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While the Ministry of Education of Training places high hopes on the new assessment method using comments instead of marks, primary schools have voiced their opposition. What is your opinion?

While the Ministry of Education of Training places high hopes on the new assessment method using comments instead of marks, primary schools have voiced their opposition. What is your opinion?

It is true that the commentary assessment can indeed reduce the pressure on students. In my personal perspective, I partly agree with this statement due to these following grounds.
On the one hand, it is crystal clear that the assessment using marks is more effective than the commentary one. For instance, first-graders cannot read the comments from teachers , they don't realize whether their performance is good or bad. Additionally, several lecturers admitted having difficulty in giving many students in a big class suitable comments on their tests. Therefore, mark comments can be efficient in all grades and save a lot of time for teachers.
On the other hand, giving students comments about their test brings about myriad merits. Firstly, mark comments may dishearten and discourage students from studying as they may feel sad if they have a bad result on their test. Instead, giving learners a comment may help them know where they are and encourage them to study harder. It stands to reason that despite having bad grades, teachers can comment on students tests in a positive way and motivate them to learn better.
In conclusion, my firm conviction is that the combination of both mentioned methods would breed the best result.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "It is true that" -> "It is indeed the case that"
    Explanation: "It is indeed the case that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a statement in academic writing, enhancing the tone and accuracy of the assertion.

  2. "In my personal perspective" -> "From my perspective"
    Explanation: "From my perspective" is a more concise and academically appropriate phrase, avoiding the redundancy of "personal" which is implied by "perspective."

  3. "due to these following grounds" -> "for the following reasons"
    Explanation: "For the following reasons" is a more formal and direct way to introduce the supporting arguments, aligning better with academic style.

  4. "it is crystal clear" -> "it is evident"
    Explanation: "It is evident" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "crystal clear," which can sound overly colloquial.

  5. "first-graders cannot read the comments from teachers" -> "first-graders may not be able to read the comments from teachers"
    Explanation: Adding "may not be able to" softens the statement and avoids an absolute, which is more suitable for academic writing where precision is key.

  6. "they don’t realize" -> "they may not realize"
    Explanation: "They may not realize" is a more tentative and academically appropriate way to express uncertainty, avoiding the informal "don’t" contraction.

  7. "several lecturers admitted having difficulty" -> "several lecturers have reported difficulty"
    Explanation: "Have reported" is more formal and precise than "admitted," which can imply a personal confession rather than a factual statement.

  8. "in a big class" -> "in large classes"
    Explanation: "In large classes" is more specific and formal, avoiding the colloquial "big class."

  9. "mark comments" -> "numerical feedback"
    Explanation: "Numerical feedback" is a more precise and formal term than "mark comments," which is vague and informal.

  10. "save a lot of time" -> "save considerable time"
    Explanation: "Save considerable time" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "a lot," which is less precise in academic writing.

  11. "giving students comments about their test" -> "providing students with feedback on their assessments"
    Explanation: "Providing students with feedback on their assessments" is more formal and specific, replacing the vague "comments about their test."

  12. "may dishearten and discourage" -> "may demotivate"
    Explanation: "Demotivate" is a more concise and academically appropriate term than "dishearten and discourage," which is redundant and informal.

  13. "may feel sad" -> "may experience disappointment"
    Explanation: "May experience disappointment" is a more formal and precise way to describe emotional responses in academic writing.

  14. "It stands to reason" -> "It is logical"
    Explanation: "It is logical" is a more straightforward and formal expression than "It stands to reason," which can be seen as colloquial.

  15. "breed the best result" -> "yield the best outcomes"
    Explanation: "Yield the best outcomes" is a more formal and precise term than "breed the best result," which is metaphorically incorrect and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the commentary assessment method compared to traditional marking. However, it does not fully explore the opposition voiced by primary schools, which is a crucial part of the question. The phrase "I partly agree" suggests a nuanced position, but the essay lacks a thorough examination of the reasons behind the opposition from schools. The response could have included specific examples or arguments representing the schools’ perspectives.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly address the concerns raised by primary schools regarding the new assessment method. This could involve discussing potential issues such as the clarity of comments for younger students or the workload for teachers. Including a balanced view that acknowledges the opposition would strengthen the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, indicating partial agreement with the commentary assessment. However, the use of phrases like "partly agree" can lead to ambiguity. The conclusion suggests a combination of both methods, which may confuse the reader about the writer’s definitive stance. The position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To maintain clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and consistently reference it in each paragraph. Using clear topic sentences that reflect the main argument and summarizing the stance in the conclusion would help solidify the position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the benefits of commentary assessments in reducing pressure and providing motivation. However, the development of these ideas is limited. For example, the argument about first-graders not understanding comments lacks depth and could benefit from further explanation or examples. Additionally, the essay does not provide sufficient evidence or elaboration on the merits of commentary assessments.
    • How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each point made, providing specific examples or evidence to support claims. For instance, discussing how comments can be tailored to different age groups or learning styles would strengthen the argument. More detailed explanations and examples would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the assessment methods. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing the efficiency of marks without adequately linking it back to the prompt’s context of primary education and the opposition from schools. The mention of "mark comments" could be clearer in relation to the commentary method.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently referencing the implications of each assessment method on primary education and the concerns of schools. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the writer’s stance, while the body paragraphs each address different perspectives on the assessment methods. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the effectiveness of marks to the benefits of comments feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking statement that would guide the reader through the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the drawbacks of marks, a sentence like "However, this method has its drawbacks, which brings us to the advantages of commentary assessments" would create a more cohesive transition.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct argument, making it easier for the reader to follow the writer’s reasoning. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states that marks are more effective, setting a clear direction for the discussion that follows.
    • How to improve: Strengthen paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the paragraph’s argument and link to the next point, enhancing overall coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help delineate contrasting points. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "it stands to reason that" introduces a point but could be more effectively supported with additional cohesive devices that link it back to the previous argument.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Moreover," to enhance the connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to avoid repetition and maintain clarity throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions can help elevate the score further by enhancing logical flow, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "commentary assessment," "dishearten," and "myriad merits." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. For example, the phrase "mark comments" appears multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. Instead of repeatedly using "mark comments," alternatives such as "graded feedback," "evaluative remarks," or "assessment scores" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to education and assessment could enrich the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary choices are appropriate, there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "mark comments" is ambiguous and could confuse readers. The term "first-graders cannot read the comments" implies a lack of literacy that may not be universally true, as many first-graders can understand basic feedback.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning. For instance, instead of saying "first-graders cannot read the comments," a more precise statement could be "younger students may struggle to interpret written feedback." This not only clarifies the point but also avoids overgeneralization.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "lecturers" (which should be "teachers" in this context) and "students tests" (which should be "students’ tests" to indicate possession). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or grammar checking software can help identify and correct errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common educational terms and phrases can build confidence and reduce mistakes in future essays.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting ideas, which is a strong organizational technique. However, there are instances where the sentence structures are somewhat repetitive, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and elaborated upon. For example, the phrase "giving students comments about their test brings about myriad merits" could have been expressed using a more varied structure to enhance engagement.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that combine ideas. For instance, instead of starting sentences with similar phrases, try using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., "Although," "While," "Because") to create more nuanced sentences. Additionally, varying the placement of phrases within sentences can also enhance the overall flow and readability.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good command of grammar, but there are notable errors that affect clarity and coherence. For example, the phrase "mark comments can be efficient in all grades" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer if rephrased. Furthermore, punctuation issues are present, such as the incorrect placement of a comma in "teachers , they don’t realize" which disrupts the flow of the sentence. Additionally, the phrase "teachers can comment on students tests" lacks an apostrophe, making it grammatically incorrect.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation mistakes. Pay particular attention to the use of apostrophes for possessives (e.g., "students’ tests"). Furthermore, practicing sentence combining can help create more complex structures while maintaining grammatical accuracy. Engaging in exercises that focus on punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and apostrophes, will also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed the case that the commentary assessment can reduce the pressure on students. From my perspective, I partly agree with this statement for the following reasons.

On the one hand, it is evident that assessment using marks is often more effective than commentary-based evaluation. For instance, first-graders may not be able to read the comments from teachers, and they may not realize whether their performance is good or bad. Additionally, several lecturers have reported difficulty in providing students with feedback on their assessments in large classes. Therefore, mark comments can be efficient across all grades and save considerable time for teachers.

On the other hand, providing students with comments about their tests brings about numerous advantages. Firstly, mark comments may dishearten and discourage students from studying, as they may feel disheartened if they receive a poor result on their test. In contrast, giving learners constructive feedback can help them understand their current standing and encourage them to study harder. It stands to reason that despite receiving low grades, teachers can comment on students’ tests in a positive way and motivate them to improve their performance.

In conclusion, my firm conviction is that a combination of both methods would yield the best results.

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