When disigning a building, the most important factor is intended use of the building than outward appearance. Agree or disagree?

Along with the development of technology and society, there are various ways to designing a building. Many people argue that the most important factor is intended use of the bulding instead of its outward appearances. From my point of view, I agree that when designing a building, it is very important to know its intended use. However outward appearances are concerned when desgning a facility.
On the one hand, the idea of designing a building base on its intended use is benefical to some extent. The first and foremost reason is the expenses. Thís is because it can help reduce the cost for space and fixing. For example, when builder design bathroom , it do not too much space like the living room. Therefore, it make the building look perfect and can save money. Secondly, it can increase the effect of the building. This is because building with proper use can respond to user’ s expectation. For instance, a gym which has proper facilities and space for trainning can attract many trainers . As a result, it increase the value of the building.
On the other hand, designing a building base on its outward appearances can be benefical in some situation. The first reason for this is to design commercial buildings. This is because to good appearance can attract more customers. This could be explained by the fact that a restaurant with a luxurious and expensive appearance can attract many curious customers. As a result, they can make a profit.
In conclusion, it is very necessary to designing a building base on its intended use of the building, it can help reduce the spending and make the building more valuable. However building which base on its outward appearances can be benefical in commercial situations .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Along with the development of technology and society" -> "In tandem with technological advancements and societal developments"
Explanation: The phrase "In tandem with technological advancements and societal developments" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"various ways to designing a building" -> "various methods of designing buildings"
Explanation: "Methods of designing buildings" is grammatically correct and more formal than "ways to designing a building."
"the most important factor is intended use of the bulding" -> "the primary consideration is the intended use of the building"
Explanation: "Primary consideration" is more formal and precise than "most important factor," and "the building" corrects the typo "bulding."
"it is very important to know its intended use" -> "it is crucial to determine its intended use"
Explanation: "Crucial to determine" is more formal and specific than "very important to know," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"outward appearances are concerned when desgning a facility" -> "outward appearances are considered when designing a facility"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "desgning" to "designing" and uses "considered" for a more formal tone.
"benefical" -> "beneficial"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "benefical" to "beneficial."
"Thís" -> "This"
Explanation: Corrects the typographical error "Thís" to "This."
"it do not too much space like the living room" -> "it does not require as much space as the living room"
Explanation: "Does not require as much space as" is grammatically correct and clearer than "do not too much space like."
"it make the building look perfect" -> "it makes the building look ideal"
Explanation: "Makes" is the correct verb form, and "ideal" is a more precise adjective than "perfect" in this context.
"can save money" -> "can reduce costs"
Explanation: "Reduce costs" is a more precise and formal term than "save money."
"building with proper use can respond to user’ s expectation" -> "a building designed for its intended use can meet users’ expectations"
Explanation: "Designed for its intended use" and "meet users’ expectations" are more precise and formal expressions.
"a gym which has proper facilities and space for trainning" -> "a gym with proper facilities and space for training"
Explanation: "With" is the correct preposition, and "training" is the correct spelling.
"can attract many trainers" -> "can attract numerous trainers"
Explanation: "Numerous" is a more formal and precise term than "many."
"it increase the value of the building" -> "it increases the value of the building"
Explanation: Corrects the verb form to "increases" for grammatical agreement.
"to good appearance" -> "a good appearance"
Explanation: "A good appearance" is grammatically correct and more formal than "to good appearance."
"can attract many curious customers" -> "can attract numerous curious customers"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal and precise than "many."
"it can make a profit" -> "it can generate profits"
Explanation: "Generate profits" is a more formal and precise term than "make a profit."
"it is very necessary to designing a building" -> "it is essential to designing a building"
Explanation: "Essential" is more formal and precise than "very necessary."
"it can help reduce the spending" -> "it can help reduce expenses"
Explanation: "Expenses" is a more specific and formal term than "spending."
"building which base on its outward appearances" -> "buildings that base their design on outward appearances"
Explanation: "Buildings that base their design on" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the intended use of a building and its outward appearance. The writer agrees that intended use is more important but acknowledges the significance of appearance in commercial contexts. However, the argument could be more balanced, as the essay leans slightly towards the importance of intended use without fully exploring the counterargument. For instance, while the writer mentions commercial buildings, they do not delve deeply into how appearance can also affect functionality in certain cases.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are explored more equally. This could involve providing more examples of how outward appearance can impact the functionality of buildings or discussing scenarios where appearance might outweigh intended use.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that intended use is more important than outward appearance. However, the transition between agreeing with the prompt and acknowledging the importance of appearance could be smoother. The phrase "However outward appearances are concerned when designing a facility" introduces ambiguity, as it suggests a shift in focus without a clear connection to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use transitional phrases that reinforce their stance while acknowledging the counterargument. For example, stating, "While I acknowledge the importance of outward appearance, I believe that intended use should take precedence" would clarify the relationship between the two ideas.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as cost reduction and user satisfaction, to support the argument for intended use. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the explanation regarding cost savings lacks depth and could benefit from more specific examples or data. Additionally, the mention of a gym attracting trainers is a good point, but it could be further elaborated to show how intended use directly influences design choices.
- How to improve: To strengthen this area, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. Including statistics or case studies about successful buildings designed with intended use in mind could enhance the argument. Furthermore, elaborating on how appearance can also serve functional purposes would create a more nuanced discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of intended use versus outward appearance. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second paragraph, where the transition to discussing outward appearance feels abrupt and less connected to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main thesis. This can be achieved by summarizing the main point of each section at the beginning or end of the paragraph, reinforcing how it ties back to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements and keeping examples tightly aligned with the central theme will help maintain relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that is divided into two main perspectives: the importance of intended use and the significance of outward appearance. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect, which is a strength. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing intended use to outward appearance feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that would guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning or end of paragraphs to signal shifts in focus. For instance, phrases like "On the contrary" or "Conversely" can help clarify the transition from one argument to another. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help reinforce the main idea being discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a fundamental aspect of coherence. Each paragraph has a clear focus, but some paragraphs could be further developed. For instance, the paragraph discussing intended use could include more examples or details to strengthen the argument. Additionally, the conclusion feels somewhat rushed and could benefit from a more comprehensive summary of the key points.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph contains a topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties the ideas back to the main argument. Expanding on examples with additional details or explanations can also enhance the depth of each paragraph. In the conclusion, reiterate the main points more clearly and succinctly to reinforce the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to delineate contrasting ideas. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. For example, the use of conjunctions and linking words is somewhat repetitive, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "for instance." This will not only enhance the flow of ideas but also make the writing more engaging. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas within and between sentences, which can help clarify relationships between concepts.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases such as "intended use," "outward appearances," and "reduce the cost" show an understanding of relevant terminology. However, the vocabulary is often repetitive, particularly with the phrases "intended use" and "outward appearances," which are used multiple times without variation. Additionally, terms like "benefical" and "effect" are used, but they could be expanded upon with synonyms or more specific terms to enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "intended use," alternatives like "purpose," "function," or "utility" could be employed. Similarly, instead of "outward appearances," phrases like "aesthetic appeal" or "visual design" could be used to diversify the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "designing a building base on its intended use" should be "based on its intended use." Additionally, "builder design bathroom" should be "builders design bathrooms," indicating a lack of grammatical precision that affects the overall lexical resource. The phrase "it make the building look perfect" is vague and could be more specific, as "perfect" is subjective and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This includes correcting grammatical errors and choosing words that clearly express the ideas. For example, instead of saying "make the building look perfect," the writer could say "enhance the building’s functionality and aesthetic appeal." Furthermore, careful proofreading to catch grammatical mistakes would also improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that hinder readability, such as "disigning" (designing), "bulding" (building), "benefical" (beneficial), "Thís" (This), "trainning" (training), and "base" (based). These errors suggest a lack of attention to detail and can negatively impact the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools such as spell checkers during the writing process. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can help identify words that sound incorrect, prompting further review. Creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them before writing could also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on these areas will enhance the overall quality and clarity of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Many people argue that the most important factor is intended use of the building instead of its outward appearances.") and compound sentences ("However, outward appearances are concerned when designing a facility."). However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure. For instance, the repeated use of "This is because" to introduce explanations detracts from the overall variety. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "designing a building base on its intended use," which should be "based on its intended use."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those that use subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although outward appearances are important, the intended use should take precedence"). Varying the use of transitional phrases and connectors can also help create a smoother flow and more sophisticated sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, "bulding" is a misspelling of "building," and "benefical" should be "beneficial." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "it do not too much space" (should be "it does not take up too much space"). Punctuation errors include missing commas, such as before "however" in the second paragraph, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, especially with subject-verb agreement and spelling. Practicing sentence construction and reviewing basic grammar rules can also be beneficial. Additionally, using punctuation correctly, especially with conjunctions and transitional phrases, will enhance the overall readability of the essay.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument and some relevant examples, it suffers from limited grammatical range and accuracy. By diversifying sentence structures and addressing grammatical and punctuation errors, the writer can improve their score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

In tandem with technological advancements and societal developments, there are various methods of designing buildings. Many people argue that the primary consideration is the intended use of the building rather than its outward appearance. From my perspective, I agree that it is crucial to determine its intended use when designing a building. However, outward appearances are also considered when designing a facility.

On the one hand, the idea of designing a building based on its intended use is beneficial to some extent. The first and foremost reason is the expenses involved. This is because it can help reduce costs related to space and maintenance. For example, when builders design a bathroom, it does not require as much space as the living room. Therefore, it makes the building look ideal and can save money. Secondly, a building designed for its intended use can meet users’ expectations effectively. For instance, a gym with proper facilities and space for training can attract numerous trainers. As a result, it increases the value of the building.

On the other hand, designing a building based on its outward appearances can be beneficial in certain situations. The first reason for this is the design of commercial buildings. A good appearance can attract more customers. This can be explained by the fact that a restaurant with a luxurious and appealing appearance can attract many curious customers. As a result, it can generate profits.

In conclusion, it is essential to design a building based on its intended use, as this can help reduce expenses and increase the building’s value. However, buildings that base their design on outward appearances can be beneficial in commercial situations.