, followed by two body paragraphs discussing reasons for increased travel and benefits for travelers, and concludes with a summary. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing cheaper airfare to business travel in the first paragraph is somewhat abrupt.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, work on creating smoother transitions between ideas. Consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay, ensuring a seamless flow between paragraphs and ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but there is room for improvement in terms of structure and effectiveness. The second paragraph is lengthy and covers multiple ideas. Breaking it into smaller, focused paragraphs would enhance readability and clarity. Additionally, there’s a lack of indentation for the first sentence in the second paragraph, which affects the visual organization of the essay.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and follows a logical structure. Introduce and conclude each paragraph effectively. Also, pay attention to formatting, maintaining consistent indentation for each new paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "secondly," and "to conclude," which provide a basic sense of organization. However, the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices could be improved. The transitions between sentences and ideas could be more varied, and the essay lacks a consistent use of pronouns to connect sentences.
    • How to improve: Explore a wider range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases. This will help create a smoother and more interconnected flow between sentences and ideas. Ensure that the relationship between sentences is clear, making the essay easier to follow for the reader.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. Focusing on refining transitions, paragraph structure, and cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied words, but it lacks consistency and depth. For instance, the repetition of phrases like "job stress" could be diversified for a more comprehensive lexical resource. The essay tends to rely on common expressions and does not fully exploit the potential for a richer vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance the score in this aspect, the writer should aim for greater diversity in vocabulary. Instead of frequently using the same phrases, explore synonyms and more nuanced expressions. For example, replacing "job stress" with alternatives like "occupational pressure" or "professional strain" can add sophistication to the language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances where word choices are imprecise or unclear. For example, the phrase "cheaper flight" could be refined to "affordable airfare." There is room for improvement in selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully choose words that precisely capture their intended meaning. Thorough proofreading can help identify areas where more specific terms could be employed. Consulting a thesaurus for alternative words with subtle differences in meaning may also be beneficial.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous spelling errors and typos, such as "budet" instead of "budget," "asists" instead of "assists," and "conveniences" instead of "convenience." These errors impact the overall clarity and coherence of the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should dedicate time to proofreading their work carefully. Utilizing spelling and grammar check tools available in word processors can be helpful. Additionally, developing a habit of reviewing and correcting spelling errors after completing each paragraph can contribute to better overall accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly diverse range of sentence structures. It uses simple sentences, compound sentences, and complex sentences. For example, there are instances of simple sentences like "Nowadays, with the technological advancements," compound sentences such as "Firstly, the improvement of aviation and budget airlines have made the airfare cheaper than ever before," and complex sentences like "Tourists can use trips to release their stress and enjoy every moment." However, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence structures to enhance overall fluency and coherence.
    • How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s expression and coherence, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures. Introduce a mix of compound-complex sentences and varied sentence lengths. For instance, vary the use of introductory phrases and clauses to create a more engaging rhythm. This will contribute to a more sophisticated and cohesive writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few noticeable errors. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "budet airlines" (budget airlines), and inconsistent verb tense usage, as seen in "it allows them to spend more for travelling." Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas in sentences like "As a result not only the person with high income can afford the travel cost but also the common people can bear the expense of traveling." These errors do not significantly impede understanding, but addressing them would improve overall clarity and precision.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement and maintain consistency in verb tense throughout the essay. Proofread the essay for punctuation errors, ensuring the correct use of commas in complex sentences. Consider seeking feedback on specific grammar points to reinforce accuracy. Additionally, focus on refining sentence structures to naturally accommodate grammatical elements, contributing to a more polished and refined piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s era, technological advancements, affordable airfare provided by budget airlines, and increased awareness about different states and countries have contributed to making the world a smaller place. This has empowered individuals to allocate more resources for travel, offering them an avenue to alleviate job-related stress, forge international friendships, and refine job skills.

Firstly, the progress in aviation and the presence of budget airlines have significantly reduced airfare, making travel more accessible. Consequently, not only those with higher incomes but also individuals with modest means can now afford the expenses associated with traveling. Additionally, the demands of business often necessitate travel. Apart from that, the contemporary lifestyle is hectic and noisy, prompting individuals to seek rejuvenation through travel, contributing to a surge in the number of people exploring new destinations.

Secondly, many now reap the benefits of travel, including a notable reduction in stress levels. Travelers can utilize their journeys as a means to release stress, relishing each moment and, in turn, boosting their happiness and fortifying their immune systems. Another benefit of traveling is the opportunity it offers to broaden one’s horizons. Exploring unfamiliar regions provides travelers with the chance to immerse themselves in diverse cultures from around the world, fostering a deeper appreciation for global diversity.

In conclusion, the combination of increased income and the accessibility provided by budget airlines has kindled a growing interest in travel. People are capitalizing on the advantages of cultural exploration, forming international connections, and finding respite from job-related stress. This trend reflects the profound understanding of the world that can be developed through the enriching experiences that travel brings.

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