Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is claimed that universities should allow equal numbers of students of both genders for every faculty. I firmly believe that school admittance should be depend on sex but their abilities and achievements.

On the one hand, there are various reasons why it might be considered beneficial to give chances to the people who have good achievement. To begin with, it may be unwise to ignore gifted students to make room for the promotion of gender equality in education. They made lots of effort to reach their goal but were not recognized by the educational institutions. In the UK, for example, higher education is available to all people no matter who they are or their gender or nationality. In addition, the target to reach the the same number of male and female postgraduates can cost a lot of budget. In some fields which may not be appealing to all learners. For instance, the figure for the women who participated in the literature field showed a higher percentage than that of men. As a result, it will demand for large amount of time and money to achieve an equal number of learners of both sexes.

Some opponents might argue that university admittance should be given to the same amount of male and female students as they would contribute to promoting gender equality in every faculty. However, they might have to take into account that striking off gender inequality is not the aim of education. This can be counterproductive as many talented pupils are eliminated and it can lead to an insufficient academic workforce and directly affect the national economy. For instance, India has faced obstacles due to the lack of highly qualified employees, as it has tried to accept the same number of students of both sexes.

In conclusion, despite the merits of accepting equal learners of both genders, I strongly think that school acceptance should be offered to talented students without their sexes.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is claimed that" -> "It is argued that"
Explanation: "It is argued that" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase, as it directly attributes the statement to a discourse or opinion rather than a vague "claim."
"school admittance should be depend on sex but their abilities and achievements" -> "school admission should be based on individual abilities and achievements rather than gender"
Explanation: "based on individual abilities and achievements rather than gender" clarifies the conditionality and specificity of the criteria, avoiding the awkward and incorrect construction "depend on sex but their abilities and achievements."
"give chances to the people who have good achievement" -> "offer opportunities to individuals with outstanding achievements"
Explanation: "offer opportunities to individuals with outstanding achievements" uses more formal language and corrects the grammatical error in "good achievement" to "outstanding achievements."
"They made lots of effort" -> "They have made significant efforts"
Explanation: "They have made significant efforts" corrects the informal "lots of" to "significant," which is more appropriate for academic writing.
"were not recognized by the educational institutions" -> "were overlooked by educational institutions"
Explanation: "were overlooked by educational institutions" is more concise and formal, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.
"the target to reach the the same number" -> "the goal of achieving the same number"
Explanation: "the goal of achieving the same number" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning, making it more formal and precise.
"can cost a lot of budget" -> "can incur significant costs"
Explanation: "can incur significant costs" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "a lot of budget."
"demand for large amount of time and money" -> "require substantial time and resources"
Explanation: "require substantial time and resources" is more formal and avoids the awkward and incorrect "demand for large amount of time and money."
"will demand for large amount of time and money" -> "will require substantial time and resources"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and replaces "demand for" with "require," aligning with formal academic style.
"Some opponents might argue" -> "Some critics might contend"
Explanation: "Some critics might contend" uses more precise and formal language suitable for academic discourse.
"they would contribute to promoting gender equality in every faculty" -> "they would contribute to promoting gender equality across all faculties"
Explanation: "across all faculties" is more precise and formal than "in every faculty," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"striking off gender inequality" -> "addressing gender inequality"
Explanation: "addressing gender inequality" is a more accurate and formal expression than "striking off," which is incorrect and unclear.
"This can be counterproductive as many talented pupils are eliminated" -> "This could be counterproductive, as it may eliminate many talented students"
Explanation: "This could be counterproductive, as it may eliminate many talented students" corrects the tense and uses "students" instead of "pupils" to maintain consistency in academic style.
"I strongly think" -> "I strongly believe"
Explanation: "I strongly believe" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing than "I strongly think."
"school acceptance" -> "school admission"
Explanation: "school admission" is the correct term for the process of being accepted into a school, whereas "acceptance" is not typically used in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the idea of equal gender representation in universities. The writer presents a clear disagreement with the notion of equal numbers of male and female students, emphasizing that admissions should be based on abilities and achievements rather than gender. However, while the essay does touch upon the importance of meritocracy, it could benefit from a more direct engagement with the implications of gender equality in education, which is a crucial aspect of the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly acknowledge the potential benefits of gender equality in education and discuss how it might coexist with merit-based admissions. This could involve exploring how diverse perspectives contribute to academic environments and the workforce, thereby providing a more balanced view of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position against gender quotas in university admissions throughout the essay. Phrases like "I firmly believe" and "I strongly think" effectively signal the writer’s stance. However, the argument could be more cohesive, as some points appear somewhat disjointed, particularly in the transition between discussing the benefits of meritocracy and the drawbacks of gender equality initiatives.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should ensure that each paragraph logically builds on the previous one. Using transitional phrases and summarizing key points at the end of each section can help reinforce the main argument and guide the reader through the essay’s structure.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of merit in admissions and the potential drawbacks of enforcing gender quotas. However, some points lack sufficient development and supporting evidence. For instance, the claim about the financial implications of achieving gender parity is mentioned but not elaborated upon with specific examples or data.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include statistics on gender representation in various fields, studies on the impact of diverse student bodies, or historical examples of educational policies. Additionally, expanding on counterarguments and addressing them with evidence would enhance the depth of the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate around gender equality in university admissions. However, some sections veer slightly off course, particularly when discussing the economic implications of gender parity without clearly linking them back to the main argument about university admissions.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of gender equality in university admissions. This can be achieved by explicitly connecting economic arguments to how they impact educational policies and outcomes, thus reinforcing the relevance of each point to the overall thesis.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from deeper analysis, more cohesive structure, and stronger supporting evidence to elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the idea of equal gender representation in university admissions, with a logical progression of ideas. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs each address different aspects of the argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the potential drawbacks of prioritizing gender equality over merit, while the second body paragraph counters the opposing view by emphasizing the importance of talent over gender. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, as some points feel slightly disjointed. For example, the shift from discussing the benefits of merit-based admissions to the economic implications of gender quotas could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly connect each paragraph’s main idea to the overall argument. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases between points can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly. For example, phrases like "Furthermore," or "Conversely," can clarify the relationship between contrasting ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability and organization. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more uniformity in length and depth. The first body paragraph is more developed than the second, which may leave the reader wanting more detailed analysis in the latter section.
- How to improve: Aim for balance in paragraph development by ensuring that each paragraph is equally detailed and explores its main idea thoroughly. This could involve providing more examples or elaborating on points made in the second body paragraph to match the depth of the first. Additionally, consider starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point to be discussed.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices effectively, such as "for instance" and "however," which help to connect ideas and provide examples. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. The repetition of certain phrases and connectors can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous and less engaging.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using alternatives to "for instance," such as "for example," "to illustrate," or "as a case in point," can enhance the richness of the writing. Additionally, using devices that indicate contrast (e.g., "on the contrary," "nevertheless") or addition (e.g., "moreover," "in addition") can help to create a more dynamic flow of ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are opportunities for improvement in the areas of logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "gifted students," "gender equality," and "academic workforce." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the use of "students" and "gender." The phrase "the same number of male and female postgraduates" could have been varied with synonyms or rephrased to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "students," they could use terms like "learners," "pupils," or "candidates." Additionally, using more specific terms related to the fields of study or educational contexts could enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "should be depend on sex" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The intended meaning could be better expressed as "should depend on merit rather than gender." Additionally, "the target to reach the the same number" is awkwardly phrased and could be simplified to "the goal of achieving equal numbers."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy. Revising sentences for grammatical correctness and ensuring that word choices accurately convey the intended meaning will enhance the overall quality. Using a thesaurus to find more precise words can also help.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "depend" (should be "depend on"), "the the" (repetition), and "large amount of time" (should be "large amounts of time"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also help. Additionally, focusing on commonly misspelled words and their correct forms will be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "It is claimed that" and "I firmly believe that" indicates an attempt to employ more sophisticated structures. However, many sentences are quite straightforward and lack complexity. For example, the sentence "In addition, the target to reach the the same number of male and female postgraduates can cost a lot of budget" is somewhat awkward and could be restructured for clarity and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "It may be unwise to ignore gifted students," the writer could say, "While it may be unwise to ignore gifted students, doing so could undermine the principles of meritocracy in education." Additionally, varying the use of passive and active voice can also contribute to a more dynamic writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "should be depend on sex" should be corrected to "should depend on sex." Additionally, there are instances of incorrect article usage, such as "the the same number" which is a typographical error. Punctuation is also inconsistent; for example, there are run-on sentences that could benefit from clearer separation. The sentence "As a result, it will demand for large amount of time and money to achieve an equal number of learners of both sexes" should be revised to "As a result, it will demand a large amount of time and money to achieve an equal number of learners of both sexes."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch typographical errors and ensure correct article usage. Additionally, practicing sentence structure through exercises that emphasize subject-verb agreement and punctuation rules can be beneficial. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will contribute to a higher band score. Regular practice and revision are key strategies for achieving these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is claimed that universities should allow equal numbers of students of both genders for every faculty. I firmly believe that school admission should depend on individual abilities and achievements rather than gender.

On the one hand, there are various reasons why it might be considered beneficial to offer opportunities to individuals with outstanding achievements. To begin with, it may be unwise to ignore gifted students to make room for the promotion of gender equality in education. They have made significant efforts to reach their goals but were overlooked by educational institutions. In the UK, for example, higher education is available to all people, no matter who they are, or their gender or nationality. In addition, the goal of achieving the same number of male and female postgraduates can incur significant costs, especially in fields that may not be appealing to all learners. For instance, the figure for women who participated in the literature field showed a higher percentage than that of men. As a result, it will require substantial time and resources to achieve an equal number of learners of both sexes.

Some critics might contend that university admission should be given to the same number of male and female students, as they would contribute to promoting gender equality across all faculties. However, they might have to take into account that addressing gender inequality is not the aim of education. This could be counterproductive, as it may eliminate many talented students and can lead to an insufficient academic workforce, directly affecting the national economy. For instance, India has faced obstacles due to the lack of highly qualified employees, as it has tried to accept the same number of students of both sexes.

In conclusion, despite the merits of accepting equal numbers of learners of both genders, I strongly believe that school admission should be offered to talented students without regard to their gender.