Today‘s children are living under more pressure from the society than children in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? You must write at least 250 words.

Today‘s children are living under more pressure from the society than children in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
You must write at least 250 words.

Developmental era has accompanied people with prosperity compared to the past. On the other hands, due to the thriving weath, many mental problems like pressures have serious influences for children. There is no doubt that today's children are always living under terrible anxieties , but in the past children were also pummeled by negative tensions. This essay delves into my opinion on this controversial statement, and I strongly disagree with the judgment.

To begin with, each era obviously has instant challenges leading to unpredictable deprivation coupled with pressures on children. For instance, material deprivation along with the hardships from cruel war in the past caused children to have pressures on finding food and peace. Otherwise, with the development of technology and prosperous society in current , it leads to plentifully terrible mental pressure such as peer pressure, extremely serious psychological problems. Therefore, tensions were obviously incomparable in both eras.

Infact, anxiety will sometimes have a significant impact on the child, depending on the child's response to that pressure. Both in the past and present, pressure sometimes make children have more inspirations and positive passions for the serious problems they face, and vice versa. For example, if children consider peer pressure as a great fulcrum to develop their thinking ability and talent, it perfectly leads to motivations for their development. Even worries about peace in the past will also be an self-motivated for children to have more energy to overcome those hardships. Instead of assuming that children in the present have more anxiety, teaching and orienting children's acceptance and perception plays an crucial role for their future.

In conclusion, The pressure of not being able to compare impactingly causes inappropriate controversies. Therefore, developing ways for kids to deal with pressure will help they have more positive and intelligent perceptions in the future.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Developmental era" -> "The era of development"
Explanation: "Developmental era" is an awkward construction. "The era of development" is a clearer and more concise alternative that maintains formality.
"On the other hands" -> "On the other hand"
Explanation: "On the other hands" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "hand" in singular form.
"thriving weath" -> "thriving wealth"
Explanation: "Weath" is misspelled; it should be "wealth," which accurately reflects the context of prosperity.
"terrible anxieties" -> "significant anxieties"
Explanation: "Terrible" is overly dramatic in this context. "Significant" is a more precise and suitable term for academic writing.
"pummeled by negative tensions" -> "affected by negative pressures"
Explanation: "Pummeled" is colloquial and too strong for this context. "Affected by negative pressures" is more formal and appropriate.
"delves into my opinion" -> "explores my perspective"
Explanation: "Delves into" is informal. "Explores" is a more formal and suitable verb for academic writing.
"instant challenges" -> "immediate challenges"
Explanation: "Instant" is less formal; "immediate" is a more precise and academic alternative.
"unpredictable deprivation" -> "unforeseen deprivation"
Explanation: "Unpredictable" is slightly informal. "Unforeseen" is a more formal and precise term for academic writing.
"plentifully terrible mental pressure" -> "considerable mental pressure"
Explanation: "Plentifully terrible" is awkward and overly colloquial. "Considerable" is more concise and appropriate.
"Infact" -> "In fact"
Explanation: "Infact" is a misspelling. "In fact" is the correct phrase to use to introduce a contrasting point.
"self-motivated" -> "self-motivation"
Explanation: "Self-motivated" is an adjective, while "self-motivation" is the noun form required in this context.
"crucial role" -> "critical role"
Explanation: "Crucial" is slightly informal; "critical" is a more formal and precise term in academic writing.
"The pressure of not being able to compare impactingly causes inappropriate controversies." -> "Comparing pressures can lead to inappropriate controversies."
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and awkwardly phrased. The suggested revision clarifies the statement and improves readability.
"help they have" -> "help them have"
Explanation: "Help they have" is grammatically incorrect. "Help them have" is the correct form.
"positive and intelligent perceptions" -> "positive and informed perceptions"
Explanation: "Intelligent" might imply a level of intellectual superiority that isn’t necessarily relevant here. "Informed" is a more neutral term, fitting better in an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the pressures faced by children in both the past and present. It acknowledges the existence of pressures in both eras but ultimately argues against the assertion that today’s children face more pressure. However, the explanation lacks depth and coherence. While the essay briefly mentions pressures from material deprivation and war in the past, it primarily focuses on contemporary issues such as peer pressure and psychological problems without thoroughly comparing them to historical pressures.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a more balanced analysis of the pressures faced by children in the past and present. It should offer specific examples and evidence from both eras to support its arguments. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a clearer structure that systematically addresses each aspect of the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position throughout, clearly stating its disagreement with the idea that today’s children face more pressure than those in the past. However, the clarity of the position is hindered by the lack of coherent argumentation and organization. The essay jumps between discussing historical and contemporary pressures without effectively linking them or providing a cohesive argument.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the essay should develop a well-defined thesis statement that clearly outlines its stance on the prompt. Additionally, each paragraph should contribute to supporting and elaborating upon this position, maintaining a logical progression of ideas.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks sufficient elaboration and support. While it mentions various pressures faced by children, such as peer pressure and psychological problems, it fails to provide detailed examples or analysis to extend these ideas. Additionally, the essay lacks coherence in linking its ideas together, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide specific examples, evidence, and analysis to support its arguments. Each idea should be thoroughly developed and connected to the overall argument of the essay. Clear transitions between paragraphs and cohesive organization will help improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially stays on topic by addressing the issue of pressure faced by children, as prompted. However, it deviates at times by discussing broader concepts such as societal development and the role of teaching in shaping children’s perceptions. While these tangential discussions may offer some relevance to the main topic, they detract from the clarity and focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To stay more focused on the topic, the essay should limit its discussion to directly relevant points related to the pressures faced by children in different eras. Tangential discussions should be either omitted or more effectively integrated into the main argument to ensure coherence and relevance. Additionally, maintaining a clear thesis statement will help anchor the essay’s focus on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a logical argument, but the organization is hindered by several issues. The introduction sets up the argument, stating the author’s disagreement with the prompt, but it lacks clarity and conciseness. The body paragraphs attempt to provide examples from both the past and present, but the transition between them is abrupt, making it challenging for the reader to follow the flow of ideas. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the author’s stance but fails to summarize the main points effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the author should focus on creating a clear and cohesive structure. This can be achieved by improving the introduction to provide a concise thesis statement outlining the main arguments. Each body paragraph should focus on a specific example or aspect of the argument, with clear topic sentences and smooth transitions between ideas. Finally, the conclusion should summarize the main points of the essay and reiterate the author’s stance in a succinct manner.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure and effectiveness of these paragraphs are inconsistent. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, but some paragraphs in the essay cover multiple points without clear transitions. Additionally, the lack of topic sentences in some paragraphs makes it difficult for the reader to understand the main point of each paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure and effectiveness, the author should ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea related to the overall argument. Clear topic sentences should be provided at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Transition sentences should also be used to connect ideas between paragraphs and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes limited use of cohesive devices, resulting in a lack of cohesion and coherence. While some cohesive devices such as conjunctions and transition words are used sporadically, their effectiveness is undermined by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Additionally, there is a lack of variety in cohesive devices, leading to repetitive and disjointed writing.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, the author should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately throughout the essay. This includes conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore," "for instance"), transition words (e.g., "moreover," "in addition," "consequently"), and referencing words (e.g., "this," "these," "such"). Using cohesive devices effectively will help to connect ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, the author should pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "prosperity," "thriving wealth," "anxieties," "deprivation," "peer pressure," "inspirations," and "self-motivated." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more diverse and nuanced to enhance the expression and clarity of ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "pressure," the essay could explore synonyms such as "stress," "strain," or "burden" to avoid repetition and enrich the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve the lexical range, the writer should actively seek out synonyms and related terms for commonly used words. Thesauruses and vocabulary expansion exercises can be valuable tools for discovering new vocabulary. Additionally, incorporating idiomatic expressions, phrasal verbs, and domain-specific terminology related to the essay topic can enhance lexical variety and sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some imprecise vocabulary usage that detracts from clarity and precision. For instance, phrases like "thriving weath" (wealth) and "plentifully terrible mental pressure" could be revised for accuracy and clarity. Precise vocabulary usage ensures that the intended meaning is conveyed effectively without ambiguity or confusion.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary precision, it’s essential to carefully select words that accurately convey the intended meaning. Writers should consult dictionaries and thesauruses to ensure that the chosen vocabulary aligns with the intended message. Additionally, proofreading and revising drafts can help identify and correct any imprecise or ambiguous word choices.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "weath" instead of "wealth," "infact" instead of "in fact," and "impactingly" instead of "impartially" or another suitable term. These errors detract from the overall professionalism and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: Improving spelling accuracy requires consistent practice and attention to detail. Writers should utilize spell-checking tools and proofread their work thoroughly before submission to catch and correct any spelling errors. Additionally, focusing on common spelling patterns and practicing spelling words in context can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an adequate level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively expanding their vocabulary, selecting precise terminology, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can enhance the clarity, sophistication, and overall effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication. The essay predominantly employs simple and compound sentences, with occasional complex structures. For instance, "Today’s children are always living under terrible anxieties" (simple sentence), "This essay delves into my opinion on this controversial statement" (complex sentence), and "For example, if children consider peer pressure as a great fulcrum to develop their thinking ability and talent, it perfectly leads to motivations for their development" (compound-complex sentence).
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex and compound-complex sentences. Introduce clauses, phrases, and conjunctions to add depth and nuance to your writing. Additionally, vary sentence lengths to create rhythm and flow in your essay. Utilize techniques such as appositives, participial phrases, and parallel structure to diversify your sentence structures further.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays several grammatical errors and inconsistencies throughout its entirety. For example, "Developmental era has accompanied people with prosperity compared to the past" (incorrect tense agreement), "On the other hands" (should be "hand" for singular), "wealth" instead of "weath," "pummeled by negative tensions" (awkward phrasing), "This essay delves into my opinion on this controversial statement" (awkward phrasing), and "Infact" (should be "In fact"). Punctuation errors include missing commas, such as after introductory phrases ("For instance") and before coordinating conjunctions in compound sentences ("but," "and"). Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement and word choice, impacting the clarity and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Firstly, carefully proofread your essay to identify and correct grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and word choice. Pay attention to punctuation rules, ensuring proper placement of commas, periods, and other punctuation marks. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to enhance accuracy. Moreover, review grammar resources and practice constructing grammatically sound sentences to strengthen your proficiency in this area. Finally, strive for clarity and precision in your writing by choosing words and phrases that effectively convey your intended meaning.

Bài sửa mẫu

The era of development has brought prosperity compared to the past. However, this prosperity has also led to increased mental health issues such as pressures for children. While it is true that today’s children face significant anxieties, it is important to note that children in the past were also affected by negative pressures. This essay explores my perspective on this issue, and I strongly disagree with the statement.

To begin with, each era has its own set of challenges that can lead to unforeseen deprivation and pressures on children. For example, in the past, material deprivation and the hardships of war caused children to face pressures related to finding food and peace. Conversely, in the present, the development of technology and prosperous societies has led to mental pressures such as peer pressure and serious psychological issues. Therefore, it is clear that pressures on children were present in both eras, albeit in different forms.

In fact, the impact of anxiety on a child depends largely on their response to that pressure. Both in the past and present, pressure has sometimes served as a catalyst for children to develop positive passions and motivations for addressing serious problems. For instance, if children view peer pressure as an opportunity to develop their thinking abilities and talents, it can motivate them to strive for personal growth. Similarly, concerns about peace in the past could also serve as a self-motivating factor for children to overcome hardships.

In conclusion, comparing pressures from different eras can lead to inappropriate controversies. Instead of assuming that children today experience more anxiety, it is crucial to focus on teaching and guiding children to accept and perceive challenges positively. This plays a critical role in shaping their future perceptions and responses to pressure.