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Trinh

Trinh

The contemporary debate on environmental conservation often circles around the issue of human
disturbance on ecosytems, especially on animals and plants. A prominent argument is whether the
fauna and flora can be protected if human impact is under well control. Although it can be argued that
this trend is too hard to alter, I believe that human activities can be under control in a way to turn the
tables.
On one side of the debate are those who believe that the damage to the environment has already been
done. This view is founded on the belief that human impact is only part of the main cause of change on
the planet, there is also climate change and many other environmental problems. For instance, there
are many carbon emission campaigns are implemented around the world; however, it may not be
enough to prevent the warming of the Earth and the resulting impacts on ecosystems.
Constrastingly, some argue that it is possible to alleviate harmful effects caused by humankind. This
perspective is based on the education and awareness about environmental issues and its influence on
human society. If environmental education is incorporated in school programe, it will have a long-lasting
effect on ecosystem conservation. Furthermore, this approaching method empowers individuals to
contribute to environmental protection. An example of this is the education on sustainable agriculture,
wildlife conservation, waste management, clean energy, and reforestation holds immense value.
In conclusion, while some acknowledge it is too late to address the negative effects of human activities
on plant and animal species, I strongly believe it is possible to deter negative influences and protect the
planet.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "circles around" -> "revolves around"
    Explanation: "Revolve around" is a more precise and formal term that better fits the academic context, indicating a central focus or discussion.

  2. "human disturbance on ecosytems" -> "human disturbance of ecosystems"
    Explanation: "Ecosystems" should be spelled correctly as "ecosystems," and "on" should be replaced with "of" to correctly indicate the relationship between humans and ecosystems.

  3. "can be protected if human impact is under well control" -> "can be protected if human impact is well controlled"
    Explanation: "Under well control" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Well controlled" is the correct adjectival form, enhancing clarity and grammatical correctness.

  4. "this trend is too hard to alter" -> "this trend is difficult to alter"
    Explanation: "Too hard" is colloquial and vague; "difficult" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.

  5. "can be under control in a way to turn the tables" -> "can be controlled in a manner that reverses the trend"
    Explanation: "Under control in a way to turn the tables" is informal and unclear. "Controlled in a manner that reverses the trend" is more precise and formal.

  6. "On one side of the debate are those who believe" -> "One perspective is that"
    Explanation: "On one side of the debate are those who believe" is verbose and informal. "One perspective is that" simplifies and formalizes the introduction of an argument.

  7. "human impact is only part of the main cause of change on the planet" -> "human impact is a significant contributor to the changes on the planet"
    Explanation: "Only part of the main cause" is redundant and unclear. "A significant contributor to the changes" is more precise and avoids redundancy.

  8. "there are many carbon emission campaigns are implemented" -> "numerous carbon emission reduction campaigns are implemented"
    Explanation: "There are many carbon emission campaigns are implemented" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Numerous carbon emission reduction campaigns are implemented" corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.

  9. "it may not be enough to prevent the warming of the Earth" -> "it may not be sufficient to prevent global warming"
    Explanation: "The warming of the Earth" is less formal and slightly vague. "Global warming" is a widely recognized and more formal term.

  10. "Constrastingly" -> "Contrastingly"
    Explanation: "Constrastingly" is a typographical error; the correct spelling is "Contrastingly."

  11. "this approaching method empowers individuals to contribute to environmental protection" -> "this approach empowers individuals to contribute to environmental protection"
    Explanation: "Approaching method" is awkward and unclear. "Approach" is the correct term for a method or strategy.

  12. "school programe" -> "school programs"
    Explanation: "Programe" is a spelling error; "programs" is the correct spelling.

  13. "this approaching method" -> "this approach"
    Explanation: See explanation for point 11.

  14. "holds immense value" -> "has immense value"
    Explanation: "Holds immense value" is less common and slightly awkward in this context. "Has immense value" is more natural and formal.

  15. "it is too late to address the negative effects of human activities on plant and animal species" -> "it may be too late to mitigate the adverse impacts of human activities on plant and animal species"
    Explanation: "Too late to address" is somewhat informal and vague. "Too late to mitigate" is more precise and formal, and "adverse impacts" is a more academic term than "negative effects."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt regarding the debate on environmental conservation and human impact on ecosystems. It presents both sides of the argument: one that suggests the damage is irreversible and another that posits that education and awareness can lead to positive change. The introduction clearly outlines the central issue, and both perspectives are discussed in separate paragraphs, which is a strength. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit mention of specific measures that could be taken to control human impact, which would enhance the response to the prompt.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer could include specific examples of successful conservation efforts or policies that have mitigated human impact. This would provide a more balanced view and strengthen the argument for the possibility of change.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that human activities can be controlled to benefit environmental conservation. This stance is consistently presented throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, which reiterates the belief in the possibility of positive change. However, the transition between the two sides of the argument could be smoother to enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clearer and more consistent position, the writer could use transitional phrases that reinforce their viewpoint when discussing the opposing side. For example, phrases like "Despite this viewpoint, it is essential to recognize…" could help in guiding the reader back to the main argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the role of education in environmental conservation and the acknowledgment of climate change as a factor. However, while some ideas are introduced, they are not always fully developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, the mention of "carbon emission campaigns" lacks specific details about their effectiveness or outcomes.
    • How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should provide more specific examples and data to support their claims. For instance, citing a successful case study of a country that implemented effective environmental education could strengthen the argument significantly.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding environmental conservation and human impact. However, there are moments where the argument could be more tightly focused, particularly in the discussion of climate change, which could be perceived as slightly tangential to the main argument about human control over activities.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the central thesis. This could involve briefly acknowledging the role of climate change but quickly linking it back to human actions and the potential for control over those actions.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating specific examples, enhancing transitions, and ensuring all points remain tightly linked to the main argument, the writer could further strengthen their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The argument progresses logically from the introduction of the debate to the presentation of both sides. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the belief that damage is irreversible to the argument that education can mitigate these effects lacks a clear linking sentence that would guide the reader more effectively.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the irreversible damage, a sentence like "Despite these concerns, there are viable solutions that can be implemented, particularly through education" could serve as a bridge to the next paragraph.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the viewpoint that damage is irreversible, while the second addresses the potential for education to create change. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph more effectively.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences to clearly outline the main point of each paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Many believe that the environmental damage caused by human activities is irreversible," which would set the stage for the arguments that follow. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a concluding sentence that summarizes the key point and links back to the overall argument.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on one side of the debate," "constrastingly," and "furthermore," which help in linking ideas. However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety in cohesive devices. For example, the phrase "this perspective is based on" is used multiple times, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the text.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "this perspective is based on," consider alternatives like "this viewpoint stems from" or "supporters of this argument contend that." Additionally, using devices such as "in contrast," "similarly," or "as a result" can enhance the connections between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to environmental issues, such as "environmental conservation," "ecosystems," "carbon emission campaigns," and "sustainable agriculture." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the term "human impact" appears multiple times without synonyms or alternative phrases, which could enhance the richness of the language.
    • How to improve: To improve lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "human impact," alternatives like "anthropogenic effects," "human activities," or "human influence" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could help convey ideas more vividly.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the damage to the environment has already been done" is somewhat vague and could be more specific about what type of damage is being referred to. Similarly, "this approaching method" is awkwardly phrased and could be better articulated as "this approach" or "this method."
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on choosing words that clearly convey their intended meaning. It is advisable to avoid vague phrases and instead provide specific examples or details. For instance, instead of saying "the damage to the environment," the writer could specify "deforestation," "pollution," or "habitat destruction" to clarify the type of damage being discussed.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "ecosytems" (should be "ecosystems"), "Constrastingly" (should be "Contrastingly"), and "programe" (should be "programme"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and keeping a list of frequently misspelled words can be beneficial. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, choosing words with greater precision, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, the use of "Although it can be argued that this trend is too hard to alter, I believe that human activities can be under control in a way to turn the tables" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys the writer’s stance. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures, such as varied subordinate clauses or more complex noun phrases.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This view is founded on the belief that…" the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses to create more dynamic sentence beginnings. Additionally, experimenting with different sentence lengths and structures can add variety and keep the reader engaged.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "there are many carbon emission campaigns are implemented around the world" contains a grammatical error due to the incorrect use of "are." It should be rephrased to "there are many carbon emission campaigns implemented around the world." Additionally, punctuation errors such as the missing comma before "however" in "however, it may not be enough" can lead to confusion in reading.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch errors like subject-verb agreement and incorrect conjunction usage. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help in identifying and correcting such mistakes. Furthermore, focusing on punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, ensuring that transitional phrases like "for instance" and "however" are properly punctuated can significantly improve the overall readability of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and correcting grammatical and punctuation errors. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The contemporary debate on environmental conservation often revolves around the issue of human disturbance of ecosystems, particularly concerning animals and plants. A prominent argument is whether the fauna and flora can be protected if human impact is well controlled. Although it can be argued that this trend is difficult to alter, I believe that human activities can be managed in a manner that reverses the trend.

On one side of the debate are those who contend that the damage to the environment has already been done. This view is founded on the belief that human impact is a significant contributor to the changes on the planet; however, there are also factors such as climate change and various other environmental problems. For instance, numerous carbon emission reduction campaigns are implemented around the world; however, they may not be sufficient to prevent global warming and the resulting impacts on ecosystems.

Contrastingly, some argue that it is possible to alleviate the harmful effects caused by humankind. This perspective is based on education and awareness about environmental issues and their influence on human society. If environmental education is incorporated into school programs, it will have a long-lasting effect on ecosystem conservation. Furthermore, this approach empowers individuals to contribute to environmental protection. An example of this is the education on sustainable agriculture, wildlife conservation, waste management, clean energy, and reforestation, which holds immense value.

In conclusion, while some acknowledge that it may be too late to mitigate the adverse impacts of human activities on plant and animal species, I strongly believe it is possible to deter negative influences and protect the planet.

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