Universities should take the same number of men and women in each major. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Universities should take the same number of men and women in each major. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Schools might take the identical number of female and male in each major. This essay completely disagrees with this statement because men and women have physically distinctive body limits and conditions, and taking the same measures can be challenging for female because women have a weaker body than men and it can be difficult to get in to a university with the same numbers as men.
On the one hand, men and females are not the same physically, and it would be hard to join into an university. Each gender has its own an unique power, if woman is a powerful in one field , man can be stronger in other field. For example, a study of the Cambridge University has proven that woman is more powerful in the learning and studying, whereas men had more power in the sports side, and it has shown that it is detrimental taking the same numbers for both side.
On the other hand, taking the same measures for both sides can withdraw a student from the scholarship. However, many universities and colleges have a distinctive tests such as sports and phycological, and some students can lose this scholoarship because of the difference between male and female. For example, many unversities have the same measures for men and women in the sports side and this has shown that a number of girl-students have lost their chance to win a scholarship because of the challenging sport task such as 1km running and other measures for long distances.
In conclusion, women and men should have different numbers because of the body measures and limits. In contrast, if they do not have a different measures, it will be challenging for women.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Schools might take the identical number of female and male in each major." -> "Schools might enroll an equal number of female and male students in each major."
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning by specifying that the enrollment is of students, not a numerical value. -
"This essay completely disagrees with this statement" -> "This essay strongly disagrees with this assertion"
Explanation: "Completely" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Strongly" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, and "assertion" is a more formal term than "statement." -
"men and women have physically distinctive body limits and conditions" -> "men and women have distinct physical limitations and conditions"
Explanation: "Physically distinctive body limits and conditions" is awkward and unclear. "Distinct physical limitations and conditions" is more precise and flows better in formal academic writing. -
"taking the same measures can be challenging for female" -> "adopting the same measures can be challenging for females"
Explanation: "Female" should be pluralized to "females" to agree with the subject-verb agreement, and "adopting" is a more formal synonym for "taking." -
"it can be difficult to get in to a university with the same numbers as men" -> "it may be challenging for women to gain admission to universities with the same enrollment as men"
Explanation: "Get in to" is informal and imprecise. "Gain admission to" is more formal and specific, and "enrollment" is the correct term for academic contexts. -
"men and females are not the same physically" -> "men and women are not physically identical"
Explanation: "Females" is less commonly used in formal writing; "women" is preferred. "Physically identical" is more precise than "physically the same." -
"it would be hard to join into an university" -> "it would be challenging to enroll in a university"
Explanation: "Join into" is incorrect and informal. "Enroll in" is the correct term for academic contexts, and "a university" should be singular. -
"Each gender has its own an unique power" -> "Each gender possesses its own unique power"
Explanation: "Has its own an unique power" is grammatically incorrect. "Possesses its own unique power" corrects the grammatical error and enhances formality. -
"woman is a powerful in one field" -> "women are powerful in certain fields"
Explanation: "Woman" should be pluralized to "women" to match the subject, and "certain fields" is more accurate than "one field." -
"man can be stronger in other field" -> "men can be stronger in other fields"
Explanation: "Man" should be pluralized to "men" to match the subject, and "fields" should be plural to reflect the variety of fields. -
"a study of the Cambridge University has proven" -> "a study conducted by Cambridge University has shown"
Explanation: "A study of the Cambridge University" is awkward and unclear. "A study conducted by Cambridge University" clarifies the agency and is more formal. -
"it is detrimental taking the same numbers for both side" -> "it is detrimental to have the same numbers for both sides"
Explanation: "Taking the same numbers for both side" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "To have the same numbers for both sides" corrects the grammar and enhances formality. -
"taking the same measures for both sides can withdraw a student from the scholarship" -> "adopting the same measures for both sides may disqualify a student from the scholarship"
Explanation: "Withdraw" is not the correct term in this context; "disqualify" is more precise. "May" is used to indicate possibility, which is more appropriate than "can." -
"many universities and colleges have a distinctive tests" -> "many universities and colleges have distinct tests"
Explanation: "Distinctive tests" is incorrect; "distinct tests" is the correct form. -
"phycological" -> "psychological"
Explanation: "Phycological" is a typographical error; the correct term is "psychological." -
"scholoarship" -> "scholarship"
Explanation: "Scholoarship" is a typographical error; the correct spelling is "scholarship." -
"unversities" -> "universities"
Explanation: "Unversities" is a typographical error; the correct spelling is "universities." -
"challenging sport task" -> "challenging sport tasks"
Explanation: "Task" should be plural to match the context of multiple challenges.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear disagreement with the idea of equal representation of men and women in university majors. However, it fails to explore the extent of this disagreement adequately. The response primarily focuses on physical differences and their implications, but it does not consider other factors such as academic performance, interests, or societal implications of gender parity in education. For example, the essay mentions physical capabilities but does not address how these might affect academic disciplines beyond sports, which is a significant oversight.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the essay should include a more nuanced discussion of the implications of gender balance in education. Consider discussing the importance of diversity in perspectives and how different genders can contribute uniquely to various fields. Additionally, addressing counterarguments could strengthen the response and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position against equal representation of genders in university majors. However, the argument lacks consistency and clarity in its reasoning. For instance, the claim that women are "weaker" than men is not substantiated with strong evidence, and the phrasing can be perceived as overly simplistic or even biased. The use of phrases like "it can be difficult to get into a university with the same numbers as men" is vague and does not clearly articulate the author’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should refine their argumentation. Avoid generalizations about gender capabilities and instead focus on specific examples that illustrate the complexities of the issue. Clearly outline the main argument in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph supports this central thesis with relevant evidence.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the physical differences between genders and their implications for university admissions. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For instance, the mention of a study from Cambridge University lacks citation and detail, which weakens the credibility of the argument. Additionally, the examples provided are somewhat repetitive and do not explore a variety of perspectives or implications of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to develop each point more thoroughly. This includes providing specific examples, data, or studies that back up claims. Each paragraph should ideally introduce a new idea or perspective, followed by an explanation and supporting evidence. This will create a more robust and persuasive argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the issue of gender representation in university majors. However, it occasionally strays into generalizations about gender differences without directly linking them back to the main argument. For example, the discussion about scholarships and physical tests, while relevant, could be more tightly connected to the overall argument against equal numbers in majors.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that every point made directly supports the central argument. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content is relevant to the thesis. Additionally, using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help clarify how each point relates to the overall argument.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the prompt and presents a clear position, it requires more depth, clarity, and support for its ideas to achieve a higher band score. By addressing these areas for improvement, the author can enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of their argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas that are somewhat related to the topic but lacks a clear and logical progression. The introduction states a disagreement with the prompt but does not effectively outline the main points that will be discussed. The body paragraphs contain relevant ideas, but they are not well connected to each other. For instance, the transition from discussing physical differences to the impact on scholarships feels abrupt and lacks a clear link. The conclusion reiterates the main argument but does not summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs, which weakens the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main arguments. Each body paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea of that paragraph. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains paragraphs, but their structure is not effectively utilized. The first body paragraph combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it difficult for the reader to follow. The second body paragraph introduces a new concept (scholarships) but does not adequately connect it to the previous discussion about physical differences. This lack of clear separation and connection between ideas within and between paragraphs contributes to a lower coherence score.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to create distinct paragraphs for each main idea. For example, one paragraph could focus solely on physical differences and their implications, while another could discuss the impact on scholarships. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. This will help create a more organized and reader-friendly structure.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the overall flow. While some cohesive devices are present (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand"), they are not used consistently or effectively. Additionally, there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas are weak, leading to confusion. For example, the phrase "it can be difficult to get in to a university with the same numbers as men" lacks clarity and does not effectively link back to the previous point about physical differences.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This includes using conjunctions (e.g., "because," "although"), adverbial phrases (e.g., "for instance," "in contrast"), and referencing (e.g., using pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas). Practicing the use of these devices in writing exercises can help the writer become more comfortable with them and improve the overall cohesion of the essay.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of their essay, potentially raising their band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, terms like "physically distinctive body limits," "weaker body," and "challenging sport task" show an effort to employ specific vocabulary related to the topic. However, the repetition of phrases such as "the same numbers" and "taking the same measures" indicates a limited variety in word choice, which can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "the same measures," alternatives like "equal standards," "uniform criteria," or "identical requirements" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to gender studies or educational policies would strengthen the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "woman is more powerful in the learning and studying" is vague and could be misinterpreted. The term "powerful" is not typically used to describe academic abilities; "adept," "skilled," or "successful" would be more appropriate. Similarly, "physically distinctive body limits" is an awkward construction that could be simplified to "physical differences."
- How to improve: Writers should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For instance, replacing "powerful" with "capable" or "proficient" in academic contexts would improve clarity. Furthermore, reviewing common collocations and phrases in academic writing can help in selecting more precise vocabulary.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact readability and professionalism. Words such as "scholoarship" (scholarship), "unversities" (universities), and "phycological" (psychological) are misspelled, which detracts from the overall impression of the writing. Additionally, "girl-students" should be written as "female students" for clarity and correctness.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can enhance spelling skills over time.
By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of simple sentences predominates, such as "Schools might take the identical number of female and male in each major." While there are some attempts at complex sentences, such as "On the one hand, men and females are not the same physically, and it would be hard to join into an university," they often lack clarity and coherence. The essay also features repetitive phrases and structures, which detracts from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex and compound sentences. For example, instead of "This essay completely disagrees with this statement," the writer could say, "While some may argue in favor of equal representation, this essay contends that such an approach is impractical due to inherent physical differences." Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can add variety. Practicing sentence combining exercises and reading more complex texts can help in developing this skill.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, phrases like "taking the same measures can be challenging for female" should be corrected to "taking the same measures can be challenging for females" to ensure grammatical accuracy. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "woman is more powerful" instead of "women are more powerful." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and periods, lead to run-on sentences, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and pluralization. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing basic grammar rules can help address these issues. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and reading it aloud can help identify run-on sentences and areas where punctuation is needed. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also provide immediate feedback on errors.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear stance on the issue, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the quality of the writing and potentially increase the band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
Schools might take the identical number of female and male students in each major. This essay completely disagrees with this statement because men and women have distinct physical limitations and conditions, and adopting the same measures can be challenging for females. Women generally have a weaker body than men, and it can be difficult to gain admission to a university with the same enrollment numbers as men.
On the one hand, men and women are not the same physically, and it would be hard to enroll in a university. Each gender possesses its own unique strengths; if a woman is powerful in one field, a man can be stronger in another field. For example, a study conducted by Cambridge University has shown that women excel in learning and studying, whereas men tend to perform better in sports. This study has demonstrated that it is detrimental to have the same numbers for both sides.
On the other hand, adopting the same measures for both sides can disqualify a student from receiving a scholarship. Many universities and colleges have distinct tests, such as sports and psychological assessments, and some students can lose this scholarship because of the differences between male and female capabilities. For instance, many universities have the same requirements for men and women in sports, and this has shown that a number of female students have lost their chance to win a scholarship due to challenging sport tasks, such as 1 km running and other long-distance measures.
In conclusion, women and men should have different enrollment numbers because of their physical measures and limitations. If they do not have different measures, it will be challenging for women.