Topic: Some people think that people who chose a job early and keep doing are more likely to get satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals are on the opinion that chosing a job earlier and keep doing are more likely to get a suitable job than some people who frequently change their job. Personally, I total agree with this point of view, in this essay, I will explain my perspective.
There are several benefits of selecting a job early and remaining in it. First, who do it are likely to have more chance to get used to the workplace or the environment they are working. Another advantage is they may have the chance to advance in their career and may get on well with their co-workers. Additionally, they will be able to gain their valuable experience in their job.
On the other hand, those who frequently change their jobs may gain other drawbacks. They may first have benefits from the variety and challenges that comes with new roles. This can help them have more motivation, as they will be constanly learning new skills and gain their experiences.
In conclusion, although some people who choose their career many times may have beneficial. Those who selecting their job and keep doing this may also have chance to stability and security. It’s up to the individuals to decide which is suitable for them

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals are on the opinion" -> "Some individuals hold the opinion"
Explanation: "Hold the opinion" is a more precise and formal expression than "are on the opinion," which is grammatically incorrect and awkward in this context.
"choosing a job earlier and keep doing are more likely" -> "choosing a job earlier and remaining in it are more likely"
Explanation: The phrase "keep doing" is informal and vague. "Remaining in it" is more specific and formal, improving the clarity and formality of the sentence.
"Personally, I total agree" -> "I strongly agree"
Explanation: "Total agree" is not a standard phrase in English. "Strongly agree" is a more appropriate and formal way to express strong agreement in academic writing.
"in this essay, I will explain my perspective" -> "in this essay, I will elucidate my perspective"
Explanation: "Elucidate" is a more formal and precise verb than "explain," which is somewhat basic and common in academic writing.
"who do it are likely" -> "who do so are likely"
Explanation: "Who do it" is grammatically incorrect. "Who do so" is the correct form, improving the grammatical accuracy of the sentence.
"have more chance to get used to" -> "have a greater opportunity to become accustomed to"
Explanation: "Have a greater opportunity to become accustomed to" is more formal and precise than "have more chance to get used to," which is colloquial and vague.
"may have the chance to advance" -> "may have the opportunity to advance"
Explanation: "Opportunity" is more formal and specific than "chance" in this context, aligning better with academic style.
"may get on well with their co-workers" -> "may develop strong relationships with their colleagues"
Explanation: "Get on well" is informal and vague. "Develop strong relationships" is more specific and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"will be able to gain their valuable experience" -> "will gain valuable experience"
Explanation: "Their" is incorrectly used here; "gain" should be used as a verb, not a possessive form.
"those who frequently change their jobs may gain other drawbacks" -> "those who frequently change jobs may encounter additional drawbacks"
Explanation: "Encounter" is more precise and formal than "gain," which is less specific in this context.
"They may first have benefits from the variety and challenges that comes with new roles" -> "They may initially benefit from the variety and challenges that come with new roles"
Explanation: "Initially benefit" is grammatically correct and more formal than "first have benefits," and "come" is the correct form of the verb in this context.
"constanly learning" -> "constantly learning"
Explanation: "Constanly" is a typographical error; "constantly" is the correct spelling.
"choosing their career many times" -> "choosing their career multiple times"
Explanation: "Multiple times" is a more precise and formal way to express repetition than "many times."
"selecting their job and keep doing this" -> "selecting their job and remaining in it"
Explanation: "Keep doing this" is informal and vague. "Remaining in it" is more specific and formal, improving the academic tone.
"may also have chance to stability and security" -> "may also have the chance for stability and security"
Explanation: "Have chance to" is grammatically incorrect. "Have the chance for" is the correct phrasing, and "stability and security" should be separated by commas for proper punctuation.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding job stability versus job change. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the topic. The introduction states a personal agreement with the idea that early job selection leads to a satisfying career, but this position is not consistently supported throughout the essay. The discussion of the drawbacks of frequently changing jobs is quite superficial and does not adequately present a balanced view of the issue. The conclusion also fails to clearly restate the writer’s position, which diminishes the overall response to the prompt.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that all parts of the question are addressed with equal depth. The writer should provide more specific examples and explanations for both sides of the argument. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the main points and clearly restate the writer’s stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay begins with a clear indication of the writer’s agreement with the notion that choosing a job early is beneficial. However, the position becomes muddled in the body paragraphs, particularly when discussing the advantages of job change. Phrases like "may have beneficial" in the conclusion create ambiguity about the writer’s stance, which detracts from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently reinforce their viewpoint throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using clear topic sentences that outline the main argument of each paragraph and by avoiding ambiguous language. A strong conclusion should reiterate the main argument without introducing new ideas.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding job stability and job change, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. For instance, the benefits of staying in a job are mentioned, but they lack concrete examples or elaboration. The discussion on the drawbacks of changing jobs is also vague and does not effectively counterbalance the initial argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples and explanations. For instance, discussing how long-term employees might develop deeper relationships with colleagues or how they can gain promotions would strengthen the argument. Similarly, providing examples of how job changers might gain diverse skills or experiences would create a more balanced view.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, but there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of the benefits of job change. The phrase "they may first have benefits from the variety and challenges that comes with new roles" introduces a point that is not sufficiently tied back to the main argument about career satisfaction, leading to a lack of coherence.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central argument of the essay. This can be achieved by clearly linking back to the prompt in each paragraph and ensuring that all examples and explanations serve to support the main thesis.

Overall, the essay needs to be more comprehensive in addressing the prompt, maintain a clear and consistent position, and provide well-supported ideas to achieve a higher band score. Additionally, attention to grammar and vocabulary would also contribute to a more polished final product.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of choosing a job early and remaining in it, which is a strong organizational choice. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are structured to present the advantages of staying in one job first, followed by the counterargument of job switching. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" introduces the second body paragraph, but the connection to the previous paragraph could be more explicitly stated to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve the logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits of staying in one job, you could add a sentence that acknowledges the potential benefits of changing jobs before introducing the counterargument. This would create a more cohesive argument and guide the reader through your thought process.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the advantages of job stability, while the second addresses the potential benefits of job changes. However, the conclusion lacks a clear summary of the arguments presented, which could strengthen the overall structure. Additionally, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Staying in one job offers several advantages that contribute to career satisfaction." Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the key points made in the essay and restate your position more clearly, reinforcing the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "another advantage," and "on the other hand," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made clearer. For example, the phrase "this can help them have more motivation" lacks a clear connection to the previous sentence about job variety, which may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "therefore." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used in a way that clearly connects the ideas. For example, you could revise the sentence about motivation to explicitly link it to the benefits of job variety by saying, "Furthermore, the variety and challenges that come with new roles can enhance motivation, as individuals constantly learn new skills."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will contribute to achieving an even higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication. For example, phrases like "suitable job" and "valuable experience" are somewhat basic and could be enhanced with more nuanced vocabulary. The use of "benefits" and "drawbacks" is appropriate, but the essay could benefit from synonyms or more specific terms to convey the ideas more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and more descriptive language. For instance, instead of "suitable job," you could use "fulfilling career" or "ideal position." Additionally, using phrases like "professional development" instead of "advancing in their career" could add depth to the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, "chosing a job earlier and keep doing" is awkward and unclear. The phrase "who do it" lacks a clear subject and could confuse readers. Furthermore, "may have the chance to advance in their career" could be more directly stated as "are more likely to achieve career advancement."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in vocabulary. Ensure that subjects and verbs agree and that phrases are structured correctly. For example, revise "chosing a job earlier and keep doing" to "choosing a job early and remaining in it." Additionally, practice using vocabulary in context to ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed accurately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "chosing" (should be "choosing"), "total" (should be "totally"), and "constanly" (should be "constantly"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay with fresh eyes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch errors before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises and reading can also enhance spelling skills over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the overall quality of the writing can be enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For instance, phrases like "Some individuals are on the opinion that chosing a job earlier and keep doing are more likely to get a suitable job" rely heavily on straightforward constructions. The use of relative clauses or more complex sentence forms is minimal, which restricts the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "they may have the chance to advance in their career," the writer could say, "by remaining in the same job, individuals may have the opportunity to advance in their careers, which can lead to greater job satisfaction." Practicing the use of different conjunctions and relative clauses can also help diversify sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity and coherence. For example, "chosing" should be "choosing," and "keep doing" should be "keeping." Additionally, the phrase "who do it are likely" is awkward and should be rephrased for clarity. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "the variety and challenges that comes with new roles," where "comes" should be "come." Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly in the use of commas, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as verb forms and subject-verb agreement. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify mistakes. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, breaking long sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help avoid run-ons and improve readability.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument, enhancing the range of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice and revision are key strategies for achieving these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals hold the opinion that choosing a job earlier and remaining in it are more likely to lead to a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. Personally, I strongly agree with this point of view; in this essay, I will elucidate my perspective.

There are several benefits to selecting a job early and staying in it. First, those who do so are likely to have a greater opportunity to become accustomed to the workplace or the environment they are working in. Another advantage is that they may have the opportunity to advance in their career and may develop strong relationships with their colleagues. Additionally, they will gain valuable experience in their job.

On the other hand, those who frequently change their jobs may encounter additional drawbacks. They may initially benefit from the variety and challenges that come with new roles. This can help them have more motivation, as they will be constantly learning new skills and gaining experience.

In conclusion, although some people who choose their career multiple times may find it beneficial, those who select their job and remain in it may also have the chance for stability and security. It’s up to individuals to decide which option is suitable for them.