Write about the following topic: The widespread use of the Internet has brought many problems. What do you think are the main problems connected with using the web? What solution can you suggest? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. Only write 2 body paragraphs

Write about the following topic:
The widespread use of the Internet has brought many problems. What do you think are the main problems connected with using the web? What solution can you suggest?
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Only write 2 body paragraphs

The Internet has become an ideal place for spreading fake information. This seems stem from the fact that there is too much information right now, and they are transmitted so fast that we are getting harder to control them. For example, politician can use media to take down their political competitor. In general, it is now very easy for someone to distort the image of a person they hate. Furthermore, with the growing of technology, especially machine learning, tons of fake information can be created in seconds. This can be seen in variation of applications in machine learning like, creating image from text described, generating voice and handwritting of a particular person or deepfaking their face. As a result, scammers can use these function to fraud low-technology person by impersonated their family members, friends to trick them to transfer their money.

So people are facing with the perils of information, and we need to have solutions to prevent this. For example, the government should instigate more strict rules in social media like Facebook, Tiktok, etc. In VietNam, there is Law of Cybersecurity, which punishes anyone who posts offense or false contents. On the other hand, each of us also need to tighten up on when approach information. We need to train the habit of verify any information that we read. Also, be careful of deepfake and other technology scam by research and detect the abnormal sign.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "This seems stem from" -> "This seems to stem from"
   Explanation: "Seem" should be followed by "to" when used in this context to indicate the action (stemming) that appears to be the cause.

2. "getting harder to control them" -> "becoming increasingly difficult to control"
   Explanation: "Getting harder" is informal; "becoming increasingly difficult" is a more formal and precise phrase for academic writing.

3. "politician can use media" -> "politicians can utilize the media"
   Explanation: Plural "politicians" and "utilize" is more formal and precise than "can use."

4. "it is now very easy" -> "it has become increasingly easy"
   Explanation: "It is now very easy" lacks specificity and formality; "it has become increasingly easy" is more precise and academic.

5. "tons of fake information" -> "a plethora of false information"
   Explanation: "Tons" is colloquial; "a plethora" is a more formal term suitable for academic writing.

6. "creating image from text described" -> "generating images from textual descriptions"
   Explanation: "Creating image from text described" lacks clarity and is grammatically awkward; "generating images from textual descriptions" is more precise and grammatically correct.

7. "handwritting" -> "handwriting"
   Explanation: Corrects the misspelling of "handwriting."

8. "As a result, scammers can use these function to fraud low-technology person by impersonated their family members, friends to trick them to transfer their money." -> "Consequently, scammers can exploit these functions to defraud individuals with limited technological proficiency by impersonating their family members or friends, thereby deceiving them into transferring money."
   Explanation: The original sentence contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity. Replacing "function" with "functions" and restructuring the sentence improves readability and clarity.

9. "So people are facing with the perils of information" -> "Thus, individuals are confronted with the perils of misinformation"
   Explanation: "Facing with" is redundant; "confronted with" is more formal. "Perils of information" is less precise than "perils of misinformation."

10. "we need to have solutions to prevent this" -> "we need to devise solutions to mitigate this issue"
    Explanation: "Have solutions" is less precise and formal than "devise solutions." "Prevent" can be replaced with "mitigate" for a more nuanced meaning.

11. "instigate more strict rules" -> "implement stricter regulations"
    Explanation: "Instigate" is less appropriate than "implement" in this context. "Rules" can be replaced with "regulations" for a more formal tone.

12. "each of us also need to tighten up on when approach information" -> "each of us also needs to exercise caution when approaching information"
    Explanation: "Need to tighten up on when approach" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Needs" agrees with the singular "each." "Exercise caution when approaching" is a more formal and precise phrase.

13. "train the habit of verify" -> "cultivate the habit of verifying"
    Explanation: "Train the habit of verify" lacks proper grammar; "cultivate the habit of verifying" is more formal and grammatically correct.

14. "be careful of deepfake and other technology scam" -> "beware of deepfakes and other technological scams"
    Explanation: "Be careful of" can be replaced with "beware of" for a more formal tone. "Technology scam" should be pluralized to "technological scams."

15. "by research and detect the abnormal sign" -> "by conducting research and detecting abnormal signs"
    Explanation: "By research and detect" lacks proper grammar; "by conducting research and detecting" is more grammatically correct. "Abnormal sign" should be pluralized to "abnormal signs."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt: identifying problems associated with internet usage and suggesting solutions. It discusses the proliferation of fake information online and proposes governmental regulations and individual responsibility as solutions.
  • How to improve: While the essay acknowledges the problems and proposes solutions, it lacks depth in addressing the complexity of the issues. To improve, provide more specific examples and delve into the potential implications of the suggested solutions.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, asserting that the widespread use of the internet has led to the dissemination of fake information and advocating for stricter regulations and individual vigilance.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the position by explicitly stating the writer’s perspective in the introduction and conclusion to ensure consistency and coherence.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the spread of fake information and suggests solutions, but lacks depth in elaboration and support. It briefly mentions examples such as political manipulation and deepfake technology without expanding on them.
  • How to improve: To enhance the essay, provide more detailed examples and elaborate on how these examples illustrate the broader issues at hand. Additionally, incorporate evidence or statistics to bolster the arguments.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the problems associated with internet use and proposing solutions. However, there are some instances where the discussion could be more focused, such as the brief mention of deepfake technology.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the main topic. Avoid introducing tangential points that detract from the central theme.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument, it would benefit from deeper analysis, more specific examples, and a tighter focus on the main topic. Strengthening these aspects would elevate the essay’s clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to organize information logically, but there are significant issues with coherence. The first paragraph discusses the problem of fake information on the internet, including examples of how it is spread and the consequences. However, the paragraph lacks a clear progression of ideas and examples are not well-developed. The second paragraph introduces solutions but jumps between ideas without clear transitions, such as discussing government regulations and individual actions separately.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, the essay should start with a clear introduction that outlines the main problems and then dedicate a paragraph to each problem or solution. Each paragraph should develop its main point thoroughly with specific examples and clear transitions between ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay fails to effectively use paragraphs to structure its content. It is divided into two large paragraphs, with each covering different aspects (problems and solutions). However, each paragraph includes multiple ideas that are not clearly separated. This makes it difficult for the reader to follow the arguments and diminishes the clarity of the essay.
  • How to improve: The essay should be divided into four distinct paragraphs: an introduction, a paragraph for each main problem, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single topic and should begin with a clear topic sentence. This will improve the organization and readability of the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transitions like "for example," "furthermore," and "on the other hand." However, these are used inconsistently and do not effectively connect ideas or create coherence between sentences and paragraphs. Some sentences lack logical progression and connections to preceding statements.
  • How to improve: To enhance coherence, the essay should use a wider range of cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay. This includes transitions (e.g., "firstly," "secondly," "however," "therefore") and referencing (e.g., "this," "these"). Additionally, rephrasing and expanding on ideas would help to connect different parts of the essay more logically.

General Feedback:
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the problems associated with internet use and suggesting potential solutions. However, the organization and coherence are major issues that prevent it from achieving a higher band score. The essay would benefit from a clearer structure with well-defined paragraphs that each develop a single main idea. Furthermore, enhancing the use of cohesive devices will improve the flow and coherence of ideas, leading to a more cohesive and well-structured essay.

To summarize, while the essay attempts to address the prompt and provide relevant examples, the lack of paragraphing and inconsistent use of cohesive devices result in a disjointed presentation of ideas. Clearer organization and enhanced coherence would significantly improve the overall quality and clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, covering various aspects of the topic. There is effective use of vocabulary related to technology ("machine learning," "deepfaking") and social issues ("scammers," "fraud"). However, some repetition of vocabulary is noticeable, such as the repeated use of "fake information."
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative expressions for repetitive terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "fake information," utilize phrases like "misleading content," "false data," or "misinformation" where appropriate. Additionally, introducing more specialized vocabulary related to cybersecurity or media manipulation could enrich the essay’s lexical diversity.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally accurate use of vocabulary, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "scammers can use these function to fraud low-technology person" contains imprecise language ("low-technology person"). Additionally, the term "perils of information" lacks clarity and specificity.
  • How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary choices to convey ideas with greater clarity. Instead of "low-technology person," specify the target audience more accurately, perhaps as "individuals with limited technological literacy." Furthermore, refine vague phrases like "perils of information" by specifying the exact risks or dangers associated with misinformation, such as "the dangers of misinformation dissemination." This will enhance the essay’s clarity and effectiveness in communicating ideas.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of spelling accuracy. Most words are spelled correctly, but there are noticeable errors, such as "seems stem" (should be "seems to stem") and "handwritting" (should be "handwriting").
  • How to improve: Enhance spelling accuracy through thorough proofreading and utilizing spell-checking tools. Additionally, practice spelling challenging words regularly to reinforce correct spelling patterns. Developing a habit of reviewing written work meticulously before submission can significantly reduce spelling errors and enhance overall clarity and professionalism.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, utilizing simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there’s a tendency towards simpler structures, with limited use of complex sentences. For instance, "The Internet has become an ideal place for spreading fake information" employs a simple sentence structure. There’s also an instance of a compound sentence: "For example, the government should instigate more strict rules in social media like Facebook, Tiktok, etc." Nonetheless, there’s a lack of varied sentence structures that could enhance the sophistication and coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and complexity of the essay, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and participial phrases. For example, instead of solely relying on simple sentences, try integrating them with complex structures like: "With the exponential growth of technology, particularly in machine learning, the proliferation of fake information has reached unprecedented levels." This not only diversifies the sentence structures but also elevates the overall quality of the writing.
• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors throughout the text. For instance, "This seems stem from the fact that there is too much information right now, and they are transmitted so fast that we are getting harder to control them" contains subject-verb agreement issues ("This seems stem" should be "This seems to stem"), pronoun agreement errors ("they are transmitted" should be "it is transmitted"), and awkward phrasing ("getting harder to control them" should be "increasingly difficult to control it"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences ("Furthermore, with the growing of technology, especially machine learning, tons of fake information can be created in seconds" should have a comma after "technology" and after "learning").
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s crucial to review and revise sentence structures for subject-verb agreement, pronoun consistency, and punctuation correctness. Utilize resources such as grammar guides or grammar checking tools to identify and rectify these errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to gain insights into areas of improvement. Practice writing complex sentences and pay attention to proper punctuation usage to refine your grammatical skills further.

Bài sửa mẫu

The Internet has indeed become a breeding ground for misinformation, and this issue appears to be escalating. This seems to stem from the overwhelming abundance of information available at our fingertips, which is becoming increasingly difficult to control. Politicians, for instance, can utilize the media to tarnish the reputation of their adversaries swiftly. Moreover, with the advancement of technology, particularly in the realm of machine learning, it has become increasingly easy to fabricate a myriad of false information within seconds. This can be witnessed in various applications of machine learning, such as generating images from textual descriptions, creating synthetic voices, or even mimicking handwriting and facial features through deepfake technology. Consequently, scammers can exploit these functions to defraud individuals with limited technological proficiency by impersonating their family members or friends, thereby deceiving them into transferring money.

Thus, individuals are confronted with the perils of misinformation, and we need to devise solutions to mitigate this issue. One viable approach is for authorities to implement stricter regulations on social media platforms like Facebook and TikTok. For instance, in Vietnam, the Law of Cybersecurity has been enacted to penalize individuals who disseminate offensive or false content online. However, beyond governmental interventions, each of us also needs to exercise caution when approaching information. It is imperative to cultivate the habit of verifying any information that we encounter online. Additionally, we must be vigilant of deepfakes and other technological scams by conducting research and detecting abnormal signs, such as inconsistencies in content or suspicious behavior. Only through collective effort can we effectively combat the proliferation of misinformation on the Internet.