Wild animals have no use in the 21st century and trying to preserve animals now is just a waste of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In contemporary times, many argue that humans should invest in meaningful resources rather than pay attention to wild animal species protection as they will be worthless in the future. From my standpoint, I vehemently disagree with this statement for the reasons outlined below.
Firstly, my disagreement with the notion stems from the concern that wild animals play a pivotal role in medical research, and thereby have positive impacts on humans' existence. To be precise, in the survival process with other creatures, animals have the innate ability to find antibodies in order to resist a multitude of serious diseases such as bacteria or cancer cells. They automatically provide new molecules that medical experts have never explored before. Accordingly, the characteristics of these creatures will assist scientists in finding effective treatment solutions that are seemingly incurable. Recent research indicates that current antibiotics, pain relievers, anti-cancer, and hemophilia treatments all come from these wild animals take Americans as a primary example, with more than a quarter of prescriptions containing substances found in animals and plants.
Secondly, the presence of natural creatures would bring many benefits to agriculture. To explain, peasants have the capacity to make use of insects or insectivores to prevent the invasion of harmful pests that damage their crops as well as use plant varieties that contain natural toxins that repel harmful insects. This is the best visible and safe way to enhance economic productivity instead of leveraging synthetic chemical drugs or pesticides that are not only a waste of money but also negatively influence people's health. Therefore, it is nonsense to argue that creatures are useless and have to eliminate the appearance of them.
In conclusion, although some individuals think wild animals have no utilization in this technical world, I firmly oppose their opinion and strongly favor their protection in order to save the life on the planet Earth. In the above paragraphs, arguments supporting the perspective have been discussed.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"humans should invest in meaningful resources" -> "humans should allocate resources judiciously"
Explanation: Replacing "invest in meaningful resources" with "allocate resources judiciously" conveys a more formal and precise tone, aligning with academic style.
"pay attention to wild animal species protection" -> "prioritize the conservation of wild animal species"
Explanation: The phrase "pay attention to" is somewhat informal. "Prioritize the conservation of wild animal species" is a more formal alternative that better fits the context.
"vehemently disagree" -> "strongly disagree"
Explanation: While "vehemently" expresses strong disagreement, "strongly" is a slightly more formal and widely accepted term in academic writing.
"stems from the concern that" -> "arises from the concern that"
Explanation: "Arises from" is a more formal and precise alternative to "stems from," contributing to a more academic tone.
"innate ability" -> "inherent capacity"
Explanation: "Inherent capacity" is a more formal and sophisticated term than "innate ability," enhancing the academic quality of the expression.
"automatically provide" -> "naturally produce"
Explanation: "Naturally produce" is a more academic and precise choice compared to "automatically provide."
"effective treatment solutions that are seemingly incurable" -> "treatments for seemingly incurable conditions"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase to "treatments for seemingly incurable conditions" improves clarity and formality.
"wild animals take Americans as a primary example" -> "considering Americans as a primary example, wild animals"
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence for better flow and replacing "take" with "considering" maintains a formal tone.
"the presence of natural creatures" -> "the existence of natural fauna"
Explanation: Substituting "the presence of natural creatures" with "the existence of natural fauna" adds a more formal touch to the expression.
"peasants have the capacity to make use of insects" -> "farmers can utilize insects"
Explanation: Replacing "peasants" with "farmers" and using "can utilize" instead of "have the capacity to make use of" enhances formality.
"best visible and safe way" -> "most visible and secure approach"
Explanation: Substituting "best visible and safe way" with "most visible and secure approach" improves the formality and precision of the statement.
"leverage synthetic chemical drugs" -> "rely on synthetic chemical compounds"
Explanation: Using "rely on" instead of "leverage" and "chemical compounds" instead of "chemical drugs" aligns with formal academic language.
"it is nonsense to argue that creatures are useless" -> "it is unfounded to assert that creatures are without value"
Explanation: The alternative phrase provides a more formal and nuanced expression for "it is nonsense to argue."
"strongly favor" -> "firmly advocate"
Explanation: "Firmly advocate" is a more formal and sophisticated term than "strongly favor," maintaining an academic tone.
"In the above paragraphs, arguments supporting the perspective have been discussed." -> "The preceding paragraphs have presented arguments supporting this viewpoint."
Explanation: The revised sentence is more concise and maintains a formal tone while expressing the same idea.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It provides a clear opinion in disagreement with the prompt and supports this stance with two main reasons: the importance of wild animals in medical research and their benefits in agriculture. Relevant sections are cited to substantiate the response.
- How to Improve: While the response is comprehensive, there could be a stronger emphasis on directly engaging with the opposing viewpoint, perhaps by acknowledging potential counterarguments and providing brief counterpoints.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance, expressing strong disagreement with the idea that wild animals have no use in the 21st century. The position is evident in the introduction and is consistently reinforced throughout the body paragraphs.
- How to Improve: To further enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the position in the conclusion for reinforcement.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay presents and extends its ideas well. It effectively elaborates on the role of wild animals in medical research and their benefits in agriculture. Specific examples are provided, such as the contribution of wild animals to antibiotics and the role of insects in agriculture.
- How to Improve: To enhance the depth of the essay, consider providing additional examples or exploring the counterarguments in more detail. This can strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of wild animals despite the claim that they are useless in the 21st century. However, there is a slight deviation towards the end where the essay discusses saving life on Earth. While related, it could be more directly tied to the central theme.
- How to Improve: Ensure that all points made in the essay are directly connected to the central argument. In this case, relate the discussion of saving life on Earth more explicitly to the preservation of wild animals.
Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintaining a clear stance and providing well-developed arguments. To further improve, consider refining the connection between ideas and engaging more directly with potential counterarguments.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction clearly presents the writer’s stance, and each paragraph follows a logical sequence of ideas. However, there are instances where the development of ideas could be more structured. For example, the transition from discussing medical research to agriculture could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider providing a clear roadmap of your main points in the introduction. Additionally, ensure a smoother transition between ideas by using transitional phrases or sentences. For instance, a sentence that explicitly connects the discussion on medical research to the subsequent point on agriculture would improve coherence.
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but the structure within some paragraphs could be improved. While there is an attempt to separate different ideas into paragraphs, the development of these ideas within each paragraph is not consistently clear. Some paragraphs contain multiple points, making it challenging for the reader to follow the progression of ideas.
- How to improve: Aim for greater consistency in paragraph structure. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, and the development of that idea should be clear and coherent. If a paragraph contains multiple points, consider breaking it into smaller, more focused paragraphs to enhance readability and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices to some extent, including transitional phrases and cohesive ties. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and effectiveness of these devices. Some transitions between sentences and ideas are abrupt, affecting the overall flow.
- How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Employ a variety of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the logical progression of your ideas. Additionally, pay attention to the coherence of ideas within sentences to ensure a seamless connection between them. Practice using cohesive devices effectively to strengthen the overall coherence of your essay.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a generally coherent and cohesive structure, refining the organization of ideas, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied words and phrases, particularly in the introduction and body paragraphs. Examples include "innate ability," "antibodies," "incurable," "hemophilia treatments," and "economic productivity." However, some phrases are repeated, and there is room for improvement in diversifying vocabulary further.
How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider exploring synonyms and alternative expressions for frequently used words. In the body paragraphs, strive for more varied language, especially when elaborating on points. For instance, instead of consistently using "creatures," consider alternatives such as "wildlife," "fauna," or "animal species."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary. For instance, the phrases "wild animals" and "creatures" are used broadly, lacking specificity. On the positive side, terms like "antibodies," "bacteria," and "hemophilia treatments" are more precise and contribute to the clarity of the essay.
How to improve: Focus on employing more specific terms, especially when referring to wild animals. Instead of general terms like "creatures," specify the types of animals being discussed. For example, mention specific species or classifications to add precision. Additionally, be consistent in using precise terminology throughout the essay to avoid ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of misspellings, such as "incurable" spelled as "uncurable." While these errors do not significantly hinder comprehension, attention to detail in spelling would enhance the overall presentation.
How to improve: Proofread the essay carefully to catch and rectify any spelling errors. Consider using spelling and grammar-check tools to ensure accuracy. Additionally, pay close attention to words with irregular spellings or those prone to common mistakes. Developing a habit of thorough proofreading will contribute to improved spelling precision.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, including some compound and compound-complex structures. For instance, the writer employs complex sentences when discussing the role of wild animals in medical research. This variety enhances the overall readability and engagement of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay generally uses a wide range of structures, introducing more complex sentence structures could further elevate the quality of expression. Consider incorporating intricate sentence patterns to add nuance and sophistication to the writing. This can be achieved by experimenting with different types of subordinate clauses and varying the length and structure of sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Verb tenses are appropriately used, and there are minimal grammatical errors. Punctuation, including commas and periods, is used accurately to convey the intended meaning. However, there is a notable omission of commas in a few instances where they would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: While the overall grammatical accuracy is high, pay closer attention to the placement of commas, especially in complex sentences. Ensure that commas are used consistently to set off introductory phrases and separate items in a list. Additionally, consider using a variety of punctuation marks (e.g., semicolons, colons) to add variety to sentence structure and emphasize key points. Proofreading for these minor punctuation details will contribute to an even more polished essay.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, earning a Band Score of 7. To further enhance this score, the writer can focus on diversifying sentence structures and paying meticulous attention to punctuation details.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary times, there is a growing belief that humans should allocate resources judiciously and prioritize the conservation of wild animal species. However, I strongly disagree with the opinion that preserving these creatures is a waste of money, as outlined below.
Firstly, my disagreement arises from the concern that wild animals play a crucial role in medical research, positively impacting human existence. Specifically, in their coexistence with other creatures, animals possess the inherent capacity to produce antibodies that resist serious diseases like bacteria or cancer cells. They naturally produce new molecules that can lead to groundbreaking medical treatments. Recent research highlights that current antibiotics, pain relievers, anti-cancer, and hemophilia treatments originate from substances found in animals and plants, with Americans being a primary example, as more than a quarter of prescriptions contain such compounds.
Secondly, the existence of natural fauna brings numerous benefits to agriculture. Farmers can utilize insects or insectivores to control harmful pests and use plant varieties with natural toxins that repel insects. This approach is the most visible and secure, enhancing economic productivity without relying on synthetic chemical compounds or pesticides, which not only waste money but also negatively impact human health. Therefore, it is unfounded to assert that creatures are without value, as they contribute significantly to sustainable and healthy farming practices.
In conclusion, while some argue that wild animals have no use in this technological age, I firmly advocate for their protection. The preceding paragraphs have presented arguments supporting this viewpoint, emphasizing the vital roles these creatures play in medical advancements and sustainable agriculture, ultimately contributing to the preservation of life on planet Earth.