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When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.” To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.” To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some believe success comes only from working hard rather than having good fortune. In my opinion, I am likely to disagree with this idea, as even though hard work is an undeniably crucial factor in individuals’ achievement, luck often plays an essential role as well.
To begin with, many accidental opportunities could contribute to success. People who grow up in poor living conditions have less chance of developing themselves, consequently, many problems such as unemployment or continuous poverty still exist in society. In contrast, those who have a better quality of life can get access to higher education, not to mention many kinds of employees. It can be easily seen that luck is not being relied on, but it becomes one of the main factors to be successful in life. For example, people who were born in the 21st century can adapt to international technology, helping them create things existing in their imagination, like 3D virtual reality, artificial intelligence, etc. As a result, they become rich thanks to their fortunate in living in a technologically developing world.
Another reason I believe luck is related to success is that even the hardest work in the world isn't always enough to achieve your dreams. Sometimes, chances will fall into someone's hands if you do not have enough fortune. A great example of this idea is Abraham Lincoln. His success was largely due to his hard work, perseverance, and leadership, but luck also played a role. During the republican convention, Lincoln was not the leading candidate, as he missed the chance to win the nomination many times. However, division from his rivals and his good reputation helped him become one of the most influential presidents in U.S history.
In conclusion, despite many against ideas, it is undeniable that luck is one of the important elements of success. All in all, not only fortune but also hard-working personality are both connected, leading to each achievements.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Some believe" -> "Some individuals believe"
    Explanation: Using "individuals" instead of "some" adds specificity and formality to the sentence, aligning better with academic style by focusing on the people rather than the vague term "some."

  2. "I am likely to disagree" -> "I disagree"
    Explanation: Removing "likely to" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning, making the statement more direct and assertive, which is preferred in academic writing.

  3. "undeniably crucial" -> "undeniably essential"
    Explanation: Replacing "crucial" with "essential" maintains the same level of importance but sounds more formal and precise in an academic context.

  4. "many accidental opportunities" -> "numerous unforeseen opportunities"
    Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise than "many," and "unforeseen" is a more formal term than "accidental," enhancing the academic tone.

  5. "People who grow up in poor living conditions have less chance of developing themselves" -> "Individuals growing up in impoverished environments have limited opportunities for personal development"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and uses more formal vocabulary ("impoverished environments" and "limited opportunities for personal development") to enhance the academic tone.

  6. "not to mention many kinds of employees" -> "including access to various employment opportunities"
    Explanation: "Not to mention" is informal and vague; "including access to various employment opportunities" is more specific and formal, fitting the academic style.

  7. "It can be easily seen" -> "It is evident"
    Explanation: "It is evident" is a more formal and concise way to express certainty, suitable for academic writing.

  8. "helping them create things existing in their imagination" -> "enabling them to create innovative concepts"
    Explanation: "Enabling them to create innovative concepts" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "things existing in their imagination."

  9. "fortunate in living in a technologically developing world" -> "fortunate to live in a technologically advanced society"
    Explanation: "Fortunate to live in a technologically advanced society" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "developing world."

  10. "even the hardest work in the world isn’t always enough" -> "even the most rigorous efforts are not always sufficient"
    Explanation: "The most rigorous efforts are not always sufficient" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the contraction "isn’t," aligning better with academic standards.

  11. "chances will fall into someone’s hands" -> "opportunities may arise"
    Explanation: "Opportunities may arise" is a more formal and less colloquial expression than "chances will fall into someone’s hands."

  12. "division from his rivals" -> "division among his rivals"
    Explanation: "Division among his rivals" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning, enhancing the formal tone.

  13. "not only fortune but also hard-working personality" -> "not only fortune but also a hardworking personality"
    Explanation: Adding "a" before "hardworking" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.

  14. "each achievements" -> "each achievement"
    Explanation: "Each achievement" is grammatically correct, correcting the plural form to singular to match the singular subject "achievement."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear stance that disagrees with the notion that success is solely a result of hard work. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide supporting arguments that illustrate how luck contributes to success. For instance, the discussion of socioeconomic factors and the example of Abraham Lincoln both highlight the interplay between hard work and luck. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would enhance the depth of the argument.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer could include a brief counterargument acknowledging that hard work is indeed a significant factor in success. This would provide a more balanced perspective and demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, consistently arguing that luck plays a crucial role in success alongside hard work. The use of phrases like "I am likely to disagree" and "it is undeniable that luck is one of the important elements of success" reinforces the writer’s stance. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, particularly in the conclusion, where the phrase "despite many against ideas" is somewhat vague and could confuse the reader regarding the position being taken.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should ensure that transitions between ideas are explicit and that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments without introducing ambiguity. Using clear language to restate the position in the conclusion would solidify the overall argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas, such as the impact of socioeconomic status and historical examples like Abraham Lincoln. These ideas are extended with explanations and examples that support the main argument. However, the development of some points could be more thorough. For instance, the example of technological advancement is somewhat vague and could benefit from a more detailed explanation of how it specifically relates to luck and success.
    • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on examples more thoroughly. Providing specific details about how luck influenced the success of individuals or how it interacts with hard work would strengthen the arguments. Additionally, integrating more varied examples could enhance the richness of the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between hard work, luck, and success. However, there are moments where the connection could be clearer. For example, the discussion of "people who grow up in poor living conditions" could be more explicitly tied back to the thesis about luck’s role in success rather than just presenting it as a background condition.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the thesis. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each example or argument back to the central claim about the interplay of hard work and luck. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements that stray from the main argument will help keep the essay tightly focused.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that success is solely the result of hard work. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the impact of luck on opportunities, while the second paragraph provides a historical example of Abraham Lincoln. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, particularly between the first and second body paragraphs, where the connection between the concepts of luck and hard work could be more explicitly stated.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing opportunities in the first paragraph, you could introduce the second paragraph with a phrase like, "In addition to the opportunities presented by luck, historical examples further illustrate the interplay between hard work and fortune."
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph has a clear focus, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the argument. However, the first body paragraph could be more focused; it introduces multiple ideas (opportunities, education, and technology) that could be better organized into separate sentences or even a new paragraph.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph maintains a singular focus. For the first body paragraph, consider breaking it down into two paragraphs: one that discusses the impact of socioeconomic status on opportunities for education and another that focuses on technological advancements as a form of luck. This would allow for deeper exploration of each idea.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "in contrast," and "as a result," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where more varied devices could enhance the essay’s fluidity. For example, the phrase "not to mention" is somewhat informal and could be replaced with a more academic transition.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, you could use "furthermore" to add information, "however" to contrast ideas, or "consequently" to show cause and effect. Additionally, consider using pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain coherence without repetitive phrasing.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "accidental opportunities," "perseverance," and "influential." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases like "good fortune" and "hard work" are repeated without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical richness.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeating "hard work," alternatives such as "diligence," "effort," or "dedication" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "serendipity" for luck or "resilience" for hard work, would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its intended meaning, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "luck is not being relied on" is awkward and unclear. The term "fortunate in living in a technologically developing world" also lacks clarity, as "fortunate" is used incorrectly as a noun.
    • How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary by rephrasing unclear expressions. For instance, "luck is often overlooked" could replace "luck is not being relied on." Additionally, consider rephrasing "fortunate in living in a technologically developing world" to "fortunate to live in a rapidly advancing technological era." This will enhance clarity and precision in your writing.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "employee" instead of "employment" and "achievements" instead of "achievement." These errors, while minor, can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can build confidence and accuracy in writing.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "even though hard work is an undeniably crucial factor in individuals’ achievement" and "not to mention many kinds of employees" show an ability to use subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "It can be easily seen that luck is not being relied on, but it becomes one of the main factors to be successful in life" could be rephrased for more impact.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of structures, consider incorporating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If one works hard, they may still need luck to succeed") and using more varied introductory phrases (e.g., "Interestingly," "Furthermore," "In addition"). This will help create a more dynamic flow and keep the reader engaged.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For instance, the phrase "thanks to their fortunate in living in a technologically developing world" should be "thanks to their fortune in living in a technologically developing world." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the comma splice in "In conclusion, despite many against ideas, it is undeniable that luck is one of the important elements of success," detract from clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with articles and prepositions. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation rules, especially regarding comma usage. Practicing sentence combining and breaking down complex sentences can also help clarify meaning and reduce errors. Consider revising sentences to ensure they are complete and correctly punctuated, such as changing "not only fortune but also hard-working personality are both connected, leading to each achievements" to "not only is fortune important, but a hard-working personality is also essential, leading to individual achievements."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals believe that success comes solely from hard work rather than good fortune. In my opinion, I disagree with this notion, as even though hard work is undeniably essential to individuals’ achievements, luck often plays a significant role as well.

To begin with, numerous unforeseen opportunities can contribute to success. Individuals growing up in impoverished environments have limited opportunities for personal development; consequently, many issues such as unemployment and persistent poverty still exist in society. In contrast, those who enjoy a better quality of life have access to higher education, including various employment opportunities. It is evident that luck is not merely a matter of chance; it becomes one of the main factors in achieving success in life. For example, people born in the 21st century can adapt to international technology, enabling them to create innovative concepts such as 3D virtual reality and artificial intelligence. As a result, they become prosperous, thanks to their fortune in living in a technologically advanced society.

Another reason I believe luck is related to success is that even the most rigorous efforts are not always sufficient to achieve one’s dreams. Sometimes, opportunities may arise for someone who does not have enough fortune. A great example of this idea is Abraham Lincoln. His success was largely due to his hard work, perseverance, and leadership, but luck also played a role. During the Republican convention, Lincoln was not the leading candidate, as he missed the chance to win the nomination several times. However, division among his rivals and his good reputation helped him become one of the most influential presidents in U.S. history.

In conclusion, despite many opposing views, it is undeniable that luck is an important element of success. All in all, not only fortune but also a hardworking personality are interconnected, leading to each achievement.

Bài viết liên quan

Task 2: You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Task 2: You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects…

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