Vegetarians tend to avoid consuming meat and fish on the purpose of keeping hody health and concerning on environmental issue. It is a fact that several groups of people prefer not to consume any kinds of meat and fish, as they believe that being vegetarian bring(many benefits for their health and for the world as a whole. Now, write an essay to an educated reader to discuss your opinions about this point of view. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer. You should write
Vegetarians tend to avoid consuming meat and fish on the purpose of keeping hody health and concerning on environmental issue. It is a fact that several groups of people prefer not to consume any kinds of meat and fish, as they believe that being vegetarian bring(many benefits for their health and for the world as a whole. Now, write an essay to an educated reader to discuss your opinions about this point of view. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer. You should write
In this day and age, the prevalence of Vegetarianism has become a topic of extensive and fervent discussion in recent time. While a school of thought holds the opinions that this trend can aid people in keeping body health. I also agree that vegetarians can diminish the environmental issues Significantly. In this essay, arguments of both views will be examined.
On the one hand, it is seemingly comprehensible why some subscribe to the view that vegetarianism can stay health and body shape. The prime reason for this that the plants' nutrition has a myriad of vitamins, fiber and antioxidants which can support man kinds to keep healthy and avoid a plethora of diseases such as obesity or blood pressure. Another advantageous factor is that many researchers recover some people who have a propensity to go vegetarian have a low of cholesterol level compared to people with huge meat intake. As a result, individuals should eat more fruits, vegetables and whole grains to contribute to enhance long-term health and longevity.
On the other hand, in spite of the aforementioned rationale, I also believe that vegetarianism can help people's life to mitigate the environmental detriment. The key reason for this is that livestock farming tend to closely link with greenhouse gases emission, deforestation and so on. therefore, this can contribute to the environment deterioration. Furthermore, many Scientific studies show that the process of producing meat require a huge amount of water rather than production of beans or whole grains. Consequently, by consuming more plant base- food, human beings not only contribute to reduce the environmental degradation but also create a more sustainable and environmentally friendly world.
In conclusion while there are valid reasons to substantiate the perspective that vegetarians can stay their health effectively, I am also strongly convinced that the ubiquity of this trend can also help to deal with concerning On environmental problems.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. -
"Vegetarianism has become a topic of extensive and fervent discussion" -> "Vegetarianism has garnered significant and intense discussion"
Explanation: "Garnered" is a more precise verb that conveys the idea of gaining widespread attention, and "intense" is a more formal synonym for "fervent." -
"a school of thought holds the opinions" -> "a school of thought maintains the view"
Explanation: "Maintains the view" is more formal and precise than "holds the opinions," which is somewhat vague and informal. -
"can aid people in keeping body health" -> "can promote overall health"
Explanation: "Promote overall health" is more specific and academically appropriate than "aid people in keeping body health," which is awkward and unclear. -
"diminish the environmental issues Significantly" -> "significantly reduce environmental issues"
Explanation: "Significantly reduce" is a more direct and formal way to express the degree of reduction, avoiding the awkward placement of "Significantly." -
"it is seemingly comprehensible why some subscribe to the view" -> "it is understandable why some support the view"
Explanation: "Understandable" is more direct and formal than "seemingly comprehensible," which is redundant and less formal. -
"stay health and body shape" -> "maintain health and physical fitness"
Explanation: "Maintain health and physical fitness" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of sustaining overall well-being. -
"The prime reason for this that" -> "The primary reason for this is that"
Explanation: "The primary reason for this is that" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the sentence. -
"man kinds" -> "humankind"
Explanation: "Humankind" is the correct term for referring to the human species, whereas "man kinds" is a typographical error and informal. -
"recover some people who have a propensity to go vegetarian" -> "find that individuals who tend to adopt a vegetarian diet"
Explanation: "Find that individuals who tend to adopt a vegetarian diet" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "recover some people." -
"a low of cholesterol level" -> "lower cholesterol levels"
Explanation: "Lower cholesterol levels" is grammatically correct and more formal than "a low of cholesterol level." -
"huge meat intake" -> "high meat consumption"
Explanation: "High meat consumption" is a more precise and formal term than "huge meat intake." -
"livestock farming tend to closely link with" -> "livestock farming is closely linked to"
Explanation: "Is closely linked to" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formality of the sentence. -
"environmental detriment" -> "environmental degradation"
Explanation: "Environmental degradation" is the correct term for describing the deterioration of the environment, whereas "detriment" is less specific and less commonly used in this context. -
"require a huge amount of water rather than production of beans or whole grains" -> "consume significantly more water than the production of beans or whole grains"
Explanation: "Consume significantly more water" is a more precise and formal way to express the comparison, avoiding the informal "huge amount." -
"plant base- food" -> "plant-based foods"
Explanation: "Plant-based foods" is the correct term, whereas "plant base- food" is a typographical error and awkwardly phrased. -
"concerning On environmental problems" -> "concerning environmental problems"
Explanation: Corrects the typographical error and removes the unnecessary "On" for a more formal and grammatically correct expression.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the health benefits of vegetarianism and its environmental advantages. The introduction outlines the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs provide arguments supporting both views. However, the essay could improve by explicitly stating the writer’s opinion in the introduction and ensuring that both sides are equally explored. For instance, while the health benefits are mentioned, the environmental arguments could be more thoroughly developed to balance the discussion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and ensure that both sides are given equal weight in the body paragraphs. Including more specific examples or data to support each argument would also strengthen the response.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that supports vegetarianism for both health and environmental reasons. However, the clarity of this position could be improved. Phrases like "I also agree" could be more assertively stated to reinforce the writer’s stance. Additionally, the transition between discussing health benefits and environmental concerns could be smoother to maintain a consistent flow.
- How to improve: The writer should use more definitive language to express their opinion, such as "I firmly believe" or "It is clear that." Additionally, using transitional phrases to connect ideas will help maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the nutritional benefits of vegetarianism and its impact on the environment. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, while the essay mentions "a plethora of diseases," it does not specify which diseases or provide statistical evidence to support the claims about cholesterol levels and health outcomes.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should include specific examples, statistics, or studies that reinforce their arguments. Expanding on each point with more detailed explanations will enhance the overall quality of the essay.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the benefits of vegetarianism in relation to health and environmental issues. However, there are moments where the phrasing becomes unclear, such as "the opinions that this trend can aid people in keeping body health," which could confuse the reader about the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence clearly relates back to the main argument. Simplifying complex phrases and avoiding vague language will help keep the essay on topic and enhance clarity.
Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a solid argument, improvements in clarity, depth, and structure will help elevate the score further.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the main points that will be discussed, which helps the reader anticipate the flow of the argument. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing health benefits to environmental issues feels abrupt. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" is appropriate, but the connection between the two arguments could be made more explicit.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases that link the two main ideas more cohesively. For example, after discussing health benefits, you could introduce the environmental argument with a sentence that highlights the interconnectedness of health and environmental sustainability, such as "In addition to health benefits, vegetarianism also plays a crucial role in addressing environmental concerns."
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses health benefits, while the second addresses environmental issues. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth. The health paragraph is relatively longer and more detailed than the environmental one, which may lead to an imbalance in the argument.
- How to improve: Aim for more equal development of each paragraph. You could expand on the environmental paragraph by including additional examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. This will not only provide a more balanced discussion but also enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "Furthermore," which help in linking ideas. However, there is a noticeable repetition of certain phrases and a lack of variety in cohesive devices. For instance, the phrase "can help" is used multiple times, which can detract from the overall fluency of the essay. Additionally, some sentences lack clear connections, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "can help," you might use "can contribute to" or "may assist in." Additionally, incorporating more advanced cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "In contrast," or "Consequently," can enhance the fluidity of the essay and improve the reader’s understanding of the relationships between ideas.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "vegetarianism," "environmental issues," and "nutrients." However, there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "health" and "environment," which could be varied. For example, the phrase "keeping body health" could be rephrased to "maintaining physical well-being."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "health," you could incorporate "wellness," "fitness," or "vitality." Additionally, using more specific terms related to nutrition or environmental science could enrich the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "stay health and body shape" is awkward and unclear. The term "man kinds" is also incorrect; it should be "mankind." Furthermore, "a plethora of diseases" is a bit vague and could be more specific.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. For instance, instead of "stay health," you could say "maintain good health." Additionally, ensure that terms are used in their correct forms; for example, "mankind" is the correct term instead of "man kinds."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "hody" instead of "body," "bring" instead of "brings," and "base-food" instead of "plant-based food." These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to read through the essay slowly, checking for spelling mistakes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing software can help identify errors before submission. Regular practice with vocabulary lists can also reinforce correct spelling.
By addressing these areas of vocabulary use, precision, and spelling, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicate an attempt to present contrasting views. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure, which can lead to monotony. For example, the sentence "The prime reason for this that the plants’ nutrition has a myriad of vitamins, fiber and antioxidants" lacks complexity and could be restructured for better flow.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For example, instead of saying, "The prime reason for this is that the plants’ nutrition has a myriad of vitamins," you could say, "One of the primary reasons for this is the rich nutritional profile of plants, which includes a myriad of vitamins, fiber, and antioxidants." Additionally, incorporating varied sentence beginnings and using relative clauses can enhance the complexity of your writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, "keeping body health" should be "keeping the body healthy," and "the opinions that this trend can aid people in keeping body health" is awkwardly phrased. There are also punctuation errors, such as the lack of a comma before "therefore" in "therefore, this can contribute to the environment deterioration," and the incorrect capitalization of "Scientific" in "many Scientific studies." These errors can confuse the reader and detract from the overall effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles. For example, "vegetarianism can stay health" should be corrected to "vegetarianism can help maintain health." Additionally, practice using punctuation correctly, especially with conjunctions and transitional phrases. Reading your essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for revisions that enhance clarity and coherence.
In summary, while the essay presents relevant arguments and demonstrates an understanding of the topic, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical and punctuation accuracy will be crucial for achieving a higher band score. Regular practice, along with feedback on specific errors, can significantly aid in this improvement.
Bài sửa mẫu
In this day and age, the prevalence of vegetarianism has become a topic of significant and intense discussion. While a school of thought maintains the view that this trend can aid individuals in maintaining their health, I also agree that vegetarianism can significantly reduce environmental issues. In this essay, arguments for both perspectives will be examined.
On the one hand, it is understandable why some support the view that vegetarianism can promote overall health. The primary reason for this is that plant-based nutrition is rich in vitamins, fiber, and antioxidants, which can help humankind maintain health and physical fitness while avoiding a plethora of diseases such as obesity and high blood pressure. Another advantageous factor is that many researchers find that individuals who tend to adopt a vegetarian diet have lower cholesterol levels compared to those with high meat consumption. As a result, individuals should consume more fruits, vegetables, and whole grains to enhance their long-term health and longevity.
On the other hand, despite the aforementioned rationale, I also believe that vegetarianism can help mitigate environmental degradation. The key reason for this is that livestock farming is closely linked to greenhouse gas emissions, deforestation, and other environmental issues. Therefore, this practice can contribute to environmental deterioration. Furthermore, many scientific studies show that the process of producing meat requires significantly more water than the production of beans or whole grains. Consequently, by consuming more plant-based foods, humankind not only helps to reduce environmental issues but also contributes to creating a more sustainable and environmentally friendly world.
In conclusion, while there are valid reasons to substantiate the perspective that vegetarians can effectively maintain their health, I am also strongly convinced that the ubiquity of this trend can help address concerning environmental problems.