write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graph below.

These two bar charts demonstrate the information regarding medical research funding in Someland and the number of its inhabitants dead in the year 1990. In general, the most amount of money was spent on AIDS, but the highest figure of dead people was seen in TB. Besides, these two categories have one feature in common is that their proportions are much more several times higher than others compared in each chart.
It is obvious in the chart of medical research funding that the amount of money spent on AIDS reaches the highest level, at around 165 million. The figures for leprosy and tropical diseases, meanwhile, are a half less than that of AIDS, and generally similar to each other, at around 80 million. The lower funding are noticed respectively in diarrhea, malaria, and especially TB, which has the most humble amount of money funded, about under 25 million.
Turning to the bar chart of deaths in the particular year 1990. While AIDS goes first in the field of medical research funding, TB, however, is the category that sees the most biggest number of deaths, reaching approximately 1.8 million people. By contrast, there were less patients who died as a result of other health problems. Specifically, their figures stayed under half a million, and leprosy experienced the least number of deaths.
To conclude, it can be seen from the charts that the AIDS has been the top care-worthy problem of society so far, and the number of people died by TB should be payed attention and Someland government had better find solutions in order to minimize its inhabitants’ death proportion caused by this kind of health issue.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"most amount of money" -> "highest amount of funding"
Explanation: "Most amount of money" is grammatically incorrect. "Highest amount of funding" is a more precise and formal phrase to describe the largest allocation of resources.
"proportions are much more several times higher" -> "proportions are significantly greater"
Explanation: "Much more several times higher" is awkward and redundant. "Significantly greater" is a more concise and appropriate way to convey a substantial difference.
"The lower funding are noticed respectively" -> "Lower funding is observed respectively"
Explanation: "The lower funding are noticed respectively" lacks subject-verb agreement. "Lower funding is observed respectively" corrects the agreement and maintains clarity.
"the most biggest number" -> "the largest number"
Explanation: "Most biggest" is redundant; "largest" is more concise and grammatically correct.
"By contrast, there were less patients" -> "In contrast, there were fewer patients"
Explanation: "Less patients" should be replaced with "fewer patients" to indicate a smaller quantity of individuals.
"payed attention" -> "paid attention"
Explanation: "Payed" is a misspelling; "paid" is the correct past tense form of the verb "to pay."
"Someland government had better find solutions" -> "The Someland government would be wise to find solutions"
Explanation: "Had better find solutions" is less formal; "would be wise to find solutions" is a more sophisticated and appropriate phrase for formal writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by describing the information presented in the graphs regarding medical research funding and the number of deaths in Someland in 1990. It provides an overview of the key features, such as the amount of money spent on different diseases and the number of deaths attributed to each. However, the presentation lacks clarity and coherence in some parts, with occasional inaccuracies and inconsistencies. For instance, it states that "the most amount of money was spent on AIDS," which is true, but the subsequent comparison between AIDS and TB deaths lacks precision, as it only mentions that TB had "the most biggest number of deaths." Additionally, the conclusion lacks development and coherence, and it introduces subjective suggestions ("Someland government had better find solutions"), which are not appropriate in this context.

How to improve:
To improve the essay, ensure that each point is clearly presented and supported with accurate data from the graphs. Avoid subjective statements and focus on factual reporting. Provide a more thorough analysis of the data and its implications, without introducing personal opinions or suggestions. Additionally, work on coherence and organization to ensure that the essay flows logically from one point to the next.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay organizes information and ideas coherently with a clear overall progression, as it effectively outlines the discrepancies between funding and deaths for various diseases in Someland, beginning with an overview and then discussing each point in detail. The use of cohesive devices is evident, such as "besides," "meanwhile," and "turning to," which help in connecting ideas. However, the cohesion within and between sentences is sometimes faulty or mechanical, as seen in overly long and somewhat confusing sentences. Additionally, the referencing could be clearer, as in the repeated use of "the chart of medical research funding" and "the bar chart of deaths" which could be more concisely referenced after their initial introduction.

Paragraphing is used, but the logical connection between paragraphs is not always evident, as the transition from the funding discussion to the death rates feels abrupt without clear linking or summarization. This disrupts the flow and makes the essay less cohesive overall.

How to improve:
To improve the score, focus on enhancing the cohesion between sentences and within paragraphs. This can be achieved by:

Using a variety of linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure smoother transitions between ideas.
Simplifying and clarifying sentence structures to avoid confusion and improve readability.
Improving referencing by using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, reducing repetitiveness and enhancing the flow.
Strengthening paragraph transitions by using summarizing sentences or clearer linking phrases at the beginning and end of paragraphs to better indicate the progression of ideas.

Enhancing these elements will make the essay more cohesive and logically organized, potentially increasing the band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition ("amount of money," "number of deaths"). While it adequately describes the information in the graphs, it lacks sophistication and variety in lexical choices. There are noticeable errors in word choice and word formation, such as "most biggest," which detract from the overall clarity. Additionally, there are several instances of awkward phrasing ("the most biggest number of deaths") that affect the coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, especially when describing trends and comparisons in the data. They can achieve this by incorporating synonyms and more descriptive language. Additionally, proofreading for errors in word choice and formation would enhance the clarity and precision of the essay. Finally, focusing on smoother transitions and avoiding repetitive phrases would contribute to a more polished and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, utilizing a variety of structures. It attempts to convey the information effectively, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, such as missing articles ("the highest figure of dead people"), incorrect verb forms ("is that their proportions are much more several times higher"), and awkward phrasing ("are noticed respectively in diarrhea"). These errors occasionally hinder communication but do not entirely obscure the meaning.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring correct verb agreement and article usage. Pay attention to punctuation to enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, aim for more precise and concise expression of ideas to enhance overall readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar charts illustrate medical research funding in Someland and the number of deaths from various diseases in the year 1990. Overall, the highest funding was allocated to AIDS research, while the greatest number of deaths occurred due to TB. Both AIDS and TB stand out significantly compared to other diseases in their respective charts.

In terms of medical research funding, AIDS received the most substantial amount, approximately 165 million. Funding for leprosy and tropical diseases was approximately half of that allocated to AIDS, around 80 million each. Diarrhea, malaria, and particularly TB received comparatively lower funding, with TB receiving the least funding at just under 25 million.

Turning to the bar chart showing deaths in 1990, TB accounted for the highest number of deaths, with approximately 1.8 million fatalities. In contrast, the number of deaths from other diseases remained below half a million, with leprosy recording the fewest deaths.

In conclusion, the charts highlight the significant attention given to AIDS in terms of funding and the substantial impact of TB on the population in terms of mortality. It is crucial for the Someland government to address these health issues effectively to minimize the number of deaths from TB and other diseases.