Why we should protect the environment?

There are good reasons to say that preserving the environment should be everyone’s top priority. Firstly, preserving the planet ensures that future generations have more access to essential resources such as clean air and water. This can be done by fostering sustainable practices, including transitioning from fossil fuels to renewable energy sources and reducing pollutant emissions. Furthermore, the ever-present threat of climate change, with its potentially disastrous effects, emphasizes the necessity of arduous efforts. For example, investing in renewable energy technologies, such as solar and hydroelectric power, significantly diminishes both industrial and household emissions while ensuring a healthier living environment for successive generations.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There are good reasons to say that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and assertive way to introduce a statement, which is more suitable for academic writing than the more conversational "There are good reasons to say that."
"everyone’s top priority" -> "a paramount priority for everyone"
Explanation: "A paramount priority for everyone" is more formal and emphasizes the importance of the issue, aligning better with academic style.
"ensures that future generations have more access to" -> "ensures future generations’ continued access to"
Explanation: "Continued access to" is more precise and formal, indicating ongoing availability rather than just increased availability, which is more appropriate for an academic context.
"fostering sustainable practices" -> "promoting sustainable practices"
Explanation: "Promoting" is a more direct and formal term than "fostering," which can be seen as slightly less specific and less formal.
"transitioning from fossil fuels to renewable energy sources" -> "transitioning to renewable energy sources from fossil fuels"
Explanation: This rephrasing maintains the same meaning but improves the flow and formality by placing the more specific term "renewable energy sources" first, which is more typical in formal writing.
"reducing pollutant emissions" -> "mitigating pollutant emissions"
Explanation: "Mitigating" is a more precise and formal term than "reducing," which is commonly used in environmental and scientific contexts.
"the ever-present threat of climate change" -> "the persistent threat of climate change"
Explanation: "Persistent" is a more formal synonym for "ever-present," and it avoids the colloquial tone of "ever-present."
"arduous efforts" -> "sustained efforts"
Explanation: "Sustained efforts" is a more precise and formal term that better conveys the idea of continuous and prolonged action, which is more appropriate for an academic context.
"investing in renewable energy technologies" -> "investing in the development of renewable energy technologies"
Explanation: Adding "the development of" clarifies the scope of investment, specifying that it is not just a general investment but rather in the advancement of these technologies.
"significantly diminishes" -> "significantly reduces"
Explanation: "Reduces" is a more straightforward and commonly accepted term in academic writing compared to "diminishes," which can be seen as slightly less formal and more vague.
"ensuring a healthier living environment" -> "ensuring a healthier environment"
Explanation: Removing "living" from "living environment" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning, making it more concise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the question of why we should protect the environment by presenting reasons related to resource availability and climate change. However, it does not fully explore the breadth of the topic. While it mentions the importance of clean air and water and the transition to renewable energy, it lacks a comprehensive discussion on other aspects, such as biodiversity, ecosystem services, and the economic implications of environmental degradation.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should include a wider range of reasons for environmental protection. Consider discussing the importance of biodiversity, the role of ecosystems in supporting life, and the economic benefits of a healthy environment. Providing multiple perspectives will demonstrate a more thorough understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that preserving the environment is a priority, but the argument could be more consistently reinforced throughout the text. The initial statement sets a strong foundation, but the subsequent points could be better linked back to the main argument to maintain clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, use topic sentences that directly relate back to the thesis in each paragraph. Additionally, reiterating the main argument at the end of each point can help reinforce the stance throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the transition to renewable energy and the impacts of climate change, but these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported. For instance, while the mention of renewable energy technologies is relevant, it lacks specific examples or data that could strengthen the argument. The essay also does not explore the implications of these ideas in depth.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, include specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the points being made. For instance, discussing successful renewable energy initiatives in various countries could provide concrete support for the argument. Additionally, elaborating on the consequences of inaction regarding environmental protection would add depth to the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for protecting the environment. However, the brevity of the response limits the exploration of the topic, which could lead to a perception of superficiality. There are no significant deviations from the topic, but the lack of depth may give the impression of a lack of engagement with the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, ensure that each point made directly contributes to answering the prompt. Expanding on each idea with more detail and examples will help demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic. Additionally, consider including a concluding statement that summarizes the key points and reinforces the importance of environmental protection.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument for protecting the environment, it requires more depth, detail, and a broader exploration of the topic to achieve a higher band score. Expanding on ideas, providing specific examples, and ensuring a consistent position throughout the essay will enhance the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information in a logical sequence, starting with a clear statement of the importance of environmental preservation. The argument progresses from the necessity of protecting essential resources to the implications of climate change, which effectively builds the case for the topic. The use of phrases like "Firstly" and "Furthermore" aids in guiding the reader through the argument. However, while the ideas are connected, the transition between points could be more explicit to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using more explicit linking phrases that clarify how each point relates to the previous one. For example, after discussing the importance of resources, you could add a sentence that explicitly connects the need for sustainable practices to the consequences of climate change, thereby reinforcing the relationship between the points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into a single paragraph, which limits its effectiveness. While the ideas are coherent, the lack of distinct paragraphs makes it harder for the reader to digest the information. A well-structured paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, which can then be supported by examples and explanations.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, divide the essay into at least two paragraphs. The first paragraph could focus on the reasons for environmental preservation, while the second could discuss the methods to achieve this, such as transitioning to renewable energy. This separation will allow for clearer development of ideas and make the essay more reader-friendly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices effectively, such as "Firstly," "Furthermore," and "for example," which help in linking ideas and providing clarity. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, which can make the writing feel repetitive and less sophisticated.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, you could use "In addition," "Moreover," or "Consequently" to introduce new points or to show cause and effect. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can enhance cohesion without over-relying on conjunctions.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially reaching a band score of 9.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms like "preserving," "sustainable practices," "fossil fuels," "renewable energy sources," and "pollutant emissions." These terms are relevant to the topic and reflect an understanding of environmental issues. The use of phrases such as "potentially disastrous effects" and "significantly diminishes" further showcases the writer’s ability to employ varied vocabulary effectively.
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource further, the writer could incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeating "preserving" and "renewable energy," the writer could use alternatives like "conserving" or "green energy." Additionally, integrating more advanced vocabulary related to environmental science could enhance the essay’s sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary used in the essay is largely precise and contextually appropriate. Phrases like "clean air and water" and "fostering sustainable practices" accurately convey the intended meaning. However, the phrase "arduous efforts" may be slightly misapplied; while it suggests difficulty, the context might benefit from a term that emphasizes the necessity or urgency of the efforts rather than the struggle involved.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should consider the connotations of the words used. For instance, replacing "arduous efforts" with "concerted efforts" or "dedicated efforts" would maintain the intended meaning while enhancing clarity. Additionally, ensuring that all terms align perfectly with the context will strengthen the overall argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "environment," "essential," "resources," and "technologies" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: While the spelling is correct, the writer should continue to practice spelling, especially with more complex or less common vocabulary related to environmental topics. Regular reading and writing exercises can help reinforce correct spelling and familiarize the writer with advanced terminology. Additionally, using spell-check tools during the drafting process can help catch any inadvertent errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong lexical resource capabilities, with room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and continued attention to spelling. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further enhance their performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "preserving the planet ensures that future generations have more access to essential resources such as clean air and water." This structure effectively conveys multiple ideas within a single sentence. Additionally, the use of transitional phrases such as "Firstly" and "Furthermore" helps in organizing thoughts clearly. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, which can limit the overall range. For example, the essay predominantly uses declarative sentences, which may make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound and complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, you could rephrase some sentences to include conditional clauses (e.g., "If we invest in renewable energy technologies, we will significantly diminish emissions"). Additionally, varying the length and rhythm of sentences can create a more engaging reading experience.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the necessity of arduous efforts" is slightly awkward; "arduous efforts" could be more clearly expressed as "significant efforts." Punctuation is mostly correct, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and items in a list. However, there are instances where clarity could be improved with better punctuation, such as in the sentence "For example, investing in renewable energy technologies, such as solar and hydroelectric power, significantly diminishes both industrial and household emissions while ensuring a healthier living environment for successive generations." The sentence is lengthy and could benefit from being broken into two for better readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on refining awkward phrases and ensuring clarity in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where the flow is disrupted or where punctuation may be lacking. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage can help solidify understanding and application in writing. Consider practicing with exercises that focus on sentence variety and punctuation rules to further enhance these skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that preserving the environment should be a paramount priority for everyone. Firstly, safeguarding the planet ensures that future generations’ continued access to essential resources, such as clean air and water, is maintained. This can be achieved by promoting sustainable practices, including transitioning from fossil fuels to renewable energy sources and mitigating pollutant emissions. Furthermore, the persistent threat of climate change, with its potentially disastrous effects, emphasizes the necessity of sustained efforts. For example, investing in the development of renewable energy technologies, such as solar and hydroelectric power, significantly reduces both industrial and household emissions while ensuring a healthier environment for successive generations.