University students should pay the full cost of their studies because a university education benefits individuals rather than society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

University students should pay the full cost of their studies because a university education benefits individuals rather than society as a whole.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

One school of thought argues that students should bear the full cost of their education, as university courses primarily benefit the students themselves rather than society as a whole. This essay aims to present two reasons why I strongly disagree with this viewpoint.

Firstly, by providing financial assistance to students, more individuals will have access to higher education. As a result, they will have greater opportunities to obtain better jobs, leading to lower rates of unemployment. This undoubtedly contributes to reducing crime, as lack of employment and job prospects are often root causes of criminal activities. For instance, in many countries, higher college enrollment rates are associated with lower crime rates. This is why subsidies for tuition fees should be provided to enhance societal safety.

Another compelling reason is that when the financial burden on undergraduates is lightened, they can dedicate more time and effort to community projects. These projects play a vital role in assisting the underprivileged. For example, many universities in Vietnam offer students various voluntary activities to help financially disadvantaged individuals in disaster-prone areas repair and renovate their homes. If students had to cover all their tuition fees, they would likely spend their free time working temporary jobs to finance their education, rather than participating in these activities.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that governments should bear the full cost of education for these young talents, or at least share the financial burden with the undergraduates themselves.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "One school of thought argues" -> "A prevailing opinion holds"
   Explanation: "A prevailing opinion holds" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a widely accepted viewpoint in academic writing, enhancing the tone and clarity of the statement.

2. "bear the full cost" -> "shoulder the full financial burden"
   Explanation: "Shoulder the full financial burden" is a more precise and formal expression that clearly conveys the financial aspect of the responsibility, which is more suitable for academic discourse.

3. "primarily benefit the students themselves" -> "primarily benefit the students directly"
   Explanation: "Directly" is more specific and academically precise than "themselves," which can be seen as vague and informal in this context.

4. "strongly disagree" -> "firmly disagree"
   Explanation: "Firmly" is a more formal synonym for "strongly," which is preferred in academic writing for its neutrality and formality.

5. "by providing financial assistance" -> "through financial support"
   Explanation: "Through financial support" is a more formal and precise phrase that better fits the academic style, emphasizing the means by which assistance is given.

6. "more individuals will have access" -> "a greater number of individuals will gain access"
   Explanation: "A greater number of individuals will gain access" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone of the sentence.

7. "leading to lower rates of unemployment" -> "resulting in reduced unemployment rates"
   Explanation: "Resulting in reduced unemployment rates" is a more formal and precise way to describe the outcome, aligning better with academic standards.

8. "lack of employment and job prospects" -> "unemployment and limited job opportunities"
   Explanation: "Unemployment and limited job opportunities" is a more precise and formal way to describe the conditions, avoiding the redundancy of "lack of employment and job prospects."

9. "subsidies for tuition fees" -> "tuition fee subsidies"
   Explanation: "Tuition fee subsidies" is a more concise and formal way to refer to financial assistance for education costs.

10. "lightened" -> "reduced"
    Explanation: "Reduced" is a clearer and more direct term than "lightened," which can be ambiguous in this context.

11. "dedicate more time and effort" -> "allocate more time and resources"
    Explanation: "Allocate more time and resources" is a more formal and precise expression, suitable for academic writing, emphasizing the strategic use of time and resources.

12. "assist the underprivileged" -> "support disadvantaged individuals"
    Explanation: "Support disadvantaged individuals" is a more specific and formal term, enhancing the academic tone and clarity of the sentence.

13. "repair and renovate their homes" -> "repair and renovate their dwellings"
    Explanation: "Dwellings" is a more formal and precise term than "homes," which is more commonly used in everyday language.

14. "If students had to cover all their tuition fees" -> "If students were required to cover all their tuition expenses"
    Explanation: "Were required to cover all their tuition expenses" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than the more conversational "had to cover."

15. "young talents" -> "young scholars"
    Explanation: "Young scholars" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "young talents," which can be seen as informal and vague.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the idea that students should pay the full cost of their education. However, it does not fully explore the extent of agreement or disagreement as required by the prompt. The writer states they "strongly disagree" but does not provide a nuanced discussion of the opposing viewpoint or acknowledge any potential merits of the argument for students paying their own costs. This lack of balance limits the depth of the response.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should briefly outline the opposing viewpoint and then refute it. This could involve acknowledging that some may argue that students should pay for their education because it fosters personal responsibility or that it alleviates government financial burdens. Engaging with these points would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position against the notion that students should pay the full cost of their education. The writer consistently argues for government support and provides reasons to back this stance. However, the clarity of the position could be improved by explicitly stating the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion, as the prompt requests.
  • How to improve: The writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction, indicating the extent of their disagreement. Phrases like "I completely disagree" or "I partially agree" can clarify the stance. Additionally, reiterating this position in the conclusion would reinforce the clarity of the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents two main arguments: access to higher education and involvement in community projects. Each argument is supported with examples, such as the correlation between higher education and lower crime rates, and the role of students in community service. However, the ideas could be extended further with more detailed evidence or statistics to strengthen the claims made.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more robust support for their arguments. This could include citing specific studies or statistics that demonstrate the benefits of higher education on society or elaborating on the impact of community projects. Additionally, including a counterargument and then refuting it would enhance the depth of the discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of government funding for education and the implications of students bearing the financial burden. However, there are moments where the connection to the prompt could be clearer, particularly in linking the benefits discussed back to the societal implications of education costs.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should consistently relate their arguments back to the prompt. Each point made should tie back to the central question of whether students should pay for their education, ensuring that all examples and explanations reinforce the main argument. This can be achieved by explicitly stating how each point supports the overall thesis.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a clear disagreement with the prompt, it lacks depth in addressing all parts of the question, presenting a nuanced position, and extending ideas with robust support. By incorporating these suggestions, the writer can improve the overall effectiveness of their argument and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that students should pay the full cost of their education. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, outlining the writer’s stance. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, with the first paragraph introducing the argument about access to education and societal benefits, while the second paragraph expands on the community involvement aspect. The use of examples, such as the relationship between higher education and crime rates, supports the argument effectively.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This would help to guide the reader more explicitly through the argument. Additionally, a brief summary of the main points at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the logical flow and help the reader follow the argument more easily.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is well-structured with distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point related to the main argument. The introduction clearly states the thesis, while the body paragraphs each tackle a separate reason supporting the thesis. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the writer’s position. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer could use transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph to create a stronger connection between the two points. For example, starting the second paragraph with a phrase like "In addition to enhancing access to education, financial support also enables students to…" would help to link the ideas more cohesively.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Another compelling reason," and "For example," which help to guide the reader through the argument. The use of cohesive devices contributes to the clarity of the essay and aids in the logical flow of ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to further enhance the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more varied linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand," to introduce contrasting ideas or additional points. This would not only enhance the cohesion of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of linguistic proficiency.

Overall, the essay is coherent and cohesive, effectively presenting a well-structured argument. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and flow of their ideas, potentially achieving an even higher band score in the Coherence and Cohesion criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "financial assistance," "undergraduates," "community projects," and "voluntary activities." These words are appropriate for the context and contribute to the clarity of the argument. However, the vocabulary could be further enhanced by incorporating more varied synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "financial burden," the writer could use alternatives such as "monetary strain" or "economic pressure."
  • How to improve: To elevate the lexical variety, the writer should practice using synonyms and related phrases. Engaging with academic texts or articles on education can provide exposure to diverse vocabulary. Additionally, maintaining a personal vocabulary journal to note down new words and their usages can be beneficial.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where the precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "greater opportunities to obtain better jobs" could be more specific by mentioning "higher-paying jobs" or "more fulfilling career paths." Furthermore, the term "subsidies for tuition fees" is accurate but could be complemented with a brief explanation of what subsidies entail, enhancing clarity for readers unfamiliar with the term.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey their intended meaning more clearly. This can be achieved by practicing paraphrasing sentences and seeking feedback on whether the intended message is understood. Additionally, using a thesaurus can help find more precise terms that fit the context better.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a strong command of spelling, with no evident errors throughout the text. Words like "education," "unemployment," and "community" are spelled correctly, reflecting a solid grasp of English spelling conventions. This accuracy contributes positively to the overall impression of the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and engaging in regular writing practice can also help reinforce correct spelling. Additionally, reading extensively can improve familiarity with word forms and spellings, further solidifying this strength.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of lexical resource with room for improvement in vocabulary range and precision. By incorporating a broader variety of vocabulary, enhancing the specificity of word choices, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "As a result, they will have greater opportunities to obtain better jobs, leading to lower rates of unemployment" effectively convey cause and effect. Additionally, the use of conditional structures in "If students had to cover all their tuition fees, they would likely spend their free time working temporary jobs" showcases a good command of grammatical forms. However, there are instances of simpler sentence constructions that could be enhanced, such as the use of more varied introductory phrases and clauses.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, such as participial phrases ("Having access to higher education…") or adverbial clauses ("Although some argue that…"). This would not only enhance the complexity of the sentences but also improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "as lack of employment and job prospects are often root causes of criminal activities" could be more effectively phrased as "as the lack of employment and job prospects is often a root cause of criminal activities," ensuring subject-verb agreement. Punctuation is mostly accurate, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and phrases, although there are a few instances where additional commas could improve clarity, such as in the introductory clause of the second paragraph.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that singular and plural forms are correctly matched. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, would be beneficial. Practicing sentence combining exercises could also help in recognizing where additional punctuation may be necessary for clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted improvements in sentence variety and grammatical precision, it could achieve an even higher score.

Bài sửa mẫu

One school of thought argues that students should shoulder the full financial burden of their education, as university courses primarily benefit the students themselves rather than society as a whole. This essay aims to present two reasons why I firmly disagree with this viewpoint.

Firstly, by providing financial support to students, a greater number of individuals will gain access to higher education. As a result, they will have greater opportunities to obtain better jobs, leading to reduced unemployment rates. This undoubtedly contributes to lowering crime, as unemployment and limited job opportunities are often root causes of criminal activities. For instance, in many countries, higher college enrollment rates are associated with lower crime rates. This is why tuition fee subsidies should be provided to enhance societal safety.

Another compelling reason is that when the financial burden on undergraduates is lightened, they can allocate more time and resources to community projects. These projects play a vital role in assisting disadvantaged individuals. For example, many universities in Vietnam offer students various voluntary activities to help financially disadvantaged individuals in disaster-prone areas repair and renovate their dwellings. If students were required to cover all their tuition expenses, they would likely spend their free time working temporary jobs to finance their education, rather than participating in these activities.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that governments should bear the full cost of education for these young scholars, or at least share the financial burden with the undergraduates themselves.