Water is in short supply in many countries of the world, but consumption of water by families is increasing. Why is this happening? What can be done to preserve?
Water is in short supply in many countries of the world, but consumption of water by families is increasing. Why is this happening? What can be done to preserve?
In the contemporary era, water deficiency is one of the most considerable issues in different parts of the world; however, the utilization of households is significantly accelerating. The aim of this essay is to present several underlying justifications for this trend and address feasible avenues to tackle it.
Indisputably, there are two fundamental reasons why there is a noticeable increase in the water consumption of families. Firstly, an excessive amount of water consumed could be undoubtedly attributed to the multitude of people who have the predilection for gardening in their houses. For instance, if citizens create their own green spaces such as gardens including a variety of flora species such as flowers, vegetables, and ornamental plants, substantial water resources could be spent on watering even in spacious gardens. Secondly, the ubiquity of steam devices installed in citizens’ accommodations may certainly lead to this tendency. Specifically, individuals may indeed delegate household chores to an abundance of domestic appliances operated by water, encompassing cleaning machines, ventilators or irons; therefore, they can be unquestionably exempted from such mundane and monotonous household chores as well as rapidly meet daily demands.
Several effective measures should be undeniably taken into consideration to preserve water resources. The first viable measure is that the water treatment systems should be substantially invested by the governments. This is largely due to the fact that when the sewage can be comprehensively treated to cleanliness with robotic hands for reusing especially in households, the water shortage would be clearly resolved. Another efficacious method is that it is plausible to incorporate knowledge of the devastating consequences of the water crisis into school curriculums. As a result, each resident could be instilled with a sense of responsibility to judiciously utilize water from an early age, ensuring the sustainability of water resources.
To reiterate, albeit the rising demands of families could [partly cause water shortage, there are viable resolutions to deal with it.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"water deficiency" -> "water scarcity"
Explanation: "Water scarcity" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic contexts to describe the limited availability of water, which is more specific and formal than "water deficiency." -
"utilization of households" -> "household water usage"
Explanation: "Household water usage" is a more specific and commonly used term in academic and formal contexts, clearly indicating the focus on water consumption within homes. -
"accelerating" -> "increasing"
Explanation: "Increasing" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "accelerating," which can imply a sense of rapid growth that may not be accurate in this context. -
"underlying justifications" -> "underlying reasons"
Explanation: "Reasons" is a more straightforward and academically appropriate term than "justifications," which can imply a more subjective or defensive tone. -
"feasible avenues" -> "practical solutions"
Explanation: "Practical solutions" is a more direct and formal expression, fitting better in an academic context than "feasible avenues," which is somewhat vague and less specific. -
"Indisputably" -> "Undoubtedly"
Explanation: "Undoubtedly" is a more commonly used adverb in academic writing, whereas "indisputably" can sound overly dramatic and less formal. -
"an excessive amount of water consumed" -> "excessive water consumption"
Explanation: "Excessive water consumption" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward construction of "an excessive amount of water consumed." -
"predilection for gardening" -> "preference for gardening"
Explanation: "Preference" is a more precise term than "predilection," which can be less commonly used and slightly archaic in modern academic writing. -
"substantial water resources could be spent" -> "substantial water resources are spent"
Explanation: Changing "could be spent" to "are spent" makes the sentence more direct and assertive, aligning better with formal academic style. -
"ubiquity of steam devices" -> "widespread use of steam devices"
Explanation: "Widespread use" is a clearer and more commonly used phrase in academic writing than "ubiquity," which can be less familiar to some readers. -
"unquestionably exempted" -> "clearly exempted"
Explanation: "Clearly" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "unquestionably," which can imply a level of certainty that may not be justified. -
"mundane and monotonous household chores" -> "routine household tasks"
Explanation: "Routine household tasks" is a more neutral and formal way to describe household chores, avoiding the emotional connotations of "mundane" and "monotonous." -
"substantially invested" -> "significantly invested"
Explanation: "Significantly" is a more commonly used adverb in formal writing, whereas "substantially" can be less precise in this context. -
"robotic hands" -> "mechanical systems"
Explanation: "Mechanical systems" is a more precise and formal term than "robotic hands," which is less specific and slightly informal. -
"devastating consequences" -> "serious consequences"
Explanation: "Serious consequences" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "devastating," which can be overly dramatic and less formal. -
"judiciously utilize" -> "wisely use"
Explanation: "Wisely use" is a more natural and formal expression than "judiciously utilize," which is slightly awkward and less commonly used in this context.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the question. It identifies reasons for increasing household water consumption (gardening and household appliances) and proposes solutions (investment in water treatment systems and education).
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that all supporting details directly relate to the prompt. Avoid ambiguous statements like "albeit the rising demands of families could [partly cause water shortage]" which weaken the essay’s clarity.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, asserting that water consumption is increasing due to gardening and household appliances, and suggests solutions involving government investment and educational reforms.
- How to improve: Strengthen the introduction and conclusion to more explicitly state the essay’s stance, reinforcing it with examples and implications throughout the body paragraphs.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented with examples (gardening, household appliances) and are somewhat developed, but could benefit from deeper exploration and more specific examples.
- How to improve: Extend each idea further with concrete data or examples to enhance clarity and depth. Connect each supporting point explicitly back to the main thesis to strengthen coherence.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but occasionally veers into less relevant areas, such as mentioning robotic hands for water treatment and introducing the idea of incorporating water crisis education into school curriculums.
- How to improve: Focus on directly addressing the prompt’s core components (reasons for increasing water consumption and preservation strategies) without introducing tangential ideas that dilute the essay’s focus.
Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a structured response, there are opportunities for improvement in clarity, coherence, and depth of analysis. By refining the focus and strengthening the supporting examples, the essay could achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally coherent organization of ideas. It introduces the topic clearly in the introduction and concludes with a summary statement. However, within paragraphs, there are instances where ideas could be more tightly connected, such as the transition between discussing reasons for water consumption and proposed solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea related to the prompt. Use topic sentences to clearly introduce the main point of each paragraph and ensure that supporting details directly relate back to that topic sentence.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to separate different aspects of the topic, such as reasons for increased water consumption and proposed solutions. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the prompt, which aids in readability and coherence.
- How to improve: Consider refining paragraph structure further by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that paragraph. This will help maintain focus and coherence within each section of the essay.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices such as linking words (e.g., "however", "specifically", "albeit") and cohesive phrases (e.g., "firstly", "secondly", "to reiterate"). These devices help to connect ideas within and between sentences, contributing to coherence.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used to include more sophisticated connectors and transitions, such as "moreover", "in addition", "nevertheless", or "consequently". This will add nuance and improve the overall coherence by providing clearer relationships between ideas.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid organizational structure and effective use of paragraphs to address the essay prompt coherently. To improve coherence and cohesion further, focus on refining paragraph structure with clearer topic sentences and expand the repertoire of cohesive devices used to strengthen logical connections between ideas.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, including varied terms such as "predilection," "ubiquity," "efficacious," and "judiciously." These words contribute to clarity and sophistication in expression.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, aim to incorporate more specialized vocabulary related directly to the topic, such as terms specific to water conservation (e.g., "rainwater harvesting," "drip irrigation") where applicable. Additionally, ensure that all vocabulary used is contextually accurate and appropriately applied to avoid any possible overuse or misuse.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision, such as "excessive amount," "substantial water resources," and "devastating consequences." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as using "water-efficient appliances" instead of "steam devices" to better convey the idea.
- How to improve: To achieve greater precision, focus on selecting vocabulary that precisely fits the intended meaning of each sentence. Consider using specific terminology related to water management and conservation to avoid any ambiguity or generalization.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is mostly accurate throughout the essay, with minor errors such as "ubiquity" being spelled correctly but possibly misused in context ("ubiquitous" might be more appropriate). "Efficacious" and "predilection" are correctly spelled and used.
- How to improve: To maintain high spelling accuracy, continue to review and practice spelling of less common or technical terms. Utilize spell-check tools and proofreading techniques to catch any overlooked errors before submission.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable vocabulary range and generally precise usage, further refinement in specificity and ensuring consistent accuracy in spelling would contribute to a stronger lexical resource score. Continued exposure to diverse vocabulary and careful proofreading will aid in achieving these improvements effectively.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of subordinate clauses and phrases. For instance, it effectively uses introductory phrases ("In the contemporary era," "Specifically,") and employs conditional structures ("could be undoubtedly attributed," "may certainly lead to"). This variety enhances the essay’s readability and coherence.
- How to improve: To further enhance variety, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences for nuanced ideas and varying the placement of subordinate clauses to maintain clarity and flow. Additionally, integrating rhetorical questions or parallel structures could add stylistic flair and reinforce key arguments.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates strong grammatical control with few errors. There are accurate subject-verb agreements ("an excessive amount of water consumed could be undoubtedly attributed"), proper use of articles ("a multitude of people"), and correct punctuation for complex sentences. However, there are occasional minor errors, such as punctuation inconsistencies ("cleanliness with robotic hands for reusing especially in households") and word choice ("delegating household chores to an abundance of domestic appliances").
- How to improve: Focus on consistent use of commas in complex sentences to separate clauses effectively. Review articles (a, an, the) usage to ensure precision in describing quantities or categories (e.g., "an excessive amount of water"). Additionally, proofread for word choice accuracy to avoid ambiguous or convoluted expressions ("cleanliness with robotic hands").
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a varied range of sentence structures overall, attention to minor punctuation details and precision in word choice could further elevate the clarity and impact of the writing. Integrating more complex sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in future assessments.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the contemporary era, water scarcity is a significant issue in various parts of the world; however, household water usage is on the rise. This essay aims to explore several reasons behind this trend and propose practical solutions.
Undoubtedly, there are two primary reasons contributing to the increasing water consumption by families. Firstly, many people have a preference for gardening at home. For example, households often cultivate gardens with a variety of flora, including flowers, vegetables, and ornamental plants, necessitating substantial water resources for irrigation, even in large gardens. Secondly, the widespread use of steam devices in households is also a contributing factor. These devices, such as washing machines, dishwashers, and irons, streamline routine household tasks by employing water, thereby leading to higher overall water usage.
To address these challenges, several practical solutions should be considered. Firstly, governments should significantly invest in water treatment systems. This investment would enable comprehensive treatment of sewage, making water reusable for domestic purposes, thereby alleviating water scarcity. Secondly, incorporating education about the severe consequences of water crises into school curricula can instill a sense of responsibility in individuals from a young age. This awareness would promote wise water usage habits and ensure the sustainability of water resources for future generations.
In conclusion, while the increasing demands of families contribute to water shortages, viable solutions exist to mitigate these effects. By implementing these measures, we can effectively manage and preserve our precious water resources.