write about how to protect the environment in your schools ( about 120 words)

Polluted environment is a dangerous problem. It appears every country which damage to the enviroment. In order to prevent it , we should have solutions efffectively. For a student, we can start from small activities at school . Firstly, every time we see garbage , we should pick up it and put in garbage. Secondly, we can take part in activities growing trees to help the air more fresh. Thirdly , every time leave the classroom , let us turn off the light , fan or after use water , we must shut off the taps to avoid wasting water. Finally, we get together promote knowledge each people , talk everyone about the benefit and solutions of protecting the environment . All in all , people let's protect enviroment, let's start small steps to protect The Earth is always green- clear- beautiful.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Polluted environment is a dangerous problem." -> "Environmental pollution is a significant problem."
Explanation: "Environmental pollution" is a more precise term than "polluted environment," and "significant" is a more formal and academically appropriate adjective than "dangerous," which can be seen as overly emotional.
"It appears every country which damage to the enviroment." -> "It is a global issue that affects every country and damages the environment."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and vague. The revised version corrects the grammar and clarifies that the issue is global in scope and impact.
"we should have solutions efffectively" -> "we should implement effective solutions"
Explanation: "Implement" is more precise and formal than "have," and "effective" is correctly spelled. This change also improves the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"For a student, we can start from small activities at school" -> "As a student, we can begin with small initiatives at school"
Explanation: "As a student" is more appropriate than "For a student," which is awkwardly phrased. "Initiatives" is a more formal term than "activities," and "begin with" is more natural than "start from."
"every time we see garbage, we should pick up it and put in garbage" -> "whenever we encounter litter, we should pick it up and dispose of it properly"
Explanation: "Whenever" is more formal than "every time," and "litter" is a more precise term than "garbage." "Dispose of it properly" is more specific and formal than "put in garbage."
"take part in activities growing trees" -> "participate in tree-planting activities"
Explanation: "Participate" is more formal than "take part," and "tree-planting activities" is a more specific and formal phrase than "activities growing trees."
"help the air more fresh" -> "enhance air quality"
Explanation: "Enhance air quality" is a more precise and formal expression than "help the air more fresh," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.
"every time leave the classroom, let us turn off the light, fan or after use water, we must shut off the taps" -> "every time we leave the classroom, we should turn off the lights, fans, and water taps"
Explanation: This revision corrects the awkward and fragmented original sentence structure, making it clearer and more formal.
"get together promote knowledge each people" -> "promote awareness among individuals"
Explanation: "Promote awareness among individuals" is more precise and formal than "get together promote knowledge each people," which is grammatically incorrect and awkward.
"talk everyone about the benefit and solutions of protecting the environment" -> "discuss the benefits and solutions of environmental protection with everyone"
Explanation: "Discuss the benefits and solutions of environmental protection with everyone" is more formal and grammatically correct than the original, which is awkwardly phrased.
"people let’s protect enviroment, let’s start small steps to protect The Earth is always green- clear- beautiful" -> "Let us protect the environment by taking small steps to preserve a green, clear, and beautiful Earth"
Explanation: This revision corrects the grammatical errors and awkward phrasing of the original, making it more formal and coherent.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing various actions that can be taken to protect the environment in schools. However, it lacks a comprehensive approach to the topic. The mention of "small activities at school" is vague and does not specifically tie back to the school context as required by the prompt. The essay fails to clearly outline how these actions can be implemented within a school setting, which is a critical part of the task.
- How to improve: To better address all elements of the question, the writer should explicitly connect each suggested action to the school environment. For example, instead of just mentioning picking up garbage, the writer could discuss organizing school clean-up days or establishing recycling programs. Including specific examples related to school activities would enhance the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position on the importance of protecting the environment, but it lacks clarity and consistency. Phrases like "let’s protect the environment" are somewhat vague and do not convey a strong, personal stance. The essay also shifts between different ideas without a clear transition, making it difficult for the reader to follow the writer’s main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should state their main argument explicitly in the introduction and then reinforce it throughout the essay. Using topic sentences for each paragraph that relate back to the main argument can help clarify the writer’s stance. Additionally, providing a concluding statement that summarizes the main points would strengthen the overall position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to environmental protection, such as picking up garbage and turning off lights. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. For instance, the suggestion to "grow trees" is mentioned but not elaborated upon; the writer does not explain how this could be organized in a school context or why it is important.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should expand on each suggestion with specific examples and explanations. For instance, they could describe how students can participate in tree-planting events or how to create awareness campaigns within the school. Providing statistics or citing the benefits of these actions would also add depth to the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on environmental protection. However, some sentences are unclear or contain grammatical errors that distract from the main message. For example, phrases like "let us turn off the light, fan or after use water" are awkwardly constructed and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should ensure that each sentence directly relates to the topic of protecting the environment in schools. Simplifying sentence structures and correcting grammatical errors will enhance readability. Additionally, the writer should avoid introducing unrelated ideas, such as the vague reference to "talk everyone about the benefit," which could be more specifically tied to school activities.

Overall, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their ideas, providing specific examples related to the school context, maintaining a clear position, and ensuring grammatical accuracy. Additionally, meeting the word count requirement is crucial, as the current essay is under the specified limit.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a somewhat logical sequence, beginning with a general statement about environmental pollution and moving into specific actions that students can take. However, the transitions between points are weak, which disrupts the flow of information. For example, the shift from discussing garbage collection to tree planting lacks a clear connective phrase that would help the reader understand how these actions relate to one another. Additionally, the conclusion feels abrupt and does not effectively summarize the main points or reinforce the essay’s message.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should use clear topic sentences for each paragraph that outline the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "Moreover") can help connect ideas and improve the overall flow. Structuring the essay into distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion will also aid in clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow the progression of ideas. Currently, all points are presented in a single block of text, which can overwhelm the reader and obscure the main arguments. Effective paragraphing is essential for clarity and helps to delineate different ideas or actions.
- How to improve: The writer should divide the essay into at least three paragraphs: an introduction that outlines the problem, a body paragraph that details specific actions students can take, and a conclusion that summarizes the importance of these actions. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, starting with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally," to list actions. However, the overall range of cohesive devices is limited, and the repetition of phrases like "every time" detracts from the essay’s cohesiveness. Additionally, there are instances where cohesive devices are misused or absent, leading to confusion (e.g., "let us turn off the light, fan or after use water" lacks clarity and proper structure).
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "for example," "as a result," and "in conclusion." This will help to clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensuring grammatical accuracy in sentences will enhance coherence; for instance, rephrasing "let us turn off the light, fan or after use water" to "we should turn off the lights and fans, and shut off the taps after use" would improve clarity.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "polluted environment," "solutions," "activities," and "protecting the environment." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "environment" and "protect." The phrase "every country which damage to the enviroment" is awkward and lacks clarity, indicating a limited ability to paraphrase or use synonyms effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and varying expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "environment," you could use "ecosystem," "nature," or "surroundings." Additionally, using phrases like "environmental protection" or "sustainability initiatives" could add depth to your vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "damage to the enviroment," which should be "damaging the environment" for clarity. The phrase "we should have solutions efffectively" is awkward and unclear; it would be better expressed as "we should implement effective solutions." The use of "let us turn off the light, fan or after use water" is also confusing and lacks grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that conveys your ideas more clearly. Instead of "solutions efffectively," consider "effective solutions" or "practical measures." Ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and coherent. Practice rephrasing sentences to enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "enviroment" (should be "environment"), "efffectively" (should be "effectively"), and "garbage" (which is used correctly but could be more specific, e.g., "waste"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to read through your work carefully, checking for common spelling errors. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help identify mistakes before submission. Regular practice with vocabulary lists can also reinforce correct spelling.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary related to environmental protection, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on these areas will help elevate your Lexical Resource score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For example, sentences like "In order to prevent it, we should have solutions effectively" and "Secondly, we can take part in activities growing trees to help the air more fresh" are straightforward but do not showcase varied grammatical forms. The use of transitional phrases is minimal, which affects the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences, such as those that use subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "we should have solutions effectively," you could say, "we should implement effective solutions that can significantly reduce environmental damage." Additionally, using a variety of sentence openings and incorporating different types of clauses (e.g., relative clauses) will enrich the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "every country which damage to the enviroment" should be "every country that damages the environment." The phrase "we should pick up it and put in garbage" is awkwardly constructed; it would be clearer as "we should pick it up and put it in the garbage." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect spacing (e.g., "prevent it , we should"), also detract from the overall quality.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and proper word forms. For example, ensure that verbs match their subjects in number (e.g., "every country that damages" instead of "which damage"). Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly for comma usage in complex sentences. Practicing sentence diagramming or using grammar-checking tools can help identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Reading more academic texts can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation in context.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly raise the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The polluted environment is a significant problem. It affects every country and damages the environment. In order to prevent it, we should implement effective solutions. As students, we can start with small activities at school. Firstly, every time we see garbage, we should pick it up and dispose of it properly. Secondly, we can participate in activities like tree planting to help make the air fresher. Thirdly, every time we leave the classroom, we should turn off the lights, fans, and water taps to avoid wasting resources. Finally, we should come together to promote awareness among individuals, discussing the benefits and solutions of environmental protection with everyone. All in all, let us protect the environment by taking small steps to preserve a green, clear, and beautiful Earth.