fbpx

Too many young people and too many old people do not exercise enough. What is causing this ? What can be done to change this ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

Too many young people and too many old people do not exercise enough.

What is causing this ? What can be done to change this ?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

Effective health management has become a subject of concern for individuals regardless of age over the last few years. Therefore, there is a common phenomenon that a large number of teenagers and elderly do not spend sufficient time on working out. This essay aims to identify significant causes of this phenomenon before suggesting viable solutions.
There are various compelling reasons to explain why today's people do not exercise enough. Firstly, in the contemporary society, people are not good at effectively managing their time as education now tend to provide theoretical knowledge and hands-on experience related to some other important sectors. As a result, despite juggling profession requirements with personal issues, these citizens cannot efficiently control their schedule, which sometimes leads to a lack of time spent for workout. For example, Vietnamese students are provided with various assignments and the lack of required skills makes them may not complete these homework promptly, which result in the insufficient time for exercises. Secondly, it is a procrastination that commonly delays working out tasks. Moreover, youths and elderly nowadays are more likely to be lazy due to technological devices. Smartphones, for example, often make people devote their time to concentrating on the Internet and do not exercise.
In addition, in order to solve these problems, several approaches must be implemented strictly under supervision. Initially, authorities should carry out numerous educational programs providing time-managament skill for citizens. Therefore, individuals, especially adolescents, with suitable skills can control their schedule appropriately and will have enough time for exercises. For instance, some primary schools in developed countries tend to arm children with useful techniques which assist them managing their time instead of maths theories. Additionally, governments should also construct numerous sports facilities in order to encourage their citizens to spend more time on playing sports. Some stadiums, for instance, have encouraged a large number of old people to engage in football matches, which lead to improvements in player's physical health.
In conclusion, lack of essential skills and procrastination are two main causes of not exercising enough in young and old people. In order to solve this phenomenon, authorities should implement numerous educational courses and facilities which can encourage individuals to take part in sports activities.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Effective health management" -> "Effective health management strategies"
    Explanation: Adding "strategies" specifies the type of management, enhancing the precision and formality of the phrase.

  2. "a large number of teenagers and elderly" -> "a significant proportion of teenagers and the elderly"
    Explanation: "A significant proportion" is more precise and formal than "a large number," and "the elderly" is the correct term to use when referring to older adults in formal writing.

  3. "do not spend sufficient time on working out" -> "do not allocate sufficient time to exercise"
    Explanation: "Allocate" is more formal and precise than "spend," and "exercise" is a more academic term than "working out," which is colloquial.

  4. "people are not good at effectively managing their time" -> "individuals struggle to effectively manage their time"
    Explanation: "Struggle" is a more precise and formal way to describe the difficulty in managing time, and "individuals" is preferred over "people" in academic contexts for subject specificity.

  5. "now tend to provide" -> "currently tend to provide"
    Explanation: "Currently" is more formal and precise than "now" in academic writing, enhancing the temporal specificity.

  6. "hands-on experience related to some other important sectors" -> "practical experience in various other sectors"
    Explanation: "Practical experience" is more specific and formal than "hands-on experience," and "various other sectors" is more precise than "some other important sectors," which is vague.

  7. "cannot efficiently control their schedule" -> "are unable to efficiently manage their schedules"
    Explanation: "Are unable to" is a more formal expression than "cannot," and "manage their schedules" is more precise than "control their schedule," which is singular.

  8. "makes them may not complete" -> "may prevent them from completing"
    Explanation: "May prevent them from completing" is grammatically correct and more formal than "makes them may not complete," which is awkward and incorrect.

  9. "the lack of required skills makes them may not complete" -> "the lack of necessary skills may prevent them from completing"
    Explanation: "Necessary skills" is more specific than "required skills," and "may prevent them from completing" is grammatically correct and formal.

  10. "do not exercise" -> "do not engage in exercise"
    Explanation: "Engage in exercise" is a more formal and precise way to describe the act of exercising.

  11. "Smartphones, for example, often make people devote their time to concentrating on the Internet" -> "Smartphones, for instance, frequently lead individuals to devote their time to the Internet"
    Explanation: "Frequently" is more formal than "often," and "lead individuals to devote" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact of smartphones.

  12. "carry out numerous educational programs providing time-managament skill" -> "implement numerous educational programs that provide time management skills"
    Explanation: "Implement" is more formal than "carry out," and "time management skills" is the correct phrase, not "time-managament skill," which is a typographical error and grammatically incorrect.

  13. "arm children with useful techniques" -> "equip children with useful techniques"
    Explanation: "Equip" is a more formal and precise verb than "arm," which is typically used in a different context.

  14. "construct numerous sports facilities" -> "establish numerous sports facilities"
    Explanation: "Establish" is a more formal and precise term than "construct" in this context, indicating the creation of facilities.

  15. "encourage their citizens to spend more time on playing sports" -> "encourage citizens to engage in more sports"
    Explanation: "Engage in more sports" is a more concise and formal way to express the encouragement to participate in sports activities.

  16. "improvements in player’s physical health" -> "improvements in players’ physical health"
    Explanation: "Players’" is the correct possessive form for the plural noun "players," and "players’ physical health" is grammatically correct and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: it identifies causes for the lack of exercise among young and old individuals and proposes solutions. The first paragraph outlines the issue, while the subsequent sections delve into specific reasons such as poor time management and procrastination, followed by solutions like educational programs and improved sports facilities. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the causes and the proposed solutions, particularly in how these solutions directly address the identified issues.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each proposed solution is clearly linked to the corresponding cause. For instance, when discussing time management, it would be beneficial to elaborate on how educational programs can specifically help individuals prioritize exercise within their schedules.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the causes and solutions to the problem of insufficient exercise. The introduction sets the stage effectively, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points. However, there are moments where the clarity of the position could be strengthened, particularly in the transitions between ideas, which can sometimes feel abrupt.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, explicitly stating how each cause leads to the proposed solution can help reinforce the overall position and make the essay flow more logically.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas regarding the causes of insufficient exercise and offers relevant examples, such as the situation of Vietnamese students and the impact of technology. However, some ideas could be further developed. For instance, the mention of procrastination could be expanded with more specific examples or statistics to illustrate its prevalence and impact on exercise habits.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or evidence for each point made. This could include citing studies or statistics that highlight the effects of technology on exercise habits or elaborating on successful educational programs that have improved time management skills.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes and solutions related to exercise among young and old people. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the phrase "the lack of required skills makes them may not complete these homework promptly" is somewhat convoluted and could distract from the main argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the main argument. Simplifying complex sentences and avoiding unnecessary jargon can help keep the reader’s attention on the core message. Additionally, ensuring that all examples directly relate to the topic of exercise will enhance coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a well-structured argument. By refining the connections between causes and solutions, enhancing the clarity of the position, providing more detailed support for ideas, and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes, and a conclusion summarizing the points made. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the focus on causes and solutions. However, the logical flow within the body paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing time management issues to procrastination feels abrupt. The reader may benefit from a clearer connection between these ideas, as both relate to personal responsibility but are presented separately without a linking sentence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, after discussing time management, you could introduce procrastination with a phrase like, "In addition to poor time management, another significant factor contributing to the lack of exercise is procrastination." This would help create a more cohesive narrative.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the division between causes and solutions is well-defined. However, the second body paragraph could be split into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on procrastination and another on the influence of technology. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve readability.
    • How to improve: When introducing a new idea or a significant aspect of a topic, consider starting a new paragraph. For instance, after discussing procrastination, a new paragraph could begin with the sentence, "Moreover, the rise of technology has also contributed to decreased physical activity." This technique not only enhances clarity but also emphasizes the importance of each point.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In addition." These devices help guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a limited variety of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For example, the phrase "for example" is used multiple times without variation, which can detract from the overall sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "for example," you could use "for instance," "such as," or "to illustrate." Additionally, incorporating linking words like "however," "furthermore," or "consequently" can enhance the connections between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "effective health management," "procrastination," and "educational programs." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "not exercise enough" and "lack of time." This limits the overall lexical variety and richness of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "not exercise enough," alternatives like "insufficient physical activity" or "lack of regular exercise" could be used. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to health and fitness could elevate the essay’s quality.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "theoretical knowledge and hands-on experience related to some other important sectors" is vague and could be more specific about which sectors are being referred to. Additionally, "the lack of required skills makes them may not complete these homework promptly" is awkwardly phrased and lacks clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim for clarity and specificity in their word choices. For example, instead of saying "some other important sectors," the writer could specify "practical skills necessary for future employment." Furthermore, revising awkward phrases for grammatical correctness and clarity, such as changing "makes them may not complete" to "may hinder their ability to complete," would enhance precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "time-managament" (should be "time-management") and "lead to improvements in player’s physical health" (should be "players’ physical health"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Focusing on spelling in context, especially for terms related to the essay’s topic, will also aid in reducing mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, focusing on expanding vocabulary, improving precision, and enhancing spelling accuracy will help achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases such as "effective health management has become a subject of concern for individuals regardless of age" and "there are various compelling reasons to explain why today’s people do not exercise enough" showcase the writer’s ability to construct more intricate sentences. However, the essay occasionally relies on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the second paragraph, where the structure "people are not good at…" is repeated. This can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "people are," the writer could use participial phrases or adverbial clauses, such as "Given the demands of modern life, many individuals struggle to find time for exercise." Additionally, using more conditional sentences or rhetorical questions could further diversify the sentence structures.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "education now tend to provide" should be "education now tends to provide" to agree with the singular subject "education." Additionally, the construction "the lack of required skills makes them may not complete" is awkward and incorrect; it should be revised to "the lack of required skills may prevent them from completing." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could improve clarity, such as before "which sometimes leads to a lack of time spent for workout."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that verb forms are used correctly. Regular practice with grammar exercises targeting common errors can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and clarity can help; for instance, breaking down longer sentences into shorter ones can enhance readability. Using tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting mistakes before final submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

Effective health management has become a subject of concern for individuals regardless of age over the last few years. Therefore, there is a common phenomenon that a significant proportion of teenagers and the elderly do not allocate sufficient time to exercise. This essay aims to identify significant causes of this phenomenon before suggesting viable solutions.

There are various compelling reasons to explain why today’s people do not exercise enough. Firstly, in contemporary society, people are not good at effectively managing their time, as education currently tends to provide theoretical knowledge and practical experience in various other sectors. As a result, despite juggling professional requirements with personal issues, these citizens are unable to efficiently manage their schedules, which sometimes leads to a lack of time spent on workouts. For example, Vietnamese students are provided with various assignments, and the lack of necessary skills may prevent them from completing this homework promptly, which results in insufficient time for exercise. Secondly, procrastination commonly delays workout tasks. Moreover, youths and the elderly nowadays are more likely to be lazy due to technological devices. Smartphones, for instance, frequently lead individuals to devote their time to the Internet and do not engage in exercise.

In addition, in order to solve these problems, several approaches must be implemented strictly under supervision. Initially, authorities should carry out numerous educational programs that provide time management skills for citizens. Therefore, individuals, especially adolescents, equipped with suitable skills can control their schedules appropriately and will have enough time for exercise. For instance, some primary schools in developed countries tend to arm children with useful techniques that assist them in managing their time instead of focusing solely on math theories. Additionally, governments should also establish numerous sports facilities to encourage their citizens to engage in more sports. Some stadiums, for example, have encouraged a large number of elderly people to participate in football matches, which leads to improvements in players’ physical health.

In conclusion, the lack of essential skills and procrastination are two main causes of not exercising enough among young and old people. To address this phenomenon, authorities should implement numerous educational courses and facilities that can encourage individuals to take part in sports activities.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này