While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers.
Do you agree or disagree?

More and more people should be encouraged to study vocational training instead of learning at university because of the lack of skilled laborers in fields electrical and plumbing. However,I believe that university is still the best choice for many people.

To begin with, it is important to acknowledge that study vocation training helps supply the missing positions in short order, but the numerous problems that emerge. Firstly, these resources have the qualified skilled whereas when they encounter a problem that really requires in-depth expertise and people who study academic knowledge are the ones to answer that problem. Secondly, when people study vocation training, they don't work with experts who teach at universities. These experts have extensive experience in the field and pass it on clearly to students. As such, studying at universities will provide students with all the necessary knowledge and experience so they can go out and work more productively than those who study vocational training.

For apprentices, the work they will do in that environment is manual labor or worse, just in a support position. But with the knowledge about the specific expertise, students from university can work as main worker, managers. And of course their salary is also higher than that of people who learn by vocation training. According to 2018 statistics, the salary of people working in main positions is 40% higher than those working in secondary positions in a profession. People with specialized knowledge will have the opportunity to advance quickly and work more effectively.

In conclusion, scientific research at university will help people have more stable jobs and work more productively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"study vocational training" -> "pursue vocational training"
Explanation: "Study vocational training" is grammatically acceptable but lacks the formal register expected in academic writing. "Pursue vocational training" is more appropriate and maintains clarity while elevating the tone.
"the missing positions in short order" -> "the shortage of skilled laborers"
Explanation: "The missing positions in short order" is informal and imprecise. "The shortage of skilled laborers" is a more formal and accurate description, aligning better with academic style.
"qualified skilled" -> "qualified professionals"
Explanation: "Qualified skilled" is redundant and awkward. "Qualified professionals" is a concise and appropriate term for individuals with expertise in their field.
"when they encounter a problem that really requires in-depth expertise" -> "when faced with complex issues requiring specialized knowledge"
Explanation: The original phrase is verbose and somewhat colloquial. The suggested alternative maintains clarity while using more formal language to describe complex situations.
"pass it on clearly to students" -> "effectively impart it to students"
Explanation: "Pass it on clearly" is informal and lacks precision. "Effectively impart it to students" conveys the same idea in a more academically appropriate manner.
"people study vocation training" -> "individuals pursue vocational training"
Explanation: "People study vocation training" is overly simplistic. "Individuals pursue vocational training" is more formal and precise, fitting for academic writing.
"the work they will do in that environment is manual labor or worse" -> "the tasks involved are typically manual labor or less skilled"
Explanation: "Manual labor or worse" is informal and somewhat judgmental. "The tasks involved are typically manual labor or less skilled" is a more neutral and academically appropriate phrase.
"just in a support position" -> "primarily in supporting roles"
Explanation: "Just in a support position" is colloquial and lacks precision. "Primarily in supporting roles" is a clearer and more formal description.
"knowledge about the specific expertise" -> "specialized knowledge"
Explanation: "Knowledge about the specific expertise" is redundant. "Specialized knowledge" is a concise and academically appropriate term.
"main worker, managers" -> "primary workers, managers"
Explanation: "Main worker" is an unusual phrase; "primary workers" is more conventional. Also, "managers" should be pluralized for grammatical correctness.
"And of course their salary is also higher than that of people who learn by vocation training." -> "Moreover, their salaries are typically higher than those of individuals who pursue vocational training."
Explanation: The original sentence is informal and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative maintains the meaning while using more formal language and proper comparison structure.
"According to 2018 statistics" -> "According to statistics from 2018"
Explanation: Reversing the order of "2018" and "statistics" improves clarity and adheres to standard English syntax.
"scientific research at university" -> "academic research at universities"
Explanation: "Scientific research at university" is too general and lacks specificity. "Academic research at universities" is more precise and aligns with formal language expectations.
"have more stable jobs and work more productively" -> "attain greater job stability and productivity"
Explanation: "Have more stable jobs and work more productively" is somewhat informal. "Attain greater job stability and productivity" is more formal and academically appropriate.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses the prompt by acknowledging the importance of vocational training to address the shortage of skilled laborers in fields like electrical and plumbing. However, it fails to fully explore the idea of whether more people should be encouraged to pursue vocational training over academic study.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure that all aspects of the prompt are thoroughly addressed. In this case, the essay should delve deeper into the agreement or disagreement with the statement regarding the encouragement of vocational training over academic study.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position throughout. While it acknowledges the importance of vocational training in addressing the shortage of skilled workers, it also argues in favor of university education.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, maintain a consistent stance throughout the essay. Decide whether to fully support or oppose the idea of encouraging more people to pursue vocational training over university education, and ensure that all arguments align with this stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and coherence in their development. It briefly discusses the benefits of university education over vocational training but fails to provide sufficient evidence or elaboration to support these claims.
- How to improve: To enhance idea presentation and development, provide specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to support each point made. Additionally, ensure that ideas are logically connected and expanded upon to strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay somewhat deviates from the topic by focusing more on the benefits of university education rather than directly addressing whether more people should pursue vocational training.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, maintain a clear focus on addressing the prompt’s central question. Avoid tangential discussions and ensure that all points made directly relate to the topic of vocational training versus academic study.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in addressing all parts of the prompt, maintaining a clear position, developing ideas coherently, and staying focused on the topic at hand. By addressing these areas, the essay can better fulfill the requirements for a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at organizing information. It starts with an introduction stating the author’s position and proceeds to present arguments in support of the thesis. However, the progression of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between discussing the benefits of university education and vocational training feels abrupt, lacking a clear link.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a clear and seamless flow of ideas throughout the essay. Consider using transitional phrases to connect different parts of the argument more effectively. For example, phrases like "Moreover" or "Furthermore" can help to signal the progression of thought from one point to the next.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to structure ideas, but the effectiveness is limited. Paragraphs should ideally contain a main idea with supporting details, yet some paragraphs in the essay lack clear topic sentences or coherent development. For instance, the paragraph discussing the benefits of university education mixes ideas about expertise and experience without a clear organizational structure.
- How to improve: Focus on crafting well-structured paragraphs that each present a single main idea and develop it coherently. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting evidence or examples. Consider revising the paragraph discussing university education to separate the discussion of expertise and experience into distinct paragraphs for clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes some attempts to use cohesive devices, such as transitional words like "however" and "in conclusion." However, these cohesive devices are used inconsistently and could be more varied to improve coherence. Additionally, there is limited use of other cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, or repetition, which could further enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: Increase the variety and consistency of cohesive devices throughout the essay to improve coherence. Experiment with a wider range of transitional words and phrases to signal relationships between ideas more effectively. Additionally, consider using pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned concepts and conjunctions to connect clauses within sentences. This will help create a smoother and more cohesive argumentative structure.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the task and presents relevant arguments, there is room for improvement in terms of logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By refining these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, thereby enhancing its overall effectiveness in communicating the author’s position.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some variety in word choice. For instance, the writer employs terms like "vocational training," "qualified skilled," "academic knowledge," "extensive experience," "productively," and "scientific research." However, there is room for improvement in showcasing a wider breadth of vocabulary. The repetition of certain terms like "vocation training" and "university" could be diversified by introducing synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enrich the vocabulary range, the writer can incorporate synonyms, antonyms, or related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "vocational training," they could vary their language by employing phrases like "trade education," "technical training," or "skill development programs." Likewise, replacing "university" with alternatives such as "higher education institutions," "academic institutions," or "college" would enhance lexical diversity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with moderate precision, but there are instances where the choice of words could be more accurate. For example, the phrase "study vocation training" lacks precision and could be revised to "pursue vocational training" or "undertake vocational studies" for clarity. Additionally, terms like "scientific research" are used broadly without specific context, reducing precision.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary precision, the writer should strive for clarity and specificity in word choice. Instead of using vague or general terms, they should opt for more precise language that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For instance, specifying the type of research conducted at universities (e.g., "academic research," "scientific studies," "empirical research") would clarify the intended message and demonstrate a higher level of lexical precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy overall, with few notable errors. However, there are instances of misspelled words such as "vocation" instead of "vocational," "workes" instead of "workers," and "workks" instead of "works." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should consider employing spell-checking tools or proofreading their work carefully to identify and correct errors before submission. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling patterns and practicing spelling through writing exercises can help reinforce accurate spelling habits. Taking the time to review written work attentively for spelling errors is crucial for maintaining a polished and professional presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences, which contributes to the overall coherence and articulation of ideas. Examples include complex sentences like "More and more people should be encouraged to study vocational training instead of learning at university because of the lack of skilled laborers in fields electrical and plumbing" and compound sentences like "However, I believe that university is still the best choice for many people." This variety helps in partially fulfilling the criteria for a higher band score. However, the effectiveness of these structures is somewhat diminished by minor errors and awkward phrasing.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of structures and their effectiveness, the writer could practice integrating more varied subordinate clauses and passive constructions to add sophistication to their argumentation. For instance, instead of "These experts have extensive experience in the field and pass it on clearly to students," a more structured version could be "The extensive experience possessed by these experts is clearly imparted to students." Regular practice with complex grammatical constructions like conditionals and relative clauses would also be beneficial.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical control with occasional errors that do not impede communication significantly. For example, there are instances of missing articles ("study vocation training helps supply the missing positions") and awkward prepositional usage ("in fields electrical and plumbing"). The use of punctuation is generally correct, although there are lapses like the missing comma after "However" which should ideally be "However,".
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, focusing on article usage and the correct application of prepositions would be vital. These are common areas of error that can detract from the clarity and professionalism of writing. Engaging in exercises that target these specific grammatical aspects, such as filling in blanks for articles and prepositions in complex academic sentences, would be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading practice focusing on punctuation, particularly comma usage around introductory phrases and non-restrictive clauses, would help in reducing errors and improving the overall readability of the text.

Overall, the essay has strengths in structural variety and grammatical control appropriate for a band 7, but attention to detail in grammatical accuracy and sentence construction could elevate the quality further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Encouraging more individuals to pursue vocational training rather than opting for university education is crucial due to the shortage of skilled workers, particularly in fields like electrical work and plumbing. However, I contend that university education remains the preferred choice for many.

To start, it’s essential to recognize that vocational training addresses the immediate need for skilled labor. However, it may fall short when faced with complex issues requiring specialized knowledge. Individuals who pursue academic studies are better equipped to tackle these challenges. Moreover, university instructors, with their extensive experience, effectively impart this knowledge to students, ensuring they are well-prepared for the demands of the job market.

While vocational training primarily focuses on tasks involving manual labor or supporting roles, university graduates are often qualified for primary positions or managerial roles. Additionally, their salaries tend to be higher than those of vocational trainees. Statistics from 2018 indicate that individuals in primary positions earn approximately 40% more than those in secondary roles. This highlights the financial benefits of pursuing higher education.

In conclusion, while vocational training addresses immediate labor shortages, academic research and education at universities offer greater job stability and productivity. Therefore, both pathways have their merits, but university education provides a more comprehensive preparation for the complexities of the modern workforce.