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Topic: Uniforms should be compulsory at school. Task: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Topic: Uniforms should be compulsory at school.
Task: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people opine that school uniforms should be made mandatory.This essay completely with this statement,and the reason are analyzed in this essay

The first argument given to support my opinion that inequality between all students is removed. This is because when students wear the same clothes , meaning there is no difference between them. For example, if uniform is banned from school, there will be conflicts between the students who wear fashionable clothes and one who wear old clothes like envy, bullying, and so on. As a result , the potenial of bullying or the pressure of gap between rich and poor gradually grow wider.

It could be argue that uniform should be banned from school, which allow students to wear what they like. Because it can help students be more creative , also it is suitable for each students’ family circumstances that can’t afford uniform. This point has some merit on the surface. However , it should be noted that it can make students less focus on studying. Because of wearing freely, students may only care about their school status, which gradually make the priority become owning the latest styles and fashion trends. As a result , can lead to gaps in learning of kids. Besides that, instead of buying new uniforms , parents can handle this problem by buying, receiving second-hand uniforms.

In conclusion, it seems to me that uniforms is essential and needs to be made mandatory in education facilities.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Many people opine" -> "Many individuals believe"
    Explanation: "Opine" is somewhat formal but can be replaced with "believe" for a more straightforward and academically appropriate expression.

  2. "This essay completely with this statement" -> "This essay supports this statement"
    Explanation: "Completely with" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Supports" is the correct verb to indicate agreement with an opinion or statement in academic writing.

  3. "the reason are analyzed" -> "the reasons are analyzed"
    Explanation: "Reason" should be plural to match the plural verb "are," ensuring grammatical correctness and clarity.

  4. "inequality between all students is removed" -> "inequality among students is eliminated"
    Explanation: "Among" is more precise than "between" in this context, and "eliminated" is a stronger, more formal term than "removed."

  5. "when students wear the same clothes" -> "when students wear identical attire"
    Explanation: "Identical attire" is more specific and formal than "the same clothes," enhancing the academic tone.

  6. "meaning there is no difference between them" -> "resulting in no differences among them"
    Explanation: "Resulting in" is more precise and formal than "meaning," and "among them" is grammatically correct.

  7. "there will be conflicts" -> "conflicts will arise"
    Explanation: "Will arise" is a more formal and precise way to indicate the emergence of conflicts.

  8. "one who wear old clothes" -> "those who wear old clothes"
    Explanation: "Those" is the correct pronoun to use when referring to a previously mentioned group, and "wear" should be "wear" for grammatical agreement.

  9. "the potenial of bullying" -> "the potential for bullying"
    Explanation: "Potential" should be "potential for" to correctly phrase the concept of likelihood or possibility.

  10. "the pressure of gap" -> "the pressure of the gap"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "gap" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the reference.

  11. "It could be argue" -> "It could be argued"
    Explanation: "Argued" is the correct form of the verb to use in this context, indicating that the point is being made or discussed.

  12. "which allow students to wear what they like" -> "which permits students to wear what they prefer"
    Explanation: "Permits" is more formal than "allow," and "prefer" is more precise than "like" in an academic context.

  13. "Because it can help students be more creative" -> "Because it enables students to be more creative"
    Explanation: "Enables" is a more formal and precise verb than "can help," and "to be" is grammatically correct.

  14. "also it is suitable for each students’ family circumstances" -> "it is also suitable for each student’s family circumstances"
    Explanation: "Each students’" should be "each student’s" for grammatical correctness and clarity.

  15. "can’t afford uniform" -> "cannot afford uniforms"
    Explanation: "Cannot" is more formal than "can’t," and "uniforms" should be plural to match the context.

  16. "Because of wearing freely" -> "Because of the freedom to wear"
    Explanation: "The freedom to wear" is a more formal and precise phrase than "wearing freely."

  17. "which gradually make the priority become owning the latest styles and fashion trends" -> "which gradually makes the priority shift to owning the latest styles and fashion trends"
    Explanation: "Makes" should be "makes" for subject-verb agreement, and "shift to" is a more precise expression than "become."

  18. "can lead to gaps in learning of kids" -> "can lead to gaps in the learning of children"
    Explanation: "Children" is more formal than "kids," and "the learning of" is grammatically correct.

  19. "instead of buying new uniforms, parents can handle this problem by buying, receiving second-hand uniforms" -> "instead of purchasing new uniforms, parents can address this issue by acquiring second-hand uniforms"
    Explanation: "Purchasing" and "acquiring" are more formal than "buying," and "address" is a more precise verb than "handle" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear opinion that uniforms should be compulsory in schools. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the idea. The essay briefly mentions opposing views but does not adequately analyze or counter them, which is essential for a balanced response. For instance, the mention of creativity and family circumstances is acknowledged but not sufficiently developed or discussed in relation to the main argument.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly state the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt. The author could include a more detailed discussion of the opposing viewpoint, providing specific examples and counterarguments to strengthen their position. This could involve dedicating a paragraph to discussing the benefits of allowing personal expression through clothing while still emphasizing why uniforms are ultimately more beneficial.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay begins with a clear position in favor of school uniforms, but the clarity wavers in the second body paragraph. The author introduces an opposing argument but does not maintain a consistent stance throughout. Phrases like "it could be argued" introduce ambiguity, which detracts from the overall clarity of the position.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should assert their viewpoint more confidently and avoid hedging language. Instead of saying "it could be argued," the author could present the opposing view as a common misconception and then clearly refute it with strong reasoning. This would help reinforce their position and provide a more cohesive argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the reduction of inequality and the potential for bullying, but these points are not fully extended or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the argument about bullying is mentioned but lacks specific examples or evidence to illustrate the point effectively. The discussion on creativity and personal expression is also underdeveloped, leaving the reader wanting more depth.
    • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes. For instance, they could provide a case study or research findings on the impact of uniforms on school environments. This would not only strengthen the argument but also engage the reader more effectively.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the issue of school uniforms. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion of creativity and family circumstances feels somewhat tangential. This shift could confuse the reader about the main argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central argument about the necessity of uniforms. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that ties back to the main thesis, and any counterarguments should be clearly linked to the overarching theme of the essay.

In conclusion, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the author should aim for a more comprehensive exploration of the prompt, maintain a clear and confident position, provide detailed support for their ideas, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the topic. Additionally, addressing the word count issue by expanding on ideas and arguments will help meet the requirements for a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, arguing in favor of mandatory school uniforms. The introduction sets the tone, but the organization of arguments within the body paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first paragraph discusses the benefits of uniforms in reducing inequality, while the second paragraph introduces a counterargument about creativity and personal expression. This juxtaposition of ideas is somewhat effective, but the transition between the arguments could be smoother. The conclusion reiterates the main point but does not effectively summarize the arguments presented.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using a more structured approach, such as the "point, evidence, explanation" method for each argument. Clearly separate the main argument and counterargument into distinct paragraphs, and use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay. For example, after presenting the first argument, a phrase like "On the other hand" could introduce the counterargument more effectively.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness vary. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s opinion, while the second paragraph contains two distinct ideas that could be better served in separate paragraphs. The conclusion is brief and lacks depth, failing to encapsulate the key points made in the body.
    • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could solely discuss the reduction of inequality, while the second could address the counterargument regarding creativity. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the key arguments and reinforce the writer’s stance more robustly. A well-structured conclusion might include a brief recap of the main points followed by a strong closing statement.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "as a result," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some connections between sentences and paragraphs feel abrupt. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of uniforms to the counterargument lacks a cohesive link, making the shift feel sudden.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in contrast," and "consequently." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next by summarizing the previous point before introducing a new one. This can be achieved by using phrases like "Building on this idea…" or "Conversely, it can be argued that…".

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improving the organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "mandatory," "inequality," "conflicts," and "bullying." However, the range is somewhat limited, and some phrases are repetitive or lack sophistication. For instance, the phrase "wear the same clothes" could be enhanced with synonyms like "don identical attire" or "sport uniform garments." Additionally, the use of "students" is frequent; alternatives like "pupils" or "learners" could diversify the vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and practice using them in different contexts. Reading a variety of texts can also help expose the writer to new vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "students," consider varying it with terms like "scholars" or "young learners."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the pressure of gap between rich and poor" is awkward and unclear. A more precise expression might be "the widening socioeconomic gap." Additionally, the phrase "it could be argue" should be "it could be argued," indicating a grammatical oversight that affects clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the context in which words are used. Practicing sentence construction and seeking feedback on word choice can help. For example, instead of saying "students may only care about their school status," the writer could specify "students may prioritize social status over academic achievement."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "potenial" (potential), "argue" (argued), and "which allow" (which allows). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps by keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. For example, the writer should double-check words like "mandatory" and "essential" to ensure they are spelled correctly.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary usage, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By actively expanding vocabulary, focusing on precise language, and practicing spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For example, phrases like "the reason are analyzed in this essay" and "this is because when students wear the same clothes" reflect a basic structure. The use of "which allow students to wear what they like" is an attempt at a relative clause, but it is not correctly formed, as it should be "which allows students to wear what they like." This indicates a struggle with subject-verb agreement and complex sentence formation.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences. This can be achieved by using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, because, since) to combine ideas. For instance, instead of saying "It could be argue that uniform should be banned from school," the writer could say, "Although some argue that uniforms should be banned from school, I believe they are essential." Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using different grammatical forms (e.g., gerunds, infinitives) can add depth to the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "mandatory.This essay completely with this statement" lacks a space after the period and is missing a verb; it should read "This essay completely agrees with this statement." Furthermore, the phrase "the potenial of bullying" contains a spelling error ("potential") and the phrase "can lead to gaps in learning of kids" is awkwardly phrased; it would be clearer as "can lead to gaps in children’s learning." Additionally, commas are often misused or omitted, such as in "when students wear the same clothes , meaning there is no difference between them," where the comma should be removed.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and punctuation. Practicing sentence combining and restructuring can also help clarify meaning. Using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can provide additional support. Moreover, reviewing the rules for punctuation, especially regarding comma usage, will enhance the overall clarity of the writing.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument, it requires significant improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical correctness, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals believe that school uniforms should be made compulsory. This essay supports this statement, and the reasons are analyzed below.

The first argument in favor of my opinion is that inequality among students is eliminated. This is because when students wear identical attire, there are no differences among them. For example, if uniforms are banned from schools, conflicts may arise between students who wear fashionable clothes and those who wear old clothes, leading to issues such as envy and bullying. As a result, the potential for bullying or the pressure of the gap between rich and poor gradually grows wider.

It could be argued that uniforms should be banned from schools, which permits students to wear what they prefer. Because it enables students to be more creative, this approach is also suitable for each student’s family circumstances, especially for those who cannot afford uniforms. This point has some merit on the surface. However, it should be noted that this freedom can make students less focused on their studies. Because of the freedom to wear what they like, students may prioritize their school status, which gradually shifts the focus to owning the latest styles and fashion trends. As a result, this can lead to gaps in the learning of children. Furthermore, instead of purchasing new uniforms, parents can address this issue by acquiring second-hand uniforms.

In conclusion, it seems to me that uniforms are essential and need to be made mandatory in educational facilities.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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