When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is sometimes argued that the traditional skills and practices of life which are dwindling couldn’t be kept alive due to technological advances. This opinion, despite seemingly pointing out the essence of technology, would cause numerous serious problems for individuals themselves and cultural tapestry as a whole.
Admittedly, it can be said that technological advancements would allow people to lead a convenient life, helping them to achieve the equilibrium between family obligations and professional responsibilities. For instance, the invention of labor-saving appliances such as washing machines, dishwashers, or countless others… marked a significant milestone to help working mothers to reduce a significant time spent on household chores. However, the excessive use of technological gadgets has led to phenomenon where people become over-reliant on them, neglecting the importance of oversight and traditional human skills, which is a direct factor to the loss of national identity.
Granted, we have no choice but to preserve conventional skills as it is the only way to connect us with predecessors. This is predicated on the fact that traditional skills are created from ancient practices which shape the entire nation and exhibit unique values compared to other countries. According to this theory, the loss of national identity is inevitable if we do nothing and let those practices die out, possibly causing future generations to neglect their roots. Therefore, local and national authorities regularly organize campaigns to raise awareness about cultural preservation in response to the appeal of Nguyen Phu Trong, who is General Secretary of Vietnam and once said “Culture is national identity, the loss of it means we lost our country”.
In conclusion, the abandonment of traditional skills and practices of life would do both individuals and society a disservice, so it is essential for future generations to sustain those cultural values.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "couldn’t be kept alive" -> "cannot be sustained"
   Explanation: "Couldn’t be kept alive" is a bit informal. "Cannot be sustained" maintains the same meaning while using a more formal tone.

2. "Admittedly" -> "Granted"
   Explanation: "Admittedly" is a bit colloquial. "Granted" is a more formal transition that fits better in academic writing.

3. "For instance, the invention of labor-saving appliances such as washing machines, dishwashers, or countless others…" -> "For instance, the advent of labor-saving appliances like washing machines, dishwashers, and numerous others…"
   Explanation: "The invention of" is slightly redundant with "For instance" and the list of appliances could be more concise. "Advent" is a formal alternative to "invention," and using parallel structure with "like" improves clarity and style.

4. "where people become over-reliant" -> "where people become excessively reliant"
   Explanation: "Over-reliant" is informal; "excessively reliant" is more appropriate for academic writing.

5. "the loss of national identity is inevitable if we do nothing and let those practices die out" -> "the erosion of national identity is inevitable if we take no action to preserve these practices"
   Explanation: "Loss" can be replaced with "erosion" for a more formal tone. "Do nothing" is somewhat informal; "take no action" is a formal alternative. "Let those practices die out" could be rephrased more formally as "take no action to preserve these practices."

6. "According to this theory" -> "This theory posits"
   Explanation: "According to this theory" is slightly informal; "This theory posits" is a more formal expression.

7. "national authorities regularly organize campaigns" -> "national authorities frequently initiate campaigns"
   Explanation: "Organize" can be replaced with "initiate" for a more formal tone. "Regularly" is informal; "frequently" is a more suitable alternative.

8. "to raise awareness about cultural preservation" -> "to promote awareness of cultural preservation"
   Explanation: "Raise awareness about" can be replaced with "promote awareness of" for a more formal tone.

9. "In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
   Explanation: "In conclusion" is a common but informal transition. "To conclude" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the argument that technological development may lead to the decline of traditional skills and ways of life, and presents a clear stance against this viewpoint. The essay discusses the potential negative consequences of abandoning traditional skills and emphasizes the importance of cultural preservation.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the response, the essay could provide more specific examples or case studies to support its arguments. Additionally, a deeper analysis of the potential consequences of losing traditional skills, beyond the general notion of cultural identity, could strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, expressing disagreement with the idea that traditional skills should be allowed to die out due to technological development. The stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the essay could explicitly state the author’s position in the introduction to guide the reader from the outset. Additionally, reinforcing the position with stronger language or arguments could enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently and supports them with relevant examples, such as the invention of labor-saving appliances. However, some ideas could be further extended and elaborated upon to provide deeper insights and strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To extend ideas, the essay could delve into more detailed explanations of the consequences of losing traditional skills, exploring economic, social, or psychological impacts. Additionally, providing a counterargument and refutation would enrich the discussion and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the relationship between technological development and the preservation of traditional skills and ways of life. However, there are moments where the connection between the arguments and the prompt could be clarified.
  • How to improve: To ensure coherence and relevance, the essay should explicitly tie each argument back to the central theme of technological advancement and its impact on traditional practices. This can be achieved through more explicit topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument against the notion of letting traditional skills die out, there is room for improvement in providing more specific examples, enhancing clarity of position, extending ideas, and maintaining focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, starting with the acknowledgment of the opposing view, followed by examples and explanations supporting the author’s stance, and concluding with a summary statement. However, some sections could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas to improve the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transition words and phrases more consistently to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, phrases like "On the other hand," "Moreover," or "Consequently" can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to organize distinct points. Each paragraph contains a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. However, there are instances where the length of paragraphs could be more balanced, and a few paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be better divided for clarity.
  • How to improve: Aim for more uniform paragraph length by breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones where necessary, focusing on one main idea per paragraph. This practice enhances readability and helps maintain the coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensure each paragraph directly supports the thesis statement and maintains a clear focus on the topic at hand.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences, such as pronouns ("this opinion"), conjunctions ("However"), and transitional phrases ("Admittedly," "Granted"). These cohesive devices contribute to the overall coherence by signaling shifts in thought and reinforcing the logical progression of the argument.
  • How to improve: Continue diversifying the use of cohesive devices to further strengthen the coherence and cohesion of the essay. Introduce additional transitional phrases and conjunctions where appropriate to create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the flow of the argument. Additionally, ensure consistency in the use of pronouns to avoid ambiguity and maintain clarity throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of coherence and cohesion principles, refining the organization of ideas, paragraph structure, and cohesive device usage can elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the argument, potentially leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, incorporating varied lexical choices to convey ideas effectively. For instance, phrases such as "cultural tapestry," "labor-saving appliances," "national identity," and "cultural preservation" enrich the essay’s discourse and demonstrate the writer’s ability to employ a diverse vocabulary.
  • How to improve: While the essay showcases a strong range of vocabulary, there is room for enhancement through the incorporation of more nuanced and contextually fitting terms. For example, instead of using the phrase "national identity" repeatedly, the writer could diversify with synonyms like "cultural heritage," "ethnic identity," or "socio-cultural fabric" to add depth to the discussion and avoid repetition.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise or contextually accurate. For example, the phrase "excessive use of technological gadgets" could be refined to "overreliance on technological devices," providing a more precise description of the phenomenon discussed.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, it’s advisable to pay close attention to the specific nuances of words and phrases in relation to the intended meaning. Additionally, consulting a thesaurus or engaging in active vocabulary expansion exercises can aid in identifying more precise terms for conveying ideas succinctly and accurately.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors detracting from overall comprehension. However, there are a few instances of misspelled words, such as "predicated" instead of "predicated," and the absence of spaces in "Vietnamand" and "futuregenerations," which slightly affect the clarity of expression.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it’s advisable to engage in regular proofreading exercises, utilizing tools such as spell checkers and grammar checkers to identify and rectify errors. Additionally, developing a habit of reviewing written work meticulously before submission can significantly mitigate spelling inaccuracies and enhance overall writing proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences alongside simpler ones. For example, the essay employs complex structures such as "Despite seemingly pointing out the essence of technology, [the opinion] would cause numerous serious problems for individuals themselves and cultural tapestry as a whole," showcasing the ability to construct nuanced sentences. Additionally, it incorporates compound sentences like "However, the excessive use of technological gadgets has led to [a] phenomenon where people become over-reliant on them, neglecting the importance of oversight and traditional human skills, which is a direct factor to the loss of national identity." These structures enhance the clarity and sophistication of the argument.
  • How to improve: While the essay already utilizes a diverse range of sentence structures effectively, further enhancing variety could elevate the overall quality. Introducing more complex sentences with subordinate clauses or employing rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion can add depth and sophistication to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation throughout. However, there are a few instances where errors occur. For example, there is a missing article in the phrase "marked a significant milestone to help working mothers to reduce a significant time spent on household chores." Additionally, there are minor punctuation issues, such as the missing comma after "For instance" in the same sentence. These errors do not significantly detract from comprehension but indicate areas for improvement.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, attention to detail during proofreading is crucial. Checking for proper article usage, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation consistency can help minimize errors. Additionally, practicing sentence structure variation can aid in developing a more polished writing style. Specifically, focusing on integrating subordinate clauses effectively and ensuring coherence between ideas can elevate the overall fluency and precision of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often argued that with technological progress, traditional skills and ways of life dwindle, making it seemingly pointless to try to keep them alive. While technology indeed brings convenience, solely relying on it poses serious problems for individuals and society’s cultural fabric.

Indeed, technological advancements enable a more convenient lifestyle, aiding in balancing family and work responsibilities. For instance, the advent of labor-saving appliances like washing machines, dishwashers, and numerous others has significantly reduced the time spent on household chores, especially for working mothers. However, the overreliance on these gadgets can lead to the neglect of traditional human skills and oversight, contributing to the erosion of national identity.

Granted, preserving traditional skills is crucial for connecting with our predecessors. These skills are rooted in ancient practices that shape our nation and embody unique values. Neglecting them could lead to the loss of national identity, with future generations disconnected from their cultural heritage. Therefore, national authorities frequently initiate campaigns to promote awareness of cultural preservation, echoing the sentiments of Nguyen Phu Trong, General Secretary of Vietnam, who emphasized that “Culture is national identity; the loss of it means we lost our country.”

In conclusion, abandoning traditional skills would not only disadvantage individuals but also harm society’s cultural richness. It is imperative for future generations to uphold these cultural values to maintain a strong sense of identity and heritage.