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Write about your daily activities

Write about your daily activities

Every morning, I wake up at 6:00. I make my bed and go to bathroom (1), after brushing my teeth. I like in the most reading book in the morning, it help me improve my concentration. Then I go to work, I finished my job at 6:00 P.M. Then I went home. Apart form reading book, I also love cooking. It help me reduce stress, beside food safety and hygience. Then I work out about 30 miniutes everyday to keep in shap.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "go to bathroom" -> "go to the bathroom"
    Explanation: Adding the article "the" before "bathroom" is more grammatically correct and aligns with formal language usage.

  2. "I like in the most reading book in the morning" -> "I most enjoy reading a book in the morning"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality. The original phrase is unclear and lacks proper structure.

  3. "it help me improve my concentration" -> "it helps me enhance my concentration"
    Explanation: Changing "help" to "helps" ensures grammatical accuracy. Also, replacing "improve" with "enhance" adds a more sophisticated touch to the sentence.

  4. "I finished my job at 6:00 P.M." -> "I complete my work at 6:00 P.M."
    Explanation: Using "complete" instead of "finished" contributes to a more formal tone. It is a subtle shift that aligns better with academic language conventions.

  5. "Apart form reading book" -> "In addition to reading books"
    Explanation: Correcting the preposition and adding an article results in a more grammatically accurate phrase suitable for academic writing.

  6. "It help me reduce stress, beside food safety and hygience." -> "It helps me alleviate stress, in addition to considering food safety and hygiene."
    Explanation: Replacing "help" with "helps" for grammatical correctness and enhancing clarity by restructuring the sentence. Also, using "alleviate" for a more formal term regarding stress reduction.

  7. "Then I work out about 30 miniutes everyday" -> "Following that, I engage in a workout for about 30 minutes daily"
    Explanation: Substituting "work out" with "engage in a workout" and correcting the spelling of "minutes" improves both formality and precision in expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses the prompt by providing a brief overview of the daily activities. However, it lacks depth and detail, failing to fully explore and elaborate on the daily routine. The mention of reading books, cooking, and working out is a good start, but these activities need more development to meet the requirements of the task.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay should provide more specific details about each activity, such as why the individual enjoys reading, what kinds of books are preferred, specific recipes for cooking, and the types of exercises undertaken during the workout. This will contribute to a more comprehensive response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear stance as it primarily focuses on describing daily activities without expressing a distinct perspective or opinion. A more explicit and identifiable position should be maintained throughout the essay to meet the expectations of the task.
    • How to improve: To address this, the writer should explicitly state their perspective on the significance or enjoyment derived from their daily routine. Whether it’s the importance of maintaining a healthy lifestyle, the joy of reading, or the therapeutic benefits of cooking, a consistent viewpoint should be woven into the narrative.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay briefly presents ideas related to daily activities, such as reading, cooking, and exercising. However, these ideas lack depth and elaboration, making the essay feel underdeveloped. Additionally, the essay lacks supporting details or examples to bolster the presented ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should delve deeper into each activity, providing specific examples, personal experiences, or anecdotes to make the content more engaging and informative. Connecting each idea to the writer’s daily life in a more detailed manner will contribute to a more developed essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay mentions daily activities, there is some deviation as it briefly discusses work without connecting it cohesively to the daily routine. The mention of finishing work at 6:00 P.M. seems abrupt and requires better integration into the overall narrative.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should seamlessly incorporate work into the discussion of daily activities, providing details about the nature of the job and its role in the writer’s routine. This will contribute to a more coherent and on-topic essay.

In summary, the essay, while touching on various aspects of daily activities, falls short of fully addressing the prompt’s requirements. To improve, the writer should provide more detailed and specific information about each activity, maintain a clear and consistent position, elaborate on ideas with supporting details, and ensure all elements are seamlessly connected to the main theme of daily activities.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 3

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of organization. However, there are notable issues in the logical flow of information. The sequencing of activities lacks a clear and coherent structure, making it challenging for the reader to follow the timeline of the day. For instance, the sudden transition from work to the mention of cooking without a proper connection disrupts the logical order.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider presenting activities in a chronological order. Begin with the morning routine, progress through the day, and conclude with evening activities. Ensure each activity flows naturally from the previous one, creating a seamless narrative of your daily routine.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing, resulting in a dense and difficult-to-read text. There is a need for clearer separation between distinct ideas and activities. The absence of paragraphs makes it challenging for the reader to identify key points and contributes to a lack of coherence.
    • How to improve: Implement a clear paragraph structure by grouping related activities together. For example, have a paragraph dedicated to morning activities, another for work-related tasks, and separate paragraphs for hobbies like reading, cooking, and working out. This will improve readability and help organize the information more effectively.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks variety in cohesive devices. While there is an attempt to connect ideas through chronological order, there is a deficiency in the use of cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases. This results in a disjointed feel and impedes the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: Incorporate a diverse range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and ideas. Utilize words like "firstly," "then," "after," and "besides" to connect various activities. This will create a smoother transition between sentences and contribute to a more cohesive and well-structured essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 4

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks variety in vocabulary, and several words are repeated. For instance, the repetition of "morning" and "6:00" at the beginning of the essay limits the range. The use of "reading book" and "it help me" also reflects a need for more diverse expressions.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider using synonyms and exploring different ways to express ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "morning," you can use alternatives like "dawn" or "early hours." Additionally, replace repetitive phrases like "reading book" with more specific terms like "engaging in literature."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay includes imprecise vocabulary, such as "I like in the most reading book," which lacks clarity. The phrase "it help me" is also vague and could benefit from more specific language.
    • How to improve: Aim for clarity by expressing ideas more precisely. Instead of "I like in the most reading book," you can say "I enjoy dedicating the early hours to reading books." Replace "it help me" with a clearer statement like "this habit enhances my concentration and focus."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: There are several spelling errors in the essay, such as "beside" instead of "besides," "form" instead of "from," and "miniutes" instead of "minutes." These errors impact the overall accuracy of the writing.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling, and consider proofreading your work before submission. Utilize spelling and grammar-checking tools, and develop a habit of reviewing your writing to catch and correct errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or using language learning apps to improve spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple and lack complexity, which affects the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing. For instance, there is a tendency to use short, straightforward sentences without much variation in length or structure. This impacts the overall readability and engagement of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and make the essay more engaging, consider incorporating a variety of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences with subordinate clauses and use different types of punctuation (e.g., commas, semicolons) to connect ideas. Additionally, try to vary the length of sentences to create a more dynamic and fluent narrative.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical and punctuation errors that affect clarity and understanding. For example, there is an issue with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "I like in the most reading book"), incorrect prepositions (e.g., "I like in the most reading book"), and missing articles (e.g., "I make my bed and go to bathroom"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas (e.g., "It help me reduce stress, beside food safety and hygience").
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully review and revise sentences for subject-verb agreement, proper preposition use, and the correct placement of articles. Proofread the essay to identify and correct punctuation errors, ensuring the appropriate use of commas and other punctuation marks. Consider seeking feedback from a peer or using grammar-checking tools to identify and address specific issues in your writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the prompt, improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are needed to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence structure variety and addressing specific grammatical and punctuation errors will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Every morning, I rise at 6:00 AM. After making my bed, I head to the bathroom (1) to brush my teeth. I most enjoy reading a book in the morning; it helps me enhance my concentration. Following that, I go to work and complete my tasks, usually finishing by 6:00 P.M. Once I’m done with work, I head home.

In addition to reading books, I also have a passion for cooking. It not only helps me alleviate stress but also allows me to consider food safety and hygiene. After cooking, I engage in a workout for about 30 minutes every day to stay in shape. This daily routine brings balance to my life and ensures both mental and physical well-being.

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