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University students should pay the full cost of their studies because a university education benefits individuals rather than society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

University students should pay the full cost of their studies because a university education benefits individuals rather than society as a whole.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Many people claim that university students should be responsible for the payment of their entire tuition. While advocates of this idea contend that students reap more significant benefits than society, I strongly believe that it benefits both individuals and the community. Hence, universities should keep awarding scholarships and giving financial support to their students.

Granted, university education benefits both the community and people individually. Medical universities, for instance, could award scholarships to deserving candidates who face financial problems, allowing low-income brackets to get access to higher education. After graduating, a person who got financial support can be a highly qualified medical professional, saving many lives. This is also the case with other occupations such as police, electrician or machinery operator. By establishing educational sponsorships for deserving and intellectual individuals, there will be more and more competent employees, contributing to the prosperity of the society. In terms of individuals, it is indisputable that some low-income students could work part-time after school and on weekends to pay for their tuition. As a result of these financial pressures, students tend to devote less time and effort to their lessons, leading to poor academic performances. It is thus essential for government and universities to grant scholarships, this can help students have more time to spend on their lessons, effectively exploiting their potential. Overall, both society and university students can derive significant benefits from university education.

In addition, education should not turn into business. If it is mandatory for students to pay their educational costs, many intellectual individuals from financially disadvantaged backgrounds who could be trained to be professional employees will refuse the opportunities attending higher education. Thus, they cannot apply to jobs where graduation is the minimum criteria. Many Central Government Jobs, for instance, require a bachelor degree to apply for any positions. Consequently, the number of employed people will decrease, imposing a burden on society. Government has to allocate a substantial sum of money for unemployment benefits, which can be used for more justified purposes such as establishing voluntary educational programs or refurbishing public buildings like parks or gardens.

In conclusion, not only do individuals obtain benefits from university, but also the community does. It is thus essential to create more sponsorships to potential students with financial hardships who can be trained to be professional employees, contributing to the prosperity of society.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Many people claim" -> "Many individuals argue"
    Explanation: Replacing "claim" with "argue" adds a more formal and assertive tone, aligning with academic discourse.

  2. "I strongly believe" -> "I am convinced"
    Explanation: Substituting "strongly believe" with "am convinced" enhances the formality of the statement without sacrificing personal conviction.

  3. "Hence" -> "Therefore"
    Explanation: Using "Therefore" instead of "Hence" maintains formality and improves the logical flow of the argument.

  4. "Granted" -> "Admittedly"
    Explanation: "Admittedly" is a more sophisticated transition, better suited for academic writing than the informal "Granted."

  5. "reap more significant benefits than society" -> "derive greater benefits than society"
    Explanation: Replacing "reap more significant benefits" with "derive greater benefits" improves precision and formality.

  6. "financial problems" -> "financial challenges"
    Explanation: "Challenges" is a more formal term than "problems" and fits better in an academic context.

  7. "low-income brackets" -> "individuals from economically disadvantaged backgrounds"
    Explanation: The substitution provides a more precise and formal description, avoiding the colloquialism of "brackets."

  8. "After graduating, a person who got financial support" -> "Upon graduation, an individual who received financial assistance"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and eliminates the colloquial "got" for a more academic tone.

  9. "indisputable" -> "undeniable"
    Explanation: "Undeniable" is a more formal synonym, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

  10. "part-time after school and on weekends" -> "part-time after classes and during weekends"
    Explanation: This revision uses more formal language, specifying "classes" instead of the informal "school."

  11. "leading to poor academic performances" -> "resulting in subpar academic achievements"
    Explanation: "Subpar academic achievements" is a more formal expression than "poor academic performances."

  12. "government and universities" -> "governments and universities"
    Explanation: Maintaining subject-verb agreement by using the plural form "governments" ensures grammatical correctness.

  13. "turn into business" -> "become a commercial enterprise"
    Explanation: "Become a commercial enterprise" conveys the idea more formally than the colloquial "turn into business."

  14. "financially disadvantaged backgrounds" -> "economically disadvantaged backgrounds"
    Explanation: "Economically" is a more formal term, aligning with academic style.

  15. "burden on society" -> "strain on society"
    Explanation: "Strain on society" is a more formal expression, conveying the negative impact in a nuanced manner.

  16. "substantial sum of money" -> "significant allocation of funds"
    Explanation: The substitution with "significant allocation of funds" enhances formality and precision in the context of financial matters.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the perspective that university students should pay the full cost of their studies, provides counterarguments, and presents a clear stance on the issue. Relevant examples and explanations support the argument throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: The essay excels in addressing all parts of the question. To further enhance this aspect, the writer can consider providing additional examples or scenarios to strengthen their arguments.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position, expressing a strong belief that both individuals and society benefit from university education. The stance is evident in the thesis statement and is consistently reinforced throughout the essay with well-supported arguments.
    • How to improve: To further improve, the writer can consider incorporating a concise restatement of the main position in the conclusion to reinforce the clarity of the stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. Examples such as medical universities offering scholarships and the impact on employment opportunities enhance the depth of the argument. Each idea is logically developed and supported with relevant details.
    • How to improve: To elevate the essay, the writer could explore potential counterarguments and provide counter-evidence to strengthen their position further. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the impact of students paying for their education on both individuals and society. However, there is a brief mention of the potential negative effects of mandatory payments on intellectual individuals, which might slightly deviate from the main focus.
    • How to improve: While the point about intellectual individuals is relevant, ensuring a more seamless transition and integration of this idea within the broader context would strengthen the cohesiveness of the essay.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively presents arguments, and maintains a clear stance. To further enhance the response, the writer can consider expanding on examples, restating the main position in the conclusion, addressing potential counterarguments, and ensuring a seamless flow of ideas. Overall, this essay is well-structured, logically presented, and deserving of the Band Score 8.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting a clear introduction, body paragraphs with distinct supporting points, and a conclusion. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, maintaining a coherent flow. However, there is room for improvement in the connection between some ideas, especially in the transition between the second and third paragraphs. The shift from discussing scholarship opportunities to the idea of education turning into a business could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect related ideas. For instance, a transition phrase like "Furthermore," could be employed to smoothly introduce the discussion on education not turning into a business.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second paragraph could be more organized. It starts by discussing medical universities and scholarships, then shifts to various occupations, creating a slight disconnection. Additionally, the third paragraph introduces a new perspective on the potential negative impact of mandatory education costs. Although the points are relevant, a more seamless transition would strengthen the paragraphing.
    • How to improve: Reorganize the second paragraph to maintain a consistent focus on the benefits of scholarships for various occupations. For the third paragraph, consider starting with a topic sentence that links the potential negative consequences of mandatory education costs to the overall argument.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices adequately, including pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional words. For instance, the use of phrases like "granted," "in addition," and "in conclusion" aids in signaling shifts between ideas. However, there’s a need for more varied cohesive devices to enhance the overall coherence. For instance, the transition from the second to the third paragraph could benefit from a stronger cohesive link.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, such as parallel structures, synonyms, or more diverse transition words, to create smoother connections between ideas. In the transition between the second and third paragraphs, consider using a sentence that explicitly ties the discussion of scholarships to the subsequent exploration of education as a business.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion, but refinements in transitions and the use of varied cohesive devices can further enhance the overall structure and flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. It includes terms such as "sponsorships," "financial pressures," "intellectual individuals," and "prosperity of society." However, there is room for improvement as certain concepts are repeated, and more advanced vocabulary could be incorporated to enhance lexical diversity. For instance, alternative phrases and synonyms could be employed to express ideas more precisely.
    • How to improve: To broaden your lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative expressions for key terms. Explore advanced vocabulary related to the essay’s theme, ensuring the usage fits naturally within the context. This will elevate the overall richness and sophistication of your language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where words might be used imprecisely. For example, the term "educational sponsorships" could be refined for clarity. Precision in vocabulary ensures that your ideas are communicated accurately and leaves no room for misinterpretation.
    • How to improve: When selecting words, strive for precision and clarity. Be mindful of the context in which terms are used, and consider whether there are more precise alternatives. For instance, instead of "educational sponsorships," you might use "scholarships" or "educational grants," depending on the intended nuance. This will enhance the overall effectiveness of your expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a commendable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where attention to detail is required. For example, "indisputable" is spelled correctly, but other words, such as "educational" and "sponsorships," need careful consideration. Consistent attention to spelling accuracy contributes to the professionalism and credibility of the writing.
    • How to improve: Employ thorough proofreading techniques to catch and correct spelling errors. Consider using spell-check tools and allocate dedicated time for revising your work. Pay special attention to complex words and terms related to the essay topic. This habit will enhance the overall clarity and correctness of your writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in vocabulary use and spelling, a more varied lexicon, precise vocabulary selection, and meticulous attention to spelling details will further elevate the quality of your writing and contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It utilizes both simple and complex structures, such as compound sentences and conditional sentences. For instance, the author employs conditional structures when discussing the consequences of mandatory education costs, saying, "If it is mandatory for students to pay their educational costs, many intellectual individuals from financially disadvantaged backgrounds…". However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further. A greater variety, such as the use of complex sentences with embedded clauses or varied sentence openings, would enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.

    • How to improve: To further elevate the grammatical range, consider incorporating complex sentence structures with embedded clauses to add depth and nuance to your ideas. Additionally, varying sentence openings and experimenting with different sentence lengths can contribute to a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where more precise grammar usage could be applied. For example, in the sentence, "Many people claim that university students should be responsible for the payment of their entire tuition," consider refining it to "Many argue that university students should bear the full cost of their tuition." This adjustment improves the precision of the statement. Punctuation is generally accurate, but attention to detail, such as consistent use of commas in complex sentences, could be strengthened.

    • How to improve: Focus on refining grammar usage by paying attention to sentence construction. Be mindful of punctuation consistency, particularly in complex sentences. For example, ensure consistent use of commas before conjunctions in compound sentences. Additionally, consider using more varied punctuation marks, such as semicolons or em-dashes, to add complexity to sentence structures.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammar usage for greater precision. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to an even more polished and sophisticated essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

While it is argued by many that university students should bear the entire cost of their education, I am convinced that the benefits extend beyond individuals to society as a whole. Therefore, I strongly believe that universities should continue offering scholarships and financial support to their students.

Admittedly, university education yields benefits for both individuals and the community. For instance, medical universities can provide scholarships to deserving candidates facing financial challenges, enabling those from economically disadvantaged backgrounds to access higher education. Upon graduation, an individual who received financial assistance can become a highly qualified medical professional, thereby saving lives. This is applicable to various occupations, such as the police, electricians, or machinery operators. By establishing educational sponsorships for deserving and intellectual individuals, we can have more competent professionals contributing to the prosperity of society. For individuals, it is undeniable that some students from economically disadvantaged backgrounds might resort to working part-time after classes and during weekends to pay for their tuition. However, this often results in subpar academic achievements, emphasizing the need for governments and universities to provide scholarships. Such support allows students to dedicate more time to their studies, effectively realizing their potential. In essence, both society and university students can derive significant benefits from higher education.

Moreover, education should not become a purely commercial enterprise. If students are compelled to cover their educational costs entirely, many intellectually capable individuals from financially disadvantaged backgrounds might decline the opportunity to pursue higher education. This refusal could hinder their chances of applying for jobs where a degree is a minimum requirement, like many Central Government Jobs. Consequently, the reduction in employed individuals would place a strain on society, leading to a significant allocation of funds for unemployment benefits. These funds could be better used for more justified purposes, such as establishing voluntary educational programs or refurbishing public spaces like parks or gardens.

In conclusion, not only do individuals benefit from university education, but society as a whole also reaps rewards. It is therefore crucial to continue creating sponsorships for potential students facing financial hardships, enabling them to become professional contributors to the prosperity of society.

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