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Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Thanks to advancements in transportation and communication nowadays, the proportion of people travelling has increased significantly. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons for this trend, as well as the benefits of it.
First of all, the affordability of travel has increased. Budget airlines and online booking platforms have made travel more accessible than ever, making eye-catching destinations attainable for the average adventurer. Secondly, the internet has ignited curiosity, as it allows us to virtually visit faraway places and discover other cultures. Travel blogs and online previews provide detailed information, making planning trips easier. Moreover, travel nurtures self-discovery. Stepping outside the comfort zone and familiar routines develops confidence and self-reflection, leading to personal growth, as well as these experiences creating long-lasting memories.
The benefits of travelling are numerous, enriching our lives in countless ways. Travel reliefs our stress and helps us relax. Immersing yourself in a new environment can take your mind away from worries and allow you to relax. Travel also helps you communicate better, by introducing you to different people and cultures, broadening your perspectives and expanding your understanding of the world. Moreover, travel creates opportunities to meet new people from different backgrounds, bonding meaningful connections and friendships. Sharing experiences and stories can strengthen communication skills and build empathy, leaving you with a wider network and richer perspective.
In conclusion, considering all the reasons and benefits of travelling, nowadays people are more interested in travelling. A wonderful place can be visited by tourists and they can learn advanced knowledge about different cultures, habits of other people in this world.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Thanks to advancements in transportation and communication nowadays" -> "Owing to advancements in transportation and communication in the contemporary era"
    Explanation: The original phrase is too informal for academic writing. Replacing it with a more formal expression improves the overall tone and aligns with the principles of academic style.

  2. "the proportion of people travelling has increased significantly" -> "the prevalence of individuals undertaking travels has significantly risen"
    Explanation: The use of "proportion" is more appropriate in statistical contexts. Replacing it with "prevalence" maintains accuracy and enhances the academic tone.

  3. "as well as the benefits of it" -> "along with its associated benefits"
    Explanation: "as well as the benefits of it" is redundant. The suggested alternative is more concise and aligns with formal language standards.

  4. "Budget airlines and online booking platforms have made travel more accessible than ever, making eye-catching destinations attainable for the average adventurer." -> "The accessibility of travel has increased significantly due to the emergence of budget airlines and online booking platforms, rendering captivating destinations reachable for the average traveler."
    Explanation: The improved version maintains clarity while using more formal language and eliminating redundancy.

  5. "Stepping outside the comfort zone and familiar routines develops confidence and self-reflection, leading to personal growth, as well as these experiences creating long-lasting memories." -> "Venturing beyond one’s comfort zone and habitual routines fosters confidence and self-reflection, contributing to personal growth. Additionally, these experiences engender enduring memories."
    Explanation: The revised sentence enhances formality and clarity, avoiding the use of the informal phrase "Stepping outside" and employing more sophisticated vocabulary.

  6. "The benefits of travelling are numerous, enriching our lives in countless ways." -> "The advantages of traveling are manifold, enhancing our lives in myriad ways."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative uses a more formal and precise term ("advantages") and avoids the informal expression "numerous."

  7. "Travel reliefs our stress and helps us relax." -> "Travel alleviates our stress and facilitates relaxation."
    Explanation: The corrected sentence uses a more appropriate verb ("alleviates") and maintains a formal tone.

  8. "Immersing yourself in a new environment can take your mind away from worries and allow you to relax." -> "Immersing oneself in a new environment can divert the mind from concerns and facilitate relaxation."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality and clarity, using third-person perspective for a more academic tone.

  9. "Travel also helps you communicate better, by introducing you to different people and cultures, broadening your perspectives and expanding your understanding of the world." -> "Travel also enhances communication skills by exposing individuals to diverse people and cultures, broadening perspectives and deepening understanding of the world."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative improves formality and precision, avoiding the use of the second person and providing a more structured expression.

  10. "A wonderful place can be visited by tourists and they can learn advanced knowledge about different cultures, habits of other people in this world." -> "Tourists can explore splendid locations while acquiring advanced insights into the cultures and customs of diverse populations around the world."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more formal language and presents information in a structured manner.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the question. It provides reasons for the increased trend of traveling and discusses the benefits for travelers. Relevant sections include the points about increased affordability, the impact of the internet on curiosity, and the personal growth aspect.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider providing more specific examples and elaboration on each reason and benefit. This will further strengthen the response and demonstrate a deep understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout. The writer consistently supports the idea that increased travel is due to factors like affordability and the internet, and they present a positive view of the benefits of traveling.
    • How to improve: While the position is clear, reinforcing it with more nuanced language and acknowledging potential counterarguments can add depth to the essay. This can demonstrate a more sophisticated understanding of the topic.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing the reasons and benefits of travel. Examples such as budget airlines and online booking platforms support the points made. However, some ideas could be further extended and elaborated for a more thorough analysis.
    • How to improve: To improve, provide more detailed examples, explore each point in greater depth, and consider addressing potential counterarguments. This will enhance the overall richness and complexity of the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for increased travel and the benefits for travelers. However, there are moments where the connection to the prompt could be stronger, such as the concluding sentence.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. In the conclusion, summarize the main points related to the prompt rather than introducing new elements. This will enhance the overall coherence and relevance of the essay.

Overall, this essay effectively addresses the prompt and demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic. To improve, focus on providing more detailed examples, nuanced language, and a tighter connection between ideas and the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. It starts with an introduction that presents the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed. Each body paragraph explores a distinct reason or benefit of increased travel. However, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother, particularly between the second and third paragraphs. The shift from discussing the benefits of travel to concluding the reasons for increased travel is somewhat abrupt.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay smoothly. For example, using phrases like "Furthermore," or "In addition to," can help connect ideas more cohesively. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points and reinforces the essay’s overall argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to organize ideas, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the third paragraph, which discusses the benefits of travel, is considerably longer than the others. This creates a slight imbalance in paragraph length.
    • How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraph lengths to maintain a harmonious structure. Consider breaking down the longer paragraph into two smaller ones, each focusing on a specific benefit of travel. This not only enhances readability but also ensures that each point receives adequate attention.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices to some extent. Transition words like "Firstly," and "Moreover," are used to signal the organization of ideas. However, there’s room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of cohesive devices. For instance, more explicit use of pronouns to reference previously mentioned ideas or employing linking words with nuance could enhance coherence.
    • How to improve: Experiment with a broader range of cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("this," "these," "it"), synonyms, and parallel structures. This will create a smoother and more sophisticated connection between sentences and ideas. Be cautious not to overuse certain terms, but aim for a balanced and varied application of cohesive elements.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a generally logical structure, refining transitions, balancing paragraph lengths, and diversifying cohesive devices can further elevate the coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It effectively uses words such as "affordability," "adventurer," "ignited curiosity," and "self-discovery" to convey ideas. However, there is room for improvement in terms of diversity and complexity. For instance, in the second paragraph, there is a repetition of the word "travel" and its derivatives, which limits the lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more synonyms and exploring nuanced expressions. Instead of frequently using "travel," try alternative phrases like "exploration," "journey," or "voyage" to add depth and sophistication.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The usage of vocabulary is generally precise, with terms like "budget airlines," "online booking platforms," and "self-reflection." However, there are instances of imprecise language, such as "eye-catching destinations" and "wonderful place," which lack specificity and may be considered vague.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by providing specific details. Instead of using general terms like "wonderful place," specify the destination or describe its unique features. This will add clarity and make the essay more compelling.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors. However, there are a few minor issues, such as "reliefs" instead of "relieves" and "habits of other people in this world," which could be refined for grammatical correctness.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to commonly misspelled words. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar check tools to catch and rectify minor errors.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of diversity, precision, and minor spelling adjustments. Expanding the lexical range, using more precise language, and ensuring meticulous spelling can elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably varied range of sentence structures. There is an appropriate mix of simple and complex sentences, contributing to overall coherence. For instance, the use of complex sentences in the second paragraph enhances the depth of the discussion. However, some improvement is needed in introducing more sophisticated structures such as conditional sentences or relative clauses to further diversify the writing.
    • How to improve: To elevate the grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures. Introduce conditional sentences or relative clauses to add depth to your arguments. For instance, instead of straightforward cause-and-effect sentences, experiment with sentences that present conditions or emphasize relationships between ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of minor errors, such as in the phrase "reliefs our stress," where the correct form should be "relieves our stress." Additionally, attention should be given to subject-verb agreement, as in "Travel also helps you communicate better," where the plural subject "Travel" should take the singular verb "helps."
    • How to improve: Pay closer attention to minor grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and word usage. Proofread your work to catch such errors before submission. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify these issues. Additionally, be mindful of punctuation rules to ensure correct usage throughout the essay.

This essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and sentence structures, contributing to a band score of 7. To further enhance your score, focus on incorporating more varied sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy. Proofreading and seeking feedback will play a crucial role in achieving these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

Thanks to advancements in transportation and communication in the contemporary era, the prevalence of individuals undertaking travels has significantly risen, along with its associated benefits. The accessibility of travel has increased significantly due to the emergence of budget airlines and online booking platforms, rendering captivating destinations reachable for the average traveler.

Venturing beyond one’s comfort zone and habitual routines fosters confidence and self-reflection, contributing to personal growth. Additionally, these experiences engender enduring memories. The advantages of traveling are manifold, enhancing our lives in myriad ways.

Travel alleviates our stress and facilitates relaxation. Immersing oneself in a new environment can divert the mind from concerns and facilitate relaxation. Travel also enhances communication skills by exposing individuals to diverse people and cultures, broadening perspectives, and deepening understanding of the world.

Tourists can explore splendid locations while acquiring advanced insights into the cultures and customs of diverse populations around the world. Owing to these factors, the trend of increased travel is not only understandable but also commendable, considering the numerous benefits it brings to individuals and society as a whole.

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