Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries’ How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today? (school-leavers = young people who leave school without going on to further studies.)

Unemployment is indeed a significant challenge for school-leavers in many countries, but it's just one of the issue they facing. This essay will discuss about the statement and giving my opinion.
On the one hand, getting a job is hard for school-leavers. Firstly, non-educated people have limited Job Opportunities. Many economies are struggling to create enough jobs, especially for young people with little work experience. This can lead to high youth unemployment rates. Secondly, their skills are often worse than educated people: School-leavers often lack the skills that employers demand, making it difficult for them to find suitable employment. This mismatch is particularly pronounced in rapidly changing industries.
On the other hand, there are also other big challenges facing school-leavers. To begin with, non-educated often facing financial instability: Many school-leavers face financial difficulties, whether due to student debt from previous education or the lack of a stable income. This can limit their ability to pursue further education or training. Additionally, school-leaver do not have much Access to Information. Some young people may not have access to career guidance or resources to help them navigate the job market effectively. This can lead to poor decision-making about their futures.
In conclusion, while unemployment is a significant challenge for school-leavers, they also have to deal with other issues such as mental health, financial instability, and social inequality. In my opinion, unemployed is still the biggest problem for young uneducated people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"is indeed a significant challenge" -> "indeed poses a significant challenge"
Explanation: The phrase "poses a significant challenge" is more direct and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"it’s just one of the issue they facing" -> "it is merely one of the issues they face"
Explanation: Correcting "it’s" to "it is" for grammatical accuracy and replacing "facing" with "face" for subject-verb agreement.
"This essay will discuss about the statement and giving my opinion." -> "This essay will discuss the statement and present my opinion."
Explanation: "Discuss about" is grammatically incorrect; "discuss" should be followed by the gerund "discussing." Also, "giving" is informal and should be replaced with "present" for a more formal tone.
"non-educated people" -> "individuals without formal education"
Explanation: "Non-educated people" is awkward and imprecise. "Individuals without formal education" is more specific and formal.
"limited Job Opportunities" -> "limited job opportunities"
Explanation: Capitalization of "Job" is incorrect; "job" should be lowercase as it is a common noun.
"Many economies are struggling to create enough jobs" -> "Many economies struggle to create sufficient jobs"
Explanation: "Struggle" is more concise and formal than "are struggling," and "sufficient" is more precise than "enough."
"their skills are often worse than educated people" -> "their skills are often inferior to those of the educated"
Explanation: "Worse than" is informal and vague; "inferior to those of the educated" is more precise and formal.
"non-educated often facing financial instability" -> "those without formal education often face financial instability"
Explanation: "Non-educated" is awkward and imprecise; "those without formal education" is clearer and more formal.
"school-leaver do not have much Access to Information" -> "school-leavers do not have significant access to information"
Explanation: "School-leaver" should be plural "school-leavers" for subject-verb agreement, and "much Access" should be "significant access" for formality and clarity.
"unemployed is still the biggest problem" -> "unemployment remains the most significant challenge"
Explanation: "Unemployed" is incorrect as it refers to the state of being without a job, whereas "unemployment" refers to the condition. "Remains the most significant challenge" is more formal and precise than "is still the biggest problem."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging unemployment as a significant challenge for school-leavers and mentioning other challenges they face, such as financial instability and lack of access to information. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the writer agrees with the statement about unemployment being the biggest challenge. The phrase "it’s just one of the issue they facing" suggests a lack of clarity regarding the writer’s position on the importance of unemployment compared to other challenges. The essay also fails to provide a clear comparison of the challenges mentioned.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should explicitly state their position on unemployment in relation to other challenges in the introduction and ensure that this position is consistently supported throughout the essay. Additionally, expanding on the discussion of other challenges and providing specific examples or statistics could enhance the depth of the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. While the introduction suggests that the writer will give their opinion, the conclusion states, "unemployed is still the biggest problem for young uneducated people," which contradicts the earlier assertion that unemployment is "just one of the issues." This inconsistency can confuse the reader about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout the essay. This can be achieved by clearly stating their opinion in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion, ensuring that all arguments presented align with this position. Using phrases like "I believe" or "In my view" can help clarify the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the limited job opportunities for school-leavers and the skills gap. However, these ideas are not thoroughly extended or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the statement about financial instability is mentioned but not elaborated upon with specific examples or statistics. The essay lacks depth in exploring how these challenges impact school-leavers’ lives.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could include discussing the implications of unemployment on mental health or providing data on youth unemployment rates. Additionally, using real-life examples or hypothetical scenarios could make the arguments more relatable and convincing.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the challenges faced by school-leavers. However, the mention of "mental health, financial instability, and social inequality" in the conclusion introduces new challenges without sufficient discussion in the body of the essay. This could lead to a lack of coherence and focus.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that all points made in the conclusion are adequately covered in the body of the essay. It would be beneficial to either elaborate on these additional challenges within the essay or remove them from the conclusion to maintain focus on the challenges discussed. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that all relevant points are addressed.

Overall, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should focus on providing a clear and consistent position, thoroughly developing and supporting their ideas, and ensuring that all parts of the prompt are addressed comprehensively. Additionally, meeting the word count requirement is crucial, as being under the word limit can significantly impact the overall band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing unemployment and other challenges, and a conclusion. However, the organization of ideas within paragraphs could be improved. For example, the first body paragraph discusses unemployment but could benefit from a clearer distinction between the points made about job opportunities and skills. The transition between discussing unemployment and other challenges is somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate to the main argument. Additionally, ensure that each point within a paragraph is connected logically. For instance, when discussing financial instability, explicitly link it back to the challenges posed by unemployment to create a more cohesive argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, some paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For example, the second body paragraph combines multiple challenges without clear separation, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument. The use of transitional phrases between sentences and ideas is also limited, which can affect the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples. Use transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Moreover," to guide the reader through the argument and connect ideas more fluidly. This will help clarify the relationships between different points and enhance the overall flow of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On the one hand," and "To begin with." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are moments where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this can lead to" is repeated, which can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "this can lead to," consider alternatives like "as a result," "consequently," or "thus." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help maintain coherence without redundancy. Practicing the use of various cohesive devices in different contexts will also strengthen the overall cohesiveness of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "unemployment," "financial instability," and "career guidance." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the phrase "school-leavers" is used frequently without variation, which can make the writing feel monotonous. Additionally, phrases like "getting a job is hard" could be expressed with more varied vocabulary, such as "securing employment poses significant challenges."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeating "school-leavers," you could use "young graduates" or "youths entering the workforce." Incorporating more varied expressions for common ideas will enrich the essay and demonstrate a broader lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the issue they facing" should be "the issues they are facing," which reflects a grammatical error rather than a lexical one. Additionally, "non-educated" is a vague term; it would be more precise to say "individuals without formal qualifications" or "those who have not pursued further education." The use of "unemployed" in the conclusion is also slightly awkward, as it lacks context and clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Review the essay for grammatical structures and ensure that terms are used in context. Practicing with vocabulary exercises that emphasize context and usage can help in selecting more precise words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "issue" instead of "issues," "facing" instead of "facing," and "Access" instead of "access." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay with fresh eyes, focusing specifically on spelling. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help identify and correct errors before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises can also reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling skills, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "This mismatch is particularly pronounced in rapidly changing industries" showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the phrases "non-educated people" and "school-leavers," which could be varied to enhance the essay’s flow. Additionally, the use of phrases like "to begin with" and "on the one hand" indicates an attempt to structure arguments, but the transitions could be more sophisticated.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the introductory phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting with "Firstly" or "On the one hand," try using alternatives like "Moreover," "In addition," or "Conversely." This will not only enhance the variety but also improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "the issue they facing" should be corrected to "the issues they are facing." Additionally, "non-educated often facing financial instability" lacks a subject and verb agreement, which should read "non-educated individuals often face financial instability." Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are missing articles and prepositions, such as "the lack of a stable income" which could be improved for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Practicing sentence construction exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, consider reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct forms, particularly focusing on verb tenses and pluralization. Reading more academic texts can also help in understanding the nuances of grammatical accuracy and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Unemployment indeed poses a significant challenge for school-leavers in many countries, but it is merely one of the issues they face. This essay will discuss the statement and present my opinion.

On the one hand, securing a job is difficult for school-leavers. Firstly, individuals without formal education often have limited job opportunities. Many economies struggle to create sufficient jobs, especially for young people with little work experience. This situation can lead to high youth unemployment rates. Secondly, their skills are often inferior to those of the educated; school-leavers frequently lack the skills that employers demand, making it challenging for them to find suitable employment. This mismatch is particularly pronounced in rapidly changing industries.

On the other hand, there are also other significant challenges facing school-leavers. To begin with, those without formal education often face financial instability. Many school-leavers encounter financial difficulties, whether due to student debt from previous education or the lack of a stable income. This can limit their ability to pursue further education or training. Additionally, school-leavers do not have significant access to information. Some young people may lack access to career guidance or resources to help them navigate the job market effectively. This can lead to poor decision-making about their futures.

In conclusion, while unemployment remains the most significant challenge for school-leavers, they also have to deal with other issues such as mental health, financial instability, and social inequality. In my opinion, unemployment is still the biggest problem for young individuals without formal education.