Write a letter of about 150 words. Your neighbour keeps singing karaoke loudly until very late at night, which prevents you from staying focused on your study for the upcoming exam for gifted students held by your school. Write a letter of complaint to the apartment management board. Use your name as Mai Hoa
Write a letter of about 150 words.
Your neighbour keeps singing karaoke loudly until very late at night, which prevents you from staying focused on your study for the upcoming exam for gifted students held by your school. Write a letter of complaint to the apartment management board.
Use your name as Mai Hoa
Dear Do Mr. Machenel
I'm Mui Hoa from floor 12B, I wrote this letter to express my dissatisfaction with the apartment above making load noises. Every other week, the family living there seems to invite plot of people into their house, belasting music and singing loudly, often lasting for several hours on end. I wouldn't have complained it it wasn't that I for the upcoming exam that I'm studying for.
My school is organizing a test for gifted students with the reward for getting more than mine on every subject being a fall-your scholarship. finacial situation is not in the brightest light of the moment, which is why My I have to study for it. However, the noise that my upstairs neighbour makes is disturbing distrating and annoying me, making it difficult for me to focus, I would like the I hope that the apontment management board would read this letter the roughly and take measures in reducing the noise for me and
the surrounding apartments.
Best regards,
Mai Hoa
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"Dear Do Mr. Machenel" -> "Dear Mr. Machenel"
Explanation: The phrase "Dear Do Mr. Machenel" appears to be a typographical error. It should be corrected to "Dear Mr. Machenel" for proper salutation. -
"I’m Mui Hoa from floor 12B" -> "I am Mui Hoa, residing on the 12th floor"
Explanation: "I’m" is a contraction and is too informal for academic writing. "Residing on the 12th floor" is more formal and precise. -
"I wrote this letter to express my dissatisfaction" -> "I am writing this letter to express my dissatisfaction"
Explanation: "I wrote" is past tense, which is less appropriate for a letter that is being written. Using "I am writing" maintains the correct tense for a letter that is in progress. -
"Every other week" -> "every other week"
Explanation: "Every other week" is correct and does not need modification. -
"plot of people" -> "a group of people"
Explanation: "Plot of people" is incorrect and unclear. "A group of people" is the correct term. -
"belasting music" -> "playing music"
Explanation: "Belasting" is not a word. "Playing" is the correct verb for describing music performance. -
"often lasting for several hours on end" -> "frequently lasting for several hours"
Explanation: "On end" is an informal idiom. "Frequently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. -
"I wouldn’t have complained it it wasn’t that I for the upcoming exam that I’m studying for" -> "I would not have complained if it were not for the upcoming exam that I am studying for"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the conditional tense and uses more formal language. -
"My school is organizing a test for gifted students with the reward for getting more than mine on every subject being a fall-your scholarship" -> "My school is conducting a test for gifted students, with the reward being a full scholarship for achieving higher scores in all subjects"
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and contains errors. The revised version clarifies the meaning and corrects grammatical errors. -
"finacial situation" -> "financial situation"
Explanation: "Finacial" is a typographical error. The correct spelling is "financial." -
"which is why My I have to study for it" -> "which is why I must study for it"
Explanation: "My I" is grammatically incorrect. "I must" is the correct form. -
"the noise that my upstairs neighbour makes is disturbing distrating and annoying me" -> "the noise made by my upstairs neighbor is distracting and annoying"
Explanation: "Distrating" is not a word. "Distracting" is the correct term. Also, "neighbor" is the correct spelling in American English. -
"I would like the I hope that the apontment management board would read this letter the roughly and take measures in reducing the noise for me and the surrounding apartments" -> "I hope that the apartment management board will carefully read this letter and take measures to reduce the noise for me and the surrounding apartments"
Explanation: "The roughly" is incorrect and unclear. "Carefully" is the correct adverb. Also, "will" is more appropriate for a future action in formal writing.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
-
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by expressing dissatisfaction with the noise from the neighbor and explaining how it affects the writer’s studies for an important exam. However, it lacks clarity in addressing the specific request for action from the apartment management board. The phrase "I hope that the apartment management board would read this letter roughly and take measures in reducing the noise for me and the surrounding apartments" is vague and does not clearly articulate what specific action is being requested.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state what they would like the management board to do, such as asking for a noise restriction policy or requesting a meeting to discuss the issue. Additionally, ensuring that all parts of the prompt are addressed in a structured manner will improve clarity.
-
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is somewhat clear in expressing dissatisfaction with the noise and its impact on their studies. However, the inconsistency in language and grammar detracts from the overall clarity of the position. Phrases like "I wouldn’t have complained it it wasn’t that I for the upcoming exam" are confusing and weaken the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use straightforward language and avoid convoluted sentences. A well-defined introduction stating the purpose of the letter and a conclusion summarizing the request would help reinforce the position.
-
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents the main idea of noise disturbance but lacks depth in extending and supporting this idea. The mention of the scholarship and financial situation is relevant but not elaborated upon adequately. This leaves the reader with an incomplete understanding of the stakes involved.
- How to improve: The writer should expand on the implications of the noise on their exam preparation and future opportunities. Providing specific examples of how the noise has affected study sessions or mentioning the importance of the exam in detail would strengthen the argument.
-
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic regarding the noise complaint; however, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly when discussing the financial situation. While this context is relevant, it should not overshadow the primary concern of the noise issue.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that all details included directly support the main topic of the complaint. Keeping the focus on the noise and its impact on studying will help maintain relevance throughout the letter.
Overall, the essay needs to be more structured, clearer, and more focused on the specific request to the apartment management board. Additionally, attention to grammar and spelling will enhance the professionalism of the letter.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
-
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with a greeting and introduction of the issue, followed by the explanation of the problem and its impact on the writer’s studies. However, the logical flow is somewhat disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. For example, the sentence "I wouldn’t have complained it it wasn’t that I for the upcoming exam that I’m studying for" lacks clarity and coherence, making it difficult for the reader to follow the writer’s reasoning.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should focus on clear sentence construction and ensure that each idea flows smoothly into the next. Using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," or "In addition," can help connect thoughts more effectively. Revising sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy will also strengthen the overall coherence of the letter.
-
Use Paragraphs: – Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, which is a positive aspect. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively utilized. The introduction of the issue and the explanation are somewhat jumbled together, making it hard to distinguish between the introduction and the body of the letter.
- How to improve: The writer should consider separating the introduction from the body by clearly stating the purpose of the letter in one paragraph and then detailing the complaint in another. For instance, the first paragraph could state the issue and the second could elaborate on its impact on the writer’s studies. This clear separation will improve readability and help the reader follow the argument more easily.
-
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "which is why," but the overall range is limited. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes incorrect or awkward, as seen in the phrase "the noise that my upstairs neighbour makes is disturbing distrating and annoying me," where the lack of punctuation and conjunctions creates confusion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "despite this," "as a result," and "for instance." Furthermore, ensuring proper punctuation and conjunctions will enhance clarity and cohesion. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts will help the writer become more comfortable with their application.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a clear complaint, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
-
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: – Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication in word choice. For example, phrases like "making load noises" and "belasting music" show an attempt to convey the message but do not utilize more appropriate or varied vocabulary. The use of "dissatisfaction" is a strong choice, but the rest of the vocabulary does not match this level of complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and more descriptive language. Instead of "load noises," you might use "loud disturbances" or "excessive noise." Additionally, replacing "belasting music" with "blaring music" or "overwhelming music" would improve clarity and variety.
-
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, "plot of people" is incorrect and should be "a lot of people." The phrase "I wouldn’t have complained it it wasn’t that I for the upcoming exam" is awkward and unclear, indicating a lack of precision in expressing the main concern.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your message. For example, rephrase the problematic sentence to something like, "I would not be writing this letter if I were not preparing for an important upcoming exam." This not only clarifies your point but also enhances the overall coherence of the letter.
-
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors, such as "load" instead of "loud," "belasting" instead of "blasting," "finacial" instead of "financial," and "apontment" instead of "apartment." These errors detract from the professionalism of the letter and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to read through the essay carefully, checking for spelling mistakes. Additionally, using tools like spell checkers or writing apps can help identify errors before submission. Regular practice with vocabulary lists and spelling exercises can also strengthen your spelling skills.
By addressing these areas of improvement, you can enhance the overall quality of your writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource category.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
-
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("I’m Mui Hoa from floor 12B") and compound sentences ("I wouldn’t have complained if it wasn’t that I for the upcoming exam that I’m studying for"). However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure. For instance, the phrase "the family living there seems to invite plot of people into their house" lacks complexity and could be more effectively expressed with varied structures. Additionally, the use of phrases like "making load noises" and "the noise that my upstairs neighbour makes is disturbing" indicates a reliance on basic sentence forms.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses or varied conjunctions. For example, instead of "I wouldn’t have complained if it wasn’t that I for the upcoming exam that I’m studying for," you could say, "I would not have felt the need to complain had I not been preparing for an important exam." Practicing combining sentences and using different grammatical forms, such as conditionals and relative clauses, will also help diversify your writing.
-
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "making load noises" should be "making loud noises," and "belasting music" appears to be a typographical error for "blasting music." Additionally, the phrase "I for the upcoming exam that I’m studying for" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. Punctuation errors include the absence of commas in compound sentences, such as "making it difficult for me to focus, I would like the I hope that the apontment management board would read this letter the roughly," which creates confusion. The use of "the" before "apartment management board" is also incorrect.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread your writing for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect word forms. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially for compound and complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, ensure that you use commas appropriately to separate clauses and items in a list. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct mistakes before finalizing your work.
Overall, while the essay conveys the main message, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the overall quality of your writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Dear Mr. Machenel,
I am Mui Hoa, residing on the 12th floor. I am writing this letter to express my dissatisfaction with the noise coming from the apartment above me. Every other week, a group of people seems to gather there, playing music and singing loudly, frequently lasting for several hours. I would not have complained if it were not for the upcoming exam that I am studying for.
My school is conducting a test for gifted students, with the reward being a full scholarship for achieving higher scores in all subjects. Given my current financial situation, which is not very bright, I must study diligently for this exam. However, the noise made by my upstairs neighbor is distracting and annoying, making it difficult for me to concentrate.
I hope that the apartment management board will carefully read this letter and take measures to reduce the noise for me and the surrounding apartments.
Best regards,
Mai Hoa
