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When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. Do you agree and disagree with this statement?

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. Do you agree and disagree with this statement?

Old traditional skills and lifestyles are vanishing due to the development of technology in modern life.Some individuals believe that it is worthless to put too much effort into preserving it. In my opinion, i totally disagree that it is unnecessary to preserve conventional skills and life habits.

On the one hand, conventional lifestyle and cultural techniques play a vital role in preserving a national's cultural identity and heritage. For instance, the patterns of ceramics in BAT TRANG village of Viet Nam can reflect cultural, religious or historical symbols and they are exported to a lot of developing countries around the world with signature name that valuable products neccessitated skillful in VIETNAM. To be more specific, the true identity of this nation has faded if a country only shows their modern life with a wealth of cutting-edge technology and ignores their traditional value. Almost developing countries tend to smart life and general motifs for all aspects such as economy, education but there is a unique thing which can easy to access a country is conventional techniques and customs. As a result, the national legacy make more prominent worlwide in term of cultural values.
On the other hand, traditional skills and lifesyle can be great source of inpiration for modern technology. To illustrate, traditional weaving techniques have influenced modern fabric design and production processes, leading to the creation of new products which suitatabe for future life with enhanced features, including the use of eco-friendly dyes and recycled fibers, the strong sense of community and collaboration in traditional societies encourages modern life models that emphasize teamwork and mutual as a way to co-operate with a lot of countries together and gain generally beneficial interests. As result, present-day living would achieve a balance between the advent of technology and traditional principles, resident's life can access and fulfill all of their necessities and demands at the tip of their fingertips and there could be seen the comprehensive development of a country.
In sum, vanishing the custom and historical that is not proper thing when modern living are facing with the rapid advancement of technology because a country should protect their recognition in the global and base on conventional principles to innovate all aspects.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Old traditional skills and lifestyles" -> "Traditional skills and lifestyles"
    Explanation: Removing "Old" eliminates redundancy and simplifies the phrase, making it more concise and formal.

  2. "vanishing" -> "disappearing"
    Explanation: "Disappearing" is a more precise and formal term in academic writing, enhancing the tone of the essay.

  3. "worthless" -> "unjustified"
    Explanation: "Unjustified" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "worthless," which can be seen as overly colloquial.

  4. "i totally disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
    Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error, and "strongly" is a more formal adverb than "totally," aligning better with academic style.

  5. "conventional lifestyle and cultural techniques" -> "traditional lifestyle and cultural practices"
    Explanation: "Traditional" is more specific and appropriate in this context than "conventional," and "practices" is a more precise term than "techniques" in describing cultural activities.

  6. "a national’s cultural identity" -> "a nation’s cultural identity"
    Explanation: "Nation" is the correct noun form to use here, not "national’s," which is grammatically incorrect.

  7. "signature name that valuable products neccessitated skillful in VIETNAM" -> "signature name for products that require skilled labor in Vietnam"
    Explanation: This correction addresses grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning, making it more readable and formal.

  8. "the true identity of this nation has faded" -> "the nation’s true identity has faded"
    Explanation: Correcting the possessive form "this nation’s" to "the nation’s" improves grammatical accuracy and formality.

  9. "smart life" -> "modern lifestyle"
    Explanation: "Smart life" is an informal and vague term; "modern lifestyle" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.

  10. "general motifs for all aspects" -> "common themes across all aspects"
    Explanation: "Common themes" is a more precise and formal way to describe widespread patterns or characteristics.

  11. "conventional techniques and lifesyle" -> "traditional techniques and lifestyle"
    Explanation: "Lifestyle" should be singular to match "techniques," and "traditional" is more specific and appropriate than "conventional" in this context.

  12. "make more prominent worlwide" -> "become more prominent worldwide"
    Explanation: "Become" is the correct verb form for this context, and "worldwide" should be hyphenated for proper spelling.

  13. "traditional skills and lifesyle" -> "traditional skills and lifestyle"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "lifestyle" to "lifestyle" fixes a typographical error.

  14. "suitatabe for future life" -> "suitable for future life"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "suitable" fixes a typographical error.

  15. "mutual as a way to co-operate" -> "mutual cooperation"
    Explanation: "Mutual cooperation" is a more concise and formal expression than the awkward and informal phrase "mutual as a way to co-operate."

  16. "resident’s life can access and fulfill all of their necessities and demands" -> "residents’ lives can access and meet all their necessities and demands"
    Explanation: Correcting "resident’s" to "residents’" for plural agreement and "fulfill" to "meet" for a more natural expression in this context.

  17. "at the tip of their fingertips" -> "at their fingertips"
    Explanation: Removing "the tip of" simplifies the phrase and maintains the formal tone.

  18. "vanishing the custom and historical" -> "losing traditional customs and historical heritage"
    Explanation: "Losing" is more precise than "vanishing," and "customs and historical heritage" is a more formal and accurate phraseology.

  19. "base on conventional principles" -> "based on conventional principles"
    Explanation: Correcting "base" to "based" fixes a grammatical error, improving the sentence structure and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that preserving traditional skills and ways of life is pointless. The writer discusses the importance of traditional skills in maintaining cultural identity and their relevance in modern technology. However, while both sides of the argument are touched upon, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would enhance the overall balance of the response.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should explicitly outline the reasons why some may argue that traditional skills are unnecessary. This could involve briefly discussing the benefits of technological advancement and how it may render certain traditional practices obsolete. Acknowledging this perspective before countering it would strengthen the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea that traditional skills should not be preserved. Phrases like "I totally disagree" and the consistent focus on the importance of traditional skills and lifestyles reinforce this stance. However, the position could be more forcefully articulated throughout the essay, especially in the conclusion, which feels slightly vague.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should consistently reiterate their main argument throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding paragraph. A more definitive statement about the importance of preserving traditional skills, perhaps summarizing the key points made in the body, would help reinforce the position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the cultural significance of traditional skills and their influence on modern technology. Examples, such as the ceramics of Bat Trang village and traditional weaving techniques, are relevant and illustrate the points well. However, some ideas could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the connection between traditional skills and modern technology is mentioned but could be expanded with further examples or explanations of how this relationship manifests in everyday life.
    • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing additional examples or discussing the implications of traditional skills on modern society in greater detail. Including statistics or studies that highlight the benefits of preserving traditional skills could also strengthen the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the preservation of traditional skills in the context of technological advancement. However, there are moments where the writing veers slightly off course, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion of modern life models and teamwork feels somewhat tangential to the main argument about traditional skills.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central argument of preserving traditional skills. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument and does not introduce unrelated ideas.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument. By addressing the opposing viewpoint more explicitly, reinforcing the position throughout, elaborating on ideas with more detailed examples, and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic, the writer could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, the transition between ideas within paragraphs can be somewhat abrupt, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument smoothly. For example, the shift from discussing the importance of traditional skills to their influence on modern technology could be better signposted.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transition phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point related to the thesis. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more uniformity in length and depth. The first body paragraph is quite dense with information, while the second could be expanded to match its complexity.
    • How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph contains a similar amount of detail and analysis. This can be achieved by elaborating on points in the second paragraph, perhaps by providing additional examples or explanations. Also, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to contrast the two sides of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "As a result" is used, but it could be more effectively linked to the preceding statements to clarify the cause-and-effect relationship.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," "In contrast," and "For example." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to strengthen the connections between ideas. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay and make the argument more compelling.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication in word choice. For instance, terms like "conventional lifestyle," "cultural techniques," and "modern life" are repeated without much variation. Additionally, phrases such as "smart life" and "general motifs" are somewhat vague and do not convey precise meanings. The use of "valuable products" and "skillful" is also quite basic, lacking the depth that could enhance the essay’s argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and more specific terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "conventional," alternatives like "traditional," "heritage," or "time-honored" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can add depth to the writing. For instance, instead of "great source of inspiration," one could say "rich reservoir of inspiration."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the patterns of ceramics in BAT TRANG village of Viet Nam can reflect cultural, religious or historical symbols" could be clearer. The term "signature name that valuable products neccessitated skillful in VIETNAM" is awkward and unclear, making it difficult for readers to grasp the intended meaning. Furthermore, "smart life" is a vague expression that lacks clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, instead of "smart life," one might say "technologically advanced lifestyles." Additionally, ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and logically structured will enhance clarity. Revising sentences for coherence and logical flow will also help in achieving more precise language.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "neccessitated" (should be "necessitated"), "lifesyle" (should be "lifestyle"), "suitatabe" (should be "suitable"), and "inpiration" (should be "inspiration"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may affect the reader’s understanding.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools can help identify and correct errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and terms related to the essay topic can reinforce correct spelling habits. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on these areas will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For example, the writer uses simple sentences like "Old traditional skills and lifestyles are vanishing due to the development of technology in modern life." and more complex structures such as "As a result, the national legacy make more prominent worlwide in term of cultural values." However, the essay relies heavily on straightforward constructions and lacks variety in more complex sentence forms, which limits the overall effectiveness of the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more compound and complex sentences. For instance, instead of stating "To illustrate, traditional weaving techniques have influenced modern fabric design and production processes," the writer could combine ideas: "Traditional weaving techniques have not only influenced modern fabric design and production processes but have also inspired innovations that cater to contemporary needs." Additionally, using a wider range of conjunctions and relative clauses can help create more sophisticated sentences.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, the phrase "the patterns of ceramics in BAT TRANG village of Viet Nam can reflect cultural, religious or historical symbols" lacks parallel structure and clarity. The use of "i" instead of "I" is a clear grammatical error, and the phrase "neccessitated skillful in VIETNAM" is awkward and unclear. Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect capitalization (e.g., "smart life" and "worlwide"), contribute to the overall impression of grammatical inaccuracies.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch basic errors, particularly with capitalization and spelling (e.g., "neccessitated" should be "necessitated"). Additionally, practicing the correct use of punctuation, especially in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, using commas to separate clauses can help readers follow the argument more easily. The writer could also benefit from studying common grammatical structures and practicing their application in writing exercises to build confidence and accuracy.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will significantly improve the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Old traditional skills and lifestyles are vanishing due to the development of technology in modern life. Some individuals believe that it is worthless to put too much effort into preserving them. In my opinion, I strongly disagree that it is unnecessary to preserve conventional skills and life habits.

On the one hand, conventional lifestyles and cultural techniques play a vital role in preserving a nation’s cultural identity and heritage. For instance, the patterns of ceramics in BAT TRANG village of Vietnam can reflect cultural, religious, or historical symbols, and they are exported to many developing countries around the world with a signature name that denotes valuable products necessitated by skilled labor in Vietnam. To be more specific, the true identity of this nation has faded if a country only showcases its modern life with a wealth of cutting-edge technology and ignores its traditional values. Most developing countries tend to embrace a smart lifestyle and general themes across all aspects such as the economy and education, but there is a unique aspect that can easily access a country: its conventional techniques and customs. As a result, the national legacy becomes more prominent worldwide in terms of cultural values.

On the other hand, traditional skills and lifestyles can be a great source of inspiration for modern technology. To illustrate, traditional weaving techniques have influenced modern fabric design and production processes, leading to the creation of new products that are suitable for future life with enhanced features, including the use of eco-friendly dyes and recycled fibers. The strong sense of community and collaboration in traditional societies encourages modern life models that emphasize teamwork and mutual cooperation as a way to collaborate with many countries and gain generally beneficial interests. As a result, present-day living can achieve a balance between the advent of technology and traditional principles, allowing residents’ lives to access and fulfill all of their necessities and demands at their fingertips, leading to comprehensive development in a country.

In sum, losing traditional customs and historical heritage is not justified when modern living faces the rapid advancement of technology because a country should protect its recognition in the global arena and base its innovations on conventional principles.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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