With a growing world population one of the most pressing issues is that of feeding such a large number of people. Some people think that GM foods offer a viable solution to this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With a growing world population one of the most pressing issues is that of feeding such a large number of people. Some people think that GM foods offer a viable solution to this problem.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Throughout the evolution of the world, there have been significant changes in the variety of people across the entire planet. Compared to ancient times when the population was extremely small, our current population has become significantly larger, resulting in a range of issues, including food shortages. Considering the quantity of food consumption, scientists have developed the concept of GM production. Nevertheless, some people still remain convinced about the possible hazards of such products. I partially agree that GM production is likely to significantly simplify the manufacturing process due to its numerous advantages in the long-term perspective. On the other hand, it should not be forgotten that potential environmental hazards still exist.

GM production has shown remarkable outcomes in an immune manner. This is because of the unique structure of DNA, which has been modified and improved. Such differences have influenced food storage and its manufacturing pace. For example, in our current decade, the amount of GM soy products has increased to 77 percent.

Alternatively, this type of product is being carefully monitored due to its potential concerns. Despite reports from scientists who say that GM products are undoubtedly environmentally friendly, some studies indicate chemical pollution in the research field and the emergence of weeds. The Bt company, for instance, attempted to develop cotton that is resistant to pests. However, pests adapted to these conditions, and farmers ultimately lost their profits.

Overall, GM production not only has disadvantages but also poses hazards. The use of such innovations necessitates caution, but without them, we would not have made any progress. That is why I partly agree that GM production is one of the most viable solutions to the feeding problem.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Throughout the evolution of the world" -> "Throughout the evolution of human society"
   Explanation: The phrase "the evolution of the world" is vague and overly broad. Specifying "human society" clarifies the context and aligns better with academic style by focusing on the evolution of human civilization rather than the world as a whole.

2. "the variety of people" -> "the diversity of human populations"
   Explanation: "The variety of people" is an awkward and unclear phrase. "The diversity of human populations" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, emphasizing the demographic changes in human populations.

3. "extremely small" -> "relatively small"
   Explanation: "Extremely small" is an absolute term that may be seen as exaggerated or subjective. "Relatively small" provides a more measured and academically neutral description.

4. "resulting in a range of issues, including food shortages" -> "resulting in a range of issues, including food scarcity"
   Explanation: "Food shortages" is a bit simplistic and informal. "Food scarcity" is a more precise and formal term commonly used in academic and policy discussions about food availability.

5. "scientists have developed the concept of GM production" -> "scientists have introduced the concept of genetically modified production"
   Explanation: "GM production" is an abbreviation that may be too informal for academic writing. "Genetically modified production" is more explicit and formal, providing clarity and specificity.

6. "some people still remain convinced about the possible hazards" -> "some individuals still remain convinced of the potential risks"
   Explanation: "Some people" is too general and informal. "Some individuals" is more specific and formal, and "potential risks" is a more precise term than "possible hazards."

7. "due to its numerous advantages in the long-term perspective" -> "owing to its numerous long-term advantages"
   Explanation: "In the long-term perspective" is redundant. "Owing to its numerous long-term advantages" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.

8. "immune manner" -> "remarkable manner"
   Explanation: "Immune manner" is unclear and incorrect. "Remarkable manner" correctly conveys the intended meaning of notable or impressive.

9. "has been modified and improved" -> "has been modified and enhanced"
   Explanation: "Improved" can be vague and informal in this context. "Enhanced" is more precise and formal, fitting better in an academic discussion about scientific advancements.

10. "the amount of GM soy products has increased to 77 percent" -> "the proportion of GM soy products has increased to 77 percent"
    Explanation: "The amount" is less precise than "the proportion," which is more suitable for discussing percentages in a formal context.

11. "carefully monitored due to its potential concerns" -> "closely monitored due to potential concerns"
    Explanation: "Carefully" is somewhat informal and vague. "Closely" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.

12. "chemical pollution in the research field" -> "chemical contamination in the research environment"
    Explanation: "Pollution" is too broad and informal for this context. "Contamination" is more specific and appropriate for discussing laboratory settings.

13. "emergence of weeds" -> "outbreak of weeds"
    Explanation: "Emergence" is too general and can refer to various types of emergence. "Outbreak" specifically implies a sudden and widespread occurrence, which is more precise in this context.

14. "The Bt company" -> "The Bt corporation"
    Explanation: "Company" is too informal and vague for an academic context. "Corporation" is more formal and appropriate for discussing large-scale organizations.

15. "attempted to develop cotton that is resistant to pests" -> "sought to develop cotton resistant to pests"
    Explanation: "Attempted" is less formal and slightly informal. "Sought" is more formal and fits better in an academic narrative.

16. "farmers ultimately lost their profits" -> "farmers ultimately suffered financial losses"
    Explanation: "Lost their profits" is somewhat informal and vague. "Suffered financial losses" is more specific and formal, suitable for academic writing.

17. "GM production not only has disadvantages but also poses hazards" -> "GM production not only has disadvantages but also presents hazards"
    Explanation: "Poses hazards" is less formal and slightly awkward. "Presents hazards" is more formal and fits better in an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of GM foods in relation to feeding a growing population. The writer states a partial agreement with the idea that GM foods can be a solution, which aligns with the prompt’s request for an opinion. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit exploration of the extent of agreement or disagreement, as the phrase "partly agree" lacks specificity regarding the degree of viability GM foods represent.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should clarify their position by explicitly stating how much they agree or disagree with the statement. This could involve quantifying their stance (e.g., "I agree to a moderate extent") and elaborating on specific conditions under which GM foods might be considered viable.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that GM foods have both benefits and risks. However, the clarity of the position wavers slightly, particularly in the conclusion where the statement "not only has disadvantages but also poses hazards" could confuse readers about whether the writer ultimately supports GM foods or not. The phrase "but without them, we would not have made any progress" could imply a stronger endorsement than intended.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently reinforce their stance throughout the essay. Using transitional phrases that reiterate their viewpoint can help, such as "This leads me to conclude that…" or "In light of these points, I maintain that…".

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay introduces several ideas, such as the benefits of GM foods in food production and the potential environmental hazards. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the mention of GM soy products is relevant, it lacks deeper analysis or connection to the overall argument about feeding the population. The example of the Bt cotton is a good start but could be expanded to illustrate its implications more clearly.
  • How to improve: To better support ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could involve discussing specific studies or statistics that illustrate the effectiveness of GM foods or elaborating on the environmental risks with more context. Additionally, integrating counterarguments and addressing them could strengthen the overall argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on GM foods as a solution to feeding a growing population. However, some sections, particularly the introduction, could be more concise and directly related to the prompt. The mention of historical population changes, while relevant, may distract from the main focus on GM foods.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should streamline the introduction to directly address the prompt without unnecessary background information. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that ties back to the central question, ensuring that all content remains relevant to the discussion of GM foods and their role in addressing food shortages.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding GM foods and their role in addressing food shortages due to a growing population. The introduction outlines the issue and the writer’s stance effectively. However, the progression of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the advantages of GM production to the potential hazards feels abrupt. The second paragraph discusses the benefits, but it could better connect to the subsequent paragraph on risks to create a more cohesive narrative.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the advantages and disadvantages of GM foods. For example, after discussing the benefits, you could introduce the risks with a phrase like, "However, despite these advantages, there are significant concerns that must be addressed." This would help create a smoother transition between contrasting ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, the second paragraph discusses the benefits, and the third addresses the risks. However, the conclusion could be more robust, as it merely summarizes the previous points without offering a strong final thought or call to action.
  • How to improve: To strengthen paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a single idea but also includes a topic sentence that clearly states the main point. Additionally, the conclusion should reflect on the implications of the argument presented. Consider rephrasing the conclusion to include a broader perspective on the future of GM foods in addressing global food shortages.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Nevertheless," "On the other hand," and "For example." These devices help to connect ideas and provide clarity. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from a more varied use of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate additional transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Consequently." For instance, when transitioning from the benefits of GM foods to their potential risks, you could use "Conversely" to indicate a shift in perspective. This would not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of linguistic proficiency.

By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of genetically modified (GM) foods and their implications. Terms such as "immune manner," "chemical pollution," and "environmental hazards" indicate an ability to discuss complex ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "significantly simplify the manufacturing process" could be enhanced with synonyms or more precise terms to avoid repetition.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms for key concepts. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "significantly," alternatives like "substantially" or "considerably" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more academic or technical vocabulary related to biotechnology could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good command of vocabulary, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "remarkable outcomes in an immune manner" is unclear and may confuse readers, as "immune manner" does not accurately convey the intended meaning regarding GM foods. Similarly, "the amount of GM soy products has increased to 77 percent" could be more precise by specifying "the production of GM soy products."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning. It would be beneficial to revise unclear phrases for clarity. For instance, instead of "immune manner," the writer could say "enhanced resistance to diseases." Additionally, using specific terms related to the context, such as "yield" instead of "amount," would improve clarity and precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors that disrupt comprehension. Words like "production," "environmental," and "hazards" are spelled correctly throughout. However, there is a minor inconsistency in the use of "GM production" versus "GM foods," which could lead to confusion regarding the subject matter.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, maintaining consistency in terminology (e.g., consistently using "GM foods" instead of alternating with "GM production") will contribute to clarity and coherence in the essay.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for Lexical Resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling consistency. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise language use, and maintaining consistency in terminology, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, phrases like "Nevertheless, some people still remain convinced about the possible hazards of such products" and "On the other hand, it should not be forgotten that potential environmental hazards still exist" show an ability to combine ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "GM production" and "this type of product," which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, using participial phrases or subordinate clauses can add complexity. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "GM production," you could use "By modifying the DNA, GM production has…" or "While some argue against GM foods, evidence suggests…" This will not only diversify the structure but also improve the flow of ideas.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "GM production has shown remarkable outcomes in an immune manner" is awkwardly phrased; it would be clearer to say "GM production has shown remarkable outcomes in terms of immunity." Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some run-on sentences that could benefit from clearer separation. For example, the sentence "Despite reports from scientists who say that GM products are undoubtedly environmentally friendly, some studies indicate chemical pollution in the research field and the emergence of weeds" could be split for clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on sentence clarity and coherence. Break down complex sentences into simpler ones where necessary to avoid confusion. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical structures, such as subject-verb agreement and the use of articles, can help eliminate minor errors. Practicing with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on specific sentences can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Throughout the evolution of human society, there have been significant changes in the diversity of human populations across the globe. Compared to ancient times when the population was relatively small, our current population has grown substantially, resulting in a range of issues, including food scarcity. Considering the increasing demand for food, scientists have introduced the concept of genetically modified (GM) production. Nevertheless, some individuals still remain convinced of the potential risks associated with such products. I partially agree that GM production is likely to simplify the manufacturing process significantly, owing to its numerous long-term advantages. On the other hand, it should not be forgotten that potential environmental hazards still exist.

GM production has shown remarkable outcomes in a variety of ways. This is due to the unique structure of DNA, which has been modified and enhanced. Such alterations have influenced food storage and the pace of manufacturing. For example, in recent years, the proportion of GM soy products has increased to 77 percent.

Conversely, this type of product is closely monitored due to potential concerns. Despite reports from scientists asserting that GM products are undoubtedly environmentally friendly, some studies indicate chemical contamination in the research environment and the outbreak of weeds. The Bt corporation, for instance, sought to develop cotton resistant to pests. However, pests adapted to these conditions, and farmers ultimately suffered financial losses.

Overall, GM production not only has disadvantages but also presents hazards. The use of such innovations necessitates caution, but without them, we would not have made any progress. That is why I partly agree that GM production is one of the most viable solutions to the problem of feeding a growing population.