What is the advantage of staying with only one company for a long period?

When it comes to the job, some individuals prefer working at one company for an extended time but others want to move to another regularly. From my perspective, I am keen on the former opinion due to its advantages. The following essay will elaborate on my opinion.
First and foremost, staying with only one company for a long period does not take a lot of time to get acquainted with the new working environment. Instead of searching for a new company, getting familiar with new jobs as well as coworkers, employees simply focus on the work to get the improved productivity. This reminds me of my sister's story. 3 years ago, after graduating from NEU university, she did not have a stable job. She moved up to 5 companies in 2 years. At that time, she spent considerable time getting familiar with the new companies, encompassing the new colleagues, the culture of working in new companies and so on.
Secondly, working in a company for a long time brings employees the opportunities to be promoted. There is no doubt that an old employee has more chances to have career development than any others. Because the leaders know exactly the capacity as well as the leadership skills of these people. Continued with my sister’s story. After working multiple jobs at different companies, 3 years ago, she started working at a multiple national corporation and now, she has become one of the most excellent employees of this organization. As a result, last week, she was promoted to be the head of the marketing department.
Last but not least, employees also can foster the relationships between colleagues if they work in a company for a long time. They are not only my coworkers but also my friends, my sisters, and my brothers. I can illustrate this point with my personal experience. I have been working for this company for 2 years and I have several good colleagues in my department. They not only help me in work but also in life.
To sum up, working in one company for an extended time has a lot of advantages as I demonstrated above. However, I think employees should rely on their needs and preferences to choose the type of work suitable for them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"job" -> "employment"
Explanation: In academic writing, using "employment" instead of "job" elevates the formality of the language. It adds a more professional tone to the discussion about work preferences.
"keen on" -> "favor"
Explanation: Substituting "keen on" with "favor" maintains a formal tone while presenting the preference for a particular viewpoint.
"advantages" -> "benefits"
Explanation: "Benefits" is a more formal and precise term in an academic context, enhancing the professionalism of the discussion.
"First and foremost" -> "Primarily"
Explanation: "Primarily" maintains a formal tone without losing the emphasis on the first point being made in the essay.
"acquainted" -> "familiar"
Explanation: "Familiar" is a suitable alternative that is more commonly used in academic writing to describe becoming accustomed to a new working environment.
"reminds me of" -> "brings to mind"
Explanation: "Brings to mind" is a more formal and appropriate phrase to introduce an illustrative example in an academic context.
"considerable time" -> "a significant amount of time"
Explanation: The phrase "a significant amount of time" adds clarity and formality, avoiding ambiguity in the duration spent on familiarizing oneself with new companies.
"encompassing" -> "including"
Explanation: "Including" is a more straightforward and academically appropriate term for incorporating various aspects when discussing becoming familiar with new colleagues and company culture.
"promoted" -> "elevated"
Explanation: "Elevated" maintains a professional tone and offers a more sophisticated alternative to describe career advancement within a company.
"old employee" -> "long-standing employee"
Explanation: "Long-standing employee" is a more formal and nuanced way to refer to someone who has been with a company for an extended period.
"leaders" -> "management"
Explanation: "Management" is a more formal term when discussing those in leadership positions within a company.
"continued with" -> "Continuing her journey"
Explanation: The suggested phrase offers a smoother transition in the narrative, aligning more with a formal tone in an academic context.
"multiple national corporation" -> "multinational corporation"
Explanation: "Multinational corporation" is a standard term used in formal settings to refer to companies operating in multiple countries.
"last but not least" -> "Finally"
Explanation: "Finally" is a more concise and academically appropriate transitional phrase.
"foster" -> "cultivate"
Explanation: "Cultivate" adds a more refined and formal tone when discussing the development of relationships between colleagues.
"my sisters, and my brothers" -> "my close colleagues"
Explanation: Using "close colleagues" maintains professionalism without overly personalizing the relationships in the workplace.
"To sum up" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is a more formal way to signal the end of the essay and summarize the main points without losing clarity or coherence.
"rely on" -> "consider"
Explanation: "Consider" offers a more measured and formal approach when suggesting individuals reflect on their needs and preferences in choosing employment.

By making these adjustments, the essay gains a more polished and academically appropriate tone, ensuring clarity and formality in discussing work preferences and the advantages of long-term employment at a single company.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting the advantages of staying with one company for a long period. It discusses the familiarity with the work environment, promotion opportunities, and enhanced relationships with colleagues. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced view by briefly acknowledging that job preferences vary among individuals.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure that all aspects of the question are considered. In this case, briefly acknowledge the alternative perspective of individuals who prefer changing companies regularly.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance in favor of staying with one company for a long period. The position is evident in the introduction and consistently supported throughout the essay.
- How to improve: Continue to uphold a clear position but be cautious not to oversimplify the topic. Acknowledge the diversity of preferences and briefly mention the alternative perspective to present a more nuanced argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, offering examples like the narrator’s sister and personal experiences to support arguments. However, some points could be further developed, such as elaborating on the specific advantages of prolonged relationships with colleagues.
- How to improve: Enhance the development of ideas by providing more specific examples and elaborating on each point. For instance, delve deeper into how fostering relationships with colleagues contributes to a positive work environment.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages of staying with one company. However, there is a slight deviation in the conclusion, where the narrator briefly mentions considering individual needs and preferences.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that the conclusion directly ties back to the advantages discussed and avoids introducing new elements. A concise summary reinforcing the main points would strengthen the coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt, presenting relevant advantages and supporting them with examples. To improve, incorporate a more balanced perspective, elaborate on ideas, and ensure the conclusion directly relates to the essay’s main points.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the author’s opinion. Each subsequent paragraph delves into specific advantages of staying with one company. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between ideas, as the shift from the first to the second advantage could be smoother.
- How to improve: Strengthen the logical flow by incorporating transition sentences that guide the reader from one point to the next. For example, after discussing the advantage of familiarity in the first paragraph, a clear transition sentence could be added to smoothly introduce the idea of career development in the second paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is adequately paragraphed, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct advantage of staying with one company. However, the third paragraph, which discusses fostering relationships, could benefit from further development and a clearer structure. It contains both the idea of relationship-building and personal experience, which may be more effective if separated.
- How to improve: Consider splitting the third paragraph into two, with one part dedicated to explaining the advantages of fostering relationships, and the other detailing personal experience. This will enhance clarity and allow for a more focused discussion of each aspect.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitions (e.g., "First and foremost," "Secondly," "Last but not least"). However, there is an opportunity to diversify the range of cohesive devices used, such as pronouns (e.g., "this," "these," "that"), which can enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Introduce a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. For instance, using pronouns more consistently can help tie sentences and paragraphs together. Additionally, consider using other cohesive devices like synonyms and parallel structures for a more varied and sophisticated writing style.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a coherent structure and effectively conveys the advantages of staying with one company, attention to transitions, paragraph development, and diversification of cohesive devices can elevate the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. The author employs a variety of words and phrases such as "get acquainted," "career development," "leadership skills," and "foster relationships." These choices contribute to a nuanced expression of ideas.
- How to improve: While the vocabulary is generally rich, incorporating more sophisticated and contextually fitting words could enhance the overall lexical resource. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "companies," the author could substitute it with synonyms like "organizations" or "corporations" to avoid redundancy.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where the precision could be improved. For example, in the first paragraph, "keen on the former opinion" might be clarified to "favor the first viewpoint." Additionally, the term "multiple national corporation" could be more precisely specified, perhaps as a "multinational corporation."
- How to improve: The author should aim for more exact vocabulary choices to enhance clarity. Revisiting certain phrases and opting for more specific terms will contribute to a more precise expression of ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate. However, there are a few instances where errors occur, such as "encompassing" instead of "embracing" and "multiple" instead of "multinational." These are minor issues that slightly affect the overall spelling accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, careful proofreading is essential. Paying close attention to commonly misspelled words and ensuring consistency in word usage will contribute to a polished and error-free essay.

In summary, the essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary with room for improvement in precision and minor adjustments in spelling. Encouraging the use of more varied and nuanced language, refining precision, and conducting thorough proofreading will contribute to elevating the lexical resource to an even higher level.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures. The author employs simple and complex sentences effectively to convey ideas. There is a mix of compound and complex sentences, enhancing the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To further elevate the essay, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as using conditional or relative clauses. This can add depth to the analysis and demonstrate a higher level of grammatical sophistication.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances where articles (a, an) are omitted or misused. For example, "getting familiar with new jobs" could be improved to "getting familiar with new job roles."
- How to improve: Pay close attention to article usage throughout the essay. Ensure that articles are appropriately employed before nouns to enhance precision and grammatical correctness.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation is used adequately, with correct placement of commas and periods. However, there are instances where commas could be employed more effectively to enhance clarity and avoid run-on sentences.
- How to improve: Focus on using commas to delineate ideas within sentences, especially in complex sentences. Be cautious of sentence structures that might benefit from a comma to avoid confusion and improve readability.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and accuracy. To reach a higher band score, refine article usage, incorporate more complex sentence structures, and pay attention to the nuances of punctuation, particularly the effective use of commas.

Bài sửa mẫu

When it comes to employment, some individuals favor staying with one company for an extended period, while others prefer changing jobs regularly. From my perspective, I am keen on the former opinion due to its advantages. The following essay will elaborate on my opinion.

Primarily, staying with only one company for a long period does not require a significant amount of time to get acquainted with the new working environment. Instead of searching for a new company, getting familiar with new jobs, and meeting new coworkers, employees can simply focus on their work to improve productivity. This brings to mind my sister’s story. Three years ago, after graduating from NEU university, she did not have a stable job. She moved to five different companies in two years, spending a considerable amount of time getting familiar with each new company, including new colleagues and the culture of working in new environments.

Secondly, working in a company for a long time brings employees opportunities for promotion. There is no doubt that a long-standing employee has more chances for career development than others. Leaders are familiar with the capacity and leadership skills of these individuals. Continuing her journey, my sister, after working multiple jobs at different companies, started working for a multinational corporation three years ago and has since become one of the most excellent employees in the organization. As a result, last week, she was promoted to be the head of the marketing department.

Finally, employees can also cultivate relationships with colleagues if they work in a company for a long time. These are not just coworkers but also friends, sisters, and brothers. I can illustrate this point with my personal experience. I have been working for this company for two years, and I have several close colleagues in my department who not only help me at work but also in life.

In conclusion, working in one company for an extended time has numerous benefits, as I demonstrated above. However, I think employees should consider their needs and preferences when choosing the type of work suitable for them.