Today, TV channels show more men’s sports than women’s sports. Why is this the case? Should TV channels give equal time for women’s sport and men’s sport?

These days, there is a significant difference between men and women’s sports converage on television. I advocatee that should get just as much coverage as men, and will shed light on my reasons in the following essays.
The major factor leading television producers to prioritise men’s sport is the audience watching male athletes competing considerably outnumbers people watching shows of their female counterparts. More viewers mean more profits, advertising contracts and sponsorship investments for the TV channels broadcasting the shows. For example, about football in Viet Nam men’s sport match at the ASEAN games attracted millions of people both from different parts of Viet Nam, while the figure for women’s match was significantly lower. So that, giving men’s sport a higher priority is a wise strategy to earn large profits and attract more investment.
However, I would argue that TV overage should not be biased towards men’s sport and that female athletes should be given equal opportunies. If men’s sports progammes continue to receive significantly more coverage than the programmes of their opposite gender, it might increase gender inequality, which is one of the most serious issues in many parts of the world today. Another thing is that there has been a dramatic increase in the number of people who have in recent years, so that, television coverage should focus more on this area.
In conclusion, a wider audience watching men’s sports channel is the most important reason why TV producers provide more men’s shows than opposite gender, I am of the opinion that there should be a greater equality in coverage not only men but also women’s sport.

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Errors and Improvements:

"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "These days" is a colloquial expression that is too informal for academic writing. Replacing it with "currently" maintains the temporal reference while sounding more formal.
"advocatee" -> "advocate"
Explanation: "Advocatee" is not a correct term. "Advocate" is the appropriate word to indicate someone who supports a particular cause or viewpoint.
"converage" -> "coverage"
Explanation: "Converage" is a misspelling of "coverage." Correcting this error ensures accuracy in the text.
"will shed light on my reasons in the following essays" -> "will elucidate my reasons in the following paragraphs"
Explanation: "Shed light on" is somewhat informal. "Elucidate" is a more formal synonym that enhances the academic tone of the sentence. Additionally, "paragraphs" is more precise than "essays" in this context.
"leading television producers to prioritise" -> "leading television producers to prioritize"
Explanation: "Prioritise" should be spelled as "prioritize" in American English. Correcting spelling errors enhances the professionalism of the writing.
"their female counterparts" -> "their female counterparts’ matches"
Explanation: Adding "matches" clarifies the reference to female athletes’ sports events, making the sentence more precise.
"So that" -> "Thus"
Explanation: "So that" is used to indicate purpose, whereas "thus" is used to indicate a conclusion or consequence. "Thus" is more appropriate here to signal a logical conclusion.
"coverage should focus more on this area" -> "coverage should be more inclusive"
Explanation: "This area" is vague and does not clearly specify what aspect of coverage should be improved. "Be more inclusive" is a clearer and more concise way to express the idea of expanding coverage to include a broader range of content.
"the most important reason why TV producers provide more men’s shows than opposite gender" -> "a significant factor influencing the greater provision of men’s sports coverage by TV producers"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision and clarity. Revising it to specify "a significant factor influencing" and "greater provision of men’s sports coverage" enhances clarity and academic rigor.
"not only men but also women’s sport" -> "both men’s and women’s sports"
Explanation: Using "both" clarifies that coverage should be equal for both men’s and women’s sports. It also eliminates redundancy and simplifies the sentence structure.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by acknowledging the prevalence of men’s sports coverage on TV and discussing reasons behind it, such as audience size and profitability. It also presents the opinion that women’s sports should receive equal coverage.
- How to improve: While the essay does touch upon both parts of the question, it could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the implications of unequal coverage and potential solutions. Providing specific examples of how gender inequality manifests in sports coverage and offering concrete suggestions for achieving equality would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, advocating for equal coverage of women’s sports alongside men’s.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for emphasis. Additionally, strengthening the connection between the reasons presented and the argument for equality would reinforce the essay’s coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the factors influencing TV coverage of sports and supports them with examples, such as the audience size disparity between men’s and women’s sports events.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more in-depth analysis and elaboration on each idea presented. For instance, discussing the societal norms and historical factors contributing to the unequal representation of women’s sports on TV would enrich the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, focusing on the reasons behind the unequal coverage of men’s and women’s sports and advocating for equal opportunities.
- How to improve: To ensure complete relevance, the essay should avoid tangential points, such as the mention of the increase in the number of people in recent years, unless it directly contributes to the discussion on sports coverage.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments for equal coverage of men’s and women’s sports. To improve, it should offer more detailed analysis, explicitly state and reinforce its position, and maintain complete relevance to the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence. For example, the transition from discussing the audience size of men’s sports to advocating for equal opportunities for women’s sports could be smoother to enhance the logical progression of arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, with clear transitions between ideas. In this essay, it would be beneficial to elaborate more on the connection between audience size and gender equality in sports coverage, providing a seamless transition between discussing the audience disparity and advocating for equal opportunities for women’s sports.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, but there are areas where paragraph structure could be improved for better coherence and clarity. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear separation, leading to a lack of focus within the paragraph.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea or argument. Break down longer paragraphs into shorter ones to maintain clarity and coherence. For instance, the paragraph discussing the reasons for prioritizing men’s sports could be divided into separate paragraphs to address each reason individually, allowing for a more focused discussion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as transition words like "however" and "in conclusion." However, there is limited variety in the use of cohesive devices, which affects the overall cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay to strengthen the coherence and cohesion. Incorporate a range of transition words, pronouns, and cohesive phrases to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs. For example, using cohesive devices like "furthermore," "on the other hand," or "despite this" can help establish clearer relationships between ideas and improve the flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It includes some varied expressions such as "advocate," "prioritize," "coverage," "gender inequality," and "producers." However, there is a lack of sophistication in vocabulary selection, and some expressions are repetitive or vague, like "significant difference" and "serious issues."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim for more diverse and nuanced vocabulary. Instead of using common phrases like "significant difference," opt for more precise terms or synonyms. For instance, you could replace "serious issues" with specific examples like "gender disparities" or "inequities." Additionally, employing idiomatic expressions or domain-specific terminology related to sports and media could enrich your vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, such as in the phrase "gender inequality." However, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "advocatee" (advocate) and "coverage should not be biased towards men’s sport." The latter could be refined for clarity and specificity.
- How to improve: Ensure that vocabulary is used accurately and appropriately. Avoid misspellings like "advocatee" and ensure consistency in spelling and word choice. When discussing biases in sports coverage, specify what aspects of coverage should be addressed, whether it’s airtime, commentary, or portrayal. For instance, instead of "biased towards men’s sport," consider "biased in favor of men’s sports coverage."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally acceptable, with minor errors like "advocatee" instead of "advocate" and "progammes" instead of "programs." These errors slightly detract from the overall professionalism and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: Proofread your work carefully to catch spelling errors. Pay attention to commonly misspelled words and consider using spell-check tools or seeking feedback from peers to improve accuracy. Developing a habit of revising and editing your writing can significantly enhance spelling precision and overall presentation.

Overall, while your essay demonstrates a satisfactory command of vocabulary and spelling, there is room for improvement in both breadth and precision of language use. By incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, using terminology more precisely, and enhancing spelling accuracy, you can elevate the sophistication and effectiveness of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of structures. For instance, the essay predominantly employs simple sentences, which can make the writing feel monotonous and less engaging. There is a lack of complex sentence structures, such as sentences with subordinate clauses or relative clauses, which could enhance the depth and complexity of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate a variety of sentence types, including compound and complex sentences. This can be achieved by using conjunctions to connect independent clauses, such as "however," "although," or "while," and by incorporating subordinate clauses to provide additional information or clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, employing rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion can add sophistication to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout the text. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("there is a significant difference… converage"), article usage ("the audience watching male athletes competing considerably outnumbers people watching shows of their female counterparts"), and verb tense consistency ("I advocatee that should get just as much coverage as men"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases and inconsistent use of capitalization.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review and revise their work carefully, paying attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and verb tense consistency. Proofreading for punctuation errors, such as missing commas or incorrect capitalization, is essential. Utilizing grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also be beneficial in identifying and correcting errors. Additionally, practicing sentence structure variations can help reinforce grammatical concepts and improve overall writing proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, there is a significant difference in the coverage of men’s and women’s sports on television. I advocate that women’s sports should receive just as much coverage as men’s, and I will shed light on my reasons in the following essay.

The major factor leading television producers to prioritize men’s sports is the larger audience for male athletes compared to their female counterparts. More viewers mean more profits, advertising contracts, and sponsorship investments for the TV channels broadcasting the shows. For example, during the ASEAN games in Vietnam, men’s football matches attracted millions of viewers from different parts of the country, while the viewership for women’s matches was significantly lower. Therefore, prioritizing men’s sports is seen as a wise strategy to maximize profits and attract more investment.

However, I would argue that TV coverage should not be biased towards men’s sports, and female athletes should be given equal opportunities. If men’s sports programs continue to receive significantly more coverage than women’s programs, it might exacerbate gender inequality, which is one of the most serious issues in many parts of the world today. Additionally, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of people interested in women’s sports in recent years, so television coverage should reflect this trend.

In conclusion, while the larger audience for men’s sports is the primary reason why TV producers provide more coverage for them, I am of the opinion that there should be greater equality in coverage for both men’s and women’s sports.